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Lake of Shadows

Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

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What does that mean, if you would be so kind.

Grow up, please.

Edit: That's what it means, I'm not telling you to grow up.

Edited by Electrophile

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Am i the only one here that remembers horrible things from their teen years like it was yesterday??? that incident still pops up in my dreams at night.

Well, no, I don't think you are. I'm a bastard for it - but I have a disorder, so...

I asked you once if you had bad anxiety and you said yes. Unless you're taking the piss, you sound like someone with an anxiety problem. You keep dwelling and dwelling and dwelling and letting trivial stuff take root inside you, almost to the point where you feel it's virtually impossible to actually do it.

You need to end the cycle. So, unless you get professional help, you'll always be the person you currently are - bottling out of things, whining that nothing's happening for you, etc.

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Grow up, please.

Well you dont have to be so rude. :thumbdown:

danke schon mein liebchen. ;)

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Well you dont have to be so rude. :thumbdown:

danke schon mein liebchen. ;)

You do know I was posting the translation, not telling you to grow up.

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You do know I was posting the translation, not telling you to grow up.

Only pulling your leg,

danke schon mein liebchen

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What i mean by "hot", is women that i think are beautiful looking. Who looks turn me on. I can't have happiness if i settle for a woman who i don't find physically appealing or does not turn me. Or else we will be nothing but friends.

Shallow, shallow, shallow....even if you WERE to find a hot woman to go on a date with you? She probably would not go for date number 2 because she'd see right through your shallowness. You better get rich fast honey...your biological clock is ticking....

Then you can be happy with an equally shallow beautiful, hot girl.

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Shallow, shallow, shallow....even if you WERE to find a hot woman to go on a date with you? She probably would not go for date number 2 because she'd see right through your shallowness. You better get rich fast honey...your biological clock is ticking....

Then you can be happy with an equally shallow beautiful, hot girl.

It's sad really. I know i have mentioned this to him before. It is so much more important to find someone with substance. Of course there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction to even be interested, but being "hot" or really good looking or whatever level of beauty a girl must rate to qualify is just ridiculous. Spats will never be happy because he is looking for a fantasy. Enjoy that...while a real love will pass you by. Enjoy young hot lust (if you can get it) but die alone and lonely...

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It's sad really. I know i have mentioned this to him before. It is so much more important to find someone with substance. Of course there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction to even be interested, but being "hot" or really good looking or whatever level of beauty a girl must rate to qualify is just ridiculous. Spats will never be happy because he is looking for a fantasy. Enjoy that...while a real love will pass you by. Enjoy young hot lust (if you can get it) but die alone and lonely...

Not true, I still enjoy young hot lusp, sorry my teeth just fell out as my zimmer frame went down a pot hole in the red light district.

Anyone here take coupons? :lol:

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Spats,

I do admire you for one thing. You've been quite diplomatic for someone who has been scrutinized for pages and pages on some of the same points. Most folks would have left or seriously lashed out at this kind of attention by now. Granted, I'm not defending your logic or soundness in these matters, just your relative benevolence. That being said (and here comes my facetious quarter dollar of advice...)

You seem to be confined by the lowest common denominator of social norms and expectations. Your idea, much less your prioritizing, of beauty seems to be marred. You already have a pre-conceived notion of the beautiful as an interest of sexual appeal (or attraction) in a woman. That's not beautiful. The concept is flawed because beautiful no longer becomes a sensation but a property which is bound by your sexual attractions and is limited. Those are carnal desires manifested in an empirical concept of 'fitness'. You are passing an objective judgment and not a subjective one. The fact that you toss around the word 'hot' to describe that attraction is rather disappointing. . . while I'm ready to hear the "It's my opinion" argument, you may want to question just how sound the reasons are behind your physical attractions.

Regarding expectations of the opposite sex: aren't they supposed to be a little cryptic? I understand that you shouldn't be expected to hold doors, pay for first dates, etc. But, I do expect you to hold doors for me because I hold doors for people too. If you are going to undo gender differences in your favor, undo them for me too (I'm a lady, in case this has eluded you). I've held doors open for men, women, girls, boys, and hell, if it had been there, a chimpanzee. I have paid for dinner for men, they have paid for me, I've split costs, I've paid less than my share, I've paid more. I know you're going to retort with "But most girls want this...!" If you approach an individual as the 'most' you may get 'the most' out of her. Take each person one at a time. And take it circumstance by circumstance too. Perhaps you could pay for the first dinner date and as conversation ensues, discuss your feelings on both people sharing monetary duties equally. While we can agree that biological sex (male versus female) is inherent to every human being unless you're a bit hermaphroditic, forcing social identities to be 'male' or 'female' are suffocating. Free your mind of "feminine" requirements in a woman or "masculine" ones required for a man. And for the love of somebody, don't wilt under the opinions of your friends. Be independent. You don't need that sort of umbrella to discern you from right or wrong tastes with a girlfriend that does not involve them. Your affections should not have to be put on parade as a crowd pleasing spectacle.

And I know I'm going to catch hell for this, but stop trying to pick up women in bars, clubs, or contrived social settings. I know other members here have had success in doing so, but let's face it: a good lot of people in attendance are not as moral or diversified as you'd like them to be. They're manipulated settings (is daily life like a local nightclub?) facilitating manipulated states (drunkenness, a good time, facades).

Yes, I know I'm verbose. Does that turn you off? B) But if you do think about these social constructions and their logic, I think you'd be stronger for it.

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Thanks LZ, I appreciate that you care and give advice. :D I might try it if the opportunity is there. Maybe i should have a couple beers beforehand even though i don't drink.

I don't condone drinking, but if you think that a beer or two would help try it. And I'm glad to give advice and try to help as long as you are willing to try too. I personally think you can do it, if you set your mind to it. So, please try it, I'm rooting for you to finally get somewhere. And don't let those things in high school get to you. People in high school are rude and mean, believe me I'm there. If you see them happen again in your dreams, try doing something to take your mind off it before bed. Try popping in some Zeppelin or some other music that helps you relax.

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Not true, I still enjoy young hot lusp, sorry my teeth just fell out as my zimmer frame went down a pot hole in the red light district.

Anyone here take coupons? :lol:

It was contradictory, because he ISN'T getting any "young, hot lust" and i doubt he ever will at this rate. He needs to be realistic. Keep dreaming about a girl that is out of reach and what does he get, a cold pillow to lay next to. He can't even ask a girl he likes to take a walk with him...

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It was contradictory, because he ISN'T getting any "young, hot lust" and i doubt he ever will at this rate. He needs to be realistic. Keep dreaming about a girl that is out of reach and what does he get, a cold pillow to lay next to. He can't even ask a girl he likes to take a walk with him...

Tangerine! You changed your avatar! Pretty! Me like :)

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Tangerine! You changed your avatar! Pretty! Me like :)

Every time i look i still see tweety, but i put up "lovebirds" last night. Thank you! I love birds, and especially ones that are sharing their affections. That is how all couples should be, lol...and what i'm hoping to find.

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Every time i look i still see tweety, but i put up "lovebirds" last night.

To fix that, hit ctrl+F5. It's a hard refresh and it should eliminate that.

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To fix that, hit ctrl+F5. It's a hard refresh and it should eliminate that.

Thanks! :)

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I have never said i would never hold a door open. I should not have to and it's not a guys job to and the woman should not expect it. I said i would pay for dates if me and the woman are a couple. But if there is no guarantee of that then we should be splitting it so no one is being taken advantage of. And i never said i won't put my mouth on a woman. I just said i won't do it down there.

So you do have a chance, then?

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Yes, yes you are. Everyone here had bad shit happen to them in high school. It's high school, it's not supposed to be a walk through a daisy-covered field. That said, I'd be willing to bet that less than 5% of the people who post regularly on this board allow shit that happened to them in high school (unless we're talking something violently traumatic) to affect them in their adult lives. I graduated from high school 8 years ago. Do you know how absolutely stupid I'd sound to people obsessing over shit that happened 8 years ago in school?

Aufwachsen, bitte.

Well i don't know how to block it out.

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Shallow, shallow, shallow....even if you WERE to find a hot woman to go on a date with you? She probably would not go for date number 2 because she'd see right through your shallowness. You better get rich fast honey...your biological clock is ticking....

Then you can be happy with an equally shallow beautiful, hot girl.

It's not shallow. I just have a type of woman i am attracted to. Most are like that. Everyone has certain tastes. I don't think a person can change what they are physically attracted to. If a guy is attracted to women who are in good shape he is not gonna hook up with a girl who is out of shape. A woman who is attracted to a tall men who are in good shape and who has nice hair will not hook up with a guy who is short , out of shape and bald.

I know what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy. Feeling that i am settling will make me miserable. If you felt you were settling would that not depress you?

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Spats,

I do admire you for one thing. You've been quite diplomatic for someone who has been scrutinized for pages and pages on some of the same points. Most folks would have left or seriously lashed out at this kind of attention by now. Granted, I'm not defending your logic or soundness in these matters, just your relative benevolence. That being said (and here comes my facetious quarter dollar of advice...)

You seem to be confined by the lowest common denominator of social norms and expectations. Your idea, much less your prioritizing, of beauty seems to be marred. You already have a pre-conceived notion of the beautiful as an interest of sexual appeal (or attraction) in a woman. That's not beautiful. The concept is flawed because beautiful no longer becomes a sensation but a property which is bound by your sexual attractions and is limited. Those are carnal desires manifested in an empirical concept of 'fitness'. You are passing an objective judgment and not a subjective one. The fact that you toss around the word 'hot' to describe that attraction is rather disappointing. . . while I'm ready to hear the "It's my opinion" argument, you may want to question just how sound the reasons are behind your physical attractions.

Regarding expectations of the opposite sex: aren't they supposed to be a little cryptic? I understand that you shouldn't be expected to hold doors, pay for first dates, etc. But, I do expect you to hold doors for me because I hold doors for people too. If you are going to undo gender differences in your favor, undo them for me too (I'm a lady, in case this has eluded you). I've held doors open for men, women, girls, boys, and hell, if it had been there, a chimpanzee. I have paid for dinner for men, they have paid for me, I've split costs, I've paid less than my share, I've paid more. I know you're going to retort with "But most girls want this...!" If you approach an individual as the 'most' you may get 'the most' out of her. Take each person one at a time. And take it circumstance by circumstance too. Perhaps you could pay for the first dinner date and as conversation ensues, discuss your feelings on both people sharing monetary duties equally. While we can agree that biological sex (male versus female) is inherent to every human being unless you're a bit hermaphroditic, forcing social identities to be 'male' or 'female' are suffocating. Free your mind of "feminine" requirements in a woman or "masculine" ones required for a man. And for the love of somebody, don't wilt under the opinions of your friends. Be independent. You don't need that sort of umbrella to discern you from right or wrong tastes with a girlfriend that does not involve them. Your affections should not have to be put on parade as a crowd pleasing spectacle.

And I know I'm going to catch hell for this, but stop trying to pick up women in bars, clubs, or contrived social settings. I know other members here have had success in doing so, but let's face it: a good lot of people in attendance are not as moral or diversified as you'd like them to be. They're manipulated settings (is daily life like a local nightclub?) facilitating manipulated states (drunkenness, a good time, facades).

Yes, I know I'm verbose. Does that turn you off? B) But if you do think about these social constructions and their logic, I think you'd be stronger for it.

Great Post.

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It's sad really. I know i have mentioned this to him before. It is so much more important to find someone with substance. Of course there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction to even be interested, but being "hot" or really good looking or whatever level of beauty a girl must rate to qualify is just ridiculous. Spats will never be happy because he is looking for a fantasy. Enjoy that...while a real love will pass you by. Enjoy young hot lust (if you can get it) but die alone and lonely...

There definately has to be physical attraction. I have never met anyone who hooked up with someone even though they didn't like the persons looks. Never.

I do want to hook up with a woman with substance. Can't they be both pretty and have substance? Where is the fantasy in that?

I am doubting that i will fall in love though. I have been in lust plenty of times with girlfriends but in hindsight i don't think i was in love with them. I think i have only been in love once. It's so hard to fall in love. I don't know how it's so easy for some people. I never meet any lovable women. Things will might be going good and then they will do something that will annoy or disappoint me and i will lose interest,etc. Or something about their personailty will start to annoy me and i decide i can't be around it. can you relate to that?

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Well i don't know how to block it out.

There are people who can help you with that. They're called "therapists". You've heard of them, right?

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I don't condone drinking, but if you think that a beer or two would help try it. And I'm glad to give advice and try to help as long as you are willing to try too. I personally think you can do it, if you set your mind to it. So, please try it, I'm rooting for you to finally get somewhere. And don't let those things in high school get to you. People in high school are rude and mean, believe me I'm there. If you see them happen again in your dreams, try doing something to take your mind off it before bed. Try popping in some Zeppelin or some other music that helps you relax.

Thanks LZ. :D

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It was contradictory, because he ISN'T getting any "young, hot lust" and i doubt he ever will at this rate. He needs to be realistic. Keep dreaming about a girl that is out of reach and what does he get, a cold pillow to lay next to. He can't even ask a girl he likes to take a walk with him...

I think i am as realistic as they come. Realistic to the point of being depressing. Brutually realistic. What is unrealistic about the type of woman i want?

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Spats,

I do admire you for one thing. You've been quite diplomatic for someone who has been scrutinized for pages and pages on some of the same points. Most folks would have left or seriously lashed out at this kind of attention by now. Granted, I'm not defending your logic or soundness in these matters, just your relative benevolence. That being said (and here comes my facetious quarter dollar of advice...)

You seem to be confined by the lowest common denominator of social norms and expectations. Your idea, much less your prioritizing, of beauty seems to be marred. You already have a pre-conceived notion of the beautiful as an interest of sexual appeal (or attraction) in a woman. That's not beautiful. The concept is flawed because beautiful no longer becomes a sensation but a property which is bound by your sexual attractions and is limited. Those are carnal desires manifested in an empirical concept of 'fitness'. You are passing an objective judgment and not a subjective one. The fact that you toss around the word 'hot' to describe that attraction is rather disappointing. . . while I'm ready to hear the "It's my opinion" argument, you may want to question just how sound the reasons are behind your physical attractions.

Regarding expectations of the opposite sex: aren't they supposed to be a little cryptic? I understand that you shouldn't be expected to hold doors, pay for first dates, etc. But, I do expect you to hold doors for me because I hold doors for people too. If you are going to undo gender differences in your favor, undo them for me too (I'm a lady, in case this has eluded you). I've held doors open for men, women, girls, boys, and hell, if it had been there, a chimpanzee. I have paid for dinner for men, they have paid for me, I've split costs, I've paid less than my share, I've paid more. I know you're going to retort with "But most girls want this...!" If you approach an individual as the 'most' you may get 'the most' out of her. Take each person one at a time. And take it circumstance by circumstance too. Perhaps you could pay for the first dinner date and as conversation ensues, discuss your feelings on both people sharing monetary duties equally. While we can agree that biological sex (male versus female) is inherent to every human being unless you're a bit hermaphroditic, forcing social identities to be 'male' or 'female' are suffocating. Free your mind of "feminine" requirements in a woman or "masculine" ones required for a man. And for the love of somebody, don't wilt under the opinions of your friends. Be independent. You don't need that sort of umbrella to discern you from right or wrong tastes with a girlfriend that does not involve them. Your affections should not have to be put on parade as a crowd pleasing spectacle.

And I know I'm going to catch hell for this, but stop trying to pick up women in bars, clubs, or contrived social settings. I know other members here have had success in doing so, but let's face it: a good lot of people in attendance are not as moral or diversified as you'd like them to be. They're manipulated settings (is daily life like a local nightclub?) facilitating manipulated states (drunkenness, a good time, facades).

Yes, I know I'm verbose. Does that turn you off? B) But if you do think about these social constructions and their logic, I think you'd be stronger for it.

This is too long and detailed for me to answer and i don't understand what you mean in some parts. I don't know what you mean about me being confined to the lowest common denominator. I don't know what you mean about why women are supposed to be cryptic, etc.

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