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Make me laugh!


marolyn

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Ive been throwing peanuts to the squirrels in the back yard. They are goin so fast I dont know if the squirrels are eatin em or the welfare trash next door? Does anyone know if the squirrel eats the shell too? I saw a young one climb the tree with one and he was eating it. I couldnt tell if he was eating the shell too. See how much time I have on my hands. :o Soon Ill be weaving baskets.

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Here goes:

2 guys were sitting next to each other at the bar. Suddenly the one jumps up and starts wailing on the other guy knocking him to the floor and the guy says: 'That's Kung Fu from China!'

The guy gets back up to his bar stool and about 5 minutes later the guy jumps up again and starts wailing on the poor dude knocking him flat again and he says: 'That's ju-jitsu from Japan!'

Getting back on their stools the same thing as the guy jumps up and wails the tar out of the guy and he says: That's Karate from Korea!'

This time the beaten guy decides to get up and leave. About 20 minutes later he returns, walks up the guy and BAM, knocks the other guy off his stool and he hits the floor out cold and the guy tells him:

That's a HAMMER from Sears!'

B)

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Ive been throwing peanuts to the squirrels in the back yard. They are goin so fast I dont know if the squirrels are eatin em or the welfare trash next door? Does anyone know if the squirrel eats the shell too? I saw a young one climb the tree with one and he was eating it. I couldnt tell if he was eating the shell too. See how much time I have on my hands. :o Soon Ill be weaving baskets.

They are pretty smart and they usually stash them for winter. I don't think they eat the shells either.

B)

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Ive been throwing peanuts to the squirrels in the back yard. They are goin so fast I dont know if the squirrels are eatin em or the welfare trash next door? Does anyone know if the squirrel eats the shell too? I saw a young one climb the tree with one and he was eating it. I couldnt tell if he was eating the shell too. See how much time I have on my hands. :o Soon Ill be weaving baskets.

It's nice that you feed squirrels. I do to. I love all animals. They should be taken care of. I feed the squirrels, chipmunks, sparrows, etc. near where i live all the time. They become friendly after awhile if you do that.

The squirrels don't eat the shells. And the ones they don't eat right away they take to their home or they bury. They leave their scent on them so they can find them again when they are hungry.

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There was one staring at the house this morning. Waiting for me to come out no doubt. so I brought more peanuts out and they took them off and buried some and ate some. I threw lots of shredded wheat out there too. I accidentally bought the unsugered and my wife doesnt like it. Im sure the birds will eat it?

The ones i feed come running to me. And have even taken the peanuts out of my hand. That's how trusting they can become. it's very cute.

The birds will probably eat it.

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i'll chip in:

rodney dangerfield:

"last week I saw my psychiatrist. i told him, "doc, i keep thinking i'm a dog." he told me to get off his couch...

Hi Beat, :wave:

A Lakota Warrior goes to the same psychiatrist, he say's. "Some days I feel like a Wigwam other times I feel like a Tepee." The psychiatrist says, "Calm down, your too tense." :D

Regards, Danny

PS, Hope I didnt upset any young "Carpetbaggers". :lol:

Edited by BIGDAN
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Baby Polar Bear. "Mum"

Mummy Polar Bear. "Yes baby"

Baby Polar Bear. "Am i really a Polar Bear"

Mummy Polar Bear. "Yes of course you are"

Baby Polar Bear. " Could i be just a little bit Black or Brown Bear?"

Mummy Polar Bear. "No Baby, your a Polar Bear, now go see your Auntie"

Baby Polar Bear goes to see his Auntie.

Baby Polar Bear. "Hi Auntie, Am i really a Polar Bear"

Auntie Polar Bear. " Hi Baby Polar Bear, yes of course you are, you eat seals dont you?"

Baby Polar Bear. "Yea but, i thought i could be a little bit Black or Brown Bear"

Auntie Polar Bear. " No, no, your a Polar Bear, go see your Dad"

Baby Polar Bear goes to see his Dad.

Baby Polar Bear. "Hi Dad, am i really a Polar Bear"

Daddy Polar Bear. "Hi son, of course your a Polar Bear"

Baby Polar Bear. "But, i thought i could be a little bit Black or Brown Bear or even a Koala Bear"

Daddy Polar Bear. "Chuckles" "No son, of course your a Polar Bear, but why do you think you could be a Black, Brown or Koala Bear son"

PTO.

Edited by BIGDAN
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:lol::hysterical:

Hi Zanadu,

Glad too tickle your fancy, you migh like my next one as you come from the land of the ice and snow.

Regards, Danny

Three Eskimos walking in a blizzard, 1st Eskimo stops and says.

1st Eskimo. "Stop, Doooogshe" (Dogshit to everyone else)

2nd Eskimo. "No Doooogshe"

1st Eskimo. "Is Doooogshe"

3rd Eskimo. "You Touch it"

2nd Eskimo. "Fuck off, me no touch it"

1st Eskimo. "I touch it, (1st Eskimo feels it) feels like Doooogshe"

2nd Eskimo. "Still no Doooogshe"

1st Eskimo. "Is Doooogshe"

3rd Eskimo. "You Sniff it"

2nd Eskimo. "Fuck off, me no sniff it"

1st Eskimo. "I sniff it, (1st Eskimo sniffs it) smells like Doooogshe"

2nd Eskimo. "Still no Doooogshe"

1st Eskimo. "Fucking is Doooogshe"

3rd Eskimo. "You Taste it"

2nd Eskimo. "Fuck off, me no taste it"

1st Eskimo. "I taste it," (1st Eskimo tastes it)

3rd Eskimo. "What it taste like"

1st Eskimo. "I taste it, (smacks lips) and it taste like Doooogshe"

2nd Eskimo. "Look like Doooogshe, Smell like Doooogshe, Taste like Doooogshe, is Doooogshe, you lucky you didnt tread on the bastard"

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