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mastress of procrastinate

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Everything posted by mastress of procrastinate

  1. My classes for this semester are awesome :3 And I have Tuesdays off.
  2. I didn't take my TV to my new place. Don't miss it at all.
  3. Finally, I have internet at my new place. Telephon isn't fixed yet, argh.
  4. At first I was a little sad because I was no longer living at the Dutch border - but in Berlin it is just as cheap and easily avalaible The boyfriend of a friend bought some for my birthday party. Those are pretty awesome friends ~
  5. What an adorable little girl Somehow, I can't uload pictures with tinypic :< what do you use to upload your pictures? One far away day, my upload quota will be all used up. So, below are some party images attached Notice the awesome jacket! It was a splendid night. Sorry for this hge images, I yet haven't figured out how to make them smaller. I know shit about that stuff.
  6. It depends a lot on the person. Every psyche is different, so of course people react different to pot. In this case, it helped him. However, one shouldn't smoke it 24/7, some people who developed a habit of pot consumption can develop anxiety as a consequence. Occasional consumption actually can ease anxiety.
  7. I said a few times I'd be her granddaughter, that her son is my father and tried to use other references as well and mentioned my brother. But she just did not know who I was. I visit her once each month, always together with my father and brother, and my father visits her every week. Also she was at my fathers place a few weeks age because his wife had birthday and I was there, too. my dad says she probably would have recognised me if he came there with me.
  8. My grandmother didn't recognise me as I visited her today. I dyed my hair, but she didn't recognise me by my face, voice or height and built. She was mistaking me for someone working there who has the same name as her granddaughter. As I aproached her, she asked me who I'd be. As I said my name, she only said "My granddaughter has the same name". My dad has told her that we'd gone to Berlin a few days ago to look for an apartment for me, and even though I told her the same, how I went with my dad to Berlin, she thought I'd be a stranger who'd gone there with her son. She asked me how long I'd been working there (at the nursery home).... And as I left she said again how she has a granddaughter that has the same name. Dementia isn't nice Visiting her for the last time before I move and she even doesn't recognise me.
  9. Terrence and Phillip. And Kyle's little brother Sorry, I just had to XD Don't be mad, Canadians, I don't mind being called nasty Kraut when that eases your anger over my silly comment
  10. well, you could type into google tranlsate whatever you'd like to know (for example, train--> Zug) and there is this little speaker icon that even makes a computer vice say that waord I can hardly type how to actually pronounce words Let's all praise google translate! Lasset uns den Google Übersetzer lobpreisen!
  11. Reswati, you German is really good, just thought I'd mention. Du kriegst eine 1+....haha, I just realised I could put a german joke at the end of all comments and only reswati would undertstand (among the people currently active on this thread) >: D
  12. Meine Oma hat das 3. reich nicht mir erlebt, sie ist kurz nach dem Krieg geboren. Und *noch* muss ich dableiben, der Umzug is erst in ein paar Tagen. Aber an dem Tag an dem ich da raus bin feiere ich ein riesiges Freudenfest. (leider kann ich kein Niederländisch :s )
  13. Actually, I highly disagree. Sometimes a divorce simply is the BETTER solution for all. Divorce does not mean that my grandparents all of a sudden are ex-grandparents. I have regular and frequent contact to my father and his half of the family. I don't know how many people you know which went through a divorce, but those I know are better off now. My father was in therapy over years and was diagnosticised a burn-out also because the marriage to my mother wasn't everything but nice. I don't want to go into detail, but a grown-up confident man developed severe psychological problems after 15 years of being with my mother. Also, there are marriages in which domestic violense is involved (both men and women can be the victims) or other kinds of abusive relationships. It is only a good development being divorced doesn't mean a stigma anymore. Just 40 years ago many women would have stayed in marriage which meant domestic violenece and abuse simply because their economical situation was worse, they were dependant on their husband and had to fear being labelled and looked upon for being a divorced women. Also, feelings can chance. It can be that a couple that was truely in love 30 years ago now no longer is feeling for each other. People who stay in unhappy marriages just for the sake of being married are only lying to themselves. And just don't come with counselling lessons and couple therapy - I know by mw own experience that sometimes divorce is the best solution. My own grandmother divorced form heir husband because he was violent against her and their two children. Marriage is just another kind of relationship, and a relationship that doesn't meany any good to both parties anymore should be ended, as simple as that. People who think there'd be no need for divorces are living in a sheer utopia. Just because my parents are no longer married, my bonds to him and his half of the family didn't vanish. I find your post highly offensive. My father is a much happier man with his new wife which is a wonderful women and her two sons are like older borthers for me and my brother. I am glad to got to know this people. Actually, after the divorce my relationship to my father just grew tighter. He always was my stable point in all that chaos, the one that would help me and give me the feeling to be loved. Marriage is no gurantee to stay together happily for a lifetime. No matter how mature one is, no matter how long people have been together already before the got married, no one never knows whether they will for always feel the same way for their partner as they do right now. I just can't predict whether I'll love someone a lifetime. But, I wish everyone a happy marriage and to be happy with their partner a lifetime.
  14. Dreadnut Inc, a german ska/reggae band, it was this summer. Yeah, it was really nice The gig was in a little youth club house, and it was full, rammed full. The only reason they played in the middle of nowhere was because two band members come from this area.
  15. I finally got an apartment in Berlin Uni live can begin, fuck yeah ! I still haven't gotten over the fact I actually got into that uni O_o So, from now on: STUDY HARD; PARTY HARDER!
  16. First of all thank you all for your nice words They can really push one up! And it's goof to know I can talk somewhere - I don#t want to bother my friends with all that, they aren't my emotionals trash cans and not all of them fully understand the condition I developed out of the situation. Well, actually I think it is good divorce and remmarriage have a growing acceptability. In some cases it is just the best for all to divorce. When two people just have gotten all out of love, only fight with each other and see no future for that marriage, both instead can be better off divorced with the chance of finding a new partner, at least the burden of a unhappy marriage is gone. My aunt's new partner for example is a father-like friend for my cousins and she is happy to have found him But you are right, not having a stable, caring family can be really harmful since how and where we grow up sets the roads we're walking on later to a certain extent. THAT IS MY PLAN! When I'd become like them, they have won. I can proof to myself that I can do better and I will. I don't know whether I'll be a better mother simply because I don't know yet whether I want to be a mother at all - however I want to be better than they are. Gladfully my brother manages to get through all that on his own way and still, over all that trouble, is the kind young lad he always has been. he is nursing elderly people, and I sometimes wish to have his patience and kindness. What I've learned from all that can be summed up by a famous Nietzsche qoute: "What does not kill me makes me stronger".
  17. I need to travel more where was this taken? And fotos with dogs are always cute.
  18. No Quarter. Do I really need to give reasons for my choice? No Quarter is simply über-awesome. (notice my german keyboard allows me to make an actual ü !) üüüüü Have I mentioned No Quarter is an amazing song?
  19. sooo refreshing to know I have a place to come clear about all what bothers me. I am suffering from depression and suicidal tendencies since my early teens, when not even earlier. the root cause probably was the divorce of my parents, but I cna hardly tell. As I got a little older, my mother was more and more pressuring me into being a younger version of her. she decided what school I'd go to, she decided what languages I had to learn, I was never asked whether I'd like french class better than latin....that list is too long. Also, i was bullied in school from elementary school until I was in grade 11. When I was 12, I was thinkign about suicide for the very first time. Also I always had mood jumps and very easily started to rage. It got worse in my teen years, the smallest things would cause me to go really mad. Additional to the pressure i got from my mum, things got like really shitty as she married again. Her husband is nothing but an asshole. He is choleric, insults both me and my brother, considers not fully diserving of the same amount of rights and dignity and always lets us know. He called me fat, not diserving of love, a miscarriage. In a fight he said "No, you diserve no dignity, look at youself, thick as you are, you don't even fit into your pants". As I told that my mother, she only whined about how she does not like to come home into such an environment and that she has to carry the burden of all these fights and she said I'd know he won't apologise. it was like "he insuted you and humilates you, get fucking over it" right in my face. After another fight I left home in a hurry and rode on my bike to a bridge nearbye. I stood there maybe for 30, 40 minutes, wondering whether or whether not to jump. The situation at home caused me to be anxious, develop sleeping problems and I began to cut myself. The house I was living in wasn't a home. I was missing of a place that would have been like a shelter for me, and within this house i was surrounded by people doing harm to me. I was so full of pain and pressure it seemed like cutting was the only way to let all that out. My mum found out, and all she hbad to say was "well, then stop it". Her own daughter was self-harming and going through depression and she acted like she gave a fuck. She was and still is only focused on her marriage. She is both sacrifying mine and my brother's well-being (in my case even emotional health) for this marriage. Things collapsed the evening prior to my last final exam. In Germany, you have in addition to the written finals also a oral exam in a subject of your choice. my brother told me how mum's husband was talking bad over me, claiming I'd be backstabbing my mother and trash-talk about both of them simply because I called my dad three times the past week. He always checks the telephone bill to see what numbers have been called and how long my brother and me were using the phone. That evening, I tried to confront him. we had several fights already because I will never just stand still when someone attacks me and denies to treat me with dignity like I as a human being diserve. He was raging, and said to my mum either I'd have to leave or he'd leave. "throw it out it, I don't what to call that like, it's not a human being" I YELLED at him, that if he thinks I would not be a human being and not diserving of dignity he'd rather move to a country where they let the own people stand in line just to get shot. He would HAVE to treat with me with dignity since we'd be living in Germany. (I was referring to the first sentence of our constituiton that says the human dignity is untouchable). He left to get drunk,. what he always does when there's a fight and I packed some books together and tried to focus on my exam. My mum approached me, and started her own rant. I'd be destroying her marriage, bla bla bla.......she would have given up so much of her for me and my brother".....then I finally got sick of it. I told her to stop acting like jesus dying on the cross because she had two children and is single-raising. She was always good at playing the victim and her bevaviour is disgraceful and a shame for a grown up woman and mother her age. As I said that, she told me to pack my things and leave the house. She threw me out the evening prior to my last final exam. I stayed at a friends place that night and gladfully managed the exam. I was able to stay at my granny's place untiln uni starts. However, it isn't that much better here either. After a short phase of recovering, since I no longer had to stay with that asshole and that women bareely diserving to be called a mother, I fell into depression again. My grandmother is strict and restricting my personal freedoms. She tells me what to wear, how to wear my hear, even though I am 18. Coming with the argument I'd be living in her house, she is telling me how to plan and spend my days and time. She gives me hell for going out on the weekends (at least I was able to do that at my mum's place) and even threatens me with physical violence. As I wanted to visit a friend on bike who live about 30 km away, she said I'd have to be beaten until one couldn't beat me any more for riding that long way on my bikr alone. I demanded her to apologise, but she refers to freedom of opinion. she treats me like a infant and patronizes me whereever she can. I feel like in a cage. Also, I began to cut again. Living with my grandmother made me lose much respect for her. She believes it's mainly my fault the situation with mum's husband got so bad. I should have reacted differently. I can barely describe how hurt I've felt as she said that to me. It is clearly not my fault that my mum's husband is such an asshole. How shall I react when someone treats me like this? Shut up and let that all eat me up because defending myself may upsets mum+husband? She lacks understanding of the situatuation and for her it is easy to judge. Gladully I will leave this friday, and move to berlin. I just want to leave this all behind and start a new, happier life. Everyone says the teen years would be the time of the life, but my teen years where anything but that. I began a therapy, but yet there is still a lot inside me I cant cope with alone. I hope that one day I can forget this past and that these experiences don't haunt me any longer. My mum always said I'd be too thick and said that was the reason I'd have no boyfriend "you have to be appealing to his eyes, too". My own mother gave me the feeling of being less diserving of love for my apperance. I still struggle to accept what I look like and I try really hard not to believe what my mother has told me. I am waiting for the day I can say I'm pretty" in front of a mirror ten times and mean it each time. I still cry a lot over what has happened. It just seems so unbelievable.....though I got over balming myself (what have I done that they treat me like this?) I will never stop wondering why someone could be as vicious, cruel and lacking of any compassion as my mother's husband. I have to fight not to become spiteful over all this. One day I'll hopefully can close this chapter of my life for good. A new life lies in front of me, in a new city and far far away from these people.
  20. YES. I lived close to the Netherlands for almost 19 years. They seem to have no problems there resulting of the legalisation of weed. Also, there are very strict controls concerning driving under the influence of pot. And there is such a thing as common sense that tells most people not to drive under the influence of drugs like alcohol, weed or certain medication. I wish it were in Germany like in California - it should at least be legal for medication. A friend of mine suffered from severe anxiety and according to him ocassionaly consuming pot also helped to deal with it, additional to therapy and medication. As a painkiller, it is the better alternative to morphium. (ironically, morphium, which is a stronger drug concerning the effects and addiction potential, is legal for pain medication in Germany) However, it is more or less decriminalised in most parts of Germany. I'll move to Berlin this week, and there aren't any charges held against you when you don't carry more than 15 grams with you. Everything under that amount is considered for self consumption only, which isn't charged. Basically, one dould walk through Berlin with quite a few plastic bags of weed as long as they don't yell "hey i have weed".
  21. A very close friend of mine got a diagnosis from his neurologist today. He just went there because he had a collaps recently and his father has mutiple sclerosis, so they made tests and checks to find out whether he has, too. The results he got were: -mutiple sclerosis -affective bipolarity disorder -clinical depression -sleeping disorder -paranoia -shizophrenia -delusions -light form of amnesia (noticed he had problems before remenbering names) -charles-bonnet-syndrom -epilepsy - and a IQ high above the average. (seems like nothing compared to all listed above) And there is no way I can help him Today is one day you realise how meaningless the own problems actaully are.
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