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If you want a few laughs then have at it. If you want to bitch and moan then send A pm to that bastard leveebreaks.

Rolling Stone Reviews the 02 Concert- General Forum/Ramble On/Sept.21

The boys are back? By AJ Pennypacker.

Well I drew the short straw and was assigned to review this show, its some kind of a charity show for somebody named Ahmet Ert..tah..gen(not really sure, look it up on Wikipedia).My editors wanted me to really write about the return of the dinosaur rock band called Led Zeppelin, they had told me that this band was the reason Rock wasn't relevant in the 70's because of their decadent lifestyle and unwillingness to get along with the press.I am now the most qualified at RS to take on such a show, you may have seen my stories on Christina Aguilera, the Blue Collar Comedy tour, and Tony Bennett.They wanted to send another freelance reporter called Lisa Robinson, but she declined as she is suffering from something called YourMagSucks.

I got a call from "God" Jann Wenner before the show he told me to go after the mighty Zep, because it will sell more mags.This I didn't understand because two years ago we were kissing their asses, but he's the boss,and a tireless worker.He's got like five Boy Bands living at his house right now.

The show started without and problems , there were several acts that went on before Zep, but they were not my responsibility and I wasn't listening anyway.

Then the cheers were the loudest as Zep rolled onto the stage. They really didn't roll, that's just me showing you I'm hip.

They all waved took there places and off they went. They started off with "Good Times, Bad Times" but that's a GodSmack song, so I didn't get it.It wasn't even close to the yet unreleased original.

Then I got my first taste of the pure decadence of the era, they went into song called I'm Confused, my god it was over 15 minutes long! I mean I know the guitarist is good but come on! get off.His name is Jimmy Page and you know he's got to be good he was in a band called Cream with Eric Clapton and Phil Collins.

They then went into a Bo Diddly number called "Rock And Roll" it was shorter which was nice but did it have to be so god damn loud! I could not hear myself think!! and I broke one of my number 2 pencils.

Robert Plant. What can I say, obviously the template for the overindulgence of decades gone by. He was just awful, I mean a country singer trying to pull off rocknroll.Please.

They bass player wasn't bad, he's John Paul Jones, he was named after an General that his father served under in one of the wars.I liked him until he sat down at the organ and a bunch of dry ice came floating on stage, I decided to grab the opportunity to take a bathroom break and sharpen my pencil.

When I got back The drummer was into a mini solo, I don't know who he is, probably just a fill in. He did look familar,I have an old VHS of an Elton John concert and he kinda looked like that drummer guy before he lost all his hair. Sad really, he should have worn a wig.

Finally to the end of the show and the Zep big number "Stairway to Heaven". The crowd was just downright deafing, I was trying to hear the words, but the most I could make out was that it had some to do with Hobbits and Satan.

After the show I went backstage for a prearranged Meet and Greet.When I met the band all of them were very nice and gracious, but then it took an ugly turn when Mr Jones asked me if I would like some tea. Tea? I said, "I'm not as old as you are" I replied. "I only drink Starbucks special of the month". With that Mr Jones, Page and Plant got up and walked away and the the drummer just sat there and glared at me.Then the old fart picked me up and tossed me into a plate glass window. Man he's strong for his age.

Who says Rock and Roll is dead.

I Do

BTW. I was hoping my piece would make the cover, but I heard Ricky Lopez and the Dixie Chicks are doing an retro album together, so I'm screwed.

General Forum / Ramble On / Up yours levee...This is a song of hope. on: October 07, 2007, 12:02:50 AM

Ok...It's been extremely tense around here this week. There has been at least three threads pulled , and probably some banishments. So if you are in a thread and you feel as though you are about to say something you're going to regret...stop...come here ....sing this song....feel better about yourselves and go on.

I'm willing to poke fun at my self in the spirit of fun and Zep. There are a lot of good people here and I don't want to see anyone get banned over an untimely remark.

Give me a "C" a bouncy "C"

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

We don't care if you saw them in 77

Sweet Jesus we were only eleven.

We don't care how cute your grandkids are

Why don't you sod off and have a cigar

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

You think you're funny, but the crap is all the same

Some of the smiles even think you're lame

We don't care how many times at night you have to leave your bed

If we hear another squirrel story we're going to shoot ourselves in the head.

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

You've been around here way too long

You need to get a hobby like ping pong

You had potential but you're just a waste

We don't even think you can cut and paste

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

Hot Dog!

Married White Male Seeking Led Zep Reunion Tickets.....

« on: September 23, 2007, 08:10:47 AM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With a sexy Female of any culture, to fly me to London to see the show.

Serious inquiries only.

I will consider a male but I'll need to see a picture.

I'll get married if I have to.

General Forum / Ramble On / Clearing Up A Few Half Truths on: July 01, 2007, 06:21:13 AM

The pop band ABBA spelled backwards reveals a satanic message.

- That's silly. It only reveals a message spelled the regular way.

The FBI kept a file on Ringo Starr.

- True, however the only thing in the file was an assassination attempt on his life by someone called "Pete Best"

Karen Carpenter once arm wrestled Phil Collins.

-Imposible. Collins was a lefty and backed down.

Robert Johnson made a deal with Satan.

-Not true. He made a deal with Mr Haney from "Green Acres"

Gene Simmons had a tongue transplant from a cow.

-True. Cow spokesperson Mr Moo said "Well at least there is something in him that has talent"

Robert Plant once proclaimed "I am A Golden God"

-Depends on who you ask. Bonzo told a young RS Reporter that what Plant actually said was "I am A Golden Rod"

Janis Joplin upon being signed by Clive Davis wanted to seal the deal by "doing the deed"

-True. Little Richard got the same deal.

Angie Bowie once reported that she found David and Mick Jagger in bed together.

-True she did say that.What she neglected to say was that also in bed were The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the cast of "Cats", two half barrels and Shelly Winters.

General Forum / Ramble On / Quotes I thought I heard... By leveebreaks on: May 16, 2007, 11:18:49 PM

"Give Me Liberty Or Give Me some fries!" Patrick Henry

"I Did Not Have A Dream, I think the radio was on when I was napping" MLK Jr.

"I only regret that I have but one Wife to lose for my country." Nathan Hale

"To be, or not to be: that is the question, the answer is in the bottom of this cereal box" William Shakespeare

"I have no idea where Samalia is, but I'll speak to him when I see em" George W Bush

"What the hell was I drinking when I agreed to go to the Kentucky Derby?" The Queen

"I seem to smell the stench of appeasement in the air, and haggis" Margaret Thatcher

"A picture is worth a thousand words. Nine hundred of them are fairly repetitious" Napoleon Bonaparte

"I think I'm more difficult than critical. I also want to dunk a basketball" Mother Teresa

"College isn't the place to go for ideas, Starbucks is where it's at". Helen Keller

"You don't choose your family. They are God's punnishment to you". Desmond Tutu

"I do not see why man should not be just as cruel as nature. I yell a lot because I'm compensating for my small penis". Adolf Hitler

General Forum / Ramble On / Would you eat a Celebrity? on: May 01, 2007, 10:07:00 PM

Would you eat a Celebrity?

OK, here's the scenario....you were on a cruise and the boat sank, you were lucky to survive and find some land, and so did five other people. One of them is a Celeb. Food is scarce and your confused mind wonders towards cannibalism.

Do you eat the celebrity or do you start with the four other obviously meaningless losers you are stranded with?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well done Manders. Well done.

I've already contacted the Boise branch of our group--SAAE--(Squirrels Are Absolutely Evil), a few of our operatives are planning a march on the steps of the courthouse.

Robert Downing, that brave warrior, will be taken care of with what ever he needs until trial with the best lawyer 25 dollars can by. SAAE stands by it's members, if it's not to expensive until justice is served. Just get us one person on the jury whose garbage can was knocked over and I predict a hung jury and all charges will be dropped against the fine Mr Downey. We will be staying at his house if it's OK with his mom.

Julia Davis...hmmm...we know something of her. She's one of these typical left wing nut jobs who thinks that Humans and Squirrels can coexist in society.

I, unfortunately will not be able make the trip,as my hip has been bothering me.

I put in a call to "Terrible Ted" to see if he would put some money to Mr Downing's defence, but he declined. He's off squirrels now since he heard in that movie that they are high in cholesterol.

No talent Bastard.

Re: Things Not To Say In A PM

« Reply #94 on: October 15, 2006, 11:02:18 AM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you know how to get blood out of berber carpet?

I don't like your tone on the board, it's almost like you don't know me at all.

Do you know of a really good banana bread recipe?

Which one of my wives do you want to be?

Ross Halfin is the coolest person alive.

I've been watching your post count.

Do you have any extra cash?

General Forum / Ramble On / Re: We've done this before but sod it......... on: September 17, 2006, 08:59:58 PM

Things you may not have known about me...

Four jobs I have had in my life

1. Amateur Porn

2. go-go dancer

3. The Circus

4. Aluminum Siding Sales Door to Door

Four movies I have no choice but to watch over and over:

1.Ernest Goes to Kampuchea

2.Scientology On A Plane

3.It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

4.Evita

Four Places I Have Lived:

1. In A house

2.In an Apartment

3.In A home for un-wed mothers

4.In a Van down by the River

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1.This Old Groupie

2.Sod and other words you don't know

3.Cops

4.Faux News

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Dollywood

2. Wal Mart

3. A freight Train

4. In an abandoned minefield

Four websites I visit often:

1. Scarrysquirrel.com

2. led-zeppelin.com

3. For however

4. Long it takes

Four Foods I love

1. Squirrel on a stick

2. Acorns

3. Goetta

4. Italian

Four places I would rather be right now:

1.On Vacation

2.On stage playing the blues

3.On a tantrum

4.On A Store Clerk

OK...I Admit It....I Am A Male "Old Groupie"

« on: September 11, 2006, 10:15:41 PM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes. It's True. I know some of you are shocked, to some of you it makes perfect sense. I come from a broken home, at 15 our house broke and I jumped a cattle train to New York to follow my dream of chasing female musicians from city to city. My alias was " Maxwell's Silver Hammer" Yep, those were the days....I was pretty hot too, a lot of the big stars of their time pined for my company. I can't tell you how many times Gladys Knight sent me flowers. I went to her room to see her one night but a Pip picked me up and thru me into a plate glass window.Yep I was with them all at one time or another, Dianna Ross, Vicky Carr, Karen Carpenter....the list goes on and on. Some wild stuff too, I was in a orgy with the "Mamma's and the Pappas", the details of which will go to me to my grave.

But I made the most fatal mistake A Groupie can make...I fell in love with one of my bedmates....Grace Slick We were together the longest, 4 weeks I think. When she was on stage and not vomiting or unconscious I felt like she was singing "White Rabbit" directly to me! I really thought she was going to make an honest man out of me, I was really smitten.

But the harsh reality set in when she traded me to Janis for two cases of Heineken and a popsickle.

I was never really the same after that, oh sure I stayed on the road for a couple more decades, I mean the road was my life and all of the younger talent wanted a piece of the "legend". There was Ronstadt, Debbie Harry, Benetar, Maddona, the Wilson sisters.....

The night I decided to "Retire" was when I had a girl named Courtney Love. I was getting to old for this and the sex was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Me? you ask? I moved to the midwest and am married a raising a family. I'm very happy.

I'm also working on a screenplay about my life on the road...It's gonna be called... "The Banger Brothers"

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This thread is disqualified from being in the 'thread of the year' runnings because it's simply a combination of a bunch of legendary threads.

Throw away the rules and we have an unstoppable force.

Where is that leveebreaks, anyways? I was going to PM him all the security details for the bank I work at so he would never have to live in a van (down by the river) again.

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  • 2 weeks later...
If you want a few laughs then have at it. If you want to bitch and moan then send A pm to that bastard leveebreaks.

Rolling Stone Reviews the 02 Concert- General Forum/Ramble On/Sept.21

The boys are back? By AJ Pennypacker.

Well I drew the short straw and was assigned to review this show, its some kind of a charity show for somebody named Ahmet Ert..tah..gen(not really sure, look it up on Wikipedia).My editors wanted me to really write about the return of the dinosaur rock band called Led Zeppelin, they had told me that this band was the reason Rock wasn't relevant in the 70's because of their decadent lifestyle and unwillingness to get along with the press.I am now the most qualified at RS to take on such a show, you may have seen my stories on Christina Aguilera, the Blue Collar Comedy tour, and Tony Bennett.They wanted to send another freelance reporter called Lisa Robinson, but she declined as she is suffering from something called YourMagSucks.

I got a call from "God" Jann Wenner before the show he told me to go after the mighty Zep, because it will sell more mags.This I didn't understand because two years ago we were kissing their asses, but he's the boss,and a tireless worker.He's got like five Boy Bands living at his house right now.

The show started without and problems , there were several acts that went on before Zep, but they were not my responsibility and I wasn't listening anyway.

Then the cheers were the loudest as Zep rolled onto the stage. They really didn't roll, that's just me showing you I'm hip.

They all waved took there places and off they went. They started off with "Good Times, Bad Times" but that's a GodSmack song, so I didn't get it.It wasn't even close to the yet unreleased original.

Then I got my first taste of the pure decadence of the era, they went into song called I'm Confused, my god it was over 15 minutes long! I mean I know the guitarist is good but come on! get off.His name is Jimmy Page and you know he's got to be good he was in a band called Cream with Eric Clapton and Phil Collins.

They then went into a Bo Diddly number called "Rock And Roll" it was shorter which was nice but did it have to be so god damn loud! I could not hear myself think!! and I broke one of my number 2 pencils.

Robert Plant. What can I say, obviously the template for the overindulgence of decades gone by. He was just awful, I mean a country singer trying to pull off rocknroll.Please.

They bass player wasn't bad, he's John Paul Jones, he was named after an General that his father served under in one of the wars.I liked him until he sat down at the organ and a bunch of dry ice came floating on stage, I decided to grab the opportunity to take a bathroom break and sharpen my pencil.

When I got back The drummer was into a mini solo, I don't know who he is, probably just a fill in. He did look familar,I have an old VHS of an Elton John concert and he kinda looked like that drummer guy before he lost all his hair. Sad really, he should have worn a wig.

Finally to the end of the show and the Zep big number "Stairway to Heaven". The crowd was just downright deafing, I was trying to hear the words, but the most I could make out was that it had some to do with Hobbits and Satan.

After the show I went backstage for a prearranged Meet and Greet.When I met the band all of them were very nice and gracious, but then it took an ugly turn when Mr Jones asked me if I would like some tea. Tea? I said, "I'm not as old as you are" I replied. "I only drink Starbucks special of the month". With that Mr Jones, Page and Plant got up and walked away and the the drummer just sat there and glared at me.Then the old fart picked me up and tossed me into a plate glass window. Man he's strong for his age.

Who says Rock and Roll is dead.

I Do

BTW. I was hoping my piece would make the cover, but I heard Ricky Lopez and the Dixie Chicks are doing an retro album together, so I'm screwed.

General Forum / Ramble On / Up yours levee...This is a song of hope. on: October 07, 2007, 12:02:50 AM

Ok...It's been extremely tense around here this week. There has been at least three threads pulled , and probably some banishments. So if you are in a thread and you feel as though you are about to say something you're going to regret...stop...come here ....sing this song....feel better about yourselves and go on.

I'm willing to poke fun at my self in the spirit of fun and Zep. There are a lot of good people here and I don't want to see anyone get banned over an untimely remark.

Give me a "C" a bouncy "C"

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

We don't care if you saw them in 77

Sweet Jesus we were only eleven.

We don't care how cute your grandkids are

Why don't you sod off and have a cigar

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

You think you're funny, but the crap is all the same

Some of the smiles even think you're lame

We don't care how many times at night you have to leave your bed

If we hear another squirrel story we're going to shoot ourselves in the head.

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

You've been around here way too long

You need to get a hobby like ping pong

You had potential but you're just a waste

We don't even think you can cut and paste

Up yours levee, up yours levee

My God you're such a fucking bore

We don't want you round here no more

Up yours levee, up yours levee

Hot Dog!

Married White Male Seeking Led Zep Reunion Tickets.....

« on: September 23, 2007, 08:10:47 AM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With a sexy Female of any culture, to fly me to London to see the show.

Serious inquiries only.

I will consider a male but I'll need to see a picture.

I'll get married if I have to.

General Forum / Ramble On / Clearing Up A Few Half Truths on: July 01, 2007, 06:21:13 AM

The pop band ABBA spelled backwards reveals a satanic message.

- That's silly. It only reveals a message spelled the regular way.

The FBI kept a file on Ringo Starr.

- True, however the only thing in the file was an assassination attempt on his life by someone called "Pete Best"

Karen Carpenter once arm wrestled Phil Collins.

-Imposible. Collins was a lefty and backed down.

Robert Johnson made a deal with Satan.

-Not true. He made a deal with Mr Haney from "Green Acres"

Gene Simmons had a tongue transplant from a cow.

-True. Cow spokesperson Mr Moo said "Well at least there is something in him that has talent"

Robert Plant once proclaimed "I am A Golden God"

-Depends on who you ask. Bonzo told a young RS Reporter that what Plant actually said was "I am A Golden Rod"

Janis Joplin upon being signed by Clive Davis wanted to seal the deal by "doing the deed"

-True. Little Richard got the same deal.

Angie Bowie once reported that she found David and Mick Jagger in bed together.

-True she did say that.What she neglected to say was that also in bed were The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the cast of "Cats", two half barrels and Shelly Winters.

General Forum / Ramble On / Quotes I thought I heard... By leveebreaks on: May 16, 2007, 11:18:49 PM

"Give Me Liberty Or Give Me some fries!" Patrick Henry

"I Did Not Have A Dream, I think the radio was on when I was napping" MLK Jr.

"I only regret that I have but one Wife to lose for my country." Nathan Hale

"To be, or not to be: that is the question, the answer is in the bottom of this cereal box" William Shakespeare

"I have no idea where Samalia is, but I'll speak to him when I see em" George W Bush

"What the hell was I drinking when I agreed to go to the Kentucky Derby?" The Queen

"I seem to smell the stench of appeasement in the air, and haggis" Margaret Thatcher

"A picture is worth a thousand words. Nine hundred of them are fairly repetitious" Napoleon Bonaparte

"I think I'm more difficult than critical. I also want to dunk a basketball" Mother Teresa

"College isn't the place to go for ideas, Starbucks is where it's at". Helen Keller

"You don't choose your family. They are God's punnishment to you". Desmond Tutu

"I do not see why man should not be just as cruel as nature. I yell a lot because I'm compensating for my small penis". Adolf Hitler

General Forum / Ramble On / Would you eat a Celebrity? on: May 01, 2007, 10:07:00 PM

Would you eat a Celebrity?

OK, here's the scenario....you were on a cruise and the boat sank, you were lucky to survive and find some land, and so did five other people. One of them is a Celeb. Food is scarce and your confused mind wonders towards cannibalism.

Do you eat the celebrity or do you start with the four other obviously meaningless losers you are stranded with?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well done Manders. Well done.

I've already contacted the Boise branch of our group--SAAE--(Squirrels Are Absolutely Evil), a few of our operatives are planning a march on the steps of the courthouse.

Robert Downing, that brave warrior, will be taken care of with what ever he needs until trial with the best lawyer 25 dollars can by. SAAE stands by it's members, if it's not to expensive until justice is served. Just get us one person on the jury whose garbage can was knocked over and I predict a hung jury and all charges will be dropped against the fine Mr Downey. We will be staying at his house if it's OK with his mom.

Julia Davis...hmmm...we know something of her. She's one of these typical left wing nut jobs who thinks that Humans and Squirrels can coexist in society.

I, unfortunately will not be able make the trip,as my hip has been bothering me.

I put in a call to "Terrible Ted" to see if he would put some money to Mr Downing's defence, but he declined. He's off squirrels now since he heard in that movie that they are high in cholesterol.

No talent Bastard.

Re: Things Not To Say In A PM

« Reply #94 on: October 15, 2006, 11:02:18 AM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you know how to get blood out of berber carpet?

I don't like your tone on the board, it's almost like you don't know me at all.

Do you know of a really good banana bread recipe?

Which one of my wives do you want to be?

Ross Halfin is the coolest person alive.

I've been watching your post count.

Do you have any extra cash?

General Forum / Ramble On / Re: We've done this before but sod it......... on: September 17, 2006, 08:59:58 PM

Things you may not have known about me...

Four jobs I have had in my life

1. Amateur Porn

2. go-go dancer

3. The Circus

4. Aluminum Siding Sales Door to Door

Four movies I have no choice but to watch over and over:

1.Ernest Goes to Kampuchea

2.Scientology On A Plane

3.It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

4.Evita

Four Places I Have Lived:

1. In A house

2.In an Apartment

3.In A home for un-wed mothers

4.In a Van down by the River

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1.This Old Groupie

2.Sod and other words you don't know

3.Cops

4.Faux News

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Dollywood

2. Wal Mart

3. A freight Train

4. In an abandoned minefield

Four websites I visit often:

1. Scarrysquirrel.com

2. led-zeppelin.com

3. For however

4. Long it takes

Four Foods I love

1. Squirrel on a stick

2. Acorns

3. Goetta

4. Italian

Four places I would rather be right now:

1.On Vacation

2.On stage playing the blues

3.On a tantrum

4.On A Store Clerk

OK...I Admit It....I Am A Male "Old Groupie"

« on: September 11, 2006, 10:15:41 PM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes. It's True. I know some of you are shocked, to some of you it makes perfect sense. I come from a broken home, at 15 our house broke and I jumped a cattle train to New York to follow my dream of chasing female musicians from city to city. My alias was " Maxwell's Silver Hammer" Yep, those were the days....I was pretty hot too, a lot of the big stars of their time pined for my company. I can't tell you how many times Gladys Knight sent me flowers. I went to her room to see her one night but a Pip picked me up and thru me into a plate glass window.Yep I was with them all at one time or another, Dianna Ross, Vicky Carr, Karen Carpenter....the list goes on and on. Some wild stuff too, I was in a orgy with the "Mamma's and the Pappas", the details of which will go to me to my grave.

But I made the most fatal mistake A Groupie can make...I fell in love with one of my bedmates....Grace Slick We were together the longest, 4 weeks I think. When she was on stage and not vomiting or unconscious I felt like she was singing "White Rabbit" directly to me! I really thought she was going to make an honest man out of me, I was really smitten.

But the harsh reality set in when she traded me to Janis for two cases of Heineken and a popsickle.

I was never really the same after that, oh sure I stayed on the road for a couple more decades, I mean the road was my life and all of the younger talent wanted a piece of the "legend". There was Ronstadt, Debbie Harry, Benetar, Maddona, the Wilson sisters.....

The night I decided to "Retire" was when I had a girl named Courtney Love. I was getting to old for this and the sex was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Me? you ask? I moved to the midwest and am married a raising a family. I'm very happy.

I'm also working on a screenplay about my life on the road...It's gonna be called... "The Banger Brothers"

I'm bumping this thread and I don't care if you like it.

I got a few Pm's from people wanting to reread the Male Groupie story. So here you go. :)

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