Bonham Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 CHAV SCUM This thread is very similar to the hotchickswithdouchebags thread, but to understand fully what a "Chav" is, you must first let me educate you: 1. Chavs are people who try to make themselves look and feel better by dressing in (fake) designer clothing and only act "hard" because they feel insecure. 2. People with ASBO’s (Anti Social Behaviour Order). 3. Sociological underclass. 4. White trash. 5. Chav is another word for scum, only "scummier". 6. A backronym for 'chav' is 'council housed and violent' - whilst not a definiton, it sums up the attitudes of some people nicely. Get off my land, Chav. Release the hounds, Winthrop. The Chav Baseball Caps It is still the quintessential piece of apparel for any chav. I'm convinced that chavs are issued one as soon as they can walk. Much as most men would not leave the house without wearing a pair of underpants, a chav has to have his baseball cap spot welded to his head at all times in public. It's chav law! The baseball cap is worn at 2 distinct angles, the pulled down ID obscuring angle (usually used in combination with a hoodie) and the pointing upward angle. Hoodies When I first wrote this guide nearly 4 years ago, the Hoodie didn't even appear in the spotting section. Now the Hoodie is the iconic piece of chav clothing for the tabloids. Due to the influence of American Rap culture, every chav in even the most provincial of British towns now thinks he's living in south central Los Angeles. Since the tabloids demonised the Hoodie, the chav has to wear his hood up at all times, usually over his baseball cap and in the most public of places. Tracksuits In the 80's an expensive shell suit was a status symbol amongst what were then 'scallies'. Well they say that fashion goes in cycles and the shell suit/tracksuit is back. Forget its sporting use, the tracksuit is as much a piece of everyday wear for a chav as a suit is for a businessman. However, just any old tracksuit will not do. It has to be a brand that another chav will cream their strides over, like Nike, Akademics or Ecko. Trainers Most chavs don't own a pair of shoes, not even just one pair for court appearances. Prison white (box fresh looking) branded trainers are the only acceptable footwear. The brand legend amongst chavs is the Reebok Classic. Take a look at this chav and take note of the socks tucked into the tracky bottoms. Spot this and you are almost certainly looking at a chav! Sovereign Rings Once the sole domain of cockney villains, scrap merchants and Jimmy Saville, the sovereign ring has now been embraced by the Chav, especially the faux sovereign ring. This classy piece of hand furniture makes the wearer appear to be rich and also comes in handy for giving the missus a back hander! Gold Chains Do you remember watching 'The A Team' as a kid? Do you remember those thick gold chains Mr. T used to wear? This is what you should be looking for! Don't be put off it's a rainy day, Chavs will wear their chains outside of any garment on full display. The Chavette The Croydon Facelift Truly a chavette hair style classic that involves the hair being scraped so tightly off the face into a pony tail, that it can gives a slight face lift effect to the wearer. There are variations on the basic theme, one popular one being 'The Pineapple' where the hair is scraped back to a ponytail on the top of the scalp, so the wearers head resembles a pineapple. Fake San Tropez Tan It is essential for a chavette to look like she has been sun bathing in an exotic locale for the last two months so she looks like a teenage Judith Charmers. She likes to think that this makes her look like an International jet-setter when the furthest she really has travelled in the last two months is from her sink estate to the local Town Centre shopping precinct. The average chavettes fake tan can range in colour from rich mahogany to Tango orange to, in the case of this slapper... Ahhh Bisto! Big Hoopy Gold Earings Nothing says 'chavette' quite like a pair of thick gold hooped earrings. What you are looking for is a diameter so large that a Budgie could swing in them. Look for some new horrid hybrid types that have lettering in the middle, such as the wearers name or 'Bitch' or 'Sexy' or perhaps 'Pikie' or something like that. If you spot a pair of big gold hooped earrings that rest on the shoulders of the wearer, you could be looking at chav royalty! Big Dangly Pendants Just as essential to the chavette as the slag hoops (see The BIG Hoopy Gold Earrings) is the big bling-bling pendant. The classic used to be the unusually vile gold 'Clown' pendant (the larger the better) that has now become quite rare. The most popular types now are the 'diamondique' encrusted emblems with the most popular of all being the wearers initial. Pram Face The facial expression popularised by Victoria Beckham who thought that not smiling made you look classy. However on the face of the average chavette, this 'not-much-going-on-upstairs' pout can make the individual look anything from disinterested to retarded to scowling... usually the former. Eventually this expression becomes fixed on the chavettes face. This usually happens when they end up pushing a pram around the town centre after 'Wayne' assured her it was fine to have unprotected sex behind kebab shop and she wouldn't end up spawning yet another one of his bastard offspring. Plastered on Slap Chavettes do not know the meaning of 'restraint' or 'less is more' when it comes to makeup. They literally trowel it on their faces. This maybe to cover their pimply complexion due to the fact that they survive solely on Iceland pizzas. However there is often no reason why they paint their faces to resemble 'Aunt Sally' from Wurzzel Gummage other than the fact they know no better. www.chavscum.com Chav of the Month Let the chavfest begin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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