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Scooped this off Facebook - way funny.

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. That’s enough, Nickelback.

7. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

11. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.

23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

24.How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

33. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

34. Bad decisions make good stories

35. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

36. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier and sluttier every year?

37. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

38. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

39. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

41. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

42. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to

43. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

44. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

45. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

46. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

47. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

48. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

49. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

50. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

51. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

52. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

53. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

54. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.

55. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

56. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

57. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

58. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

59. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

60. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

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61. People that quote an entire post on a message board, especially when theirs is only the second post in the thread.

If you want to criticise the way I post, at least have the decency to quote my so called "offending" post directly. Thanks. By the way, this is a part of the notion of "forum etiquette" which you seem so concerned about!

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62. Certain posters on message boards who make complete fools of themselves by throwing their weight about trying to intimidate other members and who don't give a rat's ass about anyone! :lol:

63. Posters on message boards who choose to upload extremely offensive and ugly looking avatars! :hysterical:

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If you want to criticise the way I post, at least have the decency to quote my so called "offending" post directly. Thanks. By the way, this is a part of the notion of "forum etiquette" which you seem so concerned about!

My comment wasn't just directed at you but to others who also quote an entire post when replying to it when it isn't necessary. Now you know.

62. Certain posters on message boards who make complete fools of themselves by throwing their weight about trying to intimidate other members and who don't give a rat's ass about anyone! :lol:

I really don't have any "weight" to throw around. Just making a point that should be obvious to others but evidently isn't. Why would someone want to read that same post over again (or have to scroll past it), especially when it's the very first post in the thread to start with?

63. Posters on message boards who choose to upload extremely offensive and ugly looking avatars! :hysterical:

Now, that's no way to talk about Johnny Cash. I'm sure June Carter would vehemently disagree.

63. People that upload the same exact video in no less than two threads.

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You're right! This is really funny! :lol: I can completely relate to some of these thoughts (especially, number 5)! Thanks for posting! :thumbsup:

I can relate to that one too Kiwi, that whole getting lost when you're supposed to know where you're going thing! That happens to me too often, my sense of direction is terrible! :D I usually have a rummage around in my handbag while slyly changing direction, that way I avoid eye contact with everyone around me! ;)

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These especially! :lol:

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that youre going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks youre crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. Thats enough, Nickelback.

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

24.How many times is it appropriate to say What? before you just nod and smile because you still didnt hear what they said?

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using as in examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my bosss last name to an attorney and said Yes thats G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I dont want to have to restart my collection.

42. Im always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to

48. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when its on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

57. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

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I can relate to that one too Kiwi, that whole getting lost when you're supposed to know where you're going thing! That happens to me too often, my sense of direction is terrible! :D I usually have a rummage around in my handbag while slyly changing direction, that way I avoid eye contact with everyone around me! ;)

LOL! Yeah! My dad always says that my sense of direction is terrible! :lol: And I usually pretend to use my ipod or I pretend to text someone to avoid any eye contact from folks who think I'm nuts walking along the same old street again! :lol:

I wonder if anyone has had a situation where they actually drove their car along the wrong way in a "one way" street! :lol: Hasn't happened to me yet but, I think it actually might! :lol:

I do wonder whether has anyone actually gotten a ticket for going too slow? :lol: Talk about life in the "fast lane" :lol:

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64. Posters who take a bit of fun and turn it into a BIG STICK to bash other posters :huh:

Well, I agree with your point, Fool! I can rather relate to it! :unsure:

I think this is rather appropriate in this context :lol:

6AC56591.jpg

I do wish I had a t-shirt with this lovely slogan! :lol:

:P

Somehow, I just couldn't help myself! :lol:

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Hi Kiwi, would make quite a nice t-shirt , let us know if you track one down :lol:

Hi Fool! :D

Well, yesterday, I found this pretty cool website where they let consumers create their own t-shirt! Gosh! I have never been this excited in my life! :lol: I think I'll get down to actually making one with that slogan one of these days! :lol: And my t-shirt will be delivered to me within 36 hours! Can't wait! :lol:

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Hi Fool! :D

Well, yesterday, I found this pretty cool website where they let consumers create their own t-shirt! Gosh! I have never been this excited in my life! :lol: I think I'll get down to actually making one with that slogan one of these days! :lol: And my t-shirt will be delivered to me within 36 hours! Can't wait! :lol:

Hi Kiwi,:wave:

go for it then post a picture of yourself in that cool design B)

I am always amazed at the Internet, it seems no matter what you are looking for on matter how obscure you can find it.:lol:

:yourock:

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Hi Kiwi,:wave:

go for it then post a picture of yourself in that cool design B)

I am always amazed at the Internet, it seems no matter what you are looking for on matter how obscure you can find it.:lol:

:yourock:

Hi Fool! :wave:

You bet, I will! :D I'm sure that t-shirt will make quite a statement! :lol:

The internet is indeed a wonderful thing! :D

BTW, since it's the New Year, I have changed my old signature here into a rather iconic one! :lol:

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