spats Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have recently stopped being friends with someone because they are a complusive liar. I just don't hang with them anymore or anything. Nobody really confronts him about it or anything and i have been encouraged not to because he won't react well to it. So i decided he is just too damn annoying to be around. Because the lies constantly come out of his mouth and they are bad lies. It's an insult to your intelligence. But my friends are on me now thinking i am being mean by not hanging out with him anymoe and i should just accept that he is like that and just deal with it. I am used to not putting up with crap that annoys me. Do you think i did the right thing or should i just put up with it. How do you deal with friends that are like that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brspled Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have recently stopped being friends with someone because they are a complusive liar. I just don't hang with them anymore or anything. Nobody really confronts him about it or anything and i have been encouraged not to because he won't react well to it. So i decided he is just too damn annoying to be around. Because the lies constantly come out of his mouth and they are bad lies. It's an insult to your intelligence. But my friends are on me now thinking i am being mean by not hanging out with him anymoe and i should just accept that he is like that and just deal with it. I am used to not putting up with crap that annoys me. Do you think i did the right thing or should i just put up with it. How do you deal with friends that are like that? None of my friends is a liar. I can choose them well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lzfan715 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Juat confront him. Don't accuse or point fingers, just ask him. You may be surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lzfan715 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 (edited) Double post. Edited May 28, 2008 by lzfan715 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bong-Man Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 There's nothing worse than having a Boss for a liar. Throw in the classic "You might have to take the heat for me", and you have the makings of a complete asshole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 (edited) I have recently stopped being friends with someone because they are a complusive liar. I just don't hang with them anymore or anything. Nobody really confronts him about it or anything and i have been encouraged not to because he won't react well to it. So i decided he is just too damn annoying to be around. Because the lies constantly come out of his mouth and they are bad lies. It's an insult to your intelligence. But my friends are on me now thinking i am being mean by not hanging out with him anymoe and i should just accept that he is like that and just deal with it. I am used to not putting up with crap that annoys me. Do you think i did the right thing or should i just put up with it. How do you deal with friends that are like that? Look him straight in the eye and ask him how he is doing today. Keep the conversation mainly about pleasant things and offer any sincere compliments. Once in a while bring up the issues of concern in a kind, diplomatic but straight manner. Don't rely on his word unless it is corroborated by one or more independent sources that have proven to be reliable in the past. You continually work at becoming a better judge of character throughout life. Take a closer look at the person and see if you notice any redeeming qualities. Sometimes one person's lie is another person's different version of the truth. Pray for him and keep his best interests at heart as you would your own. Edited May 28, 2008 by eternal light Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Other than the boss, who will always win, I let people know early how I feel about liars. No words or threats held back, if I'm starting to see any patterns. They will always loose, they should get that notice in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electrophile Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Your friend should consider himself lucky you ditched him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 Your friend should consider himself lucky you ditched him. What a nice person you are. Thanks for the help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Do you think i did the right thing or should i just put up with it. How do you deal with friends that are like that? If it doesn't impact on your life, what does it matter? If they're not lying to you about important things, then what's wrong with a bit of verbal creativity? It's a different matter if they're lying to you about money, or they're telling lies about you to other people or telling other people you've said things about them that you haven't, then you need to say something about it, and I would be quite open and direct in confronting them. It all depends on what they're lying about. And nobody lies for no reason. People lie to cover up what they've done, other people lie because they have low self-esteem and feel they need to sound more impressive, other people lie or embellish stories because they're worried you're going to find them boring, so they jazz things up a bit. If you don't like it, you're quite within your right to remove yourself from the situation. But I've had some wonderful friendships with people who I know lie on regular occasions, and I'm aware of the times when they are lying, but it doesn't affect me, so I don't worry about it, they have their reasons. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNK Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 First off, most liars get exposed eventually. It's fairly difficult to remember all the bullshit they say. The key to handling a liar is to always suspect he's lying, because he probably is, and just go with the flow. As long as you know it's a bunch of bullshit, then you are protected. Confronting a liar can be unwise because they will then adapt to your awareness, and then you won't be so aware anymore. In general, it is bad to closely associate with anyone of bad character, because they will either attract bad attention to themselves, which you might unintentionally get involved with, or they will turn on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 That's right, if the lying is a serious matter, then the ones associated with the lier might get the worst consequences. The workplace sure can be tough, especially when others are being easily fooled. I have no problem calling out the lier, repeatively, right in front of their closest allies, until they crawl back to me with their repentence. Embarass the hell out them, or bully them -and they'll at least leave you out of their schemes in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suz Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Well I dealt with an ex-wife that was a compulsive liar for over 15 years. She was so bad she actually believed her own lies! Truly! Im not kidding. Id confront him with it. Someone should. Yeah, I know what you're talking about; people who believe their own lies. In my experience, confronting someone with it doesn't work because it's almost like they're waiting for someone to do that so they can get all worked up about it. That's not worth the energy. But if you just put up with it you feel like a co-conspirator. It's a tricky situation. I would stay away from that person, Spats. But that's just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathan Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have had a little experience with this. I had a friend who was also a compulsive liar. He was also one of those guys that tends to attract women. Problem is, they catch him in lies almost immediately and will say something. At which point he'll dump them and move on. So, a group of us confronted him once. Now when I say compulsive liar... he's the kind of person who'll go to a job and offer references, then pretend to be those references. If you confront about lying, with proof, he won't get uptight... he'll deny it and find any way to either change the subject or bolt. So my friends and I, with the lead of his parents, got him some help. Turns out, apparently, that compulsive lying is a symptom of "borderline psychosis" and it can be cured. He's been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year, and he no longer lies... not even "little white lies." At first he always made sure he could prove what he was saying, but now he's a very trustworthy person. So maybe there is something to this whole "borderline psychosis" thing. Not for everyone, of course... just because it is a symtpom doesn't mean the person is borderline psycho. They could just be lying to hide something, or it's just a bad habit that won't die. But for my friend, it was, apparently, "borderline psychosis." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrum Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 He must be a Henry Rollins fan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 The key to handling a liar is to always suspect he's lying, because he probably is, and just go with the flow. As long as you know it's a bunch of bullshit, then you are protected. I like that approach, DRUNK. It's true actually. I was in a relationship with a liar. Once i became aware of them i took the approach DRUNK mentions. I did catch him in some of the lies, called him on them, and he "sort of" admitted to them, some of the time, lol. Anyway, i would have to say alcohol played a big role in this person's issue with lying. I can see how someone with Borderline Personality Disorder would also have a problem with lying. I know my closest friends are very honest and loyal people. If i had a friend who was a compulsive liar, i would have to decide if the benefits of the relationship were worth dealing with the difficult behavior. My one sister lies a bit, to get others to do for her. The most frequent example is she will ask family members to watch her children because she has something "important" to do, but in fact she winds up going to the mall. Now if she were a friend and not my sister, i would probably end that relationship. Spats, i think you should decide if this friendship is beneficial to you or not. If not then i wouldn't feel guilty if you decide to be finished with it. If you stay friends, I would definitely call this person on their lies as the arise. I wouldn't care if they deny it, i would still tell them what i think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 Look him straight in the eye and ask him how he is doing today. Keep the conversation mainly about pleasant things and offer any sincere compliments. Once in a while bring up the issues of concern in a kind, diplomatic but straight manner. Don't rely on his word unless it is corroborated by one or more independent sources that have proven to be reliable in the past. You continually work at becoming a better judge of character throughout life. Take a closer look at the person and see if you notice any redeeming qualities. Sometimes one person's lie is another person's different version of the truth. Pray for him and keep his best interests at heart as you would your own. You are nicer than i am. I want to go off on him and insult him like crazy. But i have thought it was best to just keep away from the annoying behavior. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 Juat confront him. Don't accuse or point fingers, just ask him. You may be surprised. I did blatantly catch him in a lie once and his only defence was that he was just kidding.UGH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 If it doesn't impact on your life, what does it matter? If they're not lying to you about important things, then what's wrong with a bit of verbal creativity? It's a different matter if they're lying to you about money, or they're telling lies about you to other people or telling other people you've said things about them that you haven't, then you need to say something about it, and I would be quite open and direct in confronting them. It all depends on what they're lying about. And nobody lies for no reason. People lie to cover up what they've done, other people lie because they have low self-esteem and feel they need to sound more impressive, other people lie or embellish stories because they're worried you're going to find them boring, so they jazz things up a bit. If you don't like it, you're quite within your right to remove yourself from the situation. But I've had some wonderful friendships with people who I know lie on regular occasions, and I'm aware of the times when they are lying, but it doesn't affect me, so I don't worry about it, they have their reasons. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater... I think he lies to make his life seem a lot more impressive than it is. Better than our lives. He is the type that always tries to top you on everything. His lying is not life and death. But it is so freaking annoying. To the point that you just want to shout out to him how pathetic the lying makes him look. Because just about everyone knows he is doing it. And then we have to warn people that are new to the situation that he does it. It is just so out of hand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LedZepChick Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I've encountered this problem with a couple of friends in the past. True, most of it isn't about anything that's gonna hurt anyone, but more about the other person trying to make him/herself look good, more important, etc. I find it totally unnecessary, and it makes that person look kinda pathetic. It also got to the point where I never took my friend seriously, and lost a great deal of respect. When someone repeatedly tells outlandish stories, it kind of becomes like the boy who cried wolf, and you just don't believe anything anymore... To each his own, I guess. Habitual liars are just insecure and uncomfortable in their own skin, IMO. If someone has continually lied and betrayed my trust, and it's something that's hurt me...That's another story, and I would have no problem writing them off... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepyep Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Hi all, People that lie to you are not your friends. KB(pants on fire) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadScreamingGallery Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Hi all, People that lie to you are not your friends. KB(pants on fire) Agreed! I do try to distinguish between lies (e.g., the small "white lies" vs. the hurtful, destructive lies that involve betrayal and/or deceit). If a person who is a casual, acquaintance lies, I drop them, move on with my life, and don't look back. When someone I consider a friend lies, especially toxic lies that involve betrayal and/or deceit, I drop them too but the moving on and the not looking back is harder to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepyep Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Hi all, Agreed! I do try to distinguish between lies (e.g., the small "white lies" vs. the hurtful, destructive lies that involve betrayal and/or deceit). If a person who is a casual, acquaintance lies, I drop them, move on with my life, and don't look back. When someone I consider a friend lies, especially toxic lies that involve betrayal and/or deceit, I drop them too but the moving on and the not looking back is harder to do. I once wrote to a friend "If you lie to someone you care about,you'll lie to anyone." Lies, also grow to dimensions impossible to imagine,that small lie,devours itself in time. Take care,MSG! KB(no additives) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadScreamingGallery Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Hi all, I once wrote to a friend "If you lie to someone you care about,you'll lie to anyone." Lies, also grow to dimensions impossible to imagine,that small lie,devours itself in time. Take care,MSG! KB(no additives) Ah, that's a great line, KB! You take care too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misty Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 if you can't get past the lying, and its seems obvious that you can't, i suggest you move on. an honest friendship with this person does not seem possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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