Jump to content

The child abuse that keeps on giving


Recommended Posts

So I just checked my email and one of the links on the main page was to bad baby names. I thought I would share some because it makes me hate my name less and love my parents oh so much more.


You'd have to be really sick to infect your offspring with virulent names like these:

Fever Bender (born 1856)

Leper Priest (born 1929)

Cholera Priest (born 1830 during the second cholera pandemic)

Rubella Graves (born 1814)

Typhus Black (born 1897)

Hysteria Johnson (born 1881)

Emma Royd (born 1850)

Kathryn E. Coli (born 1894)

Mumps Sykes (born 1891)


With names like "Mayor Bland," it seems like some parents had high, ambitious hopes for their children's future.

Cook Cook

Governor Bush

Lawyer Low

Doctor Love

Teacher Blackbear

Judge Savage

Editor Honeycutt

Mayor Bland

Sales O. Justice

Gamble Moore


The authors found 149 records for people named Lust, 70 for Greed, 12 for Sloth, and 830 for Pride. Which of the 7 deadlly sins was missing? Only gluttony.

Lust Garten

Greed Sister Mancini

Avarice Sullivan

Sloth Washton

Wrath Gordon

Envy Burger

Pride Saint

Greed McGrew

Pride Saint

Lust T. Castle

Irish luck

Plenty of parents must have thought that naming their child Lucky would translate into a bright future. In 1930 alone, there are 463 Luckys.

Some lucky favorites:

Lucky Green

Lucky Jewell

Lucky O’Brien

Lucky Pleasant

Luck Fortune

Shamrock Hardeman of Illinois

Shamrock Dates of Mississippi

Shamrock Holland of Texas

The religious types:

Saint Patrick Blan

Saint Patrick Forrest

Saint Patrick

The patriotic:

Ireland England

Ireland Green

Irish Sea

Ireland Brew


Rainbow Green

Emerald Jewel

Clover Field

Clover B. Green

A St. Patrick’s Day feast:

Beef Cooper

Guinness Dack

Cabbage Haywood


Some parents loved eating so much, they named their kids after favorite meals, snacks—and even condiments:

Lunch Magee

Dinner Ware

Bread White

Hero Brat

Mayo Head

Mustard M. Mustard

Pickle Parker

Plum Sellers

Banana Bowdy

Cherry Grant


Forget Suri or Shiloh – celebrities have given their children far stranger names! Discover the stars' oddest, most bizarre baby names:

Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)

Moxie CrimeFighter (Magician Penn Jillette)

Hopper (Sean Penn and Robin Wright)

Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)

Sosie (Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick)

Destry (Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw)

Aurelius Cy (Elle Macpherson)

Kal-El Coppola (Nicolas Cage)

Bluebell Madonna (Spice Girl Geri Halliwell)

Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon)

Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)

Tallulah (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)

Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)

Also, for Friends fans, when I was still living in Hawai'i, I saw a birth announcement for "Chandler Bing Porier." Mhm.

Anyway, I think my favorite of all of them is Cherry Grant. Child abuse, classic cinema style.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Our family was very relieved when the youngest newly weds decided against naming their first child "Green." They moved on to "Seven" (as in Lucky, I guess) then finally settled on Max.

As a fan of his dad's, I can shed light on Kyd Duchovny. His first name is in honor of the playwright Thomas Kyd, a contemporary of Shakespeare; Duchovny has a masters degree in English Literature. The boy's full name is Kyd Miller, and he goes by Miller, not Kyd.

His sister also goes by her middle name, which is "West." And so we come back to the title of the thread...

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...