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silvermedalist

How to keep your wife/signifigant other happy?

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Things can be going great and along comes a financial problem, the car needs a major repair, or something around the house needs fixing and I cant screw in a light bulb. Or along comes this thing called menopause to really derail things. I want to scream sometimes. Or just jump. :wall: Now I have a big wedding coming up. My 27 year old daughter will be married in 11 days. We have waited for this moment forever it seems. And then a trip to Cape Cod that I am really hoping goes well. Everything must be good. The food , the wine, the room, the sex. ha. If I am lucky. Any secrets out there other than the old buying flowers? I mean flowers seem to work with some wormen. Mne included. But for how long? Between my physical problems and some of hers it can be stessfull. And when you are on your second marriage and have children from another partner from a previous life gone bad, it complicates things even more. Is anyone out there ever in similiear circumstrances? Or am I the only soul on Earth that has to deal with the stress of trying to keep things passionate and bending over backwards to keep her happy? for the most part she is. But there are times that test our resolve. I have the air conditioning on. When she gets home I hope I dont get my ass chewed out. Its borderline hot enough. I am one that likes air and she does not. I wish I was this lazy cat laying next to me on the couch. Not a care in the world.

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Good luck. I don't give advice. You're on your own, like everybody else. ;)

However, the idea of one person 'keeping' another happy is effed up.

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the idea of one person 'keeping' another happy is effed up.

True dat!

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I think at some point in life, you just have to realize it's better to let things go. Pick your battles? Or raise the white flag and surrender permanently. I choose not to surrender but unless it's something that fundamentally challenges you as a human being.............just let it go. Weddings are stressful things as it is and if things aren't going well it just magnifies the bad. Hopefully for your and your wifes sake it'll be a fun time and you'll both have new shared memories that'll help you along.

Really though, let the small stuff go. They're not as important as you probably think they are anyway. Trust me on that one. If you don't and her resentment kicks in? Well, I hope that never happens to you.

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I've been married a long time. My quote pretty much sums up my view on things:

"Aimer, ce n'est pas se regarder l'un l'autre, c'est regarder ensemble dans la même direction".

("Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.")

— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The important thing is that you have a solid foundation and shared goals and values. The "romance" part is nice, but that's not what makes a relationship solid or holds it together when the going gets tough.

FWIW, coming home and finding him making dinner, or cleaning my car would be waaaay better than flowers or jewelry ;)

Planted, I love your quote too; that's my other favorite :)

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If you need to "keep" someone happy, they aren't worth the trouble. My parents have been married 38 years, and neither one of them go to outrageous lengths to make the other person happy. They do the little things, and that's more than enough. It'll be hot outside, so when my dad gets back from mowing their lawn, she'll have a cold bottle of beer or water waiting for him. He'll make dinner one night so she doesn't have to stand over a hot stove when it's 100 degrees outside. Nothing too dramatic or OTT, but enough that other person feels appreciated.

If being yourself is not enough, the problem doesn't lie with you.

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If you need to "keep" someone happy, they aren't worth the trouble. My parents have been married 38 years, and neither one of them go to outrageous lengths to make the other person happy. They do the little things, and that's more than enough. It'll be hot outside, so when my dad gets back from mowing their lawn, she'll have a cold bottle of beer or water waiting for him. He'll make dinner one night so she doesn't have to stand over a hot stove when it's 100 degrees outside. Nothing too dramatic or OTT, but enough that other person feels appreciated.

If being yourself is not enough, the problem doesn't lie with you.

You some it up perfectly Liz, but one should always do the outragious once in a while just to keep the other one on ones toes. ;)

Regards, Danny

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I think at some point in life, you just have to realize it's better to let things go. Pick your battles? Or raise the white flag and surrender permanently. I choose not to surrender but unless it's something that fundamentally challenges you as a human being.............just let it go. Weddings are stressful things as it is and if things aren't going well it just magnifies the bad. Hopefully for your and your wifes sake it'll be a fun time and you'll both have new shared memories that'll help you along.

Really though, let the small stuff go. They're not as important as you probably think they are anyway. Trust me on that one. If you don't and her resentment kicks in? Well, I hope that never happens to you.

You mean resentment by the current wife or ex wife or both? Ha. The ex wife and I are not on good terms. Civil lately only because of the upcoming wedding. That will not last long. More legal shit to deal with one last time. As for the current, just got into a fight with her over her daughter;s boyfriend. Its always something.

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You mean resentment by the current wife or ex wife or both? Ha. The ex wife and I are not on good terms. Civil lately only because of the upcoming wedding. That will not last long. More legal shit to deal with one last time. As for the current, just got into a fight with her over her daughter;s boyfriend. Its always something.

Hi Silver,

Can't you pop a cap in her arse? :o;):lol:

Kind Regards, Danny

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You don't need to "keep" someone happy, because in the end every individual is responsible for the own happiness, but doing small things to help make your spouses life easier helps to make a happy home. The more you do for them, ideally the more they will do for you. And remember that a marriage means you are on the same team, same goals. As has been stated, choose the battles and let others roll off your back. In a week, a month, a year, will you really remember what some of that bickering is about. You see something needs to be done and it bothers you, just do it. Don't expect or assume the other will do it. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with the domestic stuff, I think, if my hubby wern't here, I'd be doing it anyway plus alot more.

As for the menopause, well, good luck. Every woman has a different experience. Some not so bad, some bad, some hellish. All I can say is to be understanding, it's a normal part of a womans life. And hopefully she would be understanding of your health issues.

Having a blended family can be difficult. We had his, mine and ours. Got though it as the kids are all grown now and pretty much on their own. But it did help that the ex's were on good terms most of the time, which is best for the kids. There is a light at the end of that tunnel and then the two of you can focus on each other.

The stress of the wedding and it's planning is diffucult, but in the midst of the celebration, you will see happiness and joy and feel that it was worth it. And then it's done, history.

Good luck.

Edited by ledzepfvr

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You don't need to "keep" someone happy, because in the end every individual is responsible for the own happiness, but doing small things to help make your spouses life easier helps to make a happy home. The more you do for them, ideally the more they will do for you. And remember that a marriage means you are on the same team, same goals. As has been stated, choose the battles and let others roll off your back. In a week, a month, a year, will you really remember what some of that bickering is about. You see something needs to be done and it bothers you, just do it. Don't expect or assume the other will do it. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with the domestic stuff, I think, if my hubby wern't here, I'd be doing it anyway plus alot more.

As for the menopause, well, good luck. Every woman has a different experience. Some not so bad, some bad, some hellish. All I can say is to be understanding, it's a normal part of a womans life. And hopefully she would be understanding of your health issues.

Having a blended family can be difficult. We had his, mine and ours. Got though it as the kids are all grown now and pretty much on their own. But it did help that the ex's were on good terms most of the time, which is best for the kids. There is a light at the end of that tunnel and then the two of you can focus on each other.

The stress of the wedding and it's planning is diffucult, but in the midst of the celebration, you will see happiness and joy and feel that it was worth it. And then it's done, history.

Good luck.

Thanks Marge. Your husband is a lucky guy to have someone as caring and as intelligent as you. I have always known the biggest problem in our marriage is her daughter who is under our roof. My daughters are 27 and 24. My oldest, a Syracuse grad like her fiance, will be married in 11 days. My youngest graduates from nursing school in August. Our health problems have not helped. I feel bad for my wife as she has just undergone tests like an endoscopy, ultrasound and radiation test on her gall bladder. She has major gastrointestinal problems and to make matters worse a rare eye condition . My problem is all back. Lower. Pain. I do look forward to the wedding. My daughter is going to Italy for honeymoon Hell, she has been to Brazil three times, Chicago twice, Las Vegas, Martha's Vineyard twice and all in the last six months!! Unreal. Life in the fast lane for sure. Anyway, sometimes I wish her daughter would move out with her boyfriend who she has been with a while now and its heating up. she has always been a bitch to me. A little better lately. Very complicated. I have bent over backwards for her. Life goes on. Sometimes a place like this is good. You can talk to people who can look at things from an outside persepective. True not always in a caring way, but usually in an honest and insightull way. In your case caring, and intelligent advice. Thanks again.

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A few of my long-married female friends say that the things their husbands to that make them the happiest are the little things, so Liz is right.

Some of the things my friends have said that they LOVE it when their husbands do are things like doing an extra chore that you don't normally do (like doing the dishes after dinner every once in a while if you don't normally do them; folding and putting the laundry away before she has a chance to do so, start dinner, etc.). In my house, I do most of the housework, and that's been our agreement, since he pays most of the household bills (he makes more $, and esp. in the summer, since I have about two months off), but like today, when I got home and the lawn was weed-wacked AND mowed, I can tell you I was a happy girl!

Though I'm not married, I have been with my partner for over ten years now, and in my house, we also have this thing where we do the "I'll pat your back if you pat mine:" if I"m up and he needs another beer/water/bowl of chips, etc., I can't complain about it if he asks me to get them for him. In return, I'm allowed to do the same. I've grown so accustomed to this, I sometimes forget that my sisters and mother and I don't have this same arrangement. My mom actually scolded me for asking him to get me a drink while she was visiting a few days ago--she didn't happen to see me do the same for him the night before. ;)

Edited by manderlyh

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Mrs Ally say's that the key to our marriage is that when she get's home from work, I'm not there ;)

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Mrs Ally say's that the key to our marriage is that when she get's home from work, I'm not there ;)

That's what "Mr. Manderlyh" says too. ;)

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A few of my long-married female friends say that the things their husbands to that make them the happiest are the little things, so Liz is right.

Some of the things my friends have said that they LOVE it when their husbands do are things like doing an extra chore that you don't normally do (like doing the dishes after dinner every once in a while if you don't normally do them; folding and putting the laundry away before she has a chance to do so, start dinner, etc.). In my house, I do most of the housework, and that's been our agreement, since he pays most of the household bills (he makes more $, and esp. in the summer, since I have about two months off), but like today, when I got home and the lawn was weed-wacked AND mowed, I can tell you I was a happy girl!

Though I'm not married, I have been with my partner for over ten years now, and in my house, we also have this thing where we do the "I'll pat your back if you pat mine:" if I"m up and he needs another beer/water/bowl of chips, etc., I can't complain about it if he asks me to get them for him. In return, I'm allowed to do the same. I've grown so accustomed to this, I sometimes forget that my sisters and mother and I don't have this same arrangement. My mom actually scolded me for asking him to get me a drink while she was visiting a few days ago--she didn't happen to see me do the same for him the night before. ;)

To each his or her own, but it seems more are living together now and not getting married? I just don't see the problem with getting married. I know it can comlicate financial matters, and its a shame the laws seem to favor living together over being married. If you are with someone a long time and you know its going to work, go tie the knot for Gods sake.

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Marriage isn't for everyone. For example, Manderly and her boyfriend have been together for 10 years, but that may not mean they want to get married. If they wanted to, they probably would have by now. Just like having kids isn't for everyone. You shouldn't do something just because you're "supposed to" or it's been long enough, or everyone else is, or there's no other reason why not.

If you get married or have children for any of those reasons, it's going to fail, and you're going to suffer.

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Marriage isn't for everyone. For example, Manderly and her boyfriend have been together for 10 years, but that may not mean they want to get married. If they wanted to, they probably would have by now. Just like having kids isn't for everyone. You shouldn't do something just because you're "supposed to" or it's been long enough, or everyone else is, or there's no other reason why not.

If you get married or have children for any of those reasons, it's going to fail, and you're going to suffer.

I guess I am just old fashioned. I believe in the sanctity and the institution of marriage. It is the right thing to do in my opinion. And I don't say it purely from a religious point of view but certainly I must consider it as a Catholic. I have not had the fortune of falling in love with a woman of the same religion as myself. So I cannot be married in a Catholic church and that is what I wanted. My daughter thank God will be. And her Jew mother and grandmother can sit there and have no say in it. I am not condemning anyone for not being married and living together. I know plenty that have been together for many years that have not been married. There used to be a law called a commonlaw marriage or something like that? If you lived together for so long you were considered married by the state? I do not know if this law was state to state or Federal? I do not know if its sttill exists? Anyway, good to know you are reading my posts Liz. Ha.

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Good luck. I don't give advice. You're on your own, like everybody else. ;)

However, the idea of one person 'keeping' another happy is effed up.

Well these words surprise me coming from someone of the female gender. You will never make it as a marriage counselor

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I don't think its anyones job to keep anyone happy, it is hard enough to keep happy yourself. And some people can never be happy whatever you do for them. Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality (thats not my idea, i copied it frtom thinkexist.com, but I think its probably true for most people.

That's a pretty dismal outlook. Just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality? So happiness is artificial? :huh:

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That's a pretty dismal outlook. Just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality? So happiness is artificial? :huh:

Lets get his girlfriend on here to read his posts. Ha. He would be melba toast. Bags packed. Leave the house key on the table. And the f##ckin frito's. Ha.

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I don't have a girlfriend only a wife, one woman is morre than enough for me, or any sane male, not that I'm sane, hahaha

You sound sad that you ONLY have a WIFE. :o

Regards, Danny

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Yes and to be honest, I'm sad most of the time that i even have a wife.

Might be the lack of Sunshine you suffer from in Scotland.

Regards, Danny

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My guess would be hypoxia.

Genteel suthin' charm with a hint of northern aggression.

Gotta love it.

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