I do like Sam Adams. It redefined American beer...for the better.

Edit to add: DAMN! That babe has a body!

I had to chase away a woman whom I really love because her alcohol consumption was messing up my life as well as hers. I was not graceful. I was cruel. I know she has underlying psychological problems. I am sure there is some sever PTSD from more than one source. She was also neglected in many ways as a child. I have my own issues. Not all that different from hers, but my psychological wounds aren't nearly as deep. I wish I were stronger, and could just leave her to go her own way. I was vicious in what I said to her to drive her away. Today I called her up to see how she is doing, and because I have some of her cloths which she left at my apartment. She is staying with a guy she goes back to every time we have a falling out. He has savagely brutalized countless times, but she keeps going back. Today she told me she thinks she as a broken arm. When I said "he beat the crap out of you again, but you will stay with him tonight, won't you?" she hung the phone up. Sometimes mental illness is a multi-player game. I really feel bad about my conduct. I know she goes back to this goon in order to shock and guilt-trip me and her mother. I know it's not my fault that this guy is brutalizing her. It's not my fault that she goes back to him. It is my fault that I was so cruel to her.

For the sake of full disclosure, I do have a diagnosis of ADHD and PTSD which I accept. The two conditions seem to be strongly correlated. ADHD really is a big problem. It's difficult for people who don't have it to really grasp what's going on. It interferes with basic aspects of life such as relationships and jobs in ways which appear to be moral failings. Mental illness is a very difficult thing to live with. Both for the person who has the illness, and for the people involved with the mentally ill person. Since mental illness directly impacts the way people interact with others, we tend to get angry and impatient with the sick person. We tend to be patent with a person with an obvious physical infirmity, but far less so with mental infirmities. Consider that we frequently hurl accusations of mental illness and insanity in order to insult and discredit others. I am currently in a situation where someone else's mental illness has led me to be extremely cruel to her. I feel really bad about it. The problem is that her condition makes her very abusive and insensitive to me. When we enter into relationships there is an expectation of mutual contribution. Often a mentally ill person cannot uphold his or her side of that arrangement. The other party doesn't gain fulfillment and satisfaction commensurate with his or her contribution. That leads to resentment and hostility. That's probably the core of most dysfunctional relationships.

Perhaps some reality testing might be in order. A person who really does suffer from such disorders will probably become very angry and defensive if their delusions are effectively challenged. I don't mean that the person should be put on the defensive. I'm only suggesting some probing questions. It's often the case that a person can develop a paranoid stance because they are never given complete information and actually are being manipulated in some way or another. Such things do happen. http://www.claudesteiner.com/osp2.htm

I've been diagnosed with all kinds of mental disorders, which have subsequently been retracted. My favorite was "paranoid schizophrenia". I demanded a structured argument to support the conclusion, so I was subjected to a SCID. What they discovered is that my thinking is exceptionally "tight". Along with other assessments they determined that my reasoning capabilities lie in the "superior" range. My conclusion is that the world really is insane, I just have trouble dealing with the situation. I have my own theory about mental disorders. Many so-called mental disorders are actually symptoms of loneliness. Doctor To My Disease ~ Tull I've been treated for mild depression and I've been treated for growing pains. I've been treated for hallucinations; now I can see it all coming again. Well, you can wind me up. Yeah, you can slow me down. You can dig a little, and you can mess me around. But there's one thing I should tell you, to which you must agree: There's no use you playing doctor to my disease. Said it's no use you playing doctor to my disease. I got no cure for this condition that you've been causing me tonight. Well, you put my heart in overdrive: hand me the bullet I must bite. You can stir me up and you can cut me down. You can probe a little, push that knife around. But there's one thing I should tell you, to which you must agree: It's no use you playing doctor to my disease. Do you have to break my engine so you can fix it up again? Tuned to crazy imperfection just to score me out of ten. Well, you can wind me up. Yeah, you can slow me down. You can dig a little. Yeah, you can mess me around. But there's one thing I should tell you, to which you must agree: That it's no use you playing doctor to my disease.

Valhalla, I am coming!

I think this is an FU post.

This is something I found in Germany a long time ago. It requires expert pouring, so don't mess with it without initiated help: http://www.tastings.com/scout_beer.lasso?id=181485 Wurzburger Hofbrau Julius Echter Hefe-Weiss Dunkel Premium. Cloudy, deep copper brown color. Toasted pumpernickel and toffee aromas. A rich, supple, and velvety entry leads to a dryish medium-full body of banana custard, dark nutty toast, cocoa, and subtle spices. Finishes with a toasty toffeed fade with a hint of citrus rind and wet stones. Well balanced and refreshing. WORLD BEER CHAMPIONSHIPS AWARD: Gold Medal RATING: 90 points (Exceptional) ALCOHOL BY VOLUME: 6.0% CATEGORY: Weizen Dunkel, Ale TASTING LOCATION: In Our Chicago Tasting Room TASTING DATE: Jun-29-2007 BEER ID: 181485 We have noted the following producer or marketer for this beer: St. Killian Importing Co., Inc. PO Box K, 35 Elder Ave. Kingston MA 02364 (781) 585-5165 (781) 585-8670 www.stkillianbeers.com

I can't get her out of my blood. As soon as I start getting over her, she calls me up just to tell me she isn't interested.

I bought a new hybrid bike.

I'm watching a show about process analysis on The Teaching Channel. It's something I deal with a lot.

That's one radical show.

Is that the one about the 20-something guy who goes off into Alaska to live off the land?●●●●●●●●

I recently watched Slumdog Millionaire. It was better than my high expectations predicted. The best surprise that I found is that the hero was Muslim.

Wow! I wonder if I can find that on the On Demand selection. I am a big fan of Washington. http://www.amazon.com/Washington-Douglas-Southall-Freeman/dp/0684826372 I also have the complete Diary and Autobiography of John Adams. Adams is probably the greatest unsung hero of the American Revolution. He was not a great warrior, nor the epitome of charisma. He was an intellectual and moral leader who's deeds outweigh his reputation.

I think my Jamaican brown sugar finally took her bottle of vodka and staggered out of my life for good.

Well, I'm getting to be good friends with her mother. But damn! Jamaican accents can be hell to follow. English IS her native language, but it's not the same English as my native language. She really is a cool feisty lady.

My current addiction.

Thanks for the facts. You know and I know that you are telling me what I need to hear, and what I already know. As for the liver disease. I do believe her liver is in pretty bad shape right now. She has all the symptoms of advanced liver disease. That doesn't mean it is irreversible. I've been learning a lot about this since I met her. I always thought alcoholic liver disease was a one way progression. Turns out that it is often reversible if it hasn't left permanent scarring. Her physical condition is terrifying. Sometimes she goes into convulsions when she takes her first drink of the day. Sometimes it just happens. She is often too weak to stand up on her own, and will sleep all day, even when not drinking. She knows something is terribly wrong with her, but she refuses to acknowledge that it's from her drinking.

I'm not one for "seeing other women". As for not thinking about her. I try not to, but that doesn't even matter. Even when I'm not thinking about her, I'm feeling bad.