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The Bomber

Drummer Jokes (No offense meant to Bonzo or Jason)

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I'd say it's true just from listening to that recording one of his band members made of his rants.

But he was voted #1 drummer of all time.

B)

Great drummer! Terrible ego!

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Once he accused me of playing B sharp when i should have played a C! (If you don't know music it skips B# and goes right up to C)

B#! :hysterical:

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B#! :hysterical:

well...the drummer would be partially correct if you are playing in C# Major C# D# E# F# G# A# B#, and the song is in C...he'd have to be a mindreader or something to know if you were intending to play a major 7th in C# as opposed to the root in C because they are the same note after all

this is really a guitarist joke but since this a drummer joke thread...

How do you get a drummer to get off your porch?

pay for the pizza

Edited by spatdrastik

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well...the drummer would be partially correct if you are playing in C# Major C# D# E# F# G# A# B#, and the song is in C...he'd have to be a mindreader or something to know if you were intending to play a major 7th in C# as opposed to the root in C because they are the same note after all

this is really a guitarist joke but since this a drummer joke thread...

How do you get a drummer to get off your porch?

pay for the pizza

C was the opening chord.

And i've heard that joke on numerous occasions,it's too accurate for comfort.

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How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better

Neil Peart coulda done it.

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Last week my drummer friend told me "If i speed up or slow down then i'm in control,a drummer controls the pace of the song,if i do a fill or change beat you get confused,i keep it all together!".I told him "No,if you speed up or slow down i get a drum machine."That shut him up.

A female drummer friend said "You better be nice to us drummer friends or we'll mess up the gig!"I told her "You do that anyway."I'm good at shutting drummers up,drummers should only speak when they are spoken to.

Bassists should be seen,not heard

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Last week my drummer friend told me "If i speed up or slow down then i'm in control,a drummer controls the pace of the song,if i do a fill or change beat you get confused,i keep it all together!".I told him "No,if you speed up or slow down i get a drum machine."That shut him up.

A female drummer friend said "You better be nice to us drummer friends or we'll mess up the gig!"I told her "You do that anyway."I'm good at shutting drummers up,drummers should only speak when they are spoken to.

Bassists should be seen,not heard

Hey now...I'm a bassist and I've always maintained that if the bass isn't there, you'll notice. We're more important than the drummer!

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My drummer couldn't play at practice because of his arm,we got a random kid to play stand in,she did a pretty good job,our drummer looked on in shock,i just told him that she all but has his job with a grin on my face,he's still looking for guitarist jokes to piss me off!

:lol:

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Well, you know when you find a good drummer, he'll be more valuable than a good guitar player. Because good drummers are rare; it takes timing, speed, groove, power, and a good ear to be a good drummer. Anything more than that makes you a superb drummer in my opinion.

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Well, you know when you find a good drummer, he'll be more valuable than a good guitar player. Because good drummers are rare; it takes timing, speed, groove, power, and a good ear to be a good drummer. Anything more than that makes you a superb drummer in my opinion.

..."And you'll find all these qualities and more in the new drum machine 3000!You'll never need a drummer again!"

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..."And you'll find all these qualities and more in the new drum machine 3000!You'll never need a drummer again!"

Drum machines are boring. I can do more than a drum machine. I'd rather have that Japanese guy on the prodikey over a drum machine, anyway. :P:lol:

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Drum machines are boring. I can do more than a drum machine. I'd rather have that Japanese guy on the prodikey over a drum machine, anyway. :P:lol:

...Get back to me when you invent a guitar machine (And Jimmy Page doesn't count as one)

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whats the difference between a drummer, and a drum machine...

... you only have to punch the instructions into a drum machine once :P

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This one's kind of lame, but oh well.

If you tutor someone at their instrument all day and they still aren't any better, you give them two sticks and make them a drummer. If that person is so stupid that he/she can't even do that, you take away one stick and make them a conductor.

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This one's kind of lame, but oh well.

If you tutor someone at their instrument all day and they still aren't any better, you give them two sticks and make them a drummer. If that person is so stupid that he/she can't even do that, you take away one stick and make them a conductor.

No, I think that's kinda good :D

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Here's some:

A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger,fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."

How can you tell if a drummer has been doing the crossword?

All the squares have been coloured in.

So this drummer walks into a pawn shop wanting to learn a couple new

instruments. After talking to the pawn broker he decides that he'll

"take that accordian and that red trumpet over there in the corner".

The pawn broker dryly replies that he would love to sell him an

accordian and a trumpet, but the radiator and fire extinguisher are not

for sale.

What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug one of them in before it sucks

How about the drummer who kept getting fired for having bad time.

He became so depressed that he went to the railroad tracks and threw

himself behind a train.

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a drummer?

A tattoo!

I once asked a drummer how to spell "Mississippi".

He said, "the river or the state?"

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a drummer."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's £5.00. Go get something to eat!"

A drummer goes in for a haircut but refuses to take off his walkman. The hairdresser does as best he can and then askes again if the headphones could come off again, just for a moment so he can finish the job, but the drummer refuses and says that it might kill him to take them off. The hairdresser can't sit and look at this dodgy haircut so he just rips them off and finishes the job. After about 30 seconds the drummer just collapses in his seat and is dead. The hairdresser can't resist listening to this life giving music, so puts on the headphones and hears "Breath in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out......."

:D:D

Edited by ledsabbath

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:lol: :lol: Those are ace Ledsabbath, every single one is funny!

I particularly like the first one and the tattoo one.

Edited by GibsonGirl

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Yeah, thanks for that. I read every post, and I looked around the net for drummer jokes that were both good and hadn't been already told. I'm glad you appreciated it.

I cracked up at the joke about the drummer with bad timing that was so depressed that he tried to commit suicide by throwing himself behind a train.

Edited by ledsabbath

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Yeah, thanks for that. I read every post, and I looked around the net for drummer jokes that were both good and hadn't been already told. I'm glad you appreciated it.

I cracked up at the joke about the drummer with bad timing that was so depressed that he tried to commit suicide by throwing himself behind a train.

Yeah, the train one was good. My brother just came in and I recited all of these, we had a good laugh, especially on that one B)

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This is a guitarist joke,so i'll tell it as a guitarist joke:

Q."How do you kill a vampire guitarist?"

A."Drive a stake through his penis."

A cello joke:

Q."What's the difference between a coffin and a cello?"

A."With a coffin,the corpse is on the inside."

Sorry,there's no guitarist/cellist joke thread.

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