I'm unhappy because my wife's had the flu since the day before xmas eve. Obviously I'm unhappy for her, but mainly I'm unhappy for me, because I'm having to do all the cooking & washing up, plus waiting on her hand and foot, pandering to her every whim whenever she bangs on the bedroom floor with her broomstick. Funny thing is, for someone who allegedly has the flu, she's had an incredibly voracious appetite these past two days. Funny, that.

^ Ho ho ho! I think I have something in my sack for those three...

...but not nearly as boring as they soon became

We just had our xmas dinner, which I prepped and cooked all by myself as usual...FIGJAM: Roast chicken Pan-fried duck breasts Chipolatas Pigs in blankets Pork & chestnut stuffing Pork & cranberry stuffing Sage & red onion stuffing Roast potatoes Par-boiled sprouts stir-fried with chorizo and roast chestnuts Roast parsnips Carrots & sweetcorn Gravy from the juices, with a little help from a tube of bouillon concentrate and a splash of white wine.

Love Hate Love - Alice In Chains

Hardwood

Oh lordy. GIIMF.

^ uh, that's the singer out of The Darkness isn't it?

I always thought it was generally accepted that D&C was dropped from the set (and partly replaced by easier to play tunes such as WTLB & HMMT) as a result of the injury? In which case, either that's untrue, or the injury happened before Brussels.

I enjoyed a late supper of smoked salmon, cool Doritos & hot salsa, Bollinger and Thai Stick.

Up To My Neck In You - AC/DC

What's so shocking? Even psychopaths can be kind to animals. My cat's name is Colin. Before, I had cats called Miffles, Jess and Garfield.

Lick My Love Pump - Nigel Tufnell

I'm not watching anything, but what I am doing is listening to BBC Radio 5, and for some unfathomable reason there's a long feature on the Green Bay Fudge Packers. They are talking about 'Cheese Heads'. I prefer to keep my Cheese Head to myself. Who gives a shit about American Football over here? WTF

I had an idea - throw it away. Stank the place out boiling it, horrible sludgy mess, even the cat won't touch it, eww.

Cars are nothing but trouble, scythe. Like cocaine, they are god's way of telling us we have too much money. Must've spent £2k on mine this year...and then on Friday, I looked at my rear tyre and thought 'hmmm, that looks a little flat....'. Turns out it I'd been driving around with 10psi for fuck knows how long, and had cracked the sidewall. Two new tyres, £165 (about $250). Shit.

Our Wii stopped working, and two of our daughter's xmas presents are Wii games. WTF. Looks like an even more expensive xmas than I'd planned....

Pepper - Butthole $urfers

Ain't that the truth

Trip At The Brain - S.T.

I picked up a whole salmon the other day for £3.50 and I've chopped it up & frozen 12 steaks. I'm also steaming the bony bits that still have a lot of flesh on them for the cat. Just for the hell of it, I'm boiling up the rest of it, minus the guts but including the head, with a view to using it for a soup base, or maybe to add to a fish pie. It will probably be horrible, but it seemed a shame to bin it. Any ideas?

The only worthwhile thing to come out of the whole Dead hippy stoner freak nightmare was Cherry Garcia

You forgot the option for 'How dare you mention those turgid hippy bums in the same breath as Led Zeppelin?'

Thai fish cakes with sweet chilli sauce, steamed sea bass in lemon & chilli, Chinese-style roast duck with hoi sin sauce & pancakes, egg noodles stir fried with vegetables & dark soy sauce, and rice. All home-cooked - and not by a ladyboy, MOTHERFUCKER