Dzldoc Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I Love It! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxie Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 This made me laugh my ass off today when I first saw it: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 This made me laugh my ass off today when I first saw it: Someone has waaay! too much time on their hands. I don't mean you Roxie...or maybe we all do this could be the theme song "Too Much Time" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxie Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 this could be the theme song "Too Much Time" Wow, that vid was just as funny as the KISS one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Rule? I am it you shaggy eared bird veal chop. I invented the cosmic debris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGDAN Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 A boat load of Somali Pirates capture a lone Indian Guy trying to circumnavigate the globe and take him hostage. While they are trying to do a deal with the Indian Guys Sponsors a storm hits the boat and all the Pirates and the Indian Guy go over the side. Day by Day and One by One, the Somali Pirates are eaten alive by a Great White Shark, untill only the Indian Guy is left. The Great White Shark circles the Indian Guy for hours, with its mouth wide open then the Great White Shark heads straight for the Indian Guy, just before impact the Great White Shark veers away to the Indian Guys delight and he says "Hey, why have you not eaten me?" and the Great White Shark replies, "I had one of you last month and my arse is still burning" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reggie29 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 (edited) With Swine Flu going on it's time to lighten the mood with some pig jokes. The English Football League held a fan day and invited supporters of all clubs to attend and meet the players and partake in a pig on the spit. The lunch bell rang and everyone lined up to get served. The chef asked the first in line, " who do you follow?". "West Ham", he said. "Fine" the chef replied, "I'll give you a nice piece of the right leg!". The next person steps up and the chef asks him the same question, "who do you follow?". To which he replied, "Arsenal, but I'm not hungry!". Edited April 30, 2009 by Reggie29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marolyn Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancin'Days Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 (edited) Why did Heidi Klum have to go to the garage? Because she blew a Seal. Edited to capitalize the S Edited April 30, 2009 by Dancin'Days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Funny banned commercials Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy's A Legend Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 OK this is a joke which the music teacher told us today. This is how he said it to us. Oh and it is a true story. Mr C had always been known for flirty, even if he didn't know it. Me, my friend and his girlfriend decided to go our to dinner that night. We were at a restuarnt and I had decided that I would not make any inerpropreate jokes that night. *laughs for all of us* The first course and the main went very well, I hardly spoke. Then it came to the desserts....I saw the tart option...but I decied not to go there so I went for the sponge cake. We were doing well until she said..."Ice-cream on top" These are the knida jokes which he tells very often Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zepulon Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirchzep27 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 listen to ac/dc-rock and roll ain't noise pollution...always makes me laugh,in a good way. especially the last line...-rock and roll is just rock and roll. heard this song on the radio and it had me laughing. yet acdc is one of the bands that can keep bouncing off that fine spinal tap line of being stupid and brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Waaaaa, waaaaaa, waaaaaaa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 A drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." :hysterical: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karuna Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 The scene is a wedding that is taking place. The bride is Mirabile Dictu, a virgin. The groom is Flagrante Delicto, a heartless womamizer. Sotto Voce, a male guest standing at the fringe of the ceremony, says out of the corner of his mouth to a guy standing next to him, "I don't bother with all this. I simply find a woman who hates me, and I give her a house." And the other guy says, as the groom is kissing the bride, "All women are psychotic. All men are jerks." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Oh No Not You Again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Joe the Fireman felt his sex life needed some improvement, so he laid down the rules to his wife. "I've noticed things sure run alot smoother at the firehouse, where we respond to bells to signal our actions - so that's how I want to run things in the bedroom", he said. "From now on, bell number one means take off your clothes, bell number two means get on the bed, and bell number three means spread your legs" "O.K., Joe" said his wife. "You always know what's best". Being very anxious to test out his new idea, Joe gave the commands: "Bell number one!", and his wife quickly stripped... "Bell number two!", and she jumped up on the bed... "Bell number three!", and her legs flew open... Happily pumping away, and feeling very proud of his geniusness, Joe was suddenly interrupted by his wife's call for "bell number four". "Bell number four?" he asked. "We didn't discuss any bell number four, what the fuck is that?" "I need more fucking hose!", she yelled back... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karuna Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Oh No Not You Again "Judge not lest ye be judged..." or better yet "Judge yourself first". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bong-Man Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 PECANS IN THE CEMETERY On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me One for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.' He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. 'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.' The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.' The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord.' Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.' They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGDAN Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Two young Irish guys are walking through the forest, eagerly looking for work. They come upon a sign that reads, "Tree Fellers Wanted" Pat looks at Mick and says frowning, "Its a pity there's only the two of us" They eventually leave the forest and arrive at a large City. They see another sign asking for people that would like to become "Salesmen" to be at an address at a certain time, and both agree that they should go. They arrive at the said address and Pat is invited in for his interview first. The Guy interviewing him goes in to a long speach about the arts of selling and then asks Pat if he fancies trying the job out, which Pat replies, "yes of course, it sounds easy" The Guy then asks for his name, and Pat replies "Pat" The Guy says, " No, No, No, that wont do at all, we must call you "Patrick" that name will sell. So Pat gets the job, and all this time Mick was listening at the door, waiting his turn. The Guy then calls in Mick for his interview, again going through his rhetorical speech, and then asks Mick if he fancies trying the job out, which Mick replies, "yes of course, it sounds easy" The Guy then asks for his name, and Mick replies "Micktrick" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 (edited) I just opened a new Afro American/Mexican Restaurant. I call it Nacho Mammas Edited June 3, 2009 by Mary Hartman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryingbluerain Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hartman Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Black Holes is where God is divided by zero... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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