Loss of local community connections?

[karuna]

Do you know your neighbors that live next to you? Do you know much about them like their opinions on goverment, education, police activities, or maybe their first names? Do you know if they have kids and what the kids names are? When I was growing up I recall that my parents knew everyone on the block and indeed had block parties. Us kids could go in and out of just about any of the block's homes. Everyone knew everyones name, where they lived, and who the parents were(sadly we could never get away with anything ha ha). However, my parents felt quite safe reguarding their children and we never experienced any problems. We were exposed to not only many different ways to be human across the lifespan but also different ways to make spaghetti.

Recently I was speaking to my folks and I asked about a neighbor I used to know and sadly my parents said they haven't seen or talked to that person in over a decade and that indeed they really didnt know anyone around them at all (they still live in the home that I was raised in). What the hell happened? Is this the case where you live? I've attempted to get to know my present neighbors but I have to say it has fizzled out more often than not. Everyone seems so self-absorbed.

[Fan_S.]

Hi, Karuna. Definitely, I know what you mean. I'm merely acquainted with my neighbors--I say hi in passing and that's it. Hey, at least we make eye-contact and we're not plugged into our iPods when we do! I share your sentiment, that there should be, bit by bit, more community building in many of our societies. Like the song says: "We're all in this together".

[JimmyPage1977]

Do you know your neighbors that live next to you? Do you know much about them like their opinions on goverment, education, police activities, or maybe their first names? Do you know if they have kids and what the kids names are? When I was growing up I recall that my parents knew everyone on the block and indeed had block parties. Us kids could go in and out of just about any of the block's homes. Everyone knew everyones name, where they lived, and who the parents were(sadly we could never get away with anything ha ha). However, my parents felt quite safe reguarding their children and we never experienced any problems. We were exposed to not only many different ways to be human across the lifespan but also different ways to make spaghetti.

Recently I was speaking to my folks and I asked about a neighbor I used to know and sadly my parents said they haven't seen or talked to that person in over a decade and that indeed they really didnt know anyone around them at all (they still live in the home that I was raised in). What the hell happened? Is this the case where you live? I've attempted to get to know my present neighbors but I have to say it has fizzled out more often than not. Everyone seems so self-absorbed.

You sure are nosy...leave me alone and mind your own business...

Just kidding!!

[ninelives]

I grew up in a very close knit community which was great. A lot of kids around my age to play with and the parents were all friends as well. We'd have neighborhood block parties and such. Now living in an apartment, it's quite different but I have to say I'm pretty lucky to know a lot of my neighbors and in situations where one of us has needed some help, we've been there to help each other.

[bigstickbonzo]

We used to have 2 block parties ever summer on our street, one for the 4th of July and one for Labor Day Weekend. Without a doubt, two of the highlights of every summer. I can still picture running through the masses of "giants" in their Bermuda shorts and summer dresses, laughing at the good times while serving food and booze to one another. The steam coming off every oversized grill, the smell of brautwurst with grilled peppers and onions snaking through the crowd. I can still picture and hear my dad using the blender, mixing up the "fruit smoothies" my mom had crafted, prompting several of the blocks' neighbors to be escorted home by their better halfs after their dubious consumptions. Once the sun began to set over the treetops, we began rallying all the kids on the block for one mass game of "manhunt" which could last for hours, though it went by so fast. At that point, everyone's lawn, backyard and bush was neutral territory. No crabby neighbors throwing a fit because you accidentally nicked her rose garden while scampering away from being caught. No screaming and banging from inside the house while you darted over a fence into their yard, avoiding falling in the swimming pool and running through the swaying sprinkler. No, this was "our" time to enjoy the party ......and childhood.

[ally]

We have a great neighbourhood and everybody here has gone out of their way to make it so. We do the neighbourhood functions etc but more importantly, all of the kids who grew up here and some still are, alway's knew that no matter what happened there was alway's an open door. In order for that to happen, it takes communication with your neighbours. It does seem to be a lost art these day's and I feel very fortunate to be living in a little part of Greater Vancouver where people actually care about the quality of life that comes with giving a monkey's about someone other than just yourself. Usually when we hold a function we all invite friends and they are more often than not, blown away that the neighbourhood is so tight. Not nosey tight but, tight in the sense that we all seem to realize that we have something special here and we're willing to do what is necessary to keep it that way. Over the years we've lost some of the originals that were here ( all come back to visit ) but it seems that anyone who has taken their place has been just as appreciative of what this neighbourhood is about. I suppose it really is a case of, if you build it, they will come

[karuna]

We have a great neighbourhood and everybody here has gone out of their way to make it so. We do the neighbourhood functions etc but more importantly, all of the kids who grew up here and some still are, alway's knew that no matter what happened there was alway's an open door. In order for that to happen, it takes communication with your neighbours. It does seem to be a lost art these day's and I feel very fortunate to be living in a little part of Greater Vancouver where people actually care about the quality of life that comes with giving a monkey's about someone other than just yourself. Usually when we hold a function we all invite friends and they are more often than not, blown away that the neighbourhood is so tight. Not nosey tight but, tight in the sense that we all seem to realize that we have something special here and we're willing to do what is necessary to keep it that way. Over the years we've lost some of the originals that were here ( all come back to visit ) but it seems that anyone who has taken their place has been just as appreciative of what this neighbourhood is about. I suppose it really is a case of, if you build it, they will come

[/quote

I really like your last line "ally". My daughters and I are going to make a renewed real effort with all are neighbors starting with having them (the daughters) deliver lemon bars that we will make together. Sounds funny I know but that's what were gonna do. And then I'll have them see if they can mow a lawn or wash some windows (I remember I used to hit everyone's house attempting to earn money by offering to do any kind of chores). One glaring difference from what I remember as a young child and what I observe today is the lack of porch life and the lack of porches altogether. I think those porches really made a difference back then in that folks exposed themselves almost any pleasant evening to all that would pass by. TV's were not so popular then either.

[Jahfin]

We only had significant snowfall a couple of times this year but after the first one some friends of mine and I went for a walk through the neighborhood. I was amazed that during that entire trek we only came upon one snowman. I figured all of the kids must have been inside playing XBox.

[ninelives]

We used to have 2 block parties ever summer on our street, one for the 4th of July and one for Labor Day Weekend. Without a doubt, two of the highlights of every summer. I can still picture running through the masses of "giants" in their Bermuda shorts and summer dresses, laughing at the good times while serving food and booze to one another. The steam coming off every oversized grill, the smell of brautwurst with grilled peppers and onions snaking through the crowd. I can still picture and hear my dad using the blender, mixing up the "fruit smoothies" my mom had crafted, prompting several of the blocks' neighbors to be escorted home by their better halfs after their dubious consumptions. Once the sun began to set over the treetops, we began rallying all the kids on the block for one mass game of "manhunt" which could last for hours, though it went by so fast. At that point, everyone's lawn, backyard and bush was neutral territory. No crabby neighbors throwing a fit because you accidentally nicked her rose garden while scampering away from being caught. No screaming and banging from inside the house while you darted over a fence into their yard, avoiding falling in the swimming pool and running through the swaying sprinkler. No, this was "our" time to enjoy the party ......and childhood.

Sounds similar to the neighborhood I grew up in. Some really great memories and I'm still in contact with some of the people I've known from there as a kid

[eternal light]

Western Society is becoming fragmented at an accelerating rate as technology enables us to lead an insular, if not isolated existence. No need for interaction with cashiers - just pay at the pump. No need for interaction with bank tellers - everything is done online. No need for neighbors - there are an infinite variety of interesting virtual communities to live within. Just my two cents; keep the change.

Fortunately cashiers, tellers and neighbors are not our mothers.

When Harlow placed his subjects in total isolation for the first eights months of life, denying them contact with other infants or with either type of surrogate mother, they were permanently damaged.

darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/studies/HarlowMLE

[karuna]

Western Society is becoming fragmented at an accelerating rate as technology enables us to lead an insular, if not isolated existence. No need for interaction with cashiers - just pay at the pump. No need for interaction with bank tellers - everything is done online. No need

for neighbors - there are an infinite variety of interesting virtual communities to live within. Just my two cents; keep the change.

Last Dec. I had my first experience scanning my own grocery purchases. Definitely spoiled my fun- no discount even though there wasn't a clerk to employ but then I remember there was a guard standing around LoL

[Electrophile]

I grew up in Chicago in the 1980s, in a not-so-nice neighborhood. You didn't run in and out of people's homes, you didn't randomly walk up to your neighbors and strike up conversation. You just didn't do those things. My parents grew up in the 50s, in a much different time and back then you DID do those things. However when they had my sister and I, it was a much different scenario. We didn't have block parties, there were no community events. And if any of the neighbors caught you in their apartments, they'd call the police. Where I come from, that's trespassing and we were expressly forbidden to do that. The only thing that brought people together was when they'd illegally open the fire hydrants on the corner, thereby incurring the wrath of the fire department when there was a fire and they had no water pressure.

As for my neighbors now......I could care less who they are or what they think about anything. Most of them are loud and obnoxious and they have rude, obnoxious children (I hate kids) so the further away from them I can get, the better.

[ally]

name='ally' date='May 13 2009, 12:45 PM' post='358186']

We have a great neighbourhood and everybody here has gone out of their way to make it so. We do the neighbourhood functions etc but more importantly, all of the kids who grew up here and some still are, alway's knew that no matter what happened there was alway's an open door. In order for that to happen, it takes communication with your neighbours. It does seem to be a lost art these day's and I feel very fortunate to be living in a little part of Greater Vancouver where people actually care about the quality of life that comes with giving a monkey's about someone other than just yourself. Usually when we hold a function we all invite friends and they are more often than not, blown away that the neighbourhood is so tight. Not nosey tight but, tight in the sense that we all seem to realize that we have something special here and we're willing to do what is necessary to keep it that way. Over the years we've lost some of the originals that were here ( all come back to visit ) but it seems that anyone who has taken their place has been just as appreciative of what this neighbourhood is about. I suppose it really is a case of, if you build it, they will come

I really like your last line "ally". My daughters and I are going to make a renewed real effort with all are neighbors starting with having them (the daughters) deliver lemon bars that we will make together. Sounds funny I know but that's what were gonna do. And then I'll have them see if they can mow a lawn or wash some windows (I remember I used to hit everyone's house attempting to earn money by offering to do any kind of chores). One glaring difference from what I remember as a young child and what I observe today is the lack of porch life and the lack of porches altogether. I think those porches really made a difference back then in that folks exposed themselves almost any pleasant evening to all that would pass by. TV's were not so popular then either.

The front pourch was king back then and I agree, people were more inclined to be out there enjoying themselves and watching their kids play rather than sitting inside. Because I have a front view of the whole neighbourhood, I solved that problem year's ago by setting up a bar in my garage. Believe me, there was no shortage of father's willing to watch the kids after that We were after all, just doing our share of the duties

[~tangerine~]

I live in the same neighborhood i grew up in from age five to early 20's... moved away from here, and moved back about six years ago. I live on a cul de sac and i know many of my neighbors. Most are my parents ages, and one who moved last year that i was very friendly with has twin daughters that i went to school with.

Two different neighbors have asked me quite a few times to bring in their mail when they went on vacations. One gave me a gift card to Target as a thank you (which i felt was totally unnecessary, but very sweet). She also bought my daughter gifts on special occasions.

I have gotten offers from another neighbor with a teenage daughter to babysit my daughter, and even take her to school if i ever need her to. She has looked out for me since i've known her. Another married gentleman in his 70's also adores my child and loves to invite us to spend time in his garden (it's gorgeous and he spends alot of time making it that way).

My newest neighbors are younger than me and have a one year old. She is a nurse (like me) and her husband is a police officer. They have already invited my daughter and i to their house when they have had parties. They often have family gatherings. I choose to go to my family/sisters homes for gatherings!

I think i'm lucky to live where i do. You can walk around my neighborhood and feel safe. It's relatively quiet. In the nice weather you see people out walking/biking/ and taking their babies for walks in the strollers.

People will put signs of their lawn during elections (my one neighbor proudly displayed an Obama/Biden sign)... i have had personal conversations with many of my neighbors (about our jobs/education/families) and i have met the grown children of many of my neighbors when they come to visit their parents. My daughter plays with the one ladies grandson when we are around to catch him visiting.

Maybe not your typical "big city" place to live.... but then again, i think where i live has many neighborhoods just like mine.

[Footsteps of Dawn]

I used to hang out with the kids in the house behind mine all the time when I was a kid, but it wasn't like the whole neighborhood was a big family or anything. It's kind of a weird in-between sort of situation. You do have to lock your doors at night (my car was stolen from right out in front of my house, for example) and we don't have block parties or anything, but all the neighbors are friendly (except for the jerks that take up all the parking places), and we smile and wave when we see each other and shoot the crap when we're not in a hurry. There are, of course, the troublemaking skateboarders up the street, but their biggest crime is being stupid and possibly inbred, so it's not a big deal.

So yeah, it's not a tough neighborhood or anything (despite the car theft...it wasn't anybody who actually lived around here - they caught the guy), but it's not the idyllic kind of place where everybody goes over to somebody's house for a barbecue on the back porch every weekend, either. :shrug:

[ally]

I think it's a matter of what your used to. Not everyone has had the benefit of growing up in a great

neighborhood so to them, it would seem strange to take part in a social function or engage in conversation with the people next door. I think most would like to but maybe they just don't know how to. I'm not forgetting that there are many places in this old world that have lost the spirit completely and judging by some of the people I see on a daily bases, I don't blame people for not even trying. It is a shame though that we've allowed things to go this way but the sad fact is, in some places, a knock on your neighbours door can be dangerous. I'm glad I don't live in one of those places.

[Mary Hartman]

I think it's a matter of what your used to. Not everyone has had the benefit of growing up in a great

neighborhood so to them, it would seem strange to take part in a social function or engage in conversation with the people next door. I think most would like to but maybe they just don't know how to. I'm not forgetting that there are many places in this old world that have lost the spirit completely and judging by some of the people I see on a daily bases, I don't blame people for not even trying. It is a shame though that we've allowed things to go this way but the sad fact is, in some places, a knock on your neighbours door can be dangerous. I'm glad I don't live in one of those places.

Man me too. Most of the larger cities like Cleveland or Philly you have to be super cautious about. However there are still burbs and neighborhoods and even towns where people still talk and socialize and believe it or not everyone knows everyone else. Here you will find these people who know each other will stand firm to help you, talk to you and just be friendly.

Such is the day of old.

I do feel strongly that the media, and our government has scared people to the stage we are in today with fear mongering. And the more they push this garbage the more it catches on too. Gangs everywhere blah blah, people afraid to put themselves "out there?"

Pretty sad really. People who live in peaceful places fight tooth and nail to keep them that way too. Not an easy task. A very expensive one.

[ally]

Man me too. Most of the larger cities like Cleveland or Philly you have to be super cautious about. However there are still burbs and neighborhoods and even towns where people still talk and socialize and believe it or not everyone knows everyone else. Here you will find these people who know each other will stand firm to help you, talk to you and just be friendly.

Such is the day of old.

I do feel strongly that the media, and our government has scared people to the stage we are in today with fear mongering. And the more they push this garbage the more it catches on too. Gangs everywhere blah blah, people afraid to put themselves "out there?"

Pretty sad really. People who live in peaceful places fight tooth and nail to keep them that way too. Not an easy task. A very expensive one.

Not to downplay the reality but yes, I agree that fear mongering has played a huge role in all of this.

People being just too damn stressed out is another. We're easy prey when we're burned out.

I don't believe that a good neighborhood requires block party's either. We were all around the same young age and already packing a kid or two when we moved here so it was easy to establish some social activity. What I do believe though is that it does require some communication and a bit of involvement in the community.

[karuna]

Not to downplay the reality but yes, I agree that fear mongering has played a huge role in all of this.

People being just too damn stressed out is another. We're easy prey when we're burned out.

I don't believe that a good neighborhood requires block party's either. We were all around the same young age and already packing a kid or two when we moved here so it was easy to establish some social activity. What I do believe though is that it does require some communication and a bit of involvement in the community.

I guess I failed to mention that where I live, beautiful as it is, there are a lot of folks having indoor pot grows (actually kind of a joke around here). You know curtains always drawn, strangers coming and going that sort of thing. One time I walked my very young daughters to a neighbors home who I knew had a child the age of one of my daughters. Our dog came with and when their door opened a pit bull bolted out and clamped onto our poor dogs neck. What a scene that was and of course they were pot growers. My daughters were mortified, our dog got away, and we never visited again. I guess I should have known better.

[ally]

I guess I failed to mention that where I live, beautiful as it is, there are a lot of folks having indoor pot grows (actually kind of a joke around here). You know curtains always drawn, strangers coming and going that sort of thing. One time I walked my very young daughters to a neighbors home who I knew had a child the age of one of my daughters. Our dog came with and when their door opened a pit bull bolted out and clamped onto our poor dogs neck. What a scene that was and of course they were pot growers. My daughters were mortified, our dog got away, and we never visited again. I guess I should have known better.

Are you sure you don't live in Vancouver Grow op capital of Canada.

We had someone try that on our street but for some unkown reason , they decided it was best to find another location. Amazing what a little communication can do. I would not recommend it though unless there is plenty of back up or you happen to have some real bad asses as old friends .