Lake of Shadows Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 ^Cheers to you kind sir, I'm glad. And other person, I'll probably tell him at some point, but I'm partially convinced it was purposely done. He had the statue Davids stature for Christsake! That ain't something to brag about. Poor fellow. *snerk* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BAAM Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Heavens no, his package wasn't lacking at all but he just looked very statuesque Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenderguy Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Fenderguy, You blaggard! How dare you sully this clinic with your lewd innuendo! I suggest before you even start to attempt to deal with your 'enlargement' you should wash your mind out with soap and warm water. Also be careful as there are such things as 'male nurses' in these days of ridiculous political correctness. Whatever next? Female lawyers?... Lots of love, Auntie. Thank you. I'm all better now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Auntie, I eyed my best friends privates in the shower and now all I do is think about his penis everytime I see him. What should I do? Tell him I saw Gods gift to women and laugh it off or let it torment my soul until the end of my days? Not even kiding Dear BAAM, There is no shame in voyeurism. I have credit card subscriptions to a number of good websites and I would be happy to supply you with further details. As for your friend, you could tell him that you were merely checking him for abnormalities and that you are pleased to report all is well. He will be safe in the knowledge that his nether regions are in good health and you will have gotten away with being a nasty little peeping susan completely! Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Perhaps give into the urge, and come out of the closet. Your obvious malcontent with the situation means you have a deep-rooted guilt about what happened. If I was sirchris, that is what I would suggest. But I ain't. So just keep on rolling... Dear Arntzen, You are sailing dangerously close to the wind my friend. Let me remind you that any dispencing of advice from anyone other than Auntie or one of Aunties affiliates will be dealt with severly by big russian bastards in trechcoats. This is not a free-for-all, this is a ruthless dictatorship. Lots of love, Auntie. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This post was bought to you by British Airways: The kids will love our inflateable slides! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pb Derigable Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Auntie, I'm going to Italy. What should I bring. The gun or the cannoli. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Auntie, I'm going to Italy. What should I bring. The gun or the cannoli. Thanks. Dear Pb, The Italians are reknowned for being very volatile, resistant to change and, above all, hostile to strangers. Any attempt by you to intergrate with the locals would surely result in full scale rioting. Brandishing a firearm or, at the very least, a baton or mace spray is recommended by the tourist board as a deterent and could prove the difference between surviving the holiday and coming home in the chilled cargo hold of an aeroplane with a tag tied to your big toe. Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Aunite, I'm having some low self-esteem issues, so I've been thinking of starting up an advice clinic for other people. Do you think this would help me? I feel that if I put myself in a position where I can administer advice to people on various subjects, it will make me feel more empowered, more in control of myself, and importantly more 'special' because people would be looking to me for help. They would, in some ways, be depending on me. I think this will help my low self-esteem issues because I think, as a result, I may feel more wanted or needed, and importantly more knowledgable and capable than most people. What do you think, Auntie? Yours faithfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arntzen Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Arntzen, You are sailing dangerously close to the wind my friend. Let me remind you that any dispencing of advice from anyone other than Auntie or one of Aunties affiliates will be dealt with severly by big russian bastards in trechcoats. This is not a free-for-all, this is a ruthless dictatorship. Lots of love, Auntie. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This post was bought to you by British Airways: The kids will love our inflateable slides! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you promise? I would dearly love to be harshly dealt with by russian bastards, particularily if they are in trenchcoats. Oooh, those Russians Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Auntie, I'm going on a fun, summer trip. What should I bring? Cheers, Eternal Light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledbaby Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 When are the peanut butter cookies ready? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Dear Aunite, I'm having some low self-esteem issues, so I've been thinking of starting up an advice clinic for other people. Do you think this would help me? I feel that if I put myself in a position where I can administer advice to people on various subjects, it will make me feel more empowered, more in control of myself, and importantly more 'special' because people would be looking to me for help. They would, in some ways, be depending on me. I think this will help my low self-esteem issues because I think, as a result, I may feel more wanted or needed, and importantly more knowledgable and capable than most people. What do you think, Auntie? Yours faithfully. Dear Gainsbarre, I think the situation you describe is fancifull at best. Anyone who is so devoid of human contact that they seek it in an internet forum is to be pittied and not paid any attention to what so ever. If you believe that an on line advice clinic would bolster your social standing and, in turn, your self-esteem, then feel free to start one, but my advice would be to leave that to the experts. Lots of love. Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear Auntie, I'm going on a fun, summer trip. What should I bring? Cheers, Eternal Light Dear Eternal Light, On a fun, summer trip, Auntie would be sure to pack profelactics, a lesser calibre fire arm, an emergency pregnancy test, proof of your citizenship and, of course, the phone number of a good lawyer. Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 When are the peanut butter cookies ready? Dear Ledbaby, The peanut butter cookies will be ready as soon as you get off your arse and combine the relevant ingredients and bake for the recommended amount of time. Lots of love, Auntie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JethroTull Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I am a 52 year old male. Married for 7 years. Will I ever get laid again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 I am a 52 year old male. Married for 7 years. Will I ever get laid again? Dear Jethro, You dried up husk of a man. If you ever want to empty those dusty antique walnuts you call testicles, your best bet would be to aquire the services of a sex trade worker or prostitute as they are now known. About $350 should do it. Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Wow - you some crude mofo auntie!?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear Eternal Light, On a fun, summer trip, Auntie would be sure to pack profelactics, a lesser calibre fire arm, an emergency pregnancy test, proof of your citizenship and, of course, the phone number of a good lawyer. Lots of love, Auntie. I was hoping the sunscreen would be enough, but maybe an off-duty police officer to keep the peace. Thanks for the advice, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cecil. Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear auntie, We have been married for a while, my wife likes clutter. I do not like tripping over things is there any help for us. Yours Broken Toe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenderguy Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I can tell from experience that there is no way to stop the clutter, but if you persist enough you still could get your rocks off. Hang in there and continue to try to get some. Good luck !!!! P.S.-----Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead!!!! -----I have four kids, so I know what I am talking about. Just do it anyways!!!!! P.S.---I don't give a flying fuck if this is a military dictatorship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BAAM Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dearest Auntie, Top Notch advice, except I told him it was an inspection and now he wants another more thourough "look" at the privates....now what? I'm running out of brownie mix! I can no longer use delightful treats as a distraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear Antny Who is this and what famous musician did he teach to play what instrument? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear auntie, We have been married for a while, my wife likes clutter. I do not like tripping over things is there any help for us. Yours Broken Toe. Dear Cecil, It sounds to me like your relationship has run it's course. My advice to you would be to cut all ties with your wife, friends and children if you have any and move to Berlin. I have a few friends in the Friedrichshain district who are looking for 'housemates'. You could even open your own leather and bondage club/shop. Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dearest Auntie, Top Notch advice, except I told him it was an inspection and now he wants another more thourough "look" at the privates....now what? I'm running out of brownie mix! I can no longer use delightful treats as a distraction. Dear BAAM, If he feels the need for a more thorough inspection it just shows how health conscious he is. There is no harm in checking his member again if he feels he needs a secondary examination, as you may have missed something very important the first time. I'm sure nothing untoward will happen. Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirchris Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear Antny Who is this and what famous musician did he teach to play what instrument? Dear Dzldoc, That is Delbert McClinton who is rumoured to have taught John Lennon to play harmonica. His influence is said to be most evident on the opening bars of The Beatles hit 'Love Me Do'. It is disputed by some who claim that Lennon already knew how to play the harmonica. Lots of love, Auntie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.