jimmie ray Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 What I mean is I can't wake up every day in a relationship with someone, and be totally focused on them all the time. I compartmentalise everything in the sense that, I go "right from 2 to 4 I will see this person" but if that person was beside me, in a relationship, for 24 hours, I'd go balmy I don't know how I got into this thread, but let me offer this: You don't have to spend every hour with anyone. There's nothing wrong with having other friends and interests. Alot of the time I'm away from my wife, I usually wind up doing something that may be indirectly a show of appreciation for her - cleaning, gardening, shopping, planning a dinner, etc... If you really appreciate someone, and they are able to show it back, without all the formalities, these type of things are very little effort. Hope that helps... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadScreamingGallery Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Well, everyone seems to be very happy. Are you all married? It makes a big difference specially the changes. We used to go out. Now we don´t. We used to agree on everything. Now we don´t. We used to like the same things. Now we don´t. I think I´m happy but something isn´t quite right. Well I´d have to think about chosing the same person again, but I don´t know what would be worse. Pretty heavy stuff. It could be the same shit but different smell kinda thing. Oh well, I guess I would have to say what I read on someone elses reply that I would just repeat but to have my 2 beautiful kids again. I have been married with the same guy for almost 24 years. We have been together for 27 years. And we still have a lot in common, we go out to dinner, to the movies, we travel together, we talk a lot, we flirt.... He is my best friend too. We don't agree on everything, but we never have. Not even before we got married. This long lasting relantionship has developed into something more than love or friendship. We are partners for life, we walk the same path together. And I think that the fact that we got married, with the legal issues that come with a marriage, hasn't done any difference at all. And I'd marry him again, even if we hadn't had the two wonderful kids we had. My relationship is very similar to the one described by brsped. My husband and I are soulmates - he is the love of my life and I of his. We met across a crowded music club floor - I had a way of very subtle flirting when I was young of making eye contact with a guy - then looking away - then making eye contact again. With my husband and I, it was love (and lust) at first sight. All these years later, it hasn't diminished. My sister-in-law sometimes reminds us that, less than a week after meeting one another, when my husband brought me home to meet his family for the first time, she turned to her parents and said, "He's going to spend the rest of his life with her." (She is an astrologer, fwiw). My husband and I have been together almost 30 years and neither of us would change a thing and, given another chance, wouldn't choose anyone else. Life is so short and it''s been so great, I sometimes wish we could do it all over again. We've seen relationships come and go all around us but ours has persisted and thrived through sickness and health, good times and bad. I love the fact that, after so many years together, we have a strong bond, common interests, a shared secret language, and have created our own little world. I love that we still laugh and flirt and that he still looks at me in a certain way and says in a certain way, "You're so sexy." I may be idealistic (or unrealistic) but I believe that everyone has a soulmate and love of life waiting for him or her - sometimes it just takes a bit longer to find that special person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 What I mean is I can't wake up every day in a relationship with someone, and be totally focused on them all the time. I compartmentalise everything in the sense that, I go "right from 2 to 4 I will see this person" but if that person was beside me, in a relationship, for 24 hours, I'd go balmy Same here. I am tired of being with women who want to be attached at the hip. A buddy of mine has a girlfriend who thinks they should do everything together. I guess if a couple likes to do everything together and they don't care about their friends that's fine but i don't think that's very healthy. Most guys i know want an independant woman who has her own interests and will go hangout with her girlfriends while he hangs out with his guy friends. A buddy has the ideal relationship to me. That's how he and his girlfriend are. There are a couple nights where they hangout together and then she hangs out with her girlfriends and he hangs out with us. They have had their friends for a long time so they are not going to dump them for each other. They give each other their space when they want it. She is never tugging on him. They have agreed to never argue in public or in front of us. If they have a disagreement they deal with it in private. They are pretty equal. It's not lopsided. She is not a priss and does not expect him to cater to her all the time. She is not calling him wanting him home at a certain time because she knows he can take care of himself and she trusts him. She is very cool. She gets along with all of us. And to top if off she is pretty. I always joke to him that i need to find a woman like her. he says he was lucky to find her because there are not a lot like her. He would hate it if they broke up because he does not want to go out into the dating world ever again and hope to find another one like her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 My relationship is very similar to the one described by brsped. My husband and I are soulmates - he is the love of my life and I of his. We met across a crowded music club floor - I had a way of very subtle flirting when I was young of making eye contact with a guy - then looking away - then making eye contact again. With my husband and I, it was love (and lust) at first sight. All these years later, it hasn't diminished. My sister-in-law sometimes reminds us that, less than a week after meeting one another, when my husband brought me home to meet his family for the first time, she turned to her parents and said, "He's going to spend the rest of his life with her." (She is an astrologer, fwiw). My husband and I have been together almost 30 years and neither of us would change a thing and, given another chance, wouldn't choose anyone else. Life is so short and it''s been so great, I sometimes wish we could do it all over again. We've seen relationships come and go all around us but ours has persisted and thrived through sickness and health, good times and bad. I love the fact that, after so many years together, we have a strong bond, common interests, a shared secret language, and have created our own little world. I love that we still laugh and flirt and that he still looks at me in a certain way and says in a certain way, "You're so sexy." I may be idealistic (or unrealistic) but I believe that everyone has a soulmate and love of life waiting for him or her - sometimes it just takes a bit longer to find that special person. I think that there being a "soulmate" out there for everyone is unrealistic. I know people that have never found one including myself and i have older relatives who never found them. Sometime it's just not meant to be. It's nice to think that a person will find a soulmate but some never do. There is no guarantee of it. People who spend their whole lives sitting around hoping for it They should just try and have as much fun as they can and just hope for the best. That's all you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JethroTull Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 This past weekend my wife told me how much better my life is with her in it. 1. I live in a nice house in a popular community, instead of a townhouse that resembled a box/cave and was located in a rural area of NJ. 2. My daily job round trip commute is only 12 miles instead of 94 miles (in horrible traffic I might add). 3. My wife's friends include a Pulitzer Prize winning writer for the Washington Post, a college professor, a published science fiction author and a writer of a popular book that was recently made into a movie. 3 of my close friends are all struggling financially and (lately) just unpleasant to talk with. 4. We typically socialize every weekend with various folks as opposed to me hanging around smokey bars by myself or with one of my loser friends. Think I'd still like to be single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Well, everyone seems to be very happy. Are you all married? It makes a big difference specially the changes. We used to go out. Now we don´t. We used to agree on everything. Now we don´t. We used to like the same things. Now we don´t. I think I´m happy but something isn´t quite right. Well I´d have to think about chosing the same person again, but I don´t know what would be worse. Pretty heavy stuff. It could be the same shit but different smell kinda thing. Oh well, I guess I would have to say what I read on someone elses reply that I would just repeat but to have my 2 beautiful kids again. That happened with my aunt and uncle. They had changed and had outgrown each other as they got older. They have since divorced. They found people that they had what they used to have with each other. It happens. With my friends marriages all of the changes that happened were not for the better. They all have that in common. They are all negative changes. They lost their independance, their fighting has increased, the women for the most part let themselves go, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Here we go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Don't fall for it, DZLDOC! Don't do it!!! Resist spats non-charms! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hickory Man Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 That happened with my aunt and uncle. They had changed and had outgrown each other as they got older. They have since divorced. They found people that they had what they used to have with each other. It happens. With my friends marriages all of the changes that happened were not for the better. They all have that in common. They are all negative changes. They lost their independance, their fighting has increased, the women for the most part let themselves go, etc. Better.... My wife jokes that I "Married the hell out of her" ...actually I think she stole that line from Cheers. How can you not love a woman that lifts classic lines from Norm? Married to her for 20 years and three children, and I would not hesistate to do it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I don't know how I got into this thread, but let me offer this: You don't have to spend every hour with anyone. There's nothing wrong with having other friends and interests. Alot of the time I'm away from my wife, I usually wind up doing something that may be indirectly a show of appreciation for her - cleaning, gardening, shopping, planning a dinner, etc... If you really appreciate someone, and they are able to show it back, without all the formalities, these type of things are very little effort. Hope that helps... And that works well for your relationship? I don't know, you see when I was a kid I was always very solitary, I never had any friends but I really enjoyed my own company, so I never really missed the companionship. Then when I became a teenager and started dating, I wanted the attention and affection (and sex of couse) that you get from being in a relationship, however I couldn't stand always having to be focused on that person. What I mean by that is I'm a bit of a day dreamer, or mental drifter, so when I'm with people, I'm mostly miles away in my head, thinking about things, but when you're alone with a person, you can't just drift away with your thoughts, you've always got to be in the room there with them listening to what they're saying, and I find that a drain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freshmint Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Just curious. How many of you are happy in your current relationship? Would you pick this person again? My answer is yes to both! I'm so glad that I met him... I've never been this happy in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 And that works well for your relationship? I don't know, you see when I was a kid I was always very solitary, I never had any friends but I really enjoyed my own company, so I never really missed the companionship. Then when I became a teenager and started dating, I wanted the attention and affection (and sex of couse) that you get from being in a relationship, however I couldn't stand always having to be focused on that person. What I mean by that is I'm a bit of a day dreamer, or mental drifter, so when I'm with people, I'm mostly miles away in my head, thinking about things, but when you're alone with a person, you can't just drift away with your thoughts, you've always got to be in the room there with them listening to what they're saying, and I find that a drain. This is all too complicated for me to help you with. My experience with relationships is limited to one person. I happened to marry the first girl I ever dated, and knew her family long before that. There have been ups ands downs, but we stay commited to each other. I like to keep busy doing physical things, and my wife happens to have disabilities like CP and epililepsy that I can help her with. The hardships actually make the relationship as a whole easier, if that can be comprehended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 This is all too complicated for me to help you with. My experience with relationships is limited to one person. I happened to marry the first girl I ever dated, and knew her family long before that. There have been ups ands downs, but we stay commited to each other. I like to keep busy doing physical things, and my wife happens to have disabilities like CP and epililepsy that I can help her with. The hardships actually make the relationship as a whole easier, if that can be comprehended. You married the first girl you ever dated? Wow, you must've been sure about her! I can see how the hardships make things easier, because it makes you appreciate what you have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 If you know how to handle hardships maturely, they do make relationships easier. Like Gaines said, they also add to your bond because you realize the things you've gone through together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babs Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I love my wife more today than I did yesterday.And yesterday I didn't think I could love her any more than I did the previous day.I'm sure I will love her even more tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 For me, I think a lot of couples make the mistake of denying each other there own independence. A marrage is a bond between two people and if you are not allowed to flurish as an individual... your contribution to that bond will be to say the least, limited. I really do believe that without the trust, freedom and respect that we all need for our own personal growth, it is very hard to grow as a couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babs Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 For me, I think a lot of couples make the mistake of denying each other there own independence. A marrage is a bond between two people and if you are not allowed to flurish as an individual... your contribution to that bond will be to say the least, limited. I really do believe that without the trust, freedom and respect that we all need for our own personal growth, it is very hard to grow as a couple. Nicely said ally.Hey spats ,read ally's post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadScreamingGallery Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 What a tearjerker. This thread has restored my faith in humanity, because it proves that love is really out there. I was starting to think otherwise, courtesy of the state of divorce rates . I really hope I find the 'one' one day, I can't really imagine living my life on my own. My group of friends reckon that I'll be one of the last of us to get married, but when I do it will last forever . It sounds cheesy, I know, but I hope they're right It's nice to hear all your stories of happiness, I hope they stay that way. I seriously thought that this thread might just turn to be a place to bitch about partners . Let's just say, I believe in a thing called love GibsonGirl, good post. When I was your age, before I met the love of my life, I thought so many of the same things that you wrote about - even down to what you wrote about what your friends tell you. My friends said similar things about me - when I was your age, I was focused on my education and having a good time - I certainly wasn't out looking for true love (I wasn't even sure if it existed). The night that I went downtown to a music club with my friend, I certainly never expected to meet the love of my life in a crowded club - the thought never entered my head - but there he was. I hope that, one day, you also find the love of your life. I love my wife more today than I did yesterday.And yesterday I didn't think I could love her any more than I did the previous day.I'm sure I will love her even more tomorrow. Aw, that's very sweet Babs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babs Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 GibsonGirl, good post. When I was your age, before I met the love of my life, I thought so many of the same things that you wrote about - even down to what you wrote about what your friends tell you. My friends said similar things about me - when I was your age, I was focused on my education and having a good time - I certainly wasn't out looking for true love (I wasn't even sure if it existed). The night that I went downtown to a music club with my friend, I certainly never expected to meet the love of my life in a crowded club - the thought never entered my head - but there he was. I hope that, one day, you also find the love of your life. Aw, that's very sweet Babs. Thanks Emm.That was my Hallmark moment of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 GibsonGirl, I think the key with love and relationships is the same as it is for most good things in life. Stay positive and follow your own instincts no matter what others my say or think. Love may not be for everyone but if it is for you then stay open to the idea of that possibility. Life really is a dream so to speak. It is for us as individuals to determine what parts of that dream we wish to take part in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Nicely said ally.Hey spats ,read ally's post. Sorry. Just HAD to show off my new smiley.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Nicely said ally.Hey spats ,read ally's post. I agree with Ally. People in relationhips still need their space and independance. Or you will be stifled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 GibsonGirl, good post. When I was your age, before I met the love of my life, I thought so many of the same things that you wrote about - even down to what you wrote about what your friends tell you. My friends said similar things about me - when I was your age, I was focused on my education and having a good time - I certainly wasn't out looking for true love (I wasn't even sure if it existed). The night that I went downtown to a music club with my friend, I certainly never expected to meet the love of my life in a crowded club - the thought never entered my head - but there he was. I hope that, one day, you also find the love of your life. Aw, that's very sweet Babs. I am amazed that you met the love of your life at a club. Good for you. That will NEVER happen to me. The women at the clubs i go to are not love of your life material. Hanging out at the clubs can be a morale crushing experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I am amazed that you met the love of your life at a club. Good for you. That will NEVER happen to me. The women at the clubs i go to are not love of your life material. Hanging out at the clubs can be a morale crushing experience. I met my wife at a club Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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