manderlyh Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Well Al, then you and I woudln't last at all! LOL Actually, I like to think I get my way all of the time, but I don't. I get my way a lot of the time, but I KNOW I will never get my way all of the time. It's not worth it to try, either. If I tried to get my way all of the time, I'd be nagging all of the time, and I wouldn't like myself much--nor would my boyfriend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunChild Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 First realize why you said mean things. And why you are online asking us what to do... You may need to go out and buy a self help book like Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. Or something by John Gray or Gary Zukov. (that will impress her if you are trying to really work on the issue) Make sure you call her on her time away from you and just say you understand, you are sorry and you hope you can talk more when she gets back. Clean the house when she is gone. And do something for yourself that makes you feel good but something that is appropiate. Brilliant advice. That would go a long way to cooling my jets. Mainly it's important to take a lesson from the dog. He doesn't argue with her and he doesn't say mean things to her. He just wags his tail and wants to play Frisbee on the beach, on top of giving her unconditional approval regardless of how wrong she is. That's why the dog is there and you are not. Right on the money! Strive to be the person the dog thinks she is. I've got you figured......You're just thinking that without a fight, there's no outstanding make-up sex after. Well, if the make-up sex is good, you're on your way, too. My wife (a teacher) is off for the summer. Yesterday, she lounged on our back deck for a couple of hours relaxing, reading, having a snack. She knows my job lately is murder. I came home (beaten down) from work and she starts dropping hints about me cooking dinner. That just started it.....I do A LOT around the house, CLEANING, a recent painting project, lawn care and being the PRIMARY care giver to our dog. THE DOG SHE WANTED. It was not necessary for me to lose it and I did apologize and told her how much I love her. I also explained to her (again) the stress of Information Technology work. My company is short staffed and IT people are expected to be magicians, pulling rabbits out of hats and working at breakneck speed. I have a question... does she do most of the cooking when you are both working? Maybe she just truly wanted a complete day off? Next time, suggest getting some Chinese take out. PS - I work in IT too, you have my sympathy. I probably bite my tongue six times a day to stop from saying "well, allow me to get out my magic wand and fix that for you, shall I?" People don't fully understand that computers were designed by sadistic geniuses who even now are chortling away in their deluxe dungeons at what they've wrought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hotplant Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Actually my partners DID do things like I mentioned, brpsled. If I ever left in a huff and didn't return soon, they would try to make it up, very romantic like. I did the same, only for no reason at all but to keep a spark going. I think JT's wife deserves a "at home vacation" teachers are allowed to relax. Hell, that's why some people I've known go into teaching, for the benefit of a long break. She worked her butt off. Give her a sweetened break! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Summer vacation is a necessity for teachers, LOL. Even if they love, love, love their jobs, I have come to learn that it is a needed and necessary evil. Actually, they tell you in your first few years of teaching NOT to work during the summer. They also tell you NOT to start working on your master's or any other coursework during your first years because it's so labor intensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hotplant Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Amen Mandy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My wife (a teacher) is off for the summer. Yesterday, she lounged on our back deck for a couple of hours relaxing, reading, having a snack. She knows my job lately is murder. I came home (beaten down) from work and she starts dropping hints about me cooking dinner. That just started it.....I do A LOT around the house, CLEANING, a recent painting project, lawn care and being the PRIMARY care giver to our dog. THE DOG SHE WANTED. It was not necessary for me to lose it and I did apologize and told her how much I love her. I also explained to her (again) the stress of Information Technology work. My company is short staffed and IT people are expected to be magicians, pulling rabbits out of hats and working at breakneck speed. It other words she started it. If she is off for the summer and you are working all the time then she should have been making the dinner. Or you should have at least both gone out for dinner. Did she apologize to you for expecting you to be cooking the dinner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 She's home all day, and all summer. Hell yes, i would have dinner on the table (as many women would have), and probably a "before dinner" drink waiting, too. Dinner might have to stay warm for a few minutes, lol. I mean really, she was hinting to him, after he came home from working all day, that he should cook? That is crazy. Amen sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I'm no expert, but if you do this long enough, it seems to me, that it may turn into passive aggressiveness and that is when people go nuts. Yeah, and then the next thing ya know the guy is licking his own jumblies and eating his own crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 It other words she started it. If she is off for the summer and you are working all the time then she should have been making the dinner. Or you should have at least both gone out for dinner. Did she apologize to you for expecting you to be cooking the dinner? I think it is inappropriate to play the blame game here. It's more important to realize that a combination of factors resulted in a fight-or-flight reaction to work-related stress, rather than a conscious relaxation response, which should have occurred. Next time, suggest getting some Chinese take out. As a no-apology meal, Chinese take-out is known for its stress-relieving properties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katydidgood Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Ohhh I am laughing my ass off over here. Sorry I have no advice for ya. I am just loving the zep community right now. Genuine-ya know? Funny thoughtful sarcastic. I bet you feel a little better just readin this thread huh. I do. Weird huh.....and sooooo Thanks for askin man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Yeah, and then the next thing ya know the guy is licking his own jumblies and eating his own crap. Jesus. Like you have any room to mock passive-agressives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alwizard03 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Well Al, then you and I woudln't last at all! LOL Actually, I like to think I get my way all of the time, but I don't. I get my way a lot of the time, but I KNOW I will never get my way all of the time. It's not worth it to try, either. If I tried to get my way all of the time, I'd be nagging all of the time, and I wouldn't like myself much--nor would my boyfriend! You are already married anyway so its all good.Love ya anyway though.In life you have to find someone compatible to mesh with your personailty for instance its hard not impossible for two stubborn hard headed hot tempered people to make it for a long term deal.It is easier if one is more laid back and easy going than the other.Just My opinion and I am not Dr Phil by any means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Hmmm.....who am I married to? That guy on the boards with ten kids and three wives? Or am I married to Del? Hermit? ahhh.... I know who I'm married to! spats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JethroTull Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 It other words she started it. If she is off for the summer and you are working all the time then she should have been making the dinner. Or you should have at least both gone out for dinner. Did she apologize to you for expecting you to be cooking the dinner? Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Um, yes, the dog probably doesn't eat at Outback, although I am sure he would appreciate one of their steaks. And even though it's not exactly a honky tonk, her old boyfriend won't be the only other guy there. When you walk in, the guys check you out first thing if you are female, according to my best friend. Their menu includes martinis, margaritas, beer, wine, vodka, gin, rum, tequila, bourbon, whisky, and so on. So, unless the dog drinks martinis, you could say she may be steppin' out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? :blink: Take back your apology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Take back your apology. AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LAID IN TWO YEARS?!?!? Seriously. Who the hell takes back apologies? 3-year olds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? oh man! sorry to hear that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alwizard03 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? :blink: Sorry its time to move on.But first send all her bills to the old boyfriend He may send Her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Yeah, and then the next thing ya know the guy is licking his own jumblies and eating his own crap. I'm not quite sure what you're talking about, but our puppy seems to be doing alot of that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake of Shadows Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? :blink: Sorry to hear that. Without knowing either of you or the details of the fight, I can only surmise that there is much more going on than who cooks dinner. I hope things work out for the best... whatever that may be. ~~~~~~~~~~ [aside] I really worry about a thread where most of the advice is given by eternal light and spats. [/aside] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 [aside] I really worry about a thread where most of the advice is given by eternal light and spats. [/aside] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? :blink: Zoikes!! She obviously feels that you haven't finished apology-wise... I think she's planning on making you feel a bit shitty for a while Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepyep Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Hi all, Nope. When I arrived home tonight she told me she is meeting her old boyfriend at Outback for drinks and dinner. I said fine. Should I be worried? I never got the words you said to her,even the cooking dinner part.Yet this has been in the pot for awhile,eh? So she come home,tells you she is not going to talk to you but meet an old boyfriend for drinks(first,) then dinner(second) and you said -fine-?!? Yeah,that works.Get a lawyer,...quick. KB (same s,different day) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Outback means drinks and dinner together, plus a lot of men hanging out to scope out the women as they sashay through the door and belly up to the bar, according to my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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