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marolyn

Make me laugh!

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Lifted off Facebook from Slave.

Funny, because it's easy to imagine this very conversation.

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LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY!
Source: Facebook – Anton de Vrije
Author: Unknown
This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina .
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the … insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued – and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART…
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

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These glorious insults are largely from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
· A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
· "He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
· "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
· "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-Clarence Darrow
· "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
· "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
· "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
· "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
· "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
· "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
· "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
· "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
· "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
· "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
· "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
· "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
· "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
· "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
· "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
· "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
· "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang
· "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
· "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx

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Many people may remember this, it's an internet classic.

This was the first video I remember having an autotune remix, and for me, it's still the funniest (and best tune, as well).

Just the 2 original videos, when viewed in order are ironically humorous in themselves, with the girl being so cocky and talking so much shit, and then posting a blubbering, crying follow-up video that revealed she wasn't as hard as she thought she was.

But then, the internet is a cruel place, as she immediately found out.

But the final Autotune remix truly made me laugh hard.

http://youtu.be/dYrlj9VE2fg

Of course, life goes on, and Jesse's dad died of a heart attack about a year later.

Jesse posted an apology video, allegedly on the day her dad died.

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Q. What's the difference between The Teardrop Explodes and a cow?

A. The cow has the horns at the front and the twat at the back.

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My thoughts are with the unfortunate people of Gibraltar just now.

Stuck between a rock and a hard-up place.

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This is an 18+ youtube vid. A little suggestive maybe, but there is nothing naughty on it.

I loved it .... laughed and then watched it again.

You boys will hate it :lol:

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