Led Zeppelin/Black Sabbath satire paper I wrote

[JimmyPageZoSo56]

now, I am bashing Black Sabbath. One of my best friends loves Black Sabbath like I do Led Zeppelin. I like Sabbath, I just dont think they are amazing. So before you criticize me, I am bashing Black Sabbath not Led Zeppelin.

Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. When a person thinks of these bands, they think heavy metal. Led Zeppelin came first and set the stage to become the greatest band ever: Jimmy Page playing guitar, John Bonham playing drums, Robert Plant singing, and John Paul Jones playing bass. Led Zeppelin used many different tones and sounds, etc. Wow, that’s a whopper! Why not just become gods while you’re at it? Oh, they did! Black Sabbath was pissed about that: Tony Iommi playing guitar, Bill Ward playing drums, Geezer Butler playing bass and Ozzy Osbourne singing. I would be pissed too if I knew I was better! Look, who does want to listen to power chords that take no talent to play? I do! Tony Iommi is so much better. I’d rather listen to Tony Iommi play with two fingers instead of Jimmy Page’s shredding or violin bow techniques with five. We all know two is better then five. It’s funny, Iommi was quitting his job. His last day of work in a factory when all of a sudden…WHOOP! The top of his middle and ring fingers were chopped off! Caught in the machine! He lost his fingers on the last day of work. But that’s a good thing right? We’d never have Black Sabbath if that didn’t happen. Just thinking of Tony Iommi swearing about losing his fingers with his British accent cursing up a storm just makes me laugh. And from that moment he was always pissed; everyone knew he was better than Jimmy Page who just so happened to create the world’s biggest and greatest band. Using a violin bow like Page did and making revolutionary tones, nah, that’s for losers. But playing two finger power chords, now that’s talent!

“Stairway to Heaven” is the best rock and roll song ever written by Led Zeppelin and the world agrees. But I don’t. I can name so many better songs that have a better climax such as “Paranoid” which the beat doesn’t change at all. That’s right, I went there. And Plant’s vocals are amazing in “Stairway to Heaven.” The lyrics are about a women getting what she wanted all the time without giving back any thought or consideration. That’s amazing. Nobody wants to stop listening to that (seriously, that’s not sarcasm). But on the other side “Paranoid” is about a .guy who’s a weirdo and has problems and talks about how he can’t smile. Is it too hard to smile? No! Therefore we know, Tony Iommi wrote it. Lighten up you big baby!

Now Jimmy Page, why can’t you be like Tony Iommi and play like you have no talent? That’s what the world wants to hear. Please, for the love of God and Scientology, don’t write anything amazing like “Stairway to Heaven,” “Achilles Last Stand,” or “Kashmir.” I certainly don’t think that matches to the power chords of Iommi. You have all of your fingers. Just chop off the tips of two of them, grow out your beard again, and looked pissed. There, now you got it! That is a perfect Tony Iommi imitation. It would just be so devastating if Tony Iommi died…NOT!

Enough about Jimmy. Lets talk about John Bonham, the drummer of Led Zeppelin, the greatest rock and roll drummer who ever lived. He could play double bass beats with one pedal, play a 30 minute drum solo in “Moby Dick.” The list just goes on. But Bill Ward of Black Sabbath, oh my god! Pure, drunken amazingness (made up word)! Flail your arms around like a fish out of water Billy! You can do it! You can’t beat the “Moby Dick” solo. You don’t need another shot of whisky to continue. Hey, put that bottle down! Oops, too late, he passed out. Bonham may have drank a lot and he died from it! Rest his soul (this part isn’t sarcastic). The world’s greatest drummer is dead. But Ward drank so much more than Bonham and he isn’t dead! He is obese now and can’t play drums because he is too fat; so it makes up for it. That’s what you get for trying to one-up the world’s best. You’re a fat mammoth if you will, so live with it!

Ozzy Osbourne on the other hand, well, amazing singer. Robert Plant is amazing too. He could sing the normal range of the average man, plus an octave higher and sustain it. That is true. What can Ozzy do? Not that. But he can flip off the audience and moon them. That’s classy. Plant can play a mean harmonica and tambourine; Ozzy can’t. But he can bit off the head of a bat. All in all, Ozzy has talent!

Now the last member of Black Sabbath is Geezer Butler the bassist. He’s better, like way totally to the max better then John Paul Jones even though Jones is the most versatile then any other bassist. Jimmy Page asked Jones to play in Led Zeppelin because he’s amazing unlike Geezer who is good, but not as good as Jones. If Jones doesn’t want to play bass, he can play piano, keyboards, acoustic guitar and mandolin. Geezer can play…well…just bass.

Yes, yes, this paper was amazing; amazing like Jimmy Page is better then Tony Iommi. We all know that Led Zeppelin are the gods of rock and Black Sabbath is like the other guy that nobody cares about. Saying Black Sabbath is better than Led Zeppelin is like saying Taco Bell is better than Chipotle. You’re comparing apples to oranges. Black Sabbath needs to be more like Led Zeppelin if you want people to like you.

[lzzoso]

now, I am bashing Black Sabbath. One of my best friends loves Black Sabbath like I do Led Zeppelin. I like Sabbath, I just dont think they are amazing. So before you criticize me, I am bashing Black Sabbath not Led Zeppelin.

Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. When a person thinks of these bands, they think heavy metal. Led Zeppelin came first and set the stage to become the greatest band ever: Jimmy Page playing guitar, John Bonham playing drums, Robert Plant singing, and John Paul Jones playing bass. Led Zeppelin used many different tones and sounds, etc. Wow, that’s a whopper! Why not just become gods while you’re at it? Oh, they did! Black Sabbath was pissed about that: Tony Iommi playing guitar, Bill Ward playing drums, Geezer Butler playing bass and Ozzy Osbourne singing. I would be pissed too if I knew I was better! Look, who does want to listen to power chords that take no talent to play? I do! Tony Iommi is so much better. I’d rather listen to Tony Iommi play with two fingers instead of Jimmy Page’s shredding or violin bow techniques with five. We all know two is better then five. It’s funny, Iommi was quitting his job. His last day of work in a factory when all of a sudden…WHOOP! The top of his middle and ring fingers were chopped off! Caught in the machine! He lost his fingers on the last day of work. But that’s a good thing right? We’d never have Black Sabbath if that didn’t happen. Just thinking of Tony Iommi swearing about losing his fingers with his British accent cursing up a storm just makes me laugh. And from that moment he was always pissed; everyone knew he was better than Jimmy Page who just so happened to create the world’s biggest and greatest band. Using a violin bow like Page did and making revolutionary tones, nah, that’s for losers. But playing two finger power chords, now that’s talent!

“Stairway to Heaven” is the best rock and roll song ever written by Led Zeppelin and the world agrees. But I don’t. I can name so many better songs that have a better climax such as “Paranoid” which the beat doesn’t change at all. That’s right, I went there. And Plant’s vocals are amazing in “Stairway to Heaven.” The lyrics are about a women getting what she wanted all the time without giving back any thought or consideration. That’s amazing. Nobody wants to stop listening to that (seriously, that’s not sarcasm). But on the other side “Paranoid” is about a .guy who’s a weirdo and has problems and talks about how he can’t smile. Is it too hard to smile? No! Therefore we know, Tony Iommi wrote it. Lighten up you big baby!

Now Jimmy Page, why can’t you be like Tony Iommi and play like you have no talent? That’s what the world wants to hear. Please, for the love of God and Scientology, don’t write anything amazing like “Stairway to Heaven,” “Achilles Last Stand,” or “Kashmir.” I certainly don’t think that matches to the power chords of Iommi. You have all of your fingers. Just chop off the tips of two of them, grow out your beard again, and looked pissed. There, now you got it! That is a perfect Tony Iommi imitation. It would just be so devastating if Tony Iommi died…NOT!

Enough about Jimmy. Lets talk about John Bonham, the drummer of Led Zeppelin, the greatest rock and roll drummer who ever lived. He could play double bass beats with one pedal, play a 30 minute drum solo in “Moby Dick.” The list just goes on. But Bill Ward of Black Sabbath, oh my god! Pure, drunken amazingness (made up word)! Flail your arms around like a fish out of water Billy! You can do it! You can’t beat the “Moby Dick” solo. You don’t need another shot of whisky to continue. Hey, put that bottle down! Oops, too late, he passed out. Bonham may have drank a lot and he died from it! Rest his soul (this part isn’t sarcastic). The world’s greatest drummer is dead. But Ward drank so much more than Bonham and he isn’t dead! He is obese now and can’t play drums because he is too fat; so it makes up for it. That’s what you get for trying to one-up the world’s best. You’re a fat mammoth if you will, so live with it!

Ozzy Osbourne on the other hand, well, amazing singer. Robert Plant is amazing too. He could sing the normal range of the average man, plus an octave higher and sustain it. That is true. What can Ozzy do? Not that. But he can flip off the audience and moon them. That’s classy. Plant can play a mean harmonica and tambourine; Ozzy can’t. But he can bit off the head of a bat. All in all, Ozzy has talent!

Now the last member of Black Sabbath is Geezer Butler the bassist. He’s better, like way totally to the max better then John Paul Jones even though Jones is the most versatile then any other bassist. Jimmy Page asked Jones to play in Led Zeppelin because he’s amazing unlike Geezer who is good, but not as good as Jones. If Jones doesn’t want to play bass, he can play piano, keyboards, acoustic guitar and mandolin. Geezer can play…well…just bass.

Yes, yes, this paper was amazing; amazing like Jimmy Page is better then Tony Iommi. We all know that Led Zeppelin are the gods of rock and Black Sabbath is like the other guy that nobody cares about. Saying Black Sabbath is better than Led Zeppelin is like saying Taco Bell is better than Chipotle. You’re comparing apples to oranges. Black Sabbath needs to be more like Led Zeppelin if you want people to like you.

In my opinion, what you just wrote and what I just read was a complete insult to the music of Jimmy Page and Led Zeppelin. You may be a Led Zeppelin fan, but what I just read seemed to be the complete opposite. Your post may be one of the most "insulting" post ever. Your own quote "Tony Iommi is so much better. I’d rather listen to Tony Iommi play with two fingers instead of Jimmy Page’s shredding or violin bow techniques with five. We all know two is better then five." I am a huge Black Sabbath fan but how can you explain that quote? That may be the worst quote and example of all-time. "Paranoid" better than "Stairway to Heaven"? I could go on but I think I have made my point. If someone thinks I have not made my point, I will gladly give it real soon.

[Page-ist]

In my opinion, what you just wrote and what I just read was a complete insult to the music of Jimmy Page and Led Zeppelin. You may be a Led Zeppelin fan, but what I just read seemed to be the complete opposite. Your post may be one of the most "insulting" post ever. Your own quote "Tony Iommi is so much better. I'd rather listen to Tony Iommi play with two fingers instead of Jimmy Page's shredding or violin bow techniques with five. We all know two is better then five." I am a huge Black Sabbath fan but how can you explain that quote? That may be the worst quote and example of all-time. "Paranoid" better than "Stairway to Heaven"? I could go on but I think I have made my point. If someone thinks I have not made my point, I will gladly give it real soon.

Completely agree. Black Sabbath is alright, but I think that Tony's guitar tone seems to get dull and even more about Ozzies singing. I dont even think someone could have a serious opinion that Paranoid is better than Stairway.

[Page-ist]

Completely agree. Black Sabbath is alright, but I think that Tony's guitar tone seems to get dull and even more about Ozzies singing. I dont even think someone could have a serious opinion that Paranoid is better than Stairway.

Wait a sec. oh sorry. I think I just realized that zoso56 was being sarcastic. My bad. In this case, I agree with 56.

[imPLANTed]

I think he did explain that the paper was written dripping with sarcasm. So any insult to LZ was purely sarcasm.

[ms_zeppelin94]

I like it. I love satire, and you really hit a few good nerves there.

Bravo!

[3hrsoflunacy]

I really thought it sucked. Regardless of your opinion of Sabbath, to poke fun at Tony's industrial accident and others' drinking problems is in poor taste and low class. Hey, let us know when you sell as many albums as Black Sabbath, or influence a genre of music as much as they have.

[reswati]

Still I think this complete article, may it be satire or not is complete kaka.

As long as you can't write a song as simple and catchy as Paranoid I think you have no right to call somebody talentless or whatsoever.

If you think Ozzy's singing is dull....okay have it your way, I guess you never even tried to sing the vocals of for instance Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.

Comparing these two bands is comparing apples and oranges.....what's next, comparing Them Crooked Vultures with Britney Spears (That would be indeed a satire I would love to read).

Anyway,

Rock on forever, and feel free to see that there are lots of amazing bands that are worth beeing listened to.

(lol, 3hoursoflunacy......great minds think alike)

[Broken Levee]

Hmmm. Maybe a little proofreading would have made this more interesting. But I doubt it.

[_Lena_Zep]

I wouldn't call this satire.

Satire has its humor, the humor which is not for everyone. We should think about the satire paper someone has written. Our brain cells should make an effort to understand what was written. When I read this, honestly, I thought: What a waste of time.

I know it's errr satire, but bashing Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath in that manner (Bonzo's drinking, Iommi's accident etc) is not cool.

This is offense to the real satire works.

[kaiser]

Reading that was like sitting through one of those old Dean Martin Roast's. Yup, that funny.

[tom kid]

Reading that was like sitting through one of those old Dean Martin Roast's. Yup, that funny.

Hey! Those Roasts were pretty good, check out when they roast Dean and Don Rickles etc. talks.

This is just insulting to both bands to be honest. Sabbath were awesome at what they did and pretty much invented a genre single handedly. Zep and Sabbath played pretty much different types of music, although not in their early years. I thought that this paper was not in the least bit funny and that all you were doing was trying to get laughs at the expense of the members of Black Sabbath; who are/were very accomplished musicians in their own right. After all, isn't all music subjective? So comparing Zep and Sabbath is pointless as there are always going to people who think Iommi is a better player than Page and so on and so on...

[Page-ist]

I think he did explain that the paper was written dripping with sarcasm. So any insult to LZ was purely sarcasm.

[Ivar]

It seems to me that this satire paper really should have been a visual show like a cartoon or some kind of parody show I think it would have made a little more sense then, at least to me. Anyway, I have problems defining it as satire, since satire is more like having a message behind the humor that critisizes or questions something in society. While this is more a parody of a extreme Black Sabbath fan