MATTY PAGE Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Sorry if this bit don't make sense, was typing too fast!! "but I am a hell of a lot better than what I was and I hope in time I will start to be like I was." I mean I'm confident I'll be able to be like I was before that funeral, but appreciate it's not something that will happen overnight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterShaggy Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Great story man. I love the way life works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danelectro59 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Good story, man. I would love to put my life down on paper someday as I have experienced much in my half century of living, but I'm not confident I could put it down as eloquently as i'd like. Plus, i've still got a lot of livin' to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evster2012 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 If it's o.k I would like to mention that the second half of last year and early this year hasn't been great for me. My uncle died at 59 last year of cancer (not old really), and his funeral was the first I had ever attended and it seemed to fuck me up, it scared me and I had a lot of flashbacks and had to see a someone. Then me grandad passed away not long ago, and since these things I haven't really been the same since, but I am a hell of a lot better than what I was and I hope in time I will start to be like I was. One thing that really made me feel miles better was crying uncontrollably after my uncles death, I was crying cause I was shit scared I would never get the thoughts of the funeral out of my head, it was pretty full on in the days that followed and crying about this was like a pressure cooker exploding. I know the feeling my friend. When my dad passed, I thought I'd never get the image of him in the casket out of my head. It's still there, 18 years later, but the other, brighter images returned and eclipsed that image. It doesn't haunt me like it did that first few months after. I remember at the funeral I was so in shock I couldn't stand up and say anything when we were invited to share something. I felt so awful about that for a long time. I tell myself that when my mom goes, I'll do better. Then I think about it, and I doubt I could squeak out a word on that occasion either. It's just too soon. Too unexpected. How do you prepare for something like that? I admire anyone strong enough to eulogise their own parents. All I can do is hide behind dark sunglasses and wait for it to be over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I know the feeling my friend. When my dad passed, I thought I'd never get the image of him in the casket out of my head. It's still there, 18 years later, but the other, brighter images returned and eclipsed that image. It doesn't haunt me like it did that first few months after. I remember at the funeral I was so in shock I couldn't stand up and say anything when we were invited to share something. I felt so awful about that for a long time. I tell myself that when my mom goes, I'll do better. Then I think about it, and I doubt I could squeak out a word on that occasion either. It's just too soon. Too unexpected. How do you prepare for something like that? I admire anyone strong enough to eulogise their own parents. All I can do is hide behind dark sunglasses and wait for it to be over. My father chose not to have a service. It has alway's been a bit of a controversy amoungst his family and old friends and I must say that although we honoured his wishes, I don't think we got full closure. I'm not sure we would have even with a service but I regret not questioning his decision. I will not make that same mistake again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evster2012 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 My father chose not to have a service. It has alway's been a bit of a controversy amoungst his family and old friends and I must say that although we honoured his wishes, I don't think we got full closure. I'm not sure we would have even with a service but I regret not questioning his decision. I will not make that same mistake again I feel you brother! Have you tried going to his resting place and explaining your feelings about it? You never know, it could help you deal with the loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I feel you brother! Have you tried going to his resting place and explaining your feelings about it? You never know, it could help you deal with the loss. Many times. I just think that it was a mistake not to have at least done a Wake or the likes. Don't get me wrong, We have fond memory's and I respect his choice but really, if you think about it, death is about the people that are left behind , Allowing us tocelebrate the person who has passed, helps with the healing process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evster2012 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Many times. I just think that it was a mistake not to have at least done a Wake or the likes. Don't get me wrong, We have fond memory's and I respect his choice but really, if you think about it, death is about the people that are left behind , Allowing us tocelebrate the person who has passed, helps with the healing process You could always schedule a wake or memorial on the anniversary of his passing and invite those close to him. As you said, it's about the people left behind. It's never too late to give them an opportunity to pay their respects and maybe even get their own closure. Parents of soldiers who lost their children in battle have made pilgimages to the site of their child's death to say goodbye, and vice versa. There's no statute of limitations on honoring a loved one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 You could always schedule a wake or memorial on the anniversary of his passing and invite those close to him. As you said, it's about the people left behind. It's never too late to give them an opportunity to pay their respects and maybe even get their own closure. Parents of soldiers who lost their children in battle have made pilgimages to the site of their child's death to say goodbye, and vice versa. There's no statute of limitations on honoring a loved one. We sort of do that. when something funny happens in our daily life. My wife was very close to my Father and I don't know how many times she'll confront something and out of the blue she'll say to me " What would your father be saying right now " we alway's laugh because the old man was a real character. He passed away in 92 and most of his friends and family have since passed on too. My Mom is still with us and my thoughts about how things were handled have been communicated to her. She understands and when that day comes, we will do it differently. I have accepted his death, I just think that everyone should consider the living when making decisions about what and what not to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evster2012 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I just think that everyone should consider the living when making decisions about what and what not to do How very true! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PotBound Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Wow. I always thought you were an interesting and intelligent person of great depth. Just didn't realise the exponential degree! Thanks for sharing, Ev. Amazing how opportunities 'randomly' occur. Even more fascinating: what makes some folks see and others blind, and emboldens few and makes meek many? Glad you took the leap, friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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