Happy New Year.

[Joelmon]

Men are strange though. You ask them if they fancy a coffee and they automatically think you want to sleep with them.

Something in your coffee must be lacking then....over here, Coffee is an aphrodisiac !!!

[IGG]

Something in your coffee must be lacking then....over here, Coffee is an aphrodisiac !!!

No, you're just excitable.

[Joelmon]

No, you're just excitable.

I said here...not there !

Arizona coffee isn't the same. I'm at the coffeshop right now....next to the beans are 'other sexual devices' too....like French presses and Big Mugs...

[Mattmc1973]

I truly believe you should wait a certain amount of time before you call. You don't want to seem to eager.

and also The difference is i didn't ask for her number or say i would call. My buddy did. He tried to force my hand because he thinks we would make a good couple. Don't get me wrong i think she's cool and nice looking in a plain way and I wouldn't mind going out with her but I don't like how the whole thing went down. Which is why i have dug my heels in. it's my way of letting them know i didn't like how it happened.

I might call her tomorrow. Depends on my mood.

Again, do her a favor and don't call. Can't believe we're still talking about this. Idiot.

[IGG]

I said here...not there !

Arizona coffee isn't the same. I'm at the coffeshop right now....next to the beans are 'other sexual devices' too....like French presses and Big Mugs...

I thought you meant here as in the U.S.

Anyway, you're getting titillation from Big Mugs in a coffee shop...you going to tell me next that you're grocery has special melons that Arizona lacks?

Titillation is everywhere if you're excitable....

[Joelmon]

I thought you meant here as in the U.S.

Anyway, you're getting titillation from Big Mugs in a coffee shop...you going to tell me next that you're grocery has special melons that Arizona lacks?

Titillation is everywhere if you're excitable....

It tits indeed !!!

[manderlyh]

Men are strange though. You ask them if they fancy a coffee and they automatically think you want to sleep with them.

Usually, if I ask a guy I don't know well out to coffee, that's my (eventual) intent. That's why you don't until after you've gone out with them a few more times (at least). A girl's gotta make sure he's worth your time and efforts beforehand, eh?

Especially if you DO want to sleep with them.

Dave and I dated for months before we even kissed. For real.

Titillation is everywhere if you're excitable....

That's quoteable, IGG.

[Joelmon]

Dave and I dated for months before we even kissed. For real.

You're kidding !

I kiss first, date later.

[manderlyh]

You're kidding !

I kiss first, date later.

No. I'm serious.

It was actually the first time I'd ever gone THAT long w/o kissing a guy I was dating.

It was kind of a fluke, really. I don't know exactly WHY it took us so long to kiss.

I guess it was because our dates were kind of sporadic, here and there...we were both dating other people when we started dating, (as in we were both dating others casually, not in relationships), and I was actually kind of on hiatus from dating because the past few relationships I'd had were complete total crap, so I decided I was going to make sure this one really liked me before anything physical happened. Like I said, we had a few sporadic dates here and there over the course of about three months, but I didn't want to kiss or anything until I was sure he liked me...a lot. Like I said though-when I met him, I had three or four other guys that I was (very casually) dating--if you could even really call it that. Once our dates became a three times a weekend, pretty much going without saying thing, we kissed.

He actually told me recently that there really was some deciding he had to do because I guess another girl that we worked with was seeing him at the same time for a while! She was a real skank, so I'm guessing that's why I won out.

[Joelmon]

^ quite the story Mandy.

I could just never resist. If I'm attracted, and can't actually make lip to lip contact, I at least blow kisses !

[manderlyh]

I was actually quite suprised with myself.

[Babs]

QUOTE (Electrophile @ Jan 25 2008, 07:17 PM) *

If Spats went out on a date with one of my friends, I can guarantee you he'd be holding his nuts by the end of the drinks before dinner. They wouldn't put up with his shit.

Would they do the asking

out?

I'm just trying to catch up on this thread.

That's a great line

[spats]

Excerpt from 'He's Just Not That Into You'

By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

Chapter One: he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out

Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want.If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in.

The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster — but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "(expletive) buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves — we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of — and I say this with a lot of love — is how not attracted to you he is.

The "Maybe He's Intimidated by Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I have a crush on my gardener. He's been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without his shirt on, he was hot, and now I'm hot for him. I brought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because he is my hired man. In this situation, can't I ask him out?

Cherie

Dear My Secret Garden,

He's capable of asking you out. Haven't you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, if he didn't pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news: He's just not that into you.

Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he's into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I'll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.

By the way, why are you dating the exterminator?

Just kidding, he's a good guy.

The "Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow" Excuse

Dear Greg,

There's this guy who calls me all the time. He's recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since then, he calls me all the time but doesn't ever suggest we see each other in person again. It's like he got scared or something. I would understand if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-whole-new-life stuff he wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have long heart-to-heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy?

Jen

Dear Pillow Talk,

Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah, I'm getting sleepy, it's hot, I'm going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I'll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date, because despite all your excuses for him, he's still not asking you out. Now, if you're a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he's just not that into you. Be his friend if you're at all interested on that level, but move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure you don't get frustrated and go away.

The "But He Gave Me His Number" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I met a really cute guy at a bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the situation like that. I can call him, right?

Lauren

Dear Control Freak,

Did he give you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you — or even return your call. Why don't you take Copperfield's number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.

"Give me a call." "E-mail me." "Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime." Don't let him trick you into asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.

The "Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,

Okay, Greg. Listen to this one: I was at a conference for work and met a guy from another branch of my company. We hit it off immediately. He was just about to ask for my number, I swear, when the Big Blackout of 2003 happened. In the mayhem, I didn't get to give him my number. I think the Big Blackout of 2003 is a good enough excuse to call him, don't you think? It's only common courtesy for me to check up on him, right? If I don't call, he's probably going to be all sad thinking that I'm just not that into him.

Judy

Dear Judy Blackout,

The city blacked out. He didn't. You said you work for different branches of the same company. Certainly he wouldn't have to break a sweat to scroll through the company staff roster or interoffice e-mail listing to find you. And should he not be as resourceful as you are...I imagine that he has a mother, sister, or female friend that could show him how, if he was really interested.

P.S.: Shame on you for using an eastern seaboard disaster as an excuse to call a guy up.

Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he'll still remember youIf he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Know why? You are great. (Now, don't get cocky.)

The "Maybe I Don't Want to Play Games" Excuse

Dear Greg,

This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out?

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children — sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.

IT'S SO SIMPLE

Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

HERE'S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD, by Liz

Well, it's obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don't know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We're just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don't you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who'll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That'll get his attention.

Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many women, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I'm talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn't frizz. Most women who date, I would guess, don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it's even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.

But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn't worked at all. I've never had a successful relationship with a guy that I've pursued. I'm sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn't even get that far. They usually just don't ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn't make me feel very in control of anything.

Since I've been implementing Greg's handy-dandy "he's just not that into you" philosophy, I've been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE, by Greg

One night I was drinking in a bar and flirting with the bartender. I asked for her number. She said, "I don't give out my phone number because guys rarely call me when they say they're going to. My name is Lindsey Adams, and if you want to call me, find my phone number." Which I did — the very next day. Do you know how many Lindsey Adams there are in the phone book of a major city? Let's just say I talked to about eight or nine before I found mine.

An actor we work with met a girl while he was making a public appearance on an aircraft carrier. He lost track of her in about ten minutes. And yet, because he was so smitten, he somehow managed to track her down in the army, and they are now married.

GREG, I GET IT! By Leslie, age 29

Greg! I get it. I went to this party and I met this guy. We started talking immediately by ourselves, off in a corner. He asked if I was single and seemed pleased when I said I was. Whenever we split up to talk to other people, or to get drinks or whatever, he always kept his eye on me. It was really cool. I was all excited and fluttery with that "Oh my God, I think I just met someone!" feeling. He didn't ask for my number, but we know lots of people in common, so I thought he was just playing it cool. He never called me! And you know what? Normally I would call our mutual friends and start fishing and trying to figure out what happened and maybe try to find another way to see him again. But instead, I'm just going to move on! Who cares what his deal is. He's not asking me out, so why should I start obsessing over him? I'm just going to go out tonight and try to meet someone else.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE GREG

We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages twenty-six to forty-five), who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the woman asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, "It would have spoiled all the fun."

What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter

• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."

• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.

• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.

• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

• You are good enough to be asked out.

Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook

Hey, what's a self-help tome without a workbook? Our chapters will all be so brave and wise that we want to make sure you retain as much of the brilliance as you can. So for all of you who feel the need to get out of your problems and into your crayon box, have at it.

Love,

Greg and Liz

Remember in grade school how they told you not to write in your textbooks? Screw that! Grab a pen and list five reasons why you think you have every right or good reason to call him.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Put the book aside and wait an hour. Or at least ten minutes. Then ask yourself: Do I seem pathetic? Do I sound like someone who doesn't trust my own innate hotness? Yes,you do! Now put your dialing finger away, get out of the house, and go find some fun.

P.S.: You just did a workbook exercise about a guy who hasn't even extended to you the energy of a phone call. Why would you want to chase that down?

Text copyright © 2004 by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

That dude is so full of it. He is so off the mark. It's a shame he doesn't think much of his own gender. To say that the only reason a guy doesn't call is because he is not interested is insane. He has obviously never heard of shy guys or guys that have been burned by rejection in the past (like me). He obviously thinks all men are knuckle dragging cavemen.

[spats]

You're just a moron, you're gonna be real lonely....

......too scared to ask an interested girl out!

Easy Come Easy Go, why'd you let her go?

etc...(you get the picture!

Not scared at all. it's called teaching a lesson.

Although just the idea of calling up a woman to ask her out imediately takes me back to my teen years when i would do it and get rejected. It seems like yesterday. UGH.

[spats]

Kat--"screw loose" means not all there in the brain/mental health department...slightly crazy.

Oh yeah--I have asked men out on dates before. I've also made quite obvious moves on men that show that I'm interested. Oh--I asked DAVE out on our first date--almost seven years ago.

I prefer the men to persue me, dine and wine me, treat me like a princess before I decide whether I want to spend a lot of time with them--just to see how much they really are interested in me. I have been known to be the one to do the asking--even though I think the man shuld be the one that does that after the woman's given signals...

I would never let a woman treat me like that. I would feel like she was using me. i wouldn't take her out to her dinner unless a i knew for sure that she was interested in being my girlfriend.

[Bonham]

Let me ask you a question. If you want a girlfriend that bad, then why are you here basically 24/7 trying to prove to us that you're capable?

No one cares. In fact, you're making yourself look like a tit.

[spats]

No. I'm serious.

It was actually the first time I'd ever gone THAT long w/o kissing a guy I was dating.

It was kind of a fluke, really. I don't know exactly WHY it took us so long to kiss.

I guess it was because our dates were kind of sporadic, here and there...we were both dating other people when we started dating, (as in we were both dating others casually, not in relationships), and I was actually kind of on hiatus from dating because the past few relationships I'd had were complete total crap, so I decided I was going to make sure this one really liked me before anything physical happened. Like I said, we had a few sporadic dates here and there over the course of about three months, but I didn't want to kiss or anything until I was sure he liked me...a lot. Like I said though-when I met him, I had three or four other guys that I was (very casually) dating--if you could even really call it that. Once our dates became a three times a weekend, pretty much going without saying thing, we kissed.

He actually told me recently that there really was some deciding he had to do because I guess another girl that we worked with was seeing him at the same time for a while! She was a real skank, so I'm guessing that's why I won out.

It took awhile for my last girlfriend and me to make out. But she eventually made the move. She later said she was tired of waiting for me to do it.

[spats]

Let me ask you a question. If you want a girlfriend that bad, then why are you here basically 24/7 trying to prove to us that you're capable?

No one cares. In fact, you're making yourself look like a tit.

I am out all the time hoping to hook up with a girl. I put myself out there.

[Electrophile]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA like hell you are. And Bonham is 100% right. If you spent more time implementing the advice you're being given and less time whining about this that and the other, you might see your self improving.

[spats]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA like hell you are. And Bonham is 100% right. If you spent more time implementing the advice you're being given and less time whining about this that and the other, you might see your self improving.

I am out at the clubs all the time.

[IGG]

Not scared at all. it's called teaching a lesson.

Although just the idea of calling up a woman to ask her out imediately takes me back to my teen years when i would do it and get rejected. It seems like yesterday. UGH.

Man, you keep harping on the whole teen rejection thing!  It also seems that you try to punish any woman that shows interest in you now because of the rejection.

That should be long in your rear view mirror now.

If you are truly in your twenties, I think you could do worse than to seek professional help with your feelings. Your views on the way a relationship should go are unique, but it's the recurring themes of rejection, and the way you sabotage possible dates with women who do show interest in you that indicates a deep seated problem. 

You describe your ideal mate as basically the psyche of one of your male friends, mated with a hot female body.

If it was me, I'd want to go figure out why that is.

[manderlyh]

That dude is so full of it. He is so off the mark. It's a shame he doesn't think much of his own gender. To say that the only reason a guy doesn't call is because he is not interested is insane. He has obviously never heard of shy guys or guys that have been burned by rejection in the past (like me). He obviously thinks all men are knuckle dragging cavemen.

I think it's true. I don't give my phone number out to guys I am not interested in. I just tell them I'm not interested--in the nicest possible way. Or, (when I was single), I'd lie and say I was married or had a boyfriend or something. If I give my phone number to a guy who asks for it, you can bet that I'm EXPECTING him to call...before three or four days have passed. Period.

If you're the one asking ME for my phone number, its on the assumption that you like me, right? So I decide that I also like you, and yes, I'll give you my phone number. I expect YOU to call. Why? Because YOU asked me for my number. I'm betting money that 99% of when guys don't call--they've asked for the number, not the other way around. If you don't call me in two days...I decide that you really don't care enough to call. If a guy wants to go out with me--I want to see major enthusiasm--I don't want to gee a "I have to go out on a date with this chick..." attitiude. I want to see a "Oh My God! I am so exicted to go out on a date with THIS chick!" attitude.

I would never let a woman treat me like that. I would feel like she was using me. i wouldn't take her out to her dinner unless a i knew for sure that she was interested in being my girlfriend.

Let me tell you something Spats. I've let guys use me completely--me being a naive little twit when I was younger--I didn't expect men to take me out on dates and "woo" me. I'd let guys take me on a date to their friends' houses for football games, house parties, etc. When I was younger, I'd hang out with guys where the "date" consisted of them buying a pitcher of beer at the local dive bar and maybe an appetizer (IF the bar served food). I'd go out on "dates" with guys who would take me to their buddies' house to get trashed at a kegger. I'd leave houses where me and my friends were hanging out with guys I liked to go make out with them and then go on our first "date" at a second run movie theater. Buying me a $1 cheeseburger off the value menu at Burger King and then buying me a pitcher of Bud Light won't cut it on a first date.

Guess how these guys ended up treating me? Like shit. Many of them ended up considering me just a f*#& buddy, some just this girl that I can hang out with and "date" until I find someone "hotter," or even just this chick to hang out with. Did I mention the one that actually had a real girlfriend that even his friends didn't know about while I was also his "girlfriend?" Let me tell you what putting up with this kind of treatment can do to someone's self-esteem. It isn't pretty--if you allow someone to treat you like you aren't first-string quality (and more like sloppy seconds), you begin to think that you're NOT first-string quality, and that 2am booty calls are a real relationship. Talk about bad for you.

I think I made my point. I didn't show these guys that I thought that I deserved more than a hole-in-the-wall bar and some greasy curly fries for a first date. Therefore, they never respected me, and I "allowed" myself to be treated like shit.

Now, if you've been dating for a while or you've actually taken the girl out on a REAL date prior, taking them to things like that is okay. BUT, for a first date, second date, or even a third date...I want a guy to treat me like a freakin' queen. Why? I'll tell you why. I figure if a guy treats you like a queen on the first or second date, this will show how he's going to treat you two months down the road, a year, ten years down the road. If he's a gentleman and he treats you with respect and takes you on a first date that shows you that he really digs you (because he's thoughtful, polite and all around a cool guy), that means he likes you enough and will RESPECT you as a person prior to getting into your pants. That's what will make ME say yes to a second, third, fourth, or sixtieth date. Quality definately counts on the first date. I'm not talking about taking me out to a $100 a plate dinner--not even for the first date. I want to see some kind of thought put into the planning of it (at least a few ideas when you show up to my house to pick me up), and lots of enthusiasm, even if you're so nervous you think you're going to puke--or at least tell me you're really nervous so I don't think you're just an ass.

If a guy calls me the night of a good first date after he's dropped me off to tell me he had fun...I'd be excited because he was THAT into me...even if I didn't think he was THE guy for me. If a guy asked me out on a second date before he dropped me off after the first date, I'd be over the moon. If a guy called me the next day after the date, and it was a good date, I'd be very happy. I guarantee you, if we had a good date and he called me or asked me out again that fast, I wouldn't think he was desperate--I'd think that we was really into me!

If he said he'd call me the next day and he didn't, I wouldn't be happy. Unless someone died or something, I'd be really pissed off if he tried calling me two weeks later...I wouldn't talk to him. Why? I'll tell you why. Because I deserve a hell of a lot more respect than that. Even if he had to go to work and work extra hours, I know he would be able to at least call me and say, "hey--I'm sorry, but I got called in for an extra shift at work, I'll give you a real call tomorrow" or something. I expect this because I learned the hard way that if you don't get a tremendous amount of respect at the beginning of a relationship, you're freakin' doomed in the long-term. Excuses like "I had to work," or I had "a family emergency" in this day and age don't cut it. It's more common for people to have cell phones than not, and almost everyone has an accessible telephone at work that they can use on their lunch break or break times if they aren't able to use one while actually working. There is no telephone shortage in the world--just lack of motivation to dial.

One more thing: I live by the golden rule. If I expect a man to treat me like that, I guarantee that I try my hardest to reciprocate the same amount of respect in a relationship. It's a two-way street. Without both people trying their hardest to give each other respect and LOVE, it won't work. Period.

[spats]

Man, you keep harping on the whole teen rejection thing!  It also seems that you try to punish any woman that shows interest in you now because of the rejection.

That should be long in your rear view mirror now.

If you are truly in your twenties, I think you could do worse than to seek professional help with your feelings. Your views on the way a relationship should go are unique, but it's the recurring themes of rejection, and the way you sabotage possible dates with women who do show interest in you that indicates a deep seated problem. 

You describe your ideal mate as basically the psyche of one of your male friends, mated with a hot female body.

If it was me, I'd want to go figure out why that is.

What do you mean the psyche of my male friends?

I guess my memories and scars of the rejection from my teens should be a faint memory but that stuff has always stuck with me. Some of it seems like yesterday. I wish i could go back in time and do things over. if i could I wouldn't of asked any girls out, to dance, etc.

[Katuschka]

Not scared at all. it's called teaching a lesson.

Although just the idea of calling up a woman to ask her out imediately takes me back to my teen years when i would do it and get rejected. It seems like yesterday. UGH.

Find yourself a patient and tolerant psychiatrist. That's the probably the most realistic advice you could get.

[manderlyh]

Spats, here's a bit of advice for you--- don't call her immediately after getting her phone number. Wait until you've walked away...perhaps until she's out of sight and ear shot. You don't want to hear her phone ring...