Jump to content

Make me laugh!


marolyn

Recommended Posts

"I have a diverse family, I come from a diverse state. I married an Alaskan." - Sarah Palin answering a question about Harry Reid's recent "racist" comments from Bill O'Reilly. Yes, you married a white hick in a predominately white state who also is a proud member of a group who want secession from the Union! Wow, what a bumbling atrocity. Think she'll fit in at Fox News? You.......fuck it, You betcha!

Edited by bigstickbonzo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was out walking the dog with my wife last night, it had been snowing hard and we thought it would be a good idea to write my name in the snow while i took a piss. Because of my cold hands i let my wife write it which she did in her best joined up writing.

Further down the road in an older patch of snow we found that my best friend had previously did the same, only it was also in my wife's best joined up writing. :o

Regards, Danny

Link to comment
Share on other sites

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

twas the night before Christmas and all through the hood,

not a ho was working though they knew they should.

her stockings were stained with jizz and a hair,

with hopes that a john would soon appear

the pimp was at home all snug in his bed

while visions of benjamins danced in his head

mama was in the bedroom and i on the couch

watching a movie about a Christmas grouch

i was smoking a joint and drinking a beer

when mama called out "get your ass in here"

upon entering the room i saw her in bed

totally naked from her toes to her head

i was licking her pussy with my dick in her mouth

that's when we heard someone shout

so i jumped to my feet to see what it's about

i looked in the living room and to my surprise

two thugs appeared right before my eyes

head to toe, front to back both clad all in black

the short fat one held it open while the skinny one filled their sack

it was fat boy who provoked my attack

because i had noticed he was drinking my jack

skinny spotted me standing there steaming

causing him to charge at me screaming

i hit him so hard he fell to the floor

causing fat boy to run for the door

i pounced on him quickly like a lion on it's prey

there was no chance he was getting away

beating him badly within inches of his life

i heard the other say "let him go or i will kill your wife"

i turn around and noticed he was wielding a knife

which made me decide i would take his life

whooping his ass and having a ball

suddenly i put his head through the wall

at that moment fat boy returned with this thought in his head

he wanted to kill me with a pipe made of lead

with a mighty swing mama smashed his head

with the bat she pulled from under the bed

i turned to face her holding my head

because i realized they were both dead

she was standing there naked still holding the bat

it was my Louisville Slugger can you imagine that

we disposed of the bodies before returning to bed

i looked at mama and this is what i said

"Merry Christmas baby" and the sun was shinning bright "somehow we survived another night!"

this story is true and i often wonder

i might have let them live and keep the sack

if fat boy would have left his hands off my jack

because he made that mistake his biggest blunder

he and skinny are now six feet under.

MOJO

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Actually, this one makes me laugh AND CRY...

David Crosby Has Mixed Feelings About Donating Sperm Again

"It's discouraging how this worked out, because one of the main reasons that (wife Jan and I) did it was because of the love between Julie and Melissa, who have obviously transferred that affection to new partners."

"He famously posed with Etheridge, Cypher and their children for a Rolling Stone cover, where the world discovered Crosby's role in the conception. To his dismay, Etheridge and Cypher decided to split up seven months later...

Julie Cypher is (now) married to Matthew Hale while Etheridge is (now) married to actress Tammy Lynn Michaels, who recently gave birth to twins using an anonymous sperm donor."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From them to me

As a result, your video has been blocked worldwide. What should I do? No action is required on your part. Your video is still available worldwide

Well, the links were from the official NBC site, so maybe someone has managed to post this on You Tube.... worth a look...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, the links were from the official NBC site, so maybe someone has managed to post this on You Tube.... worth a look...

Ah, no it was nothing to do with your link, sorry

It was a video I upped to youtube, and thats what they sent me, telling me my video was blocked but not blocked

:oops:

(Saying that, the NBC video is not available to my area) :D

Edited by Conneyfogle
Link to comment
Share on other sites

THE SCOUSER AND THE GAY MAN

It was coming to the end of the day and sat in his tiny near deserted local pub in Liverpool was a scouser.

He was having a few beers as usual when a well dressed and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man leaned over towards the scouser and whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

The Scouser leaped up with fire in his eyes knocked the gay man off his stool and smacked the shit out of him.

He dragged him out of the bar and left him bruised and battered in the car park and returned to his seat at the bar.

Not entirely amazed at what just happened the barman quickly brought over another beer to the scouser and said, "I've never seen you react as badly as that before. What did he say to you?" "I don't know," the scouser replied.. "Something about a job." :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Danny,all,

THE SCOUSER AND THE GAY MAN

It was coming to the end of the day and sat in his tiny near deserted local pub in Liverpool was a scouser.

He was having a few beers as usual when a well dressed and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man leaned over towards the scouser and whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

The Scouser leaped up with fire in his eyes knocked the gay man off his stool and smacked the shit out of him.

He dragged him out of the bar and left him bruised and battered in the car park and returned to his seat at the bar.

Not entirely amazed at what just happened the barman quickly brought over another beer to the scouser and said, "I've never seen you react as badly as that before. What did he say to you?" "I don't know," the scouser replied.. "Something about a job." :o

Joss? :hysterical:

KB

Edited by Anjin-san
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...