Jahfin Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 http://www.chartattack.com/damn/2008/03/1130.cfm Chad Kroeger Sucked Himself Off For Beer Nickelback have sold millions of albums around the world, but most ChartAttack readers would probably take no offence if we said that band main man Chad Kroeger sucked. Now, it's no longer an artistic judgment call. He's admitted it. Kroeger's confession of suckitude has nothing to do with his music, however. It has everything to do with his penis. That's right: Nickelback's frontman has slurped on his own wang. The brave, and not particularly wise, admission came during an interview in the new issue of Playboy. Rumours have been going around since the band rose to fame that Kroeger carries a hefty spear, but we always figured it was meant for sharing. So why did the 33-year-old singer, guitarist, songwriter, producer and record label executive orally pleasure his member? Apparently Kroeger (when he was still Chad Turton) was 14 and did it in exchange for a case of beer. And it wasn't easy, as it was apparently "soft and required a lot of pulling." Kroeger can obviously now afford a fleet of fluffers, and a beer or two, and it's a good thing. He says he isn't as flexible as he used to be and can no longer do the deed. Enroll yourself in a yoga class, dude, and you'll soon be back in the swing of things. Kroeger's lawyer lost an argument in court last week that an RCMP officer violated the constitution when he asked his client to blow in his face as a means of helping him determine if the singer had been drinking and driving. If he thought that blowing in the face is unconstitutional, what the hell is blowing yourself? Kroeger's trial date on charges of impaired driving and driving with a blood-alcohol level above 0.8 is slated to be scheduled on Wednesday. -- Steve McLean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock Action Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 He sucked way before his "musical" career, literally! That should have been an omen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electricmage Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Chad Kroeger sucks left, right and down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jarlaxle 56 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Hahaha, that's bloody hilarious, what a fucking moron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Gives new meaning to the term "Rubber Necker" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trashbag Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hmm, this'll be a great story to tell to all of my idiot Nickelback-loving friends.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suz Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hmm, this'll be a great story to tell to all of my idiot Nickelback-loving friends.... Neither my daughter or I can stand them at all. Blech. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zosodude13 Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 can you imagine his interview for the record company he signed with? "Ok. So, maybe my music really does sucks. But, is there anyone on the label who can do this?!?!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phr0z3n Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Chad sound's like he is in agonizing pain every time he sings.. When I first heard Nickelback, I was like "Dude, why is this guy so mad?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the queen without a king Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Barf. The guy grossed me out before but now multiply that by 100. So embarassed that they are Canadian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alinds Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 If I was capable of that amazing feat I would most certainly perform it for a case of beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suz Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 If I was capable of that amazing feat I would most certainly perform it for a case of beer. I guess if I were a guy I might try it Why not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pb Derigable Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 http://www.chartattack.com/damn/2008/03/1130.cfm Chad Kroeger Sucked Himself Off For Beer Nickelback have sold millions of albums around the world, but most ChartAttack readers would probably take no offence if we said that band main man Chad Kroeger sucked. Now, it's no longer an artistic judgment call. He's admitted it. Kroeger's confession of suckitude has nothing to do with his music, however. It has everything to do with his penis. That's right: Nickelback's frontman has slurped on his own wang. The brave, and not particularly wise, admission came during an interview in the new issue of Playboy. Rumours have been going around since the band rose to fame that Kroeger carries a hefty spear, but we always figured it was meant for sharing. So why did the 33-year-old singer, guitarist, songwriter, producer and record label executive orally pleasure his member? Apparently Kroeger (when he was still Chad Turton) was 14 and did it in exchange for a case of beer. And it wasn't easy, as it was apparently "soft and required a lot of pulling." Kroeger can obviously now afford a fleet of fluffers, and a beer or two, and it's a good thing. He says he isn't as flexible as he used to be and can no longer do the deed. Enroll yourself in a yoga class, dude, and you'll soon be back in the swing of things. Kroeger's lawyer lost an argument in court last week that an RCMP officer violated the constitution when he asked his client to blow in his face as a means of helping him determine if the singer had been drinking and driving. If he thought that blowing in the face is unconstitutional, what the hell is blowing yourself? Kroeger's trial date on charges of impaired driving and driving with a blood-alcohol level above 0.8 is slated to be scheduled on Wednesday. -- Steve McLean Thats means he just tried it recently. Do you think sombody tried the "Clerks" movie routine on him and he told this story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I guess if I were a guy I might try it Why not? Don't put evil thoughts into my head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suz Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Don't put evil thoughts into my head Uh oh! Better close the blinds! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phr0z3n Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Pics or it didn't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alinds Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Randal Graves: This has gotta be the weirdest thing you've ever been called in on. Coroner: Actually, I once had to tag a kid who broke his neck trying to put his mouth on his own penis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Bonnie~ Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 The only thing I can say to this is eeeeewwwwwwwww...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pb Derigable Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Peter grant: Man, I cannot belive sombody would do that for beer JPJ: "Comon' you can go farther than that." Page: "What is this kid's name." Kid: :mumbling: my name is Chad Turton. Im from Canada. Bonzo: "This shit is fucked up, Hey Jonsey, I want my Nickelback, this shit is so fucked up." I now its the wrong thread but still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zepaholic Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 "soft and required a lot of pulling" Some things never change for Chad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electricmage Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Pics or it didn't happen. Really? You want pics? Seriously? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the queen without a king Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Really? You want pics? Seriously? BARF! The mental picture is quite enough!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electricmage Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 The questioned always asked by men; does sucking your own wang, make you gay/ Bi-sexual? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phr0z3n Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Really? You want pics? Seriously? Uh, no. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHD Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Anything a cocker spaniel can do, Chad can do better!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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