Pet Peeves

[Nathan]

Listen everyone. I owe y'all an apology. As I've said before, I've been battling depression my whole life, and it was most severe during grade school (to the point of suicidal). I have been able to get out of it for the most part, however, over the past two weeks, major events have come to hit home, on a personal level, in a very hard way.

Myself and friends have been experiencing, first-hand, a lot of the racism and bigotry that has reared its ugly head in the past few weeks.

It was a death threat I got that hit me hardest (in downtown Atlanta... I was wearing a USY [united Synagogue Youth] t-shirt... a paper airplane hit me in the head... I picked it up 'cause I saw it had writing on it: "Another Jew. Another Death.").

Between all that and a (probably inevitable) explosion of repressed memories and feelings, I've been feeling very dark and hopeless these days. I spent all day today with a Psychiatrist and will be spending the day with him again tomorrow (Sunday), and I will... hopefully... come across an antidote for this poison in my veins. The only will I have left right now (despite my recent 12/21/2012 outburst) is the will to survive, and I'm not willing to lose that.

[Aquamarine]

Good luck with it, Nathan--it's a very positive sign that you're taking steps to deal with these feelings, and I think it's clear from the responses to yesterday's outburst that people do in fact care about you. Which is another antidote to the poison.

I don't think you owe folks an apology, though, there's a lot worse been said here!

[Fan_S.]

⬆ Hi Nathan I agree with all the posters above. Hey you're taking steps. That's a beginning. And, yes, prejudice is always infuriating. Just know, Nathan, that this ugliness on the bullies' part usually stems from deeply rooted self-loathing. You just happened to be there, an innocent bystander, to receive their polluted venting. It's very sad. Looking forward to years and years of your sharing your thoughts on life, Nathan.

[~tangerine~]

Listen everyone. I owe y'all an apology. As I've said before, I've been battling depression my whole, and it was most severe during grade school (to the point of suicidal). I have been able to get out of it for the most part, however, over the pats two weeks, major events have come to hit home, on a personal level, in a very hard way.

Myself and friends have been experiencing, first-hand, a lot of the racism and bigotry that has reared its ugly head in the past few weeks.

It was a death threat I got that hit me hardest (in downtown Atlanta... I was wearing a USY [united Synagogue Youth] t-shirt... a paper airplane hit me in the head... I picked it up 'cause I saw it had writing on it: "Another Jew. Another Death.").

Between all that and a (probably inevitable) explosion of repressed memories and feelings, I've been feeling very dark and hopeless these days. I spent all day today with a Psychiatrist and will be spending the day with him again tomorrow (Sunday), and I will... hopefully... come across an antidote for this poison in my veins. The only will I have left right now (despite my recent 12/21/2012 outburst) is the will to survive, and I'm not willing to lose that.

Hi Nathan, i can understand how deep that kind of racism could hit you or anyone. I have never experienced a personal attack such as you, but when i was growing up, the prejudice people in my neighborhood/school didn't know my religion, and assumed otherwise about me because of my looks. I never corrected anyone until a boyfriend of mine, and his friends, talked badly about people of my background. One day, i finally told my boyfriend, and he was so apologetic. He was also disappointed i hadn't told him from the start. He told all of his friends (who we always hung out with) and they also apologized, and i could see they felt truly embarrassed and sorry for their previous behavior. They never acted that way again and embraced many others who weren't from their background after that day. When i was 19 i dated a guy who was proud of his background (same as mine) and he asked me why i hide it. It was an eye opener for me. I still don't always share, and i will admit it is because of the deep hatred so many have. But i am proud of my people. They are an intelligent and strong group. I think this is a big part of the hatred. Like you, i am not religious, but my ancestory like anyone else's is something that is a part of me.

I hope you will get the treatment you need so that depression doesn't run your life. You have a lot to offer the world, so find your way!

[~tangerine~]

⬆ Hi Nathan I agree with all the posters above. Hey you're taking steps. That's a beginning. And, yes, prejudice is always infuriating. Just know, Nathan, that this ugliness on the bullies' part usually stems from deeply rooted self-loathing. You just happened to be there, an innocent bystander, to receive their polluted venting. It's very sad. Looking forward to years and years of your sharing your thoughts on life, Nathan.

Unfortunately, prejudice is usually learned. If your parents teach that kind of hatred, the children will continue the cycle.

[ninelives]

Listen everyone. I owe y'all an apology. As I've said before, I've been battling depression my whole, and it was most severe during grade school (to the point of suicidal). I have been able to get out of it for the most part, however, over the pats two weeks, major events have come to hit home, on a personal level, in a very hard way.

Myself and friends have been experiencing, first-hand, a lot of the racism and bigotry that has reared its ugly head in the past few weeks.

It was a death threat I got that hit me hardest (in downtown Atlanta... I was wearing a USY [united Synagogue Youth] t-shirt... a paper airplane hit me in the head... I picked it up 'cause I saw it had writing on it: "Another Jew. Another Death.").

Between all that and a (probably inevitable) explosion of repressed memories and feelings, I've been feeling very dark and hopeless these days. I spent all day today with a Psychiatrist and will be spending the day with him again tomorrow (Sunday), and I will... hopefully... come across an antidote for this poison in my veins. The only will I have left right now (despite my recent 12/21/2012 outburst) is the will to survive, and I'm not willing to lose that.

No need to apologize Nathan. Thank you for your honesty and sharing what's been going on with you. I'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time of things lately. I'm glad you are under care and wish you all the best that things will turn around and you can feel better.

[eternal light]

Take it easy, Nathan, stay positive and try not to worry. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

[Deborah J]

Listen everyone. I owe y'all an apology. As I've said before, I've been battling depression my whole, and it was most severe during grade school (to the point of suicidal). I have been able to get out of it for the most part, however, over the pats two weeks, major events have come to hit home, on a personal level, in a very hard way.

Myself and friends have been experiencing, first-hand, a lot of the racism and bigotry that has reared its ugly head in the past few weeks.

It was a death threat I got that hit me hardest (in downtown Atlanta... I was wearing a USY [united Synagogue Youth] t-shirt... a paper airplane hit me in the head... I picked it up 'cause I saw it had writing on it: "Another Jew. Another Death.").

Between all that and a (probably inevitable) explosion of repressed memories and feelings, I've been feeling very dark and hopeless these days. I spent all day today with a Psychiatrist and will be spending the day with him again tomorrow (Sunday), and I will... hopefully... come across an antidote for this poison in my veins. The only will I have left right now (despite my recent 12/21/2012 outburst) is the will to survive, and I'm not willing to lose that.

Hello Nathan!

No need to apologize. Racism and Bigotry is usually from uneducated and/or really stupid people. Glad you are reaching out for help. Don't let the idiots have control !!!

[manderlyh]

Nathan, I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.

Prejudice and bigotry are the most disgusting things human beings can do to each other, in my opinion.

I've never been a victim of that, so I can't really say I know how you feel, but I can imagine (a little bit).

[Electrophile]

While I've never had to deal with it on a personal level, ie. someone being prejudiced or racist towards me, I have had to deal with people being prejudiced and racist toward other people.

I live in a small town in North Carolina. That alone should send up warning flags, but trust me.....during the general election, I heard the "n-word" used more than I had ever heard it used in the 26 years I'd been alive. I had a very small Obama/Biden pin on my purse and it was hardly the only pin I had on my purse.....I have more flair on it than Jennifer Aniston's suspenders in Office Space. That being said, if someone saw it.....they had to make comment. And make it loud enough that it could be heard, which was clearly the point.

No matter how many inroads we make as a society; black man in the White House, Latina on the Supreme Court, woman as Secretary of State.....there will always be people like ^THAT to remind you.....we haven't made nearly enough.

[Aquamarine]

[manderlyh]

Ditto to what Aqua said.

[ninelives]

I wish I could say you were wrong Elizabeth but unfortunately you are right - we've come a long way most certainly but there's still a lot of work ahead. Good post

[Jahfin]

I've run into some old friends online in recent months, many of whom have different political beliefs than me. Nothing at all the matter with that but some of the email FWD's I receive from them are downright racist and homophobic. That, I can't get onboard with.

[Electrophile]

I've run into some old friends online in recent months, many of whom have different political beliefs than me. Nothing at all the matter with that but some of the email FWD's I receive from them are downright racist and homophobic. That, I can't get onboard with.

Lord yes. Some of the email forwards I get about Barack Obama are equal parts horrifying and hysterical. I wonder about the people who believe these things - do they also think gullible isn't in the dictionary?

[Nathan]

Well, night 2 was awesome. He and I talked a lot about what I love and what my future goal is. He told me that he doesn't think I need major sessions, maybe an hour twice a month. He said I need to stop repressing old memories and start dealing with them. Which I guess is a great idea.

Meanwhile, I have an outlet. I love music, and I love writing it. I used to hate political and social commentary/critique, and satire in songs, but now it's just about all I write. So I that's what I'll keep doing. Basically... I'm apparently no where near as bad as I thought... what was hitting me was repressed stuff that was had no more room to be repressed anywhere, and so just came back up.

Anyways... I have a new pet peeve:

Pro Tracks Plus.

Anyone use this fun little recording program? Well, I managed to record one song and half-way edit another before it decided it didn't like me. Now, when I go to open it, it starts up but then shuts right back down. I have tried everything, and I do mean everything. I've sent an email to Pro Tracks support, but I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out, which sucks, because it means I'll have to entirely rerecord one song in its entirety instead of just adding the vocals which I intended to do tomorrow.

[slave to zep]

that's good news, nathan. glad to hear you are feeling better.

[ninelives]

Good news Nathan!!!! Keep the chin up, take it one day at a time

[Evster2012]

While I've never had to deal with it on a personal level, ie. someone being prejudiced or racist towards me, I have had to deal with people being prejudiced and racist toward other people.

I live in a small town in North Carolina. That alone should send up warning flags, but trust me.....during the general election, I heard the "n-word" used more than I had ever heard it used in the 26 years I'd been alive. I had a very small Obama/Biden pin on my purse and it was hardly the only pin I had on my purse.....I have more flair on it than Jennifer Aniston's suspenders in Office Space. That being said, if someone saw it.....they had to make comment. And make it loud enough that it could be heard, which was clearly the point.

No matter how many inroads we make as a society; black man in the White House, Latina on the Supreme Court, woman as Secretary of State.....there will always be people like ^THAT to remind you.....we haven't made nearly enough.

When I lived in Hendersonville, NC, I was stunned by the casual use of the n-word. Being from Southern California my whole life I was dumbstruck when while standing in line at Hardees, the guy in front of me told the black man in front of him to "Step aside n......r". The man stepped aside like it was nothing ynusual, and let the white guy step in front of him. Everybody heard it, and no one batted an eye. It seemed like it was normal conduct. I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

[Electrophile]

When I lived in Hendersonville, NC, I was stunned by the casual use of the n-word. Being from Southern California my whole life I was dumbstruck when while standing in line at Hardees, the guy in front of me told the black man in front of him to "Step aside n......r". The man stepped aside like it was nothing ynusual, and let the white guy step in front of him. Everybody heard it, and no one batted an eye. It seemed like it was normal conduct. I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

It makes my skin crawl. A couple times I've whipped around and told the offending party to keep their pie hole shut - only I don't say it nearly that nice. I wasn't raised to find that kind of behavior acceptable in any context and when I see other people around me acting like it's no big deal or "normal"......I go off like a Roman candle.

It's 2009, for fuck's sake.

[~tangerine~]

When I lived in Hendersonville, NC, I was stunned by the casual use of the n-word. Being from Southern California my whole life I was dumbstruck when while standing in line at Hardees, the guy in front of me told the black man in front of him to "Step aside n......r". The man stepped aside like it was nothing ynusual, and let the white guy step in front of him. Everybody heard it, and no one batted an eye. It seemed like it was normal conduct. I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

I don't know any white people who would have the nerve to say that to any black people where i live. They would very likely get knocked out if they did.

Pet peeve of mine, hot lifeguards who are only twenty years old (i'm refering to the male species)

[manderlyh]

^

...at least they're not "hot lifeguards who are only 15 years old..."

...and as for the "n" word, I live in total white-breadville Idaho. The biggest minority here are of hispanic descent (9.8%). Seriously. I think out black population is something like 0.04% of the population. (I stand corrected, according to this site: http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/16000.html, the black population is 0.09%) Our "white" population is 85.something%.

I haven't seen much prejudice other than stupid random comments that are made by people about people they've never seen in person or talked to.

[~tangerine~]

^

...at least they're not "hot lifeguards who are only 15 years old..."

Good point manderlyh. 20 is a man i believe

[Footsteps of Dawn]

Just to add to the Twilight Zone-ness of all of this, I swear I saw more black/white couples when I was in Nashville for a week than I did all this year in San Diego (well, I've seen one interracial family in San Diego a bunch of times this year, but that's because they're MY family, lol). Granted, we have a smaller black population, but it's not minuscule, and anyway, my main point is, just when you think, "Hey, it's California! We're a pretty free-thinking area" you realize it's not, and that we all still have a ways to go in one way or another.

I think the whole country's come along way since Jim Crow, obviously, but we still have some pretty deep-rooted issues that we need to talk more about instead of sweeping them under the carpet and pretending like we're all perfect and don't have any prejudices. It was really interesting when I went to the Museum of Tolerance in 8th grade...one of the first things they say when you get there is, EVERYBODY has prejudices in one form or another, and you know, I think they're right. And as they say, the first step is to admit you have a problem...

[manderlyh]

Honestly, you should have seen the shock and horror on some of my students' faces when I taught Jim Crow, hate groups, and segregation and integration as a prelude to To Kill A Mockingbird.

I had some straight out vile pictures of lynchings, mobs, etc. that were meant to shock and appall the kids. I hung up a TON of pictures, including Jim Crow signs and I told them, "this isn't meant to be pretty or funny. It's not meant to be something you're comfortable with. I want you to think about how this makes you feel uncomfortable and what you can do with this to make our world a better place."

I had one girl who is like 1/8 black or something, (as I recall the information correctly...I know for a fact that she's from the Dominican Republic), and she was absolutely appalled--she didn't know how black people were treated in America as recently as the 60's.

Yes, we've come a long way, but we still need to march on with the progression on this matter.

In the school district I work for, Jim Crow laws come after The Holocaust. The kids have all seen graphic Holocaust pictures, so I figured they should also see graphic Jim Crow law-related pictures to show them it doesn't just happen in Nazi Germany.