I guess I'll revive this thread after a month
I need a good laugh, and I hope anyone here does too
This might be a bit dirty
A woman wanted to take her husband to a stripper club for his birthday, thinking it'd be extra special. He agreed right away.
When they got to the door, the bouncer said, "Hey Billy, great to see you again!"
The wife was puzzled, but the husband assured her that the bouncer only knew him because he is a security guard at his office
When they got inside the stripper club, the waitress said, "Hey Billy, I'll get the glass filled with ice right away for you"
The wife grew more suspicious, but the husband tried to calm her by saying, "Hey, that woman serves open bar at the office......I guess she has a second job"
The wife wants to cool down her tendencies as she wants her husband to enjoy his gift.
The stripper sits on the table, looking at him, and says, "So Billy, I guess it'll be the usual."
Right at that moment, the wife yanked her husband by the ear into the taxicab. She swore up a storm as she kept slapping him.
The taxi driver said, "Jesus, Billy, you picked up a real b*tch tonight, didn't you"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young college sophomore asks the pharmacist for a condom.
"I'm going over to my girlfriend's tonight"
The pharmacist hands him the condom
"Oh and hand me another one, her sister might be lonely afterwards"
The pharmacist does so
"Give me a third one, who knows, her mom might be bored the next morning when the girls have to go."
The pharmacist listens to him once more
The man eats dinner at his girlfriend's house as his girlfriend is sitting left to him and her sister is sitting right to him. Their mother is sitting right across him. He has a smug, content look on his face, up until her father walks in.
As soon as the father walks in, he ducks his head down, as if he was solemnly praying and continues to do so for a while.
"I didn't know you were so religious," his girlfriend said
"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist," he replies
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love the little Johnny jokes, Dzdloc, but I'll post a clean one, to start, in case this post is already filthy enough.
Little Johnny's Sunday school teacher asked the children where Jesus lives.
The children said, "in our hearts"
"That's beautiful," she replies, "Amen"
"Really? I thought he lived in my bathroom," Johnny inquired
"Now, why would you say that?" the teacher wondered
"Well because every morning, my dad wakes up, pounds on the bathroom door, and yells, 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!'