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something I can't understand is, why do so many people try to help him when he clearly doesn't want help? I guess it's too much empathy.

On the other hand, some other people take this as sarcasm practice..which is attention nevertheless.

Edited by Chien Noir
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something I can't understand is, why do so many people try to help him when he clearly doesn't want help? I guess it's too much empathy.

On the other hand, some other people take this as sarcasm practice..which is attention nevertheless.

Now I look at it more as a laboratory study. Spats has become the board gerbil.

:P

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Rock, it's simple. spats doesnt want advice, he wants attention and he wants to have his obscure opinions justified. And people here are somehow giving him enough attention so he never shuts up and spreads into more and more topics.

I am not looking for attention at all. I am posting like everyone else. And i do want advice. And i have considered the advice that has been given. We are chatting back and forth. Everyone here stays away from topics they have no interest in. Including me.

The thread is about people's relationship situations or lack of.

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Here's my take on the "is Spats real?" question...

I really don't think Spats is a supertroll, it just doesn't fit. It's worked too perfectly if that's his plan. I mean, think of every troll you've ever encountered online. It's always the same, some turd who comes in, spouts off, pisses everyone off, and gets banned in no time. So under the "Spats is a troll" theory, he's the one guy who's managed to do it PERFECTLY: never gets out of hand or inappropriate, isn't so offensive that people tell him to screw off and never bother with him again. He annoys you just enough that you want to try and change his mind, and keeps everyone coming back again and again. He never gets mad or defiant, never trades insults. If he's a troll, then he's the one troll in the history of the internet that can keep his victims engaged for months, even years, on end, and keep everyone frustrated but not so frustrated that they go away or he gets banned. If it's a hoax, it's the best executed hoax I've ever seen, and the dude is just brilliant.

Thanks matt. I am not a troll at all and it's not a hoax. I am just being myself. Talking about my everyday life like everyone else. Sorry if that annoys. That's not the intention.

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Uhh.. no spats,.. I'd say you don't get it.

..at all. :rolleyes:

[Are you really this obtuse? :blink: ]

Allow me to clarify (not that I hold out any hope that you'll get it this time either): I didn't say the eyes or smile or whatever would be " the only thing" you found attractive; I was suggesting that a woman's eyes or hair or smile or any number of other features or characteristics (her laugh; the way she walks; the way she dresses; the way she dances; the sound of her voice; the way she smells; etc, etc, etc) can be the attraction that sparks an initial interest.. even if she is not necessarily someone you might consider "hot" at first glance.

Another thing you obviously have no clue about, spats, is that when you fall in love with someone, they are "hot" in your eyes.. even if you didn't find them hot upon "first impression", and even if no one else in the world considers them "hot". But don't pull a brain muscle trying to grasp that concept just yet, dude; you're waaaaaay too shallow and immature to to comprehend that at this point.

Maybe after you've had some therapy though.. ;)

:hippy:

Okay, i understand what you mean now. I can't relate to it though. I can just look at a girl and decide if i want to get to know her better or not. If i am not physically attracted to her then i just go about my business. Just the way i am. I have never gotten interested in a girl because of her laugh, the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she dances (you would be suprised how many women out at the clubs can't dance. :D ) or stuff like that.

And i definately agree with you that love is blind. Tons of examples of that.

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So a cool girl, according to you:

- would approach you

- would ask for your number/give you her number

- wouldn't want you to do anything you don't want to do, like go to weddings

- wouldn't expect you to open doors, or expect you to adhere to any "traditional gender roles"

- wouldn't want, or want to give, oral sex

-

-

-

Help me fill in the rest, Spats, I want to understand exactly what you want...

I consider a cool girl to a be a woman who will approach and ask for a number or give hers. I don't expect a woman to do it all the time. But one who will do it and does not have the old fashioned view that it's a man's job. A modern woman who does not believe in gender roles. Who doesn't want to be put on a pedestal. Or spoiled. because i am not doing that.

I consider a cool girl to be easygoing and not into drama or a roller coaster ride relationship. Who isn't possessive. Who does not not need to be attached at the hip with her boyfriend. Who will give you some space. All my buddies wives and girlfriends are into all of that. And it makes me not want it even more. Their women actually get mad if he does not argue with them!!! The women think it brings them closer together. That thinking is insane.

Who will respect my likes and dislikes. Who will not pressure me into doing things i am not comfortable doing. Who will let me be myself and not even attempt to change me. iwho can trust. Who won't be telling things about our relationship to her girlfriends. One of my buddies girlfriends told her girlfriends what their sex life was like. And it wasn't complimentary. Ugh.

That's some of what a consider a cool girl.

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If they have it set in stone that it's guy's job to approach and call then they are the one that isn't flexible.

The real question is.. are you able to be flexible enough to work around that issue?

The answer seems to be a resounding.. no, you're absolutely not.

Thats too bad too because it's an issue that, in the course of a courtship, comes up in the very beginning and then its over with.. forever. Never again is "approaching" or "making the first call" an issue with that person. You approach; you make the call; the two of you talk for awhile and maybe you agree to go on a date; the two of you then go on the date.. and you see what happens from there. Its elementary, my dear boy.

So what's the big deal? Why are so inflexible on this issue? I think your self-defeating rigidity is merely a cover excuse for your FEAR of approaching/calling a girl. You're not gonna get far in the world of relationships, spats, if FEAR is what dictates your every move.. or your every non-move as it may be in your case.

You best get into therapy pronto, bud,.. and work out your FEAR (and other) issues. ;)

:hippy:

spatstherapy.jpg

^_^

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I consider a cool girl to a be a woman who will approach and ask for a number or give hers. I don't expect a woman to do it all the time. But one who will do it and does not have the old fashioned view that it's a man's job. A modern woman who does not believe in gender roles. Who doesn't want to be put on a pedestal. Or spoiled. because i am not doing that.

I consider a cool girl to be easygoing and not into drama or a roller coaster ride relationship. Who isn't possessive. Who does not not need to be attached at the hip with her boyfriend. Who will give you some space. All my buddies wives and girlfriends are into all of that. And it makes me not want it even more. Their women actually get mad if he does not argue with them!!! The women think it brings them closer together. That thinking is insane.

Who will respect my likes and dislikes. Who will not pressure me into doing things i am not comfortable doing. Who will let me be myself and not even attempt to change me. iwho can trust. Who won't be telling things about our relationship to her girlfriends. One of my buddies girlfriends told her girlfriends what their sex life was like. And it wasn't complimentary. Ugh.

That's some of what a consider a cool girl.

I've never posted in this thread, but....

At the risk of being flamed....

What's so wrong with that?

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The real question is.. are you able to be flexible enough to work around that issue?

The answer seems to be a resounding.. no, you're absolutely not.

Thats too bad too because it's an issue that, in the course of a courtship, comes up in the very beginning and then its over with.. forever. Never again is "approaching" or "making the first call" an issue with that person. You approach; you make the call; the two of you talk for awhile and maybe you agree to go on a date; the two of you then go on the date.. and you see what happens from there. Its elementary, my dear boy.

So what's the big deal? Why are so inflexible on this issue? I think your self-defeating rigidity is merely a cover excuse for your FEAR of approaching/calling a girl. You're not gonna get far in the world of relationships, spats, if FEAR is what dictates your every move.. or your every non-move as it may be in your case.

You best get into therapy pronto, bud,.. and work out your FEAR (and other) issues. ;)

:hippy:

spatstherapy.jpg

^_^

But will it really end at the beginning. I can see it spreading to the rest of the realtionship. I don't think she will be old fashioned in one aspect but modern in everything else. If she wants me to to the approaching, the calling, the pursuing, then she will likely expect me to be opening doors, getting flowers, letting her go first in everything (ladies first!!), taking her out to dinner, and that will move on to expecting me to buy and engagment ring and expecting me to get down on my knee and proposing and the list goes on.

I don't want an old fashioned girl. Because i am not old fashioned.

I am not afraid to approach. Again, i am just a complete failure at it. And can see the rejection coming a mile away.I wish i had whatever it is that my buddies have because they rarely get rejected. Whether it's charisma (one of my buddies would remind you a little of Vince Vaughn and women love him) or whatever. You would think it would rub off on me.

Edited by spats
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But will it really end at the beginning. I can see it spreading to the rest of the realtionship. I don't think she will be old fashioned in one aspect but modern in everything else. If she wants me to to the approaching, the calling, the pursuing, then she will likely expect me to be opening doors, getting flowers, letting her go first in everything (ladies first!!), taking her out to dinner, and that will move on to expecting me to buy and engagment ring and expecting me to get down on my knee and proposing and the list goes on.

In other words, a normal woman.

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I've never posted in this thread, but....

At the risk of being flamed....

What's so wrong with that?

On the surface, Spats' list isn't so wrong, but it's his deeper definition of those things that differs from 99.99% of the population. Take the "won't make me do things I'm uncomfortable with". You read that and think "yeah, what's wrong with that?" Sure, but let's look at what Spats means by that. Take the wedding issue (again). Spats doesn't like going to weddings. Fine, lots of people don't, but rather than go because it's the right thing to do, Spats just doesn't want to do it at all, and can't understand why a significant other would want him to. Can you imagine this exchange?:

"Spats, my sister is getting married on June 10, so we're gonna...."

"We? I'm not going"

"What do you mean you're not going?"

"I don't like going to weddings"

"So you're not going to go with me to my sister's wedding?"

"If you were cool, you wouldn't make me do something I don't like to do. You can go alone, you don't need me to have fun."

"Bye Spats"

That's what's so wrong with that.

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But will it really end at the beginning. I can see it spreading to the rest of the realtionship. I don't think she will be old fashioned in one aspect but modern in everything else. If she wants me to to the approaching, the calling, the pursuing, then she will likely expect me to be opening doors, getting flowers, letting her go first in everything (ladies first!!), taking her out to dinner, and that will move on to expecting me to buy and engagment ring and expecting me to get down on my knee and proposing and the list goes on.

I don't want an old fashioned girl. Because i am not old fashioned.

I am not afraid to approach. Again, i am just a complete failure at it. And can see the rejection coming a mile away.

Opening doors and all that are simply nice things to do, spats.

They require very little of you, and they show that you care.

Why make such a huge friggin deal over it, for cryin out loud? :rolleyes:

Fwiw,.. your attitude makes you come across like this (to me):

"I'm not gonna do it! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not! And you can't make me! tantrum.gifbaby_boy.gif "

I wouldn't doubt it if thats how you come across to women too. Is that really what you want?

Maybe some day you'll discover that there's joy to found in opening doors for your beloved.. and in buying her flowers, and taking her out to dinner,.. and all that. Maybe some day you'll realize that opening doors for your beloved is not a burden, its actually a privilege.. and you can make it a lovingly-offered gesture of affection.

And just so you know,.. you're not fooling anyone. Its quite obvious that your "I don't like old fashioned" excuse is just that.. an excuse.. a tired, stale, going-nowhere hamster-wheel of an excuse. And your denial of being afraid is just that.. a self-deluding denial. If you're ever gonna make any progress in the arena of relationships, at some point you'll need to face up to the fact that you are afraid.

You're afraid of failure.

You're afraid of rejection.

You're afraid of the feelings that come along failure and rejection. You know,.. the self-doubt and self-loathing.. the feeling of being deeply flawed and unloveable.. the hopelessness and despair. All that emotional stuff. You're not alone in having those feelings. Its deep, dark stuff, and thats why people avoid acknowledging it, let alone actually looking directly at it and actually delving into it. People avoid it at almost at all cost. But it doesn't have to be that way.

The good news is that rejection (and other feelings that come along with rejection) can't kill you. Rejection hurts (emotionally), but it can't actually harm you. You can survive it, and you can move forward.. again, and again, and again. Eventually you'll approach someone who won't immediately reject you. Maybe she'll recognize your sensitivity and will give getting to know you a chance. But one thing is for sure: if you don't ever try, you won't ever succeed. And if you plan on waiting for the right girl to approach you, you might as well plan on waiting a long time. Insecurity is not going to draw anyone to you. Its a simple fact that you're gonna have to learn to get comfortable with yourself.. with who you are.. flaws and all.. before you can expect anyone else might feel spontaneously drawn to you. A general acceptance of oneself.. flaws/quirks and all.. is attractive; insecurity is not.

If you're talking to some girl and you launch into some tirade about how she better not expect you to ever open doors for her, or buy her flowers, or take her out to dinner.. then you might as well not even bother to start the conversation. Even modern, independent women enjoy those things. You might wanna rethink your perspective.. develop some flexibility.. and remind yourself that its a privilege to have someone that you can show your affection to in those myriad small and simple ways.

I've been teasing you aplenty throughout this thread, but I've also been offering up sincere input, feedback, and suggestions. I reiterate what I think would be the most helpful thing you can do for yourself: go see a therapist and start working on these issues.

the%20doctor%20is%20in.jpg

Good luck, dog. erm,.. bud. ;) / ^_^

:hippy:

[fyi, I'm not actually suggesting you see a psychiatrist,but rather a therapist/counselor. ;) ]

Edited by Hermit
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The real question is.. are you able to be flexible enough to work around that issue?

The answer seems to be a resounding.. no, you're absolutely not.

Thats too bad too because it's an issue that, in the course of a courtship, comes up in the very beginning and then its over with.. forever. Never again is "approaching" or "making the first call" an issue with that person. You approach; you make the call; the two of you talk for awhile and maybe you agree to go on a date; the two of you then go on the date.. and you see what happens from there. Its elementary, my dear boy.

So what's the big deal? Why are so inflexible on this issue? I think your self-defeating rigidity is merely a cover excuse for your FEAR of approaching/calling a girl. You're not gonna get far in the world of relationships, spats, if FEAR is what dictates your every move.. or your every non-move as it may be in your case.

You best get into therapy pronto, bud,.. and work out your FEAR (and other) issues. ;)

:hippy:

spatstherapy.jpg

^_^

Hey Mittens, What do you have against Dogs?

Spats is more like a Crustacean that is at the mercy of being crushed by any beauty.

2284886500_f7be40bc10_o.jpg

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Spats,

Have you considered an alternative lifestyle? Just a thought.

JT

:D

Hermit, good advice, though you might as well have been giving it to my cat.

:lol:

Hey Mittens, What do you have against Dogs?

Spats is more like a Crustacean that is at the mercy of being crushed by any beauty.

2284886500_f7be40bc10_o.jpg

:hysterical:

Will my amusement never end? ^_^

:beer:

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