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At the end of the video Robert puts his business card through the letter box, on it is a phone number, a genuine number to someone called Jones. Hopefully the vid will be reposted with the phone number obscured.

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I saw the video earlier on Facebook (which has been deleted since too) and thought it was hilarious, it made me wonder if Planty would be good enough to join the cast of GoT perhaps??

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Bah! It's too bad they took it down. I saw it this morning - it was actually really good! What a good sport.

Bitumen down your alley? (Who could resist?!) Then Robert's face falls with the blunt rejection hahahaha!

By the way, check out "Doreen's Christmas Message to the Commonwealth." What a riot! (I understood about 93% of it on the first go - sometimes the accent's tricky...)

Edited by Patrycja
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I'm not sure, but it seems to me that the related post on facebook (linked from the JB's site) is deleted to. There have been lots of comments, one saying that it will be too complicated to explain the reason why the video has been taken down. Maybe we'll have to write emails and ask too? Mr. Tristram, the author of the book, is the brother of Mr. Tristram, the producer of the Doreen-Plant-Video.

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"Would you care for a little bitumen slapped up your alley."

"I have a full hot bucket"

How could such innocent sentences reduce me to tears of laughter. :notworthy:

Genuinely funny and surreal.

Thank you.

Edited by anniemouse
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Finally back on youtube, and in a higher resolution:


A question to the native-speakers: could you make it possible to write down the dialog??? Me, a glittering german lady with only Shakespeare english learned at school, will be happy for the rest of my life! (Maybe others too...) Thank you!

The accents are Black Country, an area near Birmingham. I think Doreen is based in Tipton, just north of Dudley. Tividale is just outside Dudley to the east.

RP: Good afternoon Madam, I just happen to have outside a truck with half a load of tarmacadam. Would you care for a little bitumen slapped up your alley?

Woman: Eh?

RP: A small amount of tarmac for your drive.

Woman: (to Doreen) Some bloke 'ere Dor' wants to know if you want your drive tarmaced.

Doreen: Is he from the council?

Woman: (to RP) Am yer from the council?

RP: No madam, private enterprise above all things.

Woman: (to D) No.

D: Does he want any money?

W: (to RP) Dun yer want any money?

RP: I'm quite solvent at the moment, but I could do with a little bit. A pinch here and there for some apple juice.

W: (to D) Yes.

D: Tell 'im to bugger off.

W: (to RP) Not today thank you.

RP: I'm distressed by this, I have a full hot bucket. It's the finest bitumen in the land, straight from Tividale! (She shuts door, he posts card). There must be an easier way to make ends meet.

W: (to D) Well 'e's left 'is business card in case you change yer mind.

....and a bit of Wiki about the black country accent.


People from the black country are sometimes called 'yamyams' (due to their saying 'you am', or 'yam' instead of 'you', 'you are' or 'are you?'.), but it wouldn't be wise to call someone from Dudley a 'yamyam' to their face.....

An example of Black country speak (two people driving to the shops):

"Yam gewin the wrung way! Where am yo gewin kid?"

"I ay at all!"

"Ye yam, yo day tek that last turnin ya saft get!"

"Oh arr, soz I day realise"

"yo'll atta gew back im starvin I cor wait no longer kid!"

which means:

"You're going the wrong way! Where are you going buddy?"

"I'm not!"

"You are, you didn't take that last turning you idiot!"

"Oh yeah, sorry I didn't realise"

"You'll have to go back, I'm starving, I can't wait any longer buddy!"

Edited by woz70
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Thank you very very much, hugs and kisses!

Now I know where I'll go for my next summer holidays! :)

Summer Holidays in Dudley?


The Black Country got it's name from the black smoke constantly belched out by the steel mills in the 19th & early 20th century. Now the industry has pretty much gone, but it's still not very pretty, there's high unemployment and it's quite a deprived area. It makes for an interesting day trip, for the canals and the Black Country Museum, but a summer holiday??

Some of the surrounding countryside in Worcestershire, Shropshire and Staffordshire is nice.....

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Hey, I'm fed up with the green green grass of home :) And what can be bad with a country where nice people come around to bring you buckets with finest bitumen?

(P.S. First I understood: "bitchman" hehe)

You have to understand there's two references going on here.....

First - one of RP's early jobs was laying the tarmac on the high street in Wolverhampton, so there's a bit of fun going on there.

Second - there's a certain group of gypsies, often called 'tinkers' or 'pikeys', and one of their scams is to offer to tarmac your drive with some 'leftover' tarmac (which they've actually stolen from somewhere). While you're haggling the price with one of them, some others are stealing the wheels off your car and leaving it propped up on bricks, or taking the lead off your roof, or they do the job (badly) and when they've finished demand a lot more money than you've agreed on with threats of violence, property damage etc....

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