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FuzzyMerkin

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If i started a thread making jokes at women's expense i would never hear the end of it. In society in general it's more accepted for men to be insulted and made fun of than women. I don't think if there was a thread like this about women that many women would find it funny.

I also noticed that a bunch of people who posted in this thread don't appear to be around anymore. No?? :blink::blink:

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Hey come on spiders are scary!!!! whats with all those eyes!!!

I was at my friend Judy's house a few weeks back and she saves any and all insects by putting them in cups and letting them out the window. Well, I was watching tv at her place and she was in the other room when a huge spider went crawling across her floor and I got up and kicked it as hard as I could. I never mentioned it to her. :lol:

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I was at my friend Judy's house a few weeks back and she saves any and all insects by putting them in cups and letting them out the window. Well, I was watching tv at her place and she was in the other room when a huge spider went crawling across her floor and I got up and kicked it as hard as I could. I never mentioned it to her. :lol:

I am like her. I don't kill anything.

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If i started a thread making jokes at women's expense i would never hear the end of it. In society in general it's more accepted for men to be insulted and made fun of than women. I don't think if there was a thread like this about women that many women would find it funny.

I also noticed that a bunch of people who posted in this thread don't appear to be around anymore. No?? :blink::blink:

Hi Spats,

Women dont have as many layers of skin as men do, thats why you have to be very careful what you say to them, and how you treat them, our 4th layer, called the "Four Skin" protects us from their jibes. :D

Regards, Danny

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Hi Spats,

Women dont have as many layers of skin as men do, thats why you have to be very careful what you say to them, and how you treat them, our 4th layer, called the "Four Skin" protects us from their jibes. :D

Regards, Danny

That's a good one, Danny :D

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Hi Spats,

Women dont have as many layers of skin as men do, thats why you have to be very careful what you say to them, and how you treat them, our 4th layer, called the "Four Skin" protects us from their jibes. :D

Regards, Danny

In other words they can dish it out but they can't take it? :rolleyes:

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I was at my friend Judy's house a few weeks back and she saves any and all insects by putting them in cups and letting them out the window. Well, I was watching tv at her place and she was in the other room when a huge spider went crawling across her floor and I got up and kicked it as hard as I could. I never mentioned it to her. :lol:

Doesn't she realize they will come right back into her house later that day, lol. I like spiders (not big ones, but most of the ones i see aren't more than an inch). I will put a spider or ladybug if one gets into the house, in a cup and bring them outside (and hope they don't return). But anything else, like ants or the disgusting centipedes that live in my area (too many trees and woods) are not tolerated indoors.

As for Spats, you are probably right that many women would give you a hard time, because it's YOU, and your track record with many women on this board. You are better off not starting that thread :)

To stay on topic, i love men. I have had so many wonderful men in my life that i can't let a few bastards turn me against an entire gender! We all make our own decisions who we allow in our life. As for the opening post, i found it to be hilarious!

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Doesn't she realize they will come right back into her house later that day, lol. I like spiders (not big ones, but most of the ones i see aren't more than an inch). I will put a spider or ladybug if one gets into the house, in a cup and bring them outside (and hope they don't return). But anything else, like ants or the disgusting centipedes that live in my area (too many trees and woods) are not tolerated indoors.

As for Spats, you are probably right that many women would give you a hard time, because it's YOU, and your track record with many women on this board. You are better off not starting that thread :)

To stay on topic, i love men. I have had so many wonderful men in my life that i can't let a few bastards turn me against an entire gender! We all make our own decisions who we allow in our life. As for the opening post, i found it to be hilarious!

They would not find it funny if any man started that thread. I know men and women that don't think women should be made fun of at all. But would bust a gut at jokes at men's expense.Not good. :rolleyes:

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That's a good one, Danny :D

Aw thanks Tangerine, :aw:

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal..

Sorry Guys, Danny

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Aw thanks Tangerine, :aw:

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal..

Sorry Guys, Danny

:o:o:o

There is no way a dude should be posting this. :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Let's see the list of women jokes. :D

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Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal..

Sorry Guys, Danny

:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

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:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

You like no? I give you more.

Politically Correct Descriptions For Men

He does not have a BEER GUT.

He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER.

He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME.

He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING.

He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER.

He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK.

He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS.

He develops a case of RECTAL-ANAL INVERSION.

He is not a SEX MACHINE.

He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.

He has SWINE EMPATHY.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT.

He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES.

He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.

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:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

I concur. A lot of those are sadly true, though. My dad is turning 60 in a couple months and the only way my mom can get him to clean the gutters is by saying he won't do it because he's too old and afraid he'll fall and break something.

Of course they then have a laugh and he goes and cleans the gutters. Problem solved.

Spats, quit bitching. You've stated your opinion on the subject of men jokes vs. women jokes, we've read it......I think that's sufficient. You're not saying anything new.

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:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

Wat, you want more again? you lick my wife, she always want more.

Diary of A House Husband

This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you.

1). Make the beds......

What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that.

Scratch one.

2). Pick up dog poop in yard.......

It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop?

Scratch two.

3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners.......

Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them.

Scratch three.

This is easy, what's the fuss.

Think I'll go on the computer for a while.

4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet.......

Uhhhh that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed.

Scratch four.

5). Mop kitchen floor.....

The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me.

Scratch five.

Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.

6). Find something fun for the kids to do.....

That tin foil in the microwave thing was kinda fun.

Scratch six.

This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for the computer

7). Vacuum the carpets......

That's a hard one.......

Hey kids wanna have some more FUN.

Scratch seven.

8). Feed kids lunch.....

Hey kids, don't you have a friends house to go too?

YESSSS Scratch eight !!

9). Clean out hallway closet......

Hmmmm another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed.

Scratch nine.

Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa no lunch dishs

10). Do laundry.....

no problem I can do that while I'm on the computer

Scratch ten.

11). Fold laundry.....

dang Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out a cashmere barbie sweater, cool.

Scratch eleven.

12) Put the laundry away....

Baskets in bedrooms work for me.

Scratch twelve.

This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work???

13). Water the Christmas tree...

Oop's!... good thing the carpet is absorbent.

Scratch thirteen.

14). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper.......

These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth....

Scratch fourteen.

15). Pick up the kids ......

Yeah right; we're talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off.

They'll be back. Scratch fifteen.

Wonder who's on the computer. I have plenty of time.

16). Make dinner.....

Easy, "Hello do you deliver ? uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow".

Scratch sixteen.

17). Clean out the dog house......

duhh the dog sleeps in our bed, Like that needs to be done.

Scratch seventeen.

WOW all done. Man this is sooooo easy. Still time for some more puter and a nap..... Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working.

Wish I was a chick !

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We just hire "house cleaners" and the guys foot the bill. Now that's working. :D

OK i give you just one more.

Why It's GREAT To Be A Guy...

- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

- Your orgasms are real. Always.

- Your last name stays put.

- The garage is all yours.

- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

- Chocolate is just another snack.

- You can be president.

- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

- Foreplay is optional.

- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

- The world is your urinal.

- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

- Same work... more pay.

- Wrinkles add character.

- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

- Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

- One mood, all the time.

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If i started a thread making jokes at women's expense i would never hear the end of it. In society in general it's more accepted for men to be insulted and made fun of than women. I don't think if there was a thread like this about women that many women would find it funny.

I also noticed that a bunch of people who posted in this thread don't appear to be around anymore. No?? :blink::blink:

If you started a thread making jokes at women, it would be indeed quite different, because - unlike the poster who started this thread - you live alone.

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If you started a thread making jokes at women, it would be indeed quite different, because - unlike the poster who started this thread - you live alone.

That would not make a difference. I have been with enough women to be qualified to make the jokes.

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Men are apparently in control of western civilization which is attempting to commit suicide for the 3rd or 4th time. Shouldn't we let women have their turn now?

P.S. Ironically, men generally think their in control but I've secretly known for quite sometime and have even attempted to share my knowledge with other men that in reality it has always been women who control natural selection-just look at most men's track record in the bars as an obvious example :blink::slapface:

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That would not make a difference. I have been with enough women to be qualified to make the jokes.

That would make a great difference, because I'm not talking about being qualified to do that, but about the attitude behind it. I'm prepared to make light jokes at men anytime, but that doesn't change the fact that I love my man deeply, with a whole lotta respect. As a consequence, none of the jokes I'd make would ever annoy him.

This thread however obviously annoys you, which implies that numbers 4 and 10 are the only ones that do not apply to you... :rolleyes:

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1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like Blenders. You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5.. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like Government Bonds. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

:lol:

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