Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

[spats]

What is "cool"? You keep using this word to describe how you think people should act, but then you don't give any examples as to what "cool" is.

Easygoing, in control of how you act, not acting silly or like a idiot, independant and not clingy. Calm. Reserved. Talk, but not too much. Be Nice but not too nice.

How's that?

[Katuschka]

A guy should be attracting women by acting cool, etc. Not doing that stuff.

Why?

[Katuschka]

Easygoing, in control of how you act, not acting silly or like a idiot, independant and not clingy. Calm. Reserved. Talk, but not too much. Be Nice but not too nice.

How's that?

Spats, if you control the way you act, then you are not easygoing.

[~tangerine~]

This does not have anything to do with lack of self esteem. It just does not make sense why that worked but behaving normally did not. What does that say about society. Why do i feel like an idiot and she liked it?

Well if a guy did that "for" me, i would feel flattered and think he was trying to impress me. You showed her special attention. That is what caught her eye. But when you didn't follow it up with more, maybe she wasn't sure anymore if it was for her or you just having "fun". You talk about mixed signals, and then you send them yourself.

Love shouldn't be this difficult.

[spats]

Why?

Because nobody is worth acting like a fool for. You should keep your dignity if you are trying to impress the opposite sex.

[spats]

Well if a guy did that "for" me, i would feel flattered and think he was trying to impress me. You showed her special attention. That is what caught her eye. But when you didn't follow it up with more, maybe she wasn't sure anymore if it was for her or you just having "fun". You talk about mixed signals, and then you send them yourself.

Love shouldn't be this difficult.

It should not be difficult and it should not have silly ass embarrassing scenarios either. If i feel stupid about what i did doesn't that mean it's not good? I should feel good shouldn't I? If i felt proud of myself that would be a different story. But i feel like a idiot over it. She feels good and i feel like a idiot.

Even after 3 beers i didn't have the nerve. I don't think it has anything to do with being grown up. It's just not having the nerve to do it. I don't know if i sent mixed signals or not.

Would you really feel flattered over something like that?

[~tangerine~]

It should not be difficult and it should not have silly ass embarrassing scenarios either. If i feel stupid about what i did doesn't that mean it's not good? I should feel good shouldn't I? If i felt proud of myself that would be a different story. But i feel like a idiot over it. She feels good and i feel like a idiot.

Even after 3 beers i didn't have the nerve. I don't think it has anything to do with being grown up. It's just not having the nerve to do it. I don't know if i sent mixed signals or not.

Would you really feel flattered over something like that?

Yes i would be flattered to have special attention like that. You lost a good opportunity to take it further. I'm sure you have seen the movie "Top Gun". Did Kelly McGillis not look flattered when Tom Cruise and the guys were singing "You Lost That Loving Feeling" to her?

I'm sure the reason you feel so foolish about the incident is because it's out of character for you. I also think this is about your self-esteem. If you have confidence in yourself, why can't you make a move?

[~Bonnie~]

Yes, i think i have forgotten what it's like to have a woman like me. It hasn't been happening very often lately. And yes i do think i have some bitterness in me from rejection, etc.

It's just disappointing that I had to act stupid for her to be attracted to me. And it wasn't even me. it was the beer talking.

I hope i don't find out that she likes to watch the "Hills" and the "Bachelorette"

By the way, how do post all of that writing at the bottom of your posts?

Click on the My Controls. and then click on Edit Signature. And then, you can put whatever you want into the little box. And then save.

[Dzldoc]

Because nobody is worth acting like a fool for. You should keep your dignity if you are trying to impress the opposite sex.

Acting and "Being" one are two different things!

[Uncle Bill]

Spats, have you ever considered that you may be over thinking things instead of just letting them happen?

[~Bonnie~]

This does not have anything to do with lack of self esteem. It just does not make sense why that worked but behaving normally did not. What does that say about society. Why do i feel like an idiot and she liked it?

Why do you seem like you're upset with her for liking you? Wasn't that what you wanted?

My $.02-If someone sang "happy birthday" to me, I would think they were being sweet. Yes, even if it was badly out of tune. Happy Birthday is a cheesy song anyway, and it's not supposed to sound good. I don't think she is in the wrong, here.

[Katuschka]

Because nobody is worth acting like a fool for. You should keep your dignity if you are trying to impress the opposite sex.

1. Yes, there are such people.

2. It depends entirely on you whether you lose your dignity or not. You can act like the greatest fool and still keep your dignity. It depends on the way you see both the situation and yourself. You didn't act like a fool, you did one funny and nice thing that must have impressed her. You are acting like a fool NOW if you think that you did something wrong.

Your definition of "cool" really doesn't impress me very much. You would probably bore me to death.

"in control of how you act" - if you think you need to control your behaviour, how are you supposed to impress the other person?

"not acting silly or like an idiot" - we all act silly sometimes. You can either laugh with others, or you can start feeling like an idiot. The former option is likely to produce much more positive results. Choose the later, and you will really lose your dignity.

"independent" - again, if you think you need to control your behaviour, you will not make an impression of an independent person. If you need to control your behaviour (because that's the only way you can keep your dignity), it means that you are dependent on others' opinion.

"calm" - many people prefer temperament people

"reserved" - many people prefer spontaneous people.

and "easygoing" - once again, if you think you need to control your behaviour, it means that you are not easygoing. It means that you are restrained.

Sorry, but all this does not create an image of a "cool" person; it rather makes you look cold, self-conscious and inapproachable.

[spats]

Yes i would be flattered to have special attention like that. You lost a good opportunity to take it further. I'm sure you have seen the movie "Top Gun". Did Kelly McGillis not look flattered when Tom Cruise and the guys were singing "You Lost That Loving Feeling" to her?

I'm sure the reason you feel so foolish about the incident is because it's out of character for you. I also think this is about your self-esteem. If you have confidence in yourself, why can't you make a move?

And she did not follow up on it either. She has to share some of the blame too.

I just don't understand some of the nonsense women like then. Because I think that stuff is stupid. I cannot understand why a woman would like a guy making a ass out of himself.

That probably is why i feel foolish. Because that is not me at all. I don't do that silly stuff. I watch how i behave. I am usually on my best behavior. It was the beer that caused that.

i don't know if it's self esteem so much as having had a lot of rejection when asking for numbers,etc. Let's say a guy gets rejected 20 times in a row. There is no way he is going to think that the 21st girl is going to accept him. He will think it will be rejection again. He has become accustomed to the rejection and expects it. I think that is the best way i know how to explain it.

[spats]

Click on the My Controls. and then click on Edit Signature. And then, you can put whatever you want into the little box. And then save.

Thanks Bonnie.

[spats]

Spats, have you ever considered that you may be over thinking things instead of just letting them happen?

Yes Bill. I do that sometimes. It's hard to stop. I get in my own way once in a while. But i can't stand the feeling where you feel you made a fool of yourself. Especially in front of group of people.

[spats]

Why do you seem like you're upset with her for liking you? Wasn't that what you wanted?

My $.02-If someone sang "happy birthday" to me, I would think they were being sweet. Yes, even if it was badly out of tune. Happy Birthday is a cheesy song anyway, and it's not supposed to sound good. I don't think she is in the wrong, here.

Yes i do want her to like me. I guess it's because I don't like how it happened. I am not enjoying why she likes me. Because i thought it was dumb. And if she likes something that i thought was stupid then it makes me question her taste. I like things to happen the way i like them to happen. Does that make sense? My ideal situation would be for her to like me for being cool and good looking. Not this.

[spats]

1. Yes, there are such people.

2. It depends entirely on you whether you lose your dignity or not. You can act like the greatest fool and still keep your dignity. It depends on the way you see both the situation and yourself. You didn't act like a fool, you did one funny and nice thing that must have impressed her. You are acting like a fool NOW if you think that you did something wrong.

Your definition of "cool" really doesn't impress me very much. You would probably bore me to death.

"in control of how you act" - if you think you need to control your behaviour, how are you supposed to impress the other person?

"not acting silly or like an idiot" - we all act silly sometimes. You can either laugh with others, or you can start feeling like an idiot. The former option is likely to produce much more positive results. Choose the later, and you will really lose your dignity.

"independent" - again, if you think you need to control your behaviour, you will not make an impression of an independent person. If you need to control your behaviour (because that's the only way you can keep your dignity), it means that you are dependent on others' opinion.

"calm" - many people prefer temperament people

"reserved" - many people prefer spontaneous people.

and "easygoing" - once again, if you think you need to control your behaviour, it means that you are not easygoing. It means that you are restrained.

Sorry, but all this does not create an image of a "cool" person; it rather makes you look cold, self-conscious and inapproachable.

We have different ideas of what cool is then. How can you act like a fool and still keep your dignity?

[Uncle Bill]

Yes My ideal situation would be for her to like me for being cool and good looking. Not this.

How do you know she likes you because of this? Maybe she already liked you or was attracted to you and this gave her a reason to mention it to others. I think you have a foot in the door but are too worried about how it got there. Go with the flow man. But that's me, not you, I guess. Good luck.

[spats]

How do you know she likes you because of this? Maybe she already liked you or was attracted to you and this gave her a reason to mention it to others. I think you have a foot in the door but are too worried about how it got there. Go with the flow man. But that's me, not you, I guess. Good luck.

Well there were no obvious signs before. She was sticking with her girlfriends the past couple weeks. Women aren't really good at giving signs that they are interested. Unless they actually say it or act on it which they don't usually do.

I hope i have a foot in the door. I just don't like how i got the foot in the door. Now that i made a complete twit out of myself maybe she will ante up a bit. To lessen the embarassment.

[Uncle Bill]

Well there were no obvious signs before. She was sticking with her girlfriends the past couple weeks. Women aren't really good at giving signs that they are interested. Unless they actually say it or act on it which they don't usually do.

I hope i have a foot in the door. I just don't like how i got the foot in the door. Now that i made a complete twit out of myself maybe she will ante up a bit. To lessen the embarassment.

It's unlikely but possible she will "ante up a bit", imo. Remember she doesn't know how you feel about the whole thing. You have to accept things as they are, not like you wish they were. Even if it's not fair.

Only you think you acted like a twit. I think you did good.

[Katuschka]

How can you act like a fool and still keep your dignity?

Very easily, I just don't care what people think about me. I am a fool, so it's very easy to act like one. If someone doesn't like it, it's their loss.

[spats]

It's unlikely but possible she will "ante up a bit", imo. Remember she doesn't know how you feel about the whole thing. You have to accept things as they are, not like you wish they were. Even if it's not fair.

Only you think you acted like a twit. I think you did good.

Thanks Bill.

But how i feel about that situation is more important than how she feels. If i am not happy then does it really matter how much she enjoyed it? I have to be happy too. I hope she antes up because i don't want to be downing 3 beers every weekend. if she can't tell i like her then she is clueless.

[59LesPaul]

But how i feel about that situation is more important than how she feels.

One sentence says it all.....

[Medhb]

Yes i do want her to like me. I guess it's because I don't like how it happened. I am not enjoying why she likes me. Because i thought it was dumb. And if she likes something that i thought was stupid then it makes me question her taste. I like things to happen the way i like them to happen. Does that make sense? My ideal situation would be for her to like me for being cool and good looking. Not this.

Well, first you'd have to BE those things so maybe it's time you start dealing with reality. Just sayin'

[lzfan715]

Thanks for the encouragement, LZ.

But i think she likes the juiced up version of me. I am not normally like that.

Spats, obviously something in you had to say that, so yes she does like you. It may be hard to accept, but accept it. You are making progress. Next time, ask her on a walk!