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Susan Gibson

Sleep just won't come...

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Probably not the best place for this but just need to air it and al FB friends are asleep (3:30 am here). Had an awakening to boyfriend of 17 years cheating for past five years. Kicked his arse out tonight. Can't sleep. Having a tough time. Sitting here listening to Zeppelin to try and bring myself out of this funk. This is the first time Zeppelin has not brought me out so far. Anyone have any words of wisdom, I sure could use them right about now.

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Hello Susan, sorry about your troubles. :( I always find playing some light classical music helps me unwind. If that doesn't help, see if there are any baseball games on TV, that would put me right out! :lol::zzz:

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Hi Susan Gibson, so sorry to hear about your boyfriend cheating on you. I don't have any advice to give you because I haven't experienced this myself. But I do know no one deserves to be cheated on, where love lives there should be no dishonesty in words or actions.

Which Zeppelin songs, albums, shows are you listening to right now?

Was listening to the Orlando '71 show earlier today. Dazed and Confused might do something for you. Starts around 22:30

Edited by lipslikecherries

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Just finished HOTH and now on Presence. Thanks all for the replies. Just feel lost. Don't really feel like sleeping anyway. 17 years is a long time to me. Almost half my life spent with him. Dazed and Confused May help as that's how I feel. Wouldn't wish this on anyone.

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Hi Susan.

I am very, very sorry to hear this. I'm not sure if you will like what I recomend as far as listening to music although this has helped me a few times in a possitive way.

The band 'Live' and the album 'The Distance To Here'. Released in 1999.

I really hope that you begin to heal as quickly as possible. Your in my thoughts. Peace and love to you. :console2:

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Well that most certainly sucks. Hope ya get some rest , the louts not worth losing sleep over..

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Well, it may not be what you want to hear, but I think there are some situations where you can't really medicate away your pain with music or drugs or anything external. There are some things in life that just ARE going to hurt, for quite a long time, no matter what you do, and the end of a seventeen year relationship (and being betrayed by someone you love) is one of them. And even if you no longer feel you love him, it's going to be a difficult adjustment, getting used to your new way of life when you've never really had to exist as an adult without the relationship. I think the start of getting past it is feeling the pain at its fullest extent, and accepting that you are going to feel like crap for a while. But it does get better. Go easy on yourself, and don't beat yourself up if other things are going to pot for a bit because you're struggling. Spend time with the family and friends who make you feel good about yourself and can be relied upon to not be idiots about it. Eat well and drink lots of water and generally take good care of yourself - try not to slide into things like drinking too much (it can blot things out in the short term, but long term, it's a depressant). Keep on washing and putting on clean clothes and brushing your hair and generally trying to keep on acting like you're happy and calm and together - it really can have an effect on making you feel like you are.

In my experience, the only thing that helps with not being able to sleep is vigorous physical exercise - at least an hour a day. The endorphin boost is also incredible for combatting really negative feelings. Got to be worth a try, anyway. (All the drugs they give you just lead to a disturbed sleep which doesn't really leave you feeling rested). Wear yourself out physically as well as mentally, and you'll sleep.

If you're really feeling panicked and unable to cope, try looking up breathing exercises and physical relaxation techniques. Maybe even take up meditating - I've started doing it for fifteen minutes a day and it really makes me feel calmer. It doesn't have to be connected with any particular religion on philosophy or anything. I just lie down in a darkened room, without screens or noise or distractions, and breathe in and out slowly, and feel my heartbeat, and tell myself that whatever's worrying or frightening me, I'm still breathing and my heart's still beating and it can't actually do anything to me. I tell myself, "this has happened, and it's scary or it hurts or whatever, but I'm still here - I haven't disappeared." It's like - I don't know, it's sort of hard to describe, but kind of focusing on your feelings, acknowledging they exist rather than trying to blot them out, but also rising above them and reminding yourself that they can't actually harm you, and "this too will pass".

I often listen to music to go with my moods, and it can be calming. But I think part of the problem with modern life is that we are all so stimulated with music and computers and whatever all the time that it freaks us out when we're alone with silence and nothing but our own thoughts. If we've been in very long relationships, then silence and solitude can be even more alarming. But I think the first step is to turn off the music and acknowledge it: I split with my boyfriend, it hurts like hell, I miss him, I'm lonely. But things will get better: in a week it will be a little better, in a month a little better again. In a year, it will be hard to even recapture how painful it was.

Then start focusing on how you're going to improve your life from here on in - perhaps by doing something that your relationship was a barrier to, whether it's travel or a new hobby or just changing your hair or whatever. Something that helps you to feel powerful and in control, rather than hopeless and helpless. Wallow as much as you need to; but then get up and do something. You may need to go on alternating the two for quite a while. But it will get better. Good luck.

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Scylla gave you some excellent advice. I would add that staying up listening to music isn't a good idea. You need a good night's sleep in order to cope with the breakup in addition to managing your job, household chores, etc. I found one of those white noise machines helpful while dealing with insomnia several years ago. Good luck.

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Well, that sucks. Take the day off work tomorrow. Eat a pint of Haagen Daz. Go to the park and be in nature.

There's no such thing as a 17-year boyfriend in my opinion. When a man is serious about a woman, he wants to make it official. Sorry if that sounds old-fashioned. Folk wisdom is called such for a reason.

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Probably not the best place for this but just need to air it and al FB friends are asleep (3:30 am here). Had an awakening to boyfriend of 17 years cheating for past five years. Kicked his arse out tonight. Can't sleep. Having a tough time. Sitting here listening to Zeppelin to try and bring myself out of this funk. This is the first time Zeppelin has not brought me out so far. Anyone have any words of wisdom, I sure could use them right about now.

Susan, I am sorry that you have had to go through that. this may sound cliche - but you are better off without him, I'm sure you know that.

Feel proud of yourself for kicking him out, and don't let him back in.

It's time to look after yourself now, and you have learned from this experience, so it's not a total loss. I am sure there were lots of good times, but you deserve better.

sending good vibes to you ♥ :)

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Scylla's on the ball with her advice, take timeout, don't stress and like she said it will hurt but don't beat yourself up about it, he stuffed up and all you gotta tell yourself he didn't really love you anyway so he's not worth you undoing yourself, do the things you alway wanted to do in life and enjoy the freedom from an uncommitted partner, don't know you from a bar of soap but will think and pray that ya can find love again……Cheers Scylla

post-11164-0-77549000-1408368877_thumb.p

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Susan sorry to hear back your heartache 17yrs is a long time with someone in your life whom you belive is staying with you as ONE, whenever I`m feeling lost or broken I`ve been starting to listen too, classic music. sometimes I add widespread panic, phish, gov`t mule and Zeppelin live... there are also for me few great friends whom always go that extra mile, you do needed friends too aid you through this from time to time will get you through this. hope you find yourself with happiness sooner than later...

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Scylla's on the ball with her advice, take timeout, don't stress and like she said it will hurt but don't beat yourself up about it, he stuffed up and all you gotta tell yourself he didn't really love you anyway so he's not worth you undoing yourself, do the things you alway wanted to do in life and enjoy the freedom from an uncommitted partner, don't know you from a bar of soap but will think and pray that ya can find love again……Cheers Scylla

attachicon.gifSunrise-In-The-Sea-Wallpaper.png

I also agree that Scylla's on the ball with her advice, and so are you zepdawg. Nice pic as well.

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We men are scum bags; at least my experience has been that and most of the guys I know. Men just think with their dicks and don't think about commitment. We generally just want sex when we want it and it is really difficult to get us to change, but it can happen. For example, you are a male who is damaged inside so you commit to one person early on because you believe it will give you some normalcy that you might be craving or missed out on as a child. Also, sometimes, a life changing event, like the birth of a child can cause that change or if you catch us later in life when the dick doesn’t work as well as it did early on in life. There is also that other type of male who is strongly attracted to religion for whatever reason who will commit to one person out of fear, fear that they will rot in some make believe hell or die alone or something. Also, if you are a male who was an only child, relationships can be really tough for those guys because they were brought up being the center of attention, so they think the rules don’t apply to them so they just keep fucking.

Generally speaking, when a woman is speaking, men are thinking in both of their heads ‘would I love to shag her’. If you are a male who is somewhat in shape, and somewhat decent looking, and somewhat healthy you are thinking of getting laid, and you don’t really care with who just so long as you can unload. Some women figure it out early on, and make a point of always being around there man so that he can have his sex, but a lot of women don’t get it, because they don’t believe it and of course a bunch of men will pretend it’s not true so they can look good in the eyes of their companion, but deep down inside, all men know they just want sex.

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We men are scum bags; at least my experience has been that and most of the guys I know. Men just think with their dicks and don't think about commitment. We generally just want sex when we want it and it is really difficult to get us to change, but it can happen. For example, you are a male who is damaged inside so you commit to one person early on because you believe it will give you some normalcy that you might be craving or missed out on as a child. Also, sometimes, a life changing event, like the birth of a child can cause that change or if you catch us later in life when the dick doesnt work as well as it did early on in life. There is also that other type of male who is strongly attracted to religion for whatever reason who will commit to one person out of fear, fear that they will rot in some make believe hell or die alone or something. Also, if you are a male who was an only child, relationships can be really tough for those guys because they were brought up being the center of attention, so they think the rules dont apply to them so they just keep fucking.

Generally speaking, when a woman is speaking, men are thinking in both of their heads would I love to shag her. If you are a male who is somewhat in shape, and somewhat decent looking, and somewhat healthy you are thinking of getting laid, and you dont really care with who just so long as you can unload. Some women figure it out early on, and make a point of always being around there man so that he can have his sex, but a lot of women dont get it, because they dont believe it and of course a bunch of men will pretend its not true so they can look good in the eyes of their companion, but deep down inside, all men know they just want sex.

You make some excellent points Charles J. White. Like women who don't keep up with their man's absolute need to have sex, or having a child and the woman can no longer give their man the attention they gave them once before the child was born. And looking for normalcy, it certainly was the case in my father's first marriage, for instance. Though, this search for normalcy occurs with both sexes. But at the same time, to be honest, it sounds like you're just making excuses by giving reasons why men cheat, and basically use and or control women. I would simply just chalk it up to the biological nature of man and his drive to reproduce, even if in the mind of the man he's thinking it's 'just sex'. Humans are animals too, whether we want to accept it or not.

But, there are no excuses for cheating, certainly not for a number of years, as in Susan's case. Any man makes a conscious effort to hide his escapades with other women, is knowingly dishonest and obviously inconsiderate of their woman's happiness. Therefore, he knows what he is doing is wrong. He knows when he lays down at night next to his woman that he's thinking of another. A penis does not hold reign over a man's conscience, nor his mind. And to say that all men want is sex; that's so very untrue. When a woman cheats on a man, the man acts as if it's a bigger deal than when men themselves cheat. If a man wants sex, he can get it anywhere, with anyone, regardless of who the woman is. Proof being there is an entire industry devoted to getting men off. But a man knows, most women need something more when it comes to sex: emotional involvement. So when a woman cheats on a man, it is a bigger deal because it is usually more than just sex, and the man knows it, and is understandably angered and upset. Which leads me back to your point: man's need for normalcy and security. A man can get sex anywhere, but he cannot get the essentials like companionship, love, understanding, and devotion from just anyone, and he knows it.

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You make some excellent points Charles J. White. Like women who don't keep up with their man's absolute need to have sex, or having a child and the woman can no longer give their man the attention they gave them once before the child was born. And looking for normalcy, it certainly was the case in my father's first marriage, for instance. Though, this search for normalcy occurs with both sexes. But at the same time, to be honest, it sounds like you're just making excuses by giving reasons why men cheat, and basically use and or control women. I would simply just chalk it up to the biological nature of man and his drive to reproduce, even if in the mind of the man he's thinking it's 'just sex'. Humans are animals too, whether we want to accept it or not.

But, there are no excuses for cheating, certainly not for a number of years, as in Susan's case. Any man makes a conscious effort to hide his escapades with other women, is knowingly dishonest and obviously inconsiderate of their woman's happiness. Therefore, he knows what he is doing is wrong. He knows when he lays down at night next to his woman that he's thinking of another. A penis does not hold reign over a man's conscience, nor his mind. And to say that all men want is sex; that's so very untrue. When a woman cheats on a man, the man acts as if it's a bigger deal than when men themselves cheat. If a man wants sex, he can get it anywhere, with anyone, regardless of who the woman is. Proof being there is an entire industry devoted to getting men off. But a man knows, most women need something more when it comes to sex: emotional involvement. So when a woman cheats on a man, it is a bigger deal because it is usually more than just sex, and the man knows it, and is understandably angered and upset. Which leads me back to your point: man's need for normalcy and security. A man can get sex anywhere, but he cannot get the essentials like companionship, love, understanding, and devotion from just anyone, and he knows it.

lipslikecherries, imo, this is the truth. In particular the "essentials like companionship, love, understanding" part. :goodpost:

By the way, I hope you are feeling a little better Susan Gibson. Were thinking of you :)

Edited by azad

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We men are scum bags; at least my experience has been that and most of the guys I know. Men just think with their dicks and don't think about commitment. We generally just want sex when we want it and it is really difficult to get us to change, but it can happen. For example, you are a male who is damaged inside so you commit to one person early on because you believe it will give you some normalcy that you might be craving or missed out on as a child. Also, sometimes, a life changing event, like the birth of a child can cause that change or if you catch us later in life when the dick doesn’t work as well as it did early on in life. There is also that other type of male who is strongly attracted to religion for whatever reason who will commit to one person out of fear, fear that they will rot in some make believe hell or die alone or something. Also, if you are a male who was an only child, relationships can be really tough for those guys because they were brought up being the center of attention, so they think the rules don’t apply to them so they just keep fucking.

Generally speaking, when a woman is speaking, men are thinking in both of their heads ‘would I love to shag her’. If you are a male who is somewhat in shape, and somewhat decent looking, and somewhat healthy you are thinking of getting laid, and you don’t really care with who just so long as you can unload. Some women figure it out early on, and make a point of always being around there man so that he can have his sex, but a lot of women don’t get it, because they don’t believe it and of course a bunch of men will pretend it’s not true so they can look good in the eyes of their companion, but deep down inside, all men know they just want sex.

sorry, Charles.... that is a gross generalisation. Speak for yourself. sounds like you have a lot of evolving to do in this department. I urge you take a good look at yourself, and do it NOW!

I am not so naive to think that this doesn't go on, but come on, Charles you don't have to be one of them :)

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Fine post, lipslikecherries, you make many excellent points. Allow me to add one thing: There is a huge gulf between truly being in love/making love with someone and merely having sex. For many people -- particularly those who have successfully moved along the road toward self-actualization -- it's very possible to genuinely be in love and make love to someone. (ie -- the sex act becomes much more about spiritual connection and the touching and caressing of each other's souls rather than bodies.) This concept is one of the chief premises of many great works of art, including, notably, Wagner's opera, "Tristan and Isolde."

Edited by Pagefan55

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Fine post, lipslikecherries, you make many excellent points. Allow me to add one thing: There is a huge gulf between truly being in love/making love with someone and merely having sex. For many people -- particularly those who have successfully moved along the road toward self-actualization -- it's very possible to genuinely be in love and make love to someone. (ie -- the sex act becomes much more about spiritual connection and the touching and caressing of each other's souls rather than bodies.) This concept is one of the chief premises of many great works of art, including, notably, Wagner's opera, "Tristan and Isolde."

You're absolutely right Pagefan55. Thank you for clarifying the difference between the two.

Two people must share and be intimate within the mind, the heart and the soul to make love. It takes a lot of time with that one special person to make that special spiritual connection. Sex temporarily satisfies the fleshly cravings and emotional needs of a person. Making love is beyond satisfying the self.

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