A woman goes to her Human Resource Manager to file a complain against a fellow employee who is sexually harrassing her, the HR manager explains that having the other employee tell her, her hair smells good is not sexual harrassment, the woman looks at the manager in disbelieve, and tells him, "you don't understand the SOB is a midget"!

A guy is playing golf, and tees the ball off into a field of buttercups, he goes down to the field and starts tearing out these buttercups, when he hears a voice say, "please don't tear out my buttercups", he looks up and doesn't see anyone there, he continues tearing out flowers, and hears the voice again, "please don't tear out my buttercups", he looks up and sees this gorgeous woman, in a long flowing dress, he explains the golf ball situation and she tells him, "if you don't tear out my buttercups I will give you free butter for a year", he thinks this is reasonable and he has found the ball anyway, he gets up to leave, and before he does, he asks the woman, "where were you last week when I tee'd the ball off into the field of pussywillows"?!

I went to see the Moody Blues this past Monday the 17th, really good show, I was really impressed, and very annoyed at a woman sitting in front of me, who was sitting looking bored shitless not clapping or getting into the music or anything, I am standing up clapping and shouting, and she turns around and tells me my shouting is hurting her ears, I looked at her and told her I was at a rock concert, not a nursing home!

Lillian birthday May 17