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Lake of Shadows

Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

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Hell yeah! Statistics have shown that out of every so many millions of people there are always a few that are uniquely tailored to you. Hopefully, though, you will find her by the time you reach 40. I expect that she will be a young woman in her 20s who will think the world of you. By then your perspective on women will be even more keenly honed and you should be almost an expert on dating by then.

:o

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How about "getting what you give"? That's also an option. Although it does not go hand in hand with your passive attitude.

Yes, it does. However, their opinion on that might be different. Would you accept that? What if the girl wanted more than what you currently offer, and offered the same in return?

Well, you don't have to answer that, because from what I've already read (and I've read a LOT of your posts), they should either conform to your idea of relationship, or leave your life. Because you will not conform. By any chance. Which means that the result of your apparent broadmindedness is that you're extrememly selfish.

You confuse acceptance with tolerance.

Ask eternal light, that's her line.

However, what I understand by that is that you are able to anderstand their needs, wishes and actions. Which you are not, otherwise you wouldn't make such a fuss of the fact that one of the girls once called you right after the date? Big deal. Maybe she just liked your voice. Or maybe she felt lonely when she returned to an empty house and wanted to prolong the nice evening. You automatically labeled her as "needy" without ever knowing why she really did it.

I usually wait to see what i get before i give. I don't want to be giving and not get what i want in return. or else you have been used.

I they were unhappy about what i was offering and wanted more than i would have to decide if i thought they were worth that. Since i am no longer dating them then that question has been answered.

I will conform and have conformed to an extent. But you cannot comform completely or you will be unhappy. You can't do everything single thing you don't want to do or else you are living your life for someone else.

I am not perfect so sometimes i will just not understand their needs, wishes or actions. Or if i do understand i won''t be able to tolerate it. Maybe i was too hard on that girl that called right after our date but i just felt it was too much. We went on one date and she felt she could call me anytime she wants. Should i have asked her all sorts of questions to try and figure out why she called that soon? if it was the other way around the girl would probably be scared off too. I have heard plenty of girls say the guy should not call back too soon.

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That is wrong.

How it should go: They were taking off to go home [but I managed to get her phone number] and then bye. Next weekend we are going on a date.

See how that works?

But anyway, I'm totally getting bored with being not listened to, so that's probably the last love advice I will give you. Enjoy.

Your scenarios always have a happy ending, Bonnie. :D But i couldn't tell if she wanted to exchange numbers. There were no obvious signs. Is getting along good an obvious sign? It could be just a "friends" sign and not a "let's hook up" sign.

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Just take a chance spats. If you are getting along, then of course it's an obvious sign. Even if it's just wanting to be friends, that's better than nothing isn't it? And it would prove that you can ask for someone's number. I think you can do it spats, you just have to put in a little bit of effort. :D

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Yeah, it's pretty easy...instead of the awkward silence (when she's wondering...is this guy gonna ask me for my phone number or NOT?!) ya whip out your cell and casually say "Hey, can I get your number? Maybe we can do this again sometime."

End of story....DUH!

Geez, I do that with people I meet all the time and I don't even want to date them!

It's not really that easy when you are in the situation. I am out of practise with this stuff because i haven't been the one doing the asking in awhile. You get nervous. And you don't want to seem pushy or anything because you don't even know if she wants you to ask for her number. It's just too hard to tell most of the time. And course, she could have suggested we exchange numbers. But she didn't.

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Spats, why don't you treat it like you aer asking a friend for their number? Just get your phone out and say, "Can I get your number?" I do that to people all the time, just because. Even if you decide that you don't want to carry out a romantic relationship, you can be friends. If that doesn't work out you can always delete the number.

Yeah with a friend it's easier because they are your friend. I just met the girl that night. And it;s always harder when you find them hot.

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Just take a chance spats. If you are getting along, then of course it's an obvious sign. Even if it's just wanting to be friends, that's better than nothing isn't it? And it would prove that you can ask for someone's number. I think you can do it spats, you just have to put in a little bit of effort. :D

Thanks. :D I think i can do the actual act of doing it but i just want to know for sure that they are interested in that way. I am just not convinced by any stretch that i will get the results i want. I don't just want to be friends with a girl that i think is hot. It's not fun just being friends with a girl you are turned on by. It's just plain frustrating. It would be a hell of a lot easier if she would have asked.

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Buddies always say it's easy to tell if a woman is interested but i don't find it that way. I like the straighforward approach. That's how i hooked up with past girfriends. They approached or suggested we exchange numbers and that is usually a 100% sure sign that they are interested. it does not get any better than that. But i can't tell if it's something other than that. "Hints" don't work. I have falen on my face when i was told to look for certain signs.i think women think they better at showing it than they really are.

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Yeah with a friend it's easier because they are your friend. I just met the girl that night. And it;s always harder when you find them hot.

Just ask her, When Will I See You Again? and then say, is there a number where I can reach you? Then write her number in your http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hLP8_F2fkw.

Edited by eternal light

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But I don't want to come off as forward or cocky or presumptious (is that the correct spelling?).

No one ever does but it's always a risk. Watch her response after you ask when you can see her again, and see if she seems interested. If she smiles directly at you and gazes longingly into your eyes, ask for her number.

presumptuous

• adjective failing to observe the limits of what is permitted or appropriate.

— DERIVATIVES presumptuously adverb presumptuousness noun.

http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/presumptuous?view=uk

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No one ever does but it's always a risk. Watch her response after you ask when you can see her again, and see if she seems interested. If she smiles directly at you and gazes longingly into your eyes, ask for her number.

Are you pulling my leg? :blink: I don't think any girl has ever gazed longingly into my eyes. Not even my exes. :o Doesn't that just happen in movies? :blink:

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Buddies always say it's easy to tell if a woman is interested but i don't find it that way. I like the straighforward approach. That's how i hooked up with past girfriends. They approached or suggested we exchange numbers and that is usually a 100% sure sign that they are interested. it does not get any better than that. But i can't tell if it's something other than that. "Hints" don't work. I have falen on my face when i was told to look for certain signs.i think women think they better at showing it than they really are.

Why do they have to approach you or make the first move? You're a man, act like one. You take the straightforward approach. If you like someone, take a risk. You never really know how someone else feels by clues. Often it's obvious, but even when it seems like the other person really digs you, they can disappoint you. Others might want you to make a move, and they wind up disappointed when you don't. That might have cost you a girl in the past that you were interested in (maybe the one from the other night).

The other thing is give someone you like a chance. Sometimes it takes more than one date or even more than a few dates to fall for each other. If you have enough in common, work on it for a bit before giving up. Sometimes love grows without you expecting it to.

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Thanks. :D I think i can do the actual act of doing it but i just want to know for sure that they are interested in that way. I am just not convinced by any stretch that i will get the results i want. I don't just want to be friends with a girl that i think is hot. It's not fun just being friends with a girl you are turned on by. It's just plain frustrating. It would be a hell of a lot easier if she would have asked.

Spats, you will never know unless you try. It's all hit and miss. If one girl you ask, doesn't feel that way it doesn't mean the next girl won't. You just have to try, and give it a shot. The more times you do it, the easier it will get.

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Why do they have to approach you or make the first move? You're a man, act like one. You take the straightforward approach. If you like someone, take a risk. You never really know how someone else feels by clues. Often it's obvious, but even when it seems like the other person really digs you, they can disappoint you. Others might want you to make a move, and they wind up disappointed when you don't. That might have cost you a girl in the past that you were interested in (maybe the one from the other night).

The other thing is give someone you like a chance. Sometimes it takes more than one date or even more than a few dates to fall for each other. If you have enough in common, work on it for a bit before giving up. Sometimes love grows without you expecting it to.

:huh: ? :hysterical:

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Are you pulling my leg? :blink: I don't think any girl has ever gazed longingly into my eyes. Not even my exes. :o Doesn't that just happen in movies? :blink:

No it only happens in REAL LIFE!!! SPAM -BOTS don't experience human interaction...you PUTZ! :o

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No it only happens in REAL LIFE!!! SPAM -BOTS don't experience human interaction...you PUTZ! :o

:hysterical:

Geez people. Haven't you let this "cabeza de verga" jerk you around long enough? :rolleyes:

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If he doesn't have his own thread, he will hijack all the other ones with his whining. At least this contains it.....or something.

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I usually wait to see what i get before i give. I don't want to be giving and not get what i want in return. or else you have been used.

If you feel it that way, there's no hope for you. If everyone had the same attitude, all people would spend waste their lives waiting, just like you do. I'd rather choose living, thank you very much.

I they were unhappy about what i was offering and wanted more than i would have to decide if i thought they were worth that. Since i am no longer dating them then that question has been answered.

No, dear. If they were unhappy, the real question is whether you are worth it. Which brings us back to my initial statement: you are NOT.

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If he doesn't have his own thread, he will hijack all the other ones with his whining. At least this contains it.....or something.

True. It's better to keep all the turds in one bowl, so to speak.

Carry on...

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Why do they have to approach you or make the first move? You're a man, act like one. You take the straightforward approach. If you like someone, take a risk. You never really know how someone else feels by clues. Often it's obvious, but even when it seems like the other person really digs you, they can disappoint you. Others might want you to make a move, and they wind up disappointed when you don't. That might have cost you a girl in the past that you were interested in (maybe the one from the other night).

The other thing is give someone you like a chance. Sometimes it takes more than one date or even more than a few dates to fall for each other. If you have enough in common, work on it for a bit before giving up. Sometimes love grows without you expecting it to.

What do you mean act like a man? There are not any rules to acting like a man. Are you a woman? if you are i am surprised you would say that. Why shouldn't they approach or make the first move? It would save me getting a nervous stomach. Hell i felt like throwing up at the idea of it when i have been out with friends. I actually did throw up when i was about to do it as a teen. That was nasty.

I agree you can't tell a thing by clues. That's why women should be straight forward as well and then there would be no risk at all for the guy. There shouldn't be a risk involved in this if everyone was honest.

I think it has cost me a girl or two by not making a move but they didn't make the move either. So it's their fault too. They are no better than me.

I agree that i should give the women more of chance to get interested in me. But if they are not interested in me right away then they must not think i am physically attractive. If you are physically attracted to someone then you are interested in the person right away. If it takes awhile then they must not think you are that good looking and i don't think it is really meant to be.

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Spats, you will never know unless you try. It's all hit and miss. If one girl you ask, doesn't feel that way it doesn't mean the next girl won't. You just have to try, and give it a shot. The more times you do it, the easier it will get.

I did it quite a bit when i was a teenager and i was only successful once. Not a good track record is it? You would think that things would be better when you were older.

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What do you mean act like a man? There are not any rules to acting like a man. Are you a woman? if you are i am surprised you would say that. Why shouldn't they approach or make the first move? It would save me getting a nervous stomach. Hell i felt like throwing up at the idea of it when i have been out with friends. I actually did throw up when i was about to do it as a teen. That was nasty.

I agree you can't tell a thing by clues. That's why women should be straight forward as well and then there would be no risk at all for the guy. There shouldn't be a risk involved in this if everyone was honest.

I think it has cost me a girl or two by not making a move but they didn't make the move either. So it's their fault too. They are no better than me.

I agree that i should give the women more of chance to get interested in me. But if they are not interested in me right away then they must not think i am physically attractive. If you are physically attracted to someone then you are interested in the person right away. If it takes awhile then they must not think you are that good looking and i don't think it is really meant to be.

Spats, just keep convincing yourself of that and you'll never have to take any risks. You have stated that you are not that physically attractive so if you're counting on your attractiveness to bring women to you then you're basically fucked. You have to have a 'personality'...

Your statement: If you are physically attracted to someone you are interested in the person right away...let me add - and one sentence out of their mouth can totally ruin it!

I find myself attracted to men that are not typically considered 'hot' or 'really attractive'...but a cute grin, a glint in the eye, the ability to make me laugh...HOT!!

Work on your personality....or get major plastic surgery so the girls will throw themselves at your feet. Maybe you can take out a loan and have yourself sculpted into Jimmy Page...for some reason, I don't think that would actually help though B)

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If you feel it that way, there's no hope for you. If everyone had the same attitude, all people would spend waste their lives waiting, just like you do. I'd rather choose living, thank you very much.

No, dear. If they were unhappy, the real question is whether you are worth it. Which brings us back to my initial statement: you are NOT.

Come on, women do a lot of waiting. I am just trying to portect myself. Nathan gave a perfect example of what i am talking about. He said that guys should pay for the first handful of dates when dating a girl. Now what if she decides she is not interested in hooking up with you after all of that? Then you have spent all of this money on her and still wind up all alone. And you feel used.

if my ex's were unhappy that does not mean it was all my fault. Maybe they just wanted me to be something i am not. They knew what they were getting when they hooked up with me.

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Come on, women do a lot of waiting. I am just trying to portect myself. Nathan gave a perfect example of what i am talking about. He said that guys should pay for the first handful of dates when dating a girl. Now what if she decides she is not interested in hooking up with you after all of that? Then you have spent all of this money on her and still wind up all alone. And you feel used.

if my ex's were unhappy that does not mean it was all my fault. Maybe they just wanted me to be something i am not. They knew what they were getting when they hooked up with me.

You take no responsibility at all for your situation Spats. You will just keep coming up with reason after reason after reason to shirk any sense of ownership of your own love life....you are certainly an odd fella... :unsure:

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