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Make me laugh!


marolyn
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Evidently your friends and relatives haven't been affected by terrorisim or stationed in places like Afghanistan ...

think for just a minute how an Afghan might perceive this soldier (at 00:36):

Monthly troop deaths - Afghanistan

(click the link above then click "Images" then look at the photo at 00:36)

... especially after the recent vote in favor of gay marriage in New York ...

Take another look at the military fatalities graph --- isn't your graph somewhat overconfident?

Edited by sweetredwine
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Evidently your friends and relatives haven't been affected by terrorisim or stationed in places like Afghanistan ...

think for just a minute how an Afghan might perceive this soldier (at 00:36):

Monthly troop deaths - Afghanistan

(click the link above then click "Images" then look at the photo at 00:36)

... especially after the recent vote in favor of gay marriage in New York ...

Take another look at the military fatalities graph --- isn't your graph somewhat overconfident?

It's not a real graph based on actual statistics, that's why I posted it in the "Make Me Laugh" thread.

Edited by Jahfin
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  • 2 weeks later...

You want to laugh? Okay, I'll post some of my favourite bits from the late Mitch Hedberg, who along with Monty Python, Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Patton Oswalt, Larry David and Lewis Black, are my comedy gods.

All the following quotes are from Mitch Hedberg...but you should get his cds, or see his clips on youtube, because his delivery is half the fun.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill...

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where'd you get that banana?

I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I'll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential.

You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", and then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together".

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

My lucky number is 4 billion, that doesn't come in real handy when your gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice, 4 billion divided by 6, at least.

The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Mr. Pibb is bullshit. Dude didn't even get his degree.

A lot of people want to be on the front of a Wheaties box, but I want to be on a Rice Crispies box. Snap, Crackle, Mitch, and Pop. In Hollywood, it's all about who you know, and I know Crackle.

~ Mitch Hedberg

Edited by Strider
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This is comedy gold. It's a young girl who decided back in 2009 to start listening to every album listed in the book 1001 Albums You Should Listen To Before You Die.

For instance, her take on Led Zeppelin IV:

This album was like a smorgasbord of Taco Bell and a Family Guy marathon...awesomeness just spewing all over the place.

...and Dark Side of the Moon:

I'm sorry. Floyd'sters, but this album was one of the weirder 40 minutes of my life. I mean there were just minutes and minutes of sound effects. For a minute I was like, 'why is there a stupid pop-up with just a phone ringing and why can't I find it?' and then it was a Pink Floyd song.

Yeah fine, when they finally got to the songs they had their moments. "Eclipse" was very pretty and peaceful. But for the most park it was muzak and easy listening and sound effects. It's like the longest dentist appointment of my life.

Edited by Jahfin
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