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marolyn

Make me laugh!

2,454 posts in this topic

Who farted? God you smell like a rotten can of sardines.

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Subject:

Funny

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic

name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of

Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call

Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful

consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced

that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix,

and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in

liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage

suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally

pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new

meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good

old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the

name

of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants

and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by

2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge

erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

:D

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I won't be needing Viagra, that post just made me laugh hard.

:hysterical:

Tried it once on a lark just to see what would happen, Fuck that shit never do that again.Yeah it works alright but made my eyes feel like this V

7a1d75c0.gif

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:hysterical: Burn! ya got me on that one :P

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Boudreaux and Tibideaux or walking down the road beside the Bayou.Boudeaux says hey you see that House over there and that one over there.Tibideaux says yeah I do.Boudreaux says I built that House.

They go a little further down the road and Boudreaux says you see that Boat over there.Tibideaux says yeah Boudreaux I do .He says I built that Boat too. He looks at Tibideaux and says you ever hear anybody call Me Boudreaux The House Builder? No I dont believe I do says Tibideaux.

Well you ever hear anybody call Me Boudreaux the Boat Builder? No I dont believe I do says Tibideaux.

Boudreaux looks at Tibideaux and then kind of hangs his head down a little and says

Well you Fuck one Goat.

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Subject: 5 surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the

best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see

accountants on my operating table because when you open them up,

everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try

electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Houston , says, 'No, I really think

librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical

order'.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like

construction workers.. Those guys always understand when you

have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up

when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to

operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no

spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

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cat living outside the leprosy museum in bergen... :blink:

n566304403_450902_1720.jpg

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Hi all,

one of my all-time favorites:

The Confession:

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.”

“Was it Tina Minetti?” “I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Volpe?” “I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?” “I’m sorry, but I cannot name her..”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?” “My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?” “Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“4 months vacation and five good leads.”

KB

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My son painted the fence

And the bluebird came to dance

But only when we went inside to eat.

But when I came out

He was still about

With white paint all over his feet.

I hope he did'nt get any on his face.

And I'm glad we used water & not oil base. :blink:

**Ok, don't all laugh at once!

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A guy is playing golf, and tees the ball off into a field of buttercups, he goes down to the field and starts tearing out these buttercups, when he hears a voice say, "please don't tear out my buttercups", he looks up and doesn't see anyone there, he continues tearing out flowers, and hears the voice again, "please don't tear out my buttercups", he looks up and sees this gorgeous woman, in a long flowing dress, he explains the golf ball situation and she tells him, "if you don't tear out my buttercups I will give you free butter for a year", he thinks this is reasonable and he has found the ball anyway, he gets up to leave, and before he does, he asks the woman, "where were you last week when I tee'd the ball off into the field of pussywillows"?!

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Hi all,

WIFE:

What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:

Definitely not!

WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:

Of course I do.

WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:

You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:

(makes audible groan).

WIFE:

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new

WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.

WIFE:

- - silence - -

HUSBAND:

F**K

:D

KB

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:)

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Enjoy

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:)

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Enjoy

LOL; must be the cold medicine; took me until the 4th paragraph to get it :lol:

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Dear fellow citizens:

The Federal Government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If we buy a computer, it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and

Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan

...and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes

and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US.

I've been doing my part, and I thank you for your help.

Sincerely,

Elliot Spitzer

Former N.Y. Governor

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A man was found dead today drowned in the drains under Oxford street in London.

Police are treating it as sewercide :blink:

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Hi all,

My day,...

There I was on my way to shop at Target. ... Getting into a fight was

the farthest thing from my mind ... Wasn't even on the horizon ... I was

in a great mood... And then ... I rear-ended a car.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the

car.. (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems

to get funny)?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... He was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?'

.. . . And that's when the fight started .

:lol:

KB

That is funny :P

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Old boy was driving down the road and had to take a dump really badly, unfortunately the next service area wasn't for 200 miles. There was no traffic at all for like the last twenty minutes do he deduces the best approach would be to pull of and take care of BUSINESS. He's about half way through dropping a load and wouldn't you know it, here comes a state trooper. She he hurries up as fas an he can, yanks up his jeans, pulls off his hat and covers the steaming pile with his hat, you know state troopers and they are rarely a happy sort.

Trooper: What in the world are you doing?

Man: Uhhhh, busy?

Trooper: Busy at what, looks to me like your jut sitting there looking at your hat. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Man: Hunting!!!

Trooper: Hunting what you have no gun, your blinker is still on, car running, your not on drugs are you?

Man: NO :)

Trooper: But you look like an honest man, so what are you hunting?

Man: Rabbit, I have one caught under my hat and I don't want him to get away. Tell you what, when I remove my hat you grab him as fast as you can, you know how fast rabbits are right.

Trooper: Yeah, they sure are fast.

Man 1,2,3 GO!

Trooper grabs for rabbit and winds up with a steaming load in his hand...

Trooper: Awww sh*t man, that was no rabbit.

Man: Yes it was a very very fast rabbit too, he done sh*t you and ran off.

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A woman goes to her Human Resource Manager to file a complain against a fellow employee who is sexually harrassing her, the HR manager explains that having the other employee tell her, her hair smells good is not sexual harrassment, the woman looks at the manager in disbelieve, and tells him, "you don't understand the SOB is a midget"!

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My son painted the fence

And the bluebird came to dance

But only when we went inside to eat.

But when I came out

He was still about

With white paint all over his feet.

I hope he did'nt get any on his face.

And I'm glad we used water & not oil base. :blink:

**Ok, don't all laugh at once!

this has had me laughing on and off for ten minutes...partly because i'm alittle drunk and mostly because i am currently house painting and a bit burned out.

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