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  1. is lovin' life

  2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?
  3. Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat... He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something... On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here - try these on'... She did and said, These are too big... I can't wear them... I replied, 'Exactly... I wear the pants in this family and I always will... Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.. 'Hmmm,' said Mike... He thought that might be a good thing to try.. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, Here - try these on... She tried them on and said, These are too large... They don't fit me... Mike said, Exactly... I wear the pants in this family and I always will... I don't want you to ever forget that... Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike... She said, Here- you try on mine... He did and said, I can't get into your panties... Karen said, Exactly... And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will..
  4. Thanks, I only got the bonus question right.
  5. Test for Dementia Below are four ( 4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!! First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question,OK? Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person? You're not very good at this, are you? Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your headonly. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30... Add another 1000 . Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10 . What is the total? Scroll down for answer..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you get 5000 ? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe. Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you Answer Nunu? NO!Of course ! It isn't . Her name is Mary. Read the question again! Okay, now the bonus round: A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ He just has to open his mouth and ask...It's really very simple.
  6. Universal Laws 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theater and Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick
  7. This one me me laugh every time I see it.
  8. Khandie

    Roberts Jeans

    Well he really doesn't do it for me. I'll take Jimmy any day over Robert. Sweet Dreams Deb!
  9. My vote is for rock and roll, because it's just a fun song.
  10. Khandie

    Roberts Jeans

    Ok Ded, I think you've been up way to late. Time for bed eh.
  11. always being put off and knowing your second all the time, but it won't happen anymore.
  12. Thought this one was funny.
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