Did you ever see the movie "Steel Magnolias"? It's a mixture of strength, grace, manners, determination, will, ... You can't really explain it, and you probably wouldn't even notice it if you weren't looking for it, even if it were directed toward you; as it's very subtle. I'm only 1st generation southern, so I recognize it but can't "do" it.
But of course not all southern women are like that either.