Death

[Storm]

My mother died when I was 3.

[ally]

It's an interesting subject. I'm curious as to how people react differently to losing their a mom as opposed to losing their father. Not sure if it's the same for everyone but for me, the difference was huge. I felt a significant difference..maybe because of my age... I feel somewhat guilty for feeling so. BTW, loved them both and wouldn't have traded either of them for all the tea in China

Edited July 24, 2010 by ally

[ledzepfvr]

It's an interesting subject. I'm curious as to how people react differently to losing their a mom as opposed to losing their father. Not sure if it's the same for everyone but for me, the difference was huge. I felt a significant difference..maybe because of my age... I feel somewhat guilty for feeling so. BTW, loved them both and wouldn't have traded either of them for all the tea in China

Greif one feels for the loss of a loved one is based on the dynamics of the relationship. Both parents lend their

individual aspects of raising children but mom is the grounding glue that keeps the family intact.

My mom is still alive but when my grandmother died it was like losing a parent as she had raised me the first 10 years of my life. And I felt a bit of guilt when she passed as I knew she was old and not long for living, so I had made arrangements to go see her. I postponed it for a month and 3 days before my trip she passed away. I am sure my uncle felt guilt also as she lived with him and he was away on vacation when she died.

When my step dad died, everyone knew his end was imminent. He spent 10 years slowly suffocating from the ravages of emphysyma and was very tired of the fight. Fortunatly, I got to say goodby and thank him for being there in my difficult teenage years. While I was sad that he was no longer with us, I was glad that he was no longer suffering from the disease.

[silvermedalist]

Greif one feels for the loss of a loved one is based on the dynamics of the relationship. Both parents lend their

individual aspects of raising children but mom is the grounding glue that keeps the family intact.

My mom is still alive but when my grandmother died it was like losing a parent as she had raised me the first 10 years of my life. And I felt a bit of guilt when she passed as I knew she was old and not long for living, so I had made arrangements to go see her. I postponed it for a month and 3 days before my trip she passed away. I am sure my uncle felt guilt also as she lived with him and he was away on vacation when she died.

When my step dad died, everyone knew his end was imminent. He spent 10 years slowly suffocating from the ravages of emphysyma and was very tired of the fight. Fortunatly, I got to say goodby and thank him for being there in my difficult teenage years. While I was sad that he was no longer with us, I was glad that he was no longer suffering from the disease.

I can relate ledzepfvr. My step father passed away with accute luekemia after a 5 year battle. I never could really tell him things that needed to be said. I just could not bring myself to do it. I guess its very different dealing with grief based on the situation. Very different with someone that has a terminal illness than someone that choses a fast exit for themselves. One would be viewed as tough and couragous and the other as selfish and cowerdly. But it is still sad to lose someone no matter the circumstances. Wish many more had your insight and smarts!

[ledzepfvr]

I can relate ledzepfvr. My step father passed away with accute luekemia after a 5 year battle. I never could really tell him things that needed to be said. I just could not bring myself to do it. I guess its very different dealing with grief based on the situation. Very different with someone that has a terminal illness than someone that choses a fast exit for themselves. One would be viewed as tough and couragous and the other as selfish and cowerdly. But it is still sad to lose someone no matter the circumstances. Wish many more had your insight and smarts!

My prospectives are from a womans point of view, and as you guys know we like to talk about our "feelings". Guys find it a bit more difficult in that area. My hubby chose to stay away when his mother was dying because he couldn't face her deterioration from cancer and have his memory intact of when she was healty. To spend time with her during that time would have been more for her to share thoughts and feelings. I was disappointed that he chose that path but it was his choice. He would probably be mad that I shared this but this will soon be lost in the pages of the threads.

[silvermedalist]

My prospectives are from a womans point of view, and as you guys know we like to talk about our "feelings". Guys find it a bit more difficult in that area. My hubby chose to stay away when his mother was dying because he couldn't face her deterioration from cancer and have his memory intact of when she was healty. To spend time with her during that time would have been more for her to share thoughts and feelings. I was disappointed that he chose that path but it was his choice. He would probably be mad that I shared this but this will soon be lost in the pages of the threads.

Sometimes its serves one very well, almost as a type of self therapy if you will, to be able to share these thoughts with someone else that can relate. Its not like you are doing anything wrong or deceptive. I am kind of in the same situation with my wife. She would not approve of me sharing the situation regarding her sister here either.

[Levee]

I think it is important to talk about it.

They used to say "The only thing for certain in life is death and taxes"

I come from a family of 11, my dad passed when I was 15. The older children in the house kind of bailed out and I found myself the "Man" of the house, I don't blame the older ones, everyone deals with death in their own way.My family is so big that a lot of the older ones were already out making lifes and families.

I did find my self developing a sense of humour at an eary age, you have to get that grief out any way you can, I found that out the hard way. Keeping it inside will just eat you up.I'm from the same age group as ledzepfvr, and it is very hard when the phone rings and this one is gone and that one is very ill.But, as they say "life goes on......."

You just half to find a happy medium and try and find a way to deal with it, because we all know that life is worth living, and living it to it's fullest.

So in the spirit of that, lets all raise our glasses to the ones we've loved and lost.

And in the spitit of humor, meaning no disrespect to anyone, I'm going to change that old saying to "The only thing for certain in life is death and taxes......and talk of a possible Zeppelin reunion"

[gina62]

I can relate ledzepfvr. My step father passed away with accute luekemia after a 5 year battle. I never could really tell him things that needed to be said. I just could not bring myself to do it. I guess its very different dealing with grief based on the situation. Very different with someone that has a terminal illness than someone that choses a fast exit for themselves. One would be viewed as tough and couragous and the other as selfish and cowerdly. But it is still sad to lose someone no matter the circumstances. Wish many more had your insight and smarts!

sometimes I think fathers just know, they know you love them without saying so. I love mine very much and its hard for me to tell him without choking up. All us kids four of us have that problem but we know he knows without saying. We do end up telling him in our own way.

[zdr]

Some humor is needed in a death thread too (I think)

Edited July 26, 2010 by zdr

[Gospel Zone]

Was it the Indians who used to say; "It's a good day to be alive.....it's a good day to die".?

[ally]

sometimes I think fathers just know, they know you love them without saying so. I love mine very much and its hard for me to tell him without choking up. All us kids four of us have that problem but we know he knows without saying. We do end up telling him in our own way.

I think you're right Gina. For my generation and older generations at least, dads role seems to have always been that of bread winner and when he's had a few ....money lender . Seriously though, I think mom is who most kids gravitate to and it's usually not till kids get a little older ( boys at least ) that they actually feel they can talk with dad about life etc. Maybe that's because most men see the world from a more pragmatic point of view and not many fathers are very good at hiding that.

[ledzepfvr]

Some humor is needed in a death thread too (I think)

I've pondered some of that same stuff myself from time to time.

[spidersandsnakes]

No-one should be afraid of death...it's merely the natural progression of life. An old proverb goes like this: "It's the living we should be scared of, NOT the dead"!

Edited July 27, 2010 by spidersandsnakes

[redrum]

That's wonderful

As far as I know he's still sober. I lost touch with him but he had moved to the foothills of California and was still working for a concrete cutting company and had bought a new Harley.

[redrum]

My mother died when I was 3.

[Magenta]

My father passed away when I was 16, he was 55.

My uncle passed away when I was 4.

I lost one grandma when I was 13, and other passed away last year.

[redrum]

I saw death firsthand one time on a demolition job we did in San Francisco and it involved my friend John. He was working up on the roof and they were tearing down the elevator motor room which had concrete covered beams. Well, for some reason one of the young laborers on the job decided to take a short cut to the roof area and he ignored the danger tape that was across the door to the elevator room and when he went in that was when my friend John cut the beam loose and it dropped right on the guy. It was a cold December day I'll never forget and the kid also had a couple of his brothers working with him. It was a very sad scene and I think the worst part was seeing his sheet covered body being taken down by the crane. I actually don't even like to think about it.

My friend John was really shaken by it all and he took off for about a month but later came back to work.

[silvermedalist]

I look in the obits this morning and there is an old friend at 55 he dies suddenly. I worked with him for years. I have a list so long of the friends I have lost. So I guess I should count my blessings that I am still here. Many of them are not. It says suddenly. Always leaves you in suspense. I have not seen him in a while so its now the decision of whether to go to the calling? Its an awkward feeling when you dont know the surviviors like you knew the one that passed.

[ledzepfvr]

I look in the obits this morning and there is an old friend at 55 he dies suddenly. I worked with him for years. I have a list so long of the friends I have lost. So I guess I should count my blessings that I am still here. Many of them are not. It says suddenly. Always leaves you in suspense. I have not seen him in a while so its now the decision of whether to go to the calling? Its an awkward feeling when you dont know the surviviors like you knew the one that passed.

I think as we all get older that list starts to grow more than we like and makes you wonder when, where and how your own time may come. Going to services can be about supporting the survivors but it is also about you paying last respects to someone who was a part of you life for awhile. The decision is yours, but if you feel the pull to go, you should. Better than questioning yourself later when the opportunity has passed.

Edited August 29, 2010 by ledzepfvr

[manderlyh]

I read the news this morning. On a "breaking news" update on a local channel, it listed one of my sister's teacher's kids as a victim of a car crash into a reservoir. Three died. He died from blunt force trauma, the other two (women) drowned. A fourth person was life-flighted to the local trauma center.

Sad. He was 25, (the youngest), the others ranged from 26-34.

[silvermedalist]

I read the news this morning. On a "breaking news" update on a local channel, it listed one of my sister's teacher's kids as a victim of a car crash into a reservoir. Three died. He died from blunt force trauma, the other two (women) drowned. A fourth person was life-flighted to the local trauma center.

Sad. He was 25, (the youngest), the others ranged from 26-34.

Very sorry to hear this. And good advice Marge, just dont know what Ill do? I dont know who will be there, and I think some former workers that I dont especially care to see. I just dont know. thanks for advice and sorry about the tragedy Manerlyh

[JethroTull]

Some sad stories here. It's amazing how the death of one person can sometimes throw an entire family into chaos.

I'm always reading obituaries. It's interesting to see how people die and also how old they were.

Starting in 1965, when I was 10 years old and continuing for about 10 years, my family lost a lot of people. Two grandmothers, a step grandfather, 2 aunts, 1 uncle. 4 plus, more distant relatives also died.

A grandfather died in 1928, hence the step grandfather.

Now my wife's family has been losing a lot of people. Currently our 20 year old niece is battling brain cancer.

There is a great old song by George Harrison called

"The Art of Dying"

There'll come a time when all of us must leave here

Then nothing Sister Mary can do

Will keep me here with you

As nothing in this life that I've been trying

Could equal or surpass the art of dying

Do you believe me?

There'll come a time when all your hopes are fading

When things that seemed so very plain

Become an awful pain

Searching for the truth among the lying

And answered when you've learned the art of dying

But you're still with me

But if you want it

Then you must find it

But when you have it

There'll be no need for it

There'll come a time when most of us return here

Brought back by our desire to be

A perfect entity

Living through a million years of crying

Until you've realized the art of dying

Do you believe me?

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/g/george+harrison/#share

Edited August 30, 2010 by JethroTull

[Kiwi_Zep_Fan87]

I am 22 years old but believe me, I have thought about it! I lost my grandad (from my mother's side), my great aunt and my great-grandmother to cancer. This was all in a span of 2 years! Hell, I almost lost my mom at the age 14 on account of a horrible accident! That was one of the most traumatic phases in my life! As they say : "Time And Tide Wait For No Man". For me, I have accepted the fact that death is something inevitable. Its going to happen sometime. Am I scared? You bet I am! But I do keep telling myself that it is a part and parcel of the game of life!

[TypeO]

My dad died when I was 29 - it's so weird when I realize it's been 21 years.

My mom is now 88, and has Alzheimer's.

She's been in a facility for a few years now, and it's been like a slow death, because you continue to realize that she won't ever "get better".

Having come to terms with that, a few weeks ago she fell and broke her hip.

Suddenly all the death thoughts were right in my face.

I used my wife's free flight benefits to fly down for a couple days, if for no other reason than to see her once more.

She was barely conscious the entire time (heavily sedated/pain control), and as with the last few times I've been to see her, she never really recognized me.

After her surgery (as so often happens), she developed pneumonia.

My brothers stayed with her round the clock for a couple days, as my brother said, didn't want her to die alone.

Incredibly, after a couple days my brother calls and says he went out of the room for a few minutes, and when he came back, she was awake and talking to her.

He was able to feed her, give her something to drink, etc.

So now she's slightly better, though hardly out of the woods.

But it's definitely been the proverbial roller coaster.

On the one hand, at 88 it's hard to feel cheated - that's a good run, and I should be so lucky to make it to 88.

But on the other hand, there's the inevitable feeling of loss whenever she does die.

I guess what I'm getting at is just when I was mentally prepared for the slow, drawn-out death she was facing with the Alzheimer's, the fall brought back the element of unexpected death.

I guess you're never really ready.

[silvermedalist]

My dad died when I was 29 - it's so weird when I realize it's been 21 years.

My mom is now 88, and has Alzheimer's.

She's been in a facility for a few years now, and it's been like a slow death, because you continue to realize that she won't ever "get better".

Having come to terms with that, a few weeks ago she fell and broke her hip.

Suddenly all the death thoughts were right in my face.

I used my wife's free flight benefits to fly down for a couple days, if for no other reason than to see her once more.

She was barely conscious the entire time (heavily sedated/pain control), and as with the last few times I've been to see her, she never really recognized me.

After her surgery (as so often happens), she developed pneumonia.

My brothers stayed with her round the clock for a couple days, as my brother said, didn't want her to die alone.

Incredibly, after a couple days my brother calls and says he went out of the room for a few minutes, and when he came back, she was awake and talking to her.

He was able to feed her, give her something to drink, etc.

So now she's slightly better, though hardly out of the woods.

But it's definitely been the proverbial roller coaster.

On the one hand, at 88 it's hard to feel cheated - that's a good run, and I should be so lucky to make it to 88.

But on the other hand, there's the inevitable feeling of loss whenever she does die.

I guess what I'm getting at is just when I was mentally prepared for the slow, drawn-out death she was facing with the Alzheimer's, the fall brought back the element of unexpected death.

I guess you're never really ready.

My grandmother went through very similiar. Its very tough to go in there and see it. I dont know how those poeple can do it for a liiving. I certainly give them alof of respect. I see alot of the elderly break their hips and the sad thing is they cant even operate on them to do a replacement as they would never survive the surgery. good luck and sorry to hear about you losing your father at such a young age. I never knew mine and it was for the better.