Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

[Virginia]

Spats, I just saw what you posted on the "Talk to your past" thread. That explains a lot. But you need to put whatever happened behind you and keep trying!

[Pip]

These concepts we are all on about aren't really hard ones to get your head around.

It is pretty much;

Generalizing about different genders is dumb

Patronizing women will get you nowhere

Double standards make you look like an asshole (read Animal Farm, George Orwell)

Equality means EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES and nothing to do with who can lift the most.

And if you must go against any of these concepts then don't expect any intelligent women to date you.

[docron]

The year was 1966. I had just turned 18 and it was unknown to me at the time that I would soon get drafted into Vietnam along w/ my brother Wayne and best friend Gary. Life as it were was fresh.., I was free from my parents' reign and just old enough to enjoy it. Anyways, by this time I had already began establishing a name on the east coast, on the low-key garage rock scene around Boston, with my group Dr. Ron and the Vinegar, and despite having some pretty shoddy equipment, we had managed to established a pretty good following playing local warehouse parties and hangouts. Anyways, of all the girls I had come to know up to that point, and there were plenty, there is this one girl who I can still remember in particular, a girl who I saw for the first and only time one night in late '66. We were scheduled to play at JD's Key Club, one of the real up and coming underground hangouts on Boston's west-end, for what couldn't have been more than 30 bucks. I never had seen her before, didn't talk to her, and never found out her name, but you could tell just by looking at her that she wasn't a day over 16 and somehow must have convinced her older sister to bring her out under her parents' noses, most likely the work of some sort of sisterly blackmail. We were about half way through our set when this girl walked in through the side entrance. She didn't talk to anyone, and she didn't dance.., she just stood there in the back looking up at me with this look... An inexplicable piercing gaze that was as fixed as it was free. It was deep in that had I not felt instantly connected to her, I would have been almost certain she saw right through me and through whatever sort of sloppy sound was coming out of the beat up aqua-colored fender that was slung around me with a strap I had made out of duct-tape... on through the worn brick wall, out into the back alley, and straight on home to tell her friends about it.

It's nearly 33 years later now, and up to this point in my life, I've still yet to see someone look at me the way this girl had from the corner of this club... I felt connected to her. If I lived in the past every part of me would wish to go back there and find out this girl's name.. anything... but I can't, and don't want to. I'm sure she's just as happy as I am living in the present.

You see, Spats, it's much the same as your situation. You need not dwell on the past... you can't change anything about that.

[spats]

Okay. You're indifferent to her now that she never called you - but you're still whining about how she never called you. You're pissed off because she didn't do the hard work, and kind of expected it of you, especially since your friend approached her for you. She was expecting something, and you went to all that trouble of calling her - only to just leave your number? Why didn't you fucking take charge and suggest a date then and there? Why didn't you ask to do something, other than just saying 'I've done my part - now, you, call me back'? Sorry, Spats, you dropped the ball on that one. Again, she probably thought that she was made to do all the hard work. If you can't even be arsed to try a little harder, if only for the sake of one date, don't be surprised when 'Mr. Traditional Alpha Male' is getting some and you're not.

So what if they find you good looking gradually? Will your willy drop off if you're not instantly labelled 'hot'? Would you prefer to have sex in short little spurts - because you're only determinded to date someone who considers you hot and who you consider hot - or would you prefer to have sex regularly, even if it meant that they didn't think you were hot straight away, but, rather, they adored you for you? Wouldn't you want someone falling in love with you? Wouldn't that be better than having someone make a quick judgement on your face? I see a lot of hot guys, but they act like meatheads. You might look hot, but your personalilty? Not so much.

I am not a take charge type of person anymore. I usually fail at it. Calling her and leaving a message and leaving my number was taking charge for me. And it was not easy doing that because she had already made it known to my friend that what i did by getting him involved was dumb and silly. So calling her after she insulted me was not an easy thing to do. And then giving the ultimatum that the only way we would go out is if i called her only added to it. So i called and she wasn't home and i left a message saying if she wanted to go out sometime to call me. I think that was taking charge. What should i have said on the message? And then after that she said that was not good enough. Who does she think she is?? if i had called her again i think it would have been a miserable conversation.

I just find that if a woman only found me good looking gradually then it's really an insult. It is pretty much them saying i am not that good looking. Or if it takes them a awhile to fall in love with me then it's not the real deal and we are not really meant to get together. There shouldn't be any doubt or them having to think about it,etc. I equal that to "settling". Just my opinion.

Yes i do want to fall in love and for some i find hot to fall in love with me. But it should not be a struggle and it should not take a long time. I don't know how so many people do it. Because it seems so hard to find someone to fall in love with and yet it is happening all around.

[spats]

Spats, I just saw what you posted on the "Talk to your past" thread. That explains a lot. But you need to put whatever happened behind you and keep trying!

Thanks Virginia. I try to but it's tough.

[spats]

The year was 1966. I had just turned 18 and it was unknown to me at the time that I would soon get drafted into Vietnam along w/ my brother Wayne and best friend Gary. Life as it were was fresh.., I was free from my parents' reign and just old enough to enjoy it. Anyways, by this time I had already began establishing a name on the east coast, on the low-key garage rock scene around Boston, with my group Dr. Ron and the Vinegar, and despite having some pretty shoddy equipment, we had managed to established a pretty good following playing local warehouse parties and hangouts. Anyways, of all the girls I had come to know up to that point, and there were plenty, there is this one girl who I can still remember in particular, a girl who I saw for the first and only time one night in late '66. We were scheduled to play at JD's Key Club, one of the real up and coming underground hangouts on Boston's west-end, for what couldn't have been more than 30 bucks. I never had seen her before, didn't talk to her, and never found out her name, but you could tell just by looking at her that she wasn't a day over 16 and somehow must have convinced her older sister to bring her out under her parents' noses, most likely the work of some sort of sisterly blackmail. We were about half way through our set when this girl walked in through the side entrance. She didn't talk to anyone, and she didn't dance.., she just stood there in the back looking up at me with this look... An inexplicable piercing gaze that was as fixed as it was free. It was deep in that had I not felt instantly connected to her, I would have been almost certain she saw right through me and through whatever sort of sloppy sound was coming out of the beat up aqua-colored fender that was slung around me with a strap I had made out of duct-tape... on through the worn brick wall, out into the back alley, and straight on home to tell her friends about it.

It's nearly 33 years later now, and up to this point in my life, I've still yet to see someone look at me the way this girl had from the corner of this club... I felt connected to her. If I lived in the past every part of me would wish to go back there and find out this girl's name.. anything... but I can't, and don't want to. I'm sure she's just as happy as I am living in the present.

You see, Spats, it's much the same as your situation. You need not dwell on the past... you can't change anything about that.

Thanks for the story. I try not to. But it's hard not to. I wish i could go back in a time machine and change things.

[longdistancewinner]

I am not a take charge type of person anymore. I usually fail at it. Calling her and leaving a message and leaving my number was taking charge for me. And it was not easy doing that because she had already made it known to my friend that what i did by getting him involved was dumb and silly. So calling her after she insulted me was not an easy thing to do. And then giving the ultimatum that the only way we would go out is if i called her only added to it. So i called and she wasn't home and i left a message saying if she wanted to go out sometime to call me. I think that was taking charge. What should i have said on the message? And then after that she said that was not good enough. Who does she think she is?? if i had called her again i think it would have been a miserable conversation.

I cannot say anymore to you than has already been said countless times. You don't even take what we say on board.

She is a self-respecting human being who could've gone on a date with you, had you not gotten your friend involved. You blew it and now you're angry at her. Idiot.

I just find that if a woman only found me good looking gradually then it's really an insult. It is pretty much them saying i am not that good looking. Or if it takes them a awhile to fall in love with me then it's not the real deal and we are not really meant to get together. There shouldn't be any doubt or them having to think about it,etc. I equal that to "settling". Just my opinion.

Well, your opinion's a little skewed. Love isn't an instant thing. Lust is. You want lust. You don't want to 'hook-up' with a girl because you want to be around her, you want to 'hook-up' with her for the sake of it. You want sex. And, because women are only worth talking to if they're hot, it's probably all you want.

If to fall in love gradually is an insult to you, does that mean that I should be insulted when my boyfriend 'gradually' fell in love with me? Does that mean that I am not good-looking, does it mean that my boyfriend isn't? Does it mean that we're not the 'real deal'? By your thinking, most couples are probably doomed...

[Virginia]

Thanks Virginia. I try to but it's tough.

You seriously have to be able to put yourself on the line again if you are going to find true love. It seems you are putting up barriers not to, so you won't get burned again. But anything worth having is worth working for, and is worth the risk.

[Kiki]

There are seven billions of people on this planet. Surely there are lots of women among them who choose wrong men. BUT, that and "women don't really have..." are two completely different things. There are also women who really do have such a radar, but I'm not surprised that you don't know any, because they, quite logically, avoid you.

You are the one who generously denies this fact, not me. It suits to your limited picture of the world, my experience is rather different. It is the same as saying that all physically attractive men are Alpha Males and "bad boys," which is absolutely not true.

I would like to disagree with you, 90 percent of the physically attracttive men are "bad boys". I just love men with long legs.....nice forearms with hair...and a great hairy chest.....long curly hair. The best is the smell of a man. If you don't like his musk, no way would you stay with him. You know what I'm talking about.

[Pip]

I would like to disagree with you, 90 percent of the physically attracttive men are "bad boys". I just love men with long legs.....nice forearms with hair...and a great hairy chest.....long curly hair. The best is the smell of a man. If you don't like his musk, no way would you stay with him. You know what I'm talking about.

hehe

I like the made up percentage - V. funny.

My husband smells like grease most of the time! hehehe Actually he has a natural scent that is like Niva - the moisturizer - its weird but good...

Actually I do remember on my first night with him breathing his scent in!! we were on a single bed and I just breathed him ALL night...

so the smell thing is one that I agree with... not the 90 percent thing though - My husband is very physically attractive (think Colin Ferrel) but when I met him he had never had a girlfriend and he was shy (still is) - so shy that I did all the asking out (even though he recons now that he was going to do it he was just working up the courage)...

Actually all of my male friends that are good lookin' (in the society eye) are completely different personality wise - the most 'buff' out of them all only just lost his virginity at 25!! and he looks like a Greek god! but he is extremely shy... another really attractive friend of mine is so shy that if he has to talk to a woman he has a stutter that completely contorts his face and he can't get a word out!

On the other hand I have a rather 'plain' looking friend who actually considers himself a 'ladies man' but he has a completely wonky eye (one is bigger than the other) and is lanky and actually has broken limbs all the time (always doing stupid things and breaking himself)...

So who knows?!?

I mean we can't generalize about men either!

My dad is actually a funny one - he is the geekiest looking bloke (his school photos are hilarious) but he is what might be described as an 'Alpha Male' - women LOVE him... and I think his secret is that he REALLY LOVES women - he enjoys the company of women because he just loves them! And men love him too! Everyone is drawn to him and he is this tall skinny guy with glasses as thick as the bottom of a bottle he has wonky teeth and you can never tell who he is looking at!!

But I don't know how many times women have thrown themselves at him! we were actually at a restaurant with him the other night and the waitress was flirting with him! she was younger than me! hehehe But he only has eyes for my mum- so that is nice...

am I rambling?

weeee

[docron]

I was riding my bike home from the 5th grade one summer Friday in 1953. While I was riding along Pinebury Avenue, I happened to see the sun glint off a nickle laying in the street and rode over to pick it up. I was excited because it was about 85 degrees out that day and my trip home took me right past Fuzzy's Service Station, a place where my friend Henry's older brother Eddie worked fixing up old cars and tending fuel, and the only place on my ride home that happened to have a soda machine outside the front door. As I rode up I saw Eddie standing alongside a Cadillac filling it full of fuel. In the passenger's seat was a girl, whom I didn't recognize, and definitely didn't give any attention too. All I was focused on was the giant red Coke machine I had in my sights. I propped my bike against the bright red painted steel wall just as the owner of the Cadillac came out of the station. As I reached down into the pocket of my jeans, my first attempt came up empty... frantically searching around a bit longer, I discovered a small hole at the bottom, just big enough for 5 cents to slip through unnoticed. I nodded as Eddie gave me a little wave, and rode off... though a little slower this time.

You see Spats, girls are a lot like the nickle. Exciting.., pretty.., and they can give you something you could use to fill a void... like a Coke in this instance.., but sometimes you are so caught up in chasing something that is obviously too good to be true, that you ride right past the girl sitting in the Cadillac every time.

She would have been easy to talk to too... she obviously wasn't from around there, because she didn't go to your school, and she probably would've liked some attention. She probably would've told you she was staying in town at her aunts for the weekend, and you two might have went to the park or played kick-the-can to pass the time... Instead you went for the quick enjoyment of the Cola... which might taste good for 10 or so minutes, but it took a hell of a lot more work to get, and in the end, did you ever really have it?

Ultimately, you ended up with nothing but a bunch of missed opportunities... but you were too preoccupied with getting the "Coke" to notice, and thus never realize you're doing yourself wrong.

[Pip]

I was riding my bike home from the 5th grade one summer Friday in 1953. While I was riding along Pinebury Avenue, I happened to see the sun glint off a nickle laying in the street and rode over to pick it up. I was excited because it was about 85 degrees out that day and my trip home took me right past Fuzzy's Service Station, a place where my friend Henry's older brother Eddie worked fixing up old cars and tending fuel, and the only place on my ride home that happened to have a soda machine outside the front door. As I rode up I saw Eddie standing alongside a Cadillac filling it full of fuel. In the passenger's seat was a girl, whom I didn't recognize, and definitely didn't give any attention too. All I was focused on was the giant red Coke machine I had in my sights. I propped my bike against the bright red painted steel wall just as the owner of the Cadillac came out of the station. As I reached down into the pocket of my jeans, my first attempt came up empty... frantically searching around a bit longer, I discovered a small hole at the bottom, just big enough for 5 cents to slip through unnoticed. I nodded as Eddie gave me a little wave, and rode off... though a little slower this time.

You see Spats, girls are a lot like the nickle. Exciting.., pretty.., and they can give you something you could use to fill a void... like a Coke in this instance.., but sometimes you are so caught up in chasing something that is obviously too good to be true, that you ride right past the girl sitting in the Cadillac every time.

She would have been easy to talk to too... she obviously wasn't from around there, because she didn't go to your school, and she probably would've liked some attention. She probably would've told you she was staying in town at her aunts for the weekend, and you two might have went to the park or played kick-the-can to pass the time... Instead you went for the quick enjoyment of the Cola... which might taste good for 10 or so minutes, but it took a hell of a lot more work to get, and in the end, did you ever really have it?

Ultimately, you ended up with nothing but a bunch of missed opportunities... but you were too preoccupied with getting the "Coke" to notice, and thus never realize you're doing yourself wrong.

hehe

are you writing a book?

I'm not too sure about your metaphor but it is a lovely story! hehe

[docron]

hehe

are you writing a book?

I'm not too sure about your metaphor but it is a lovely story! hehe

Ah, but my dear! Is it the metaphor's fault that some of the text is seemingly insignificant?

The best part about not being too sure about the written something is knowing you can go back.

[spats]

I cannot say anymore to you than has already been said countless times. You don't even take what we say on board.

She is a self-respecting human being who could've gone on a date with you, had you not gotten your friend involved. You blew it and now you're angry at her. Idiot.

Well, your opinion's a little skewed. Love isn't an instant thing. Lust is. You want lust. You don't want to 'hook-up' with a girl because you want to be around her, you want to 'hook-up' with her for the sake of it. You want sex. And, because women are only worth talking to if they're hot, it's probably all you want.

If to fall in love gradually is an insult to you, does that mean that I should be insulted when my boyfriend 'gradually' fell in love with me? Does that mean that I am not good-looking, does it mean that my boyfriend isn't? Does it mean that we're not the 'real deal'? By your thinking, most couples are probably doomed...

But how could she have gone on a date with me if i had not got my friend in involved??? Until i got my friend involved there was no way to tell she was even interested in me because she never suggested we exchange numbers on New Years. She gave no obvious sign she was interested in me that night other than being friendly and that is nout a accurate sign.

I think she should have been a little more sensitive and understanding to where i was coming from. And after i left the message i think she should have called back instead of saying that was not good enough. And i how could i get along with a woman and go on a date with a woman who said my actions were silly and stupid???? Would you be able to do that?

Love may not be an instant thing but thinking the person is good looking should be. If a woman ever said to me "it took me a while to be physically attracted to you" or "i didn't find you good looking at first" , i would tell her to take a hike. Love may not be an instant thing but it shouldn't take a long time to develop either. If it would take a woman awhile to fall in love with me then i don't think it's mean to be.

I do want to hook up with a woman to be around her. I want a cool, pretty woman to hang out with along with sex.

[spats]

hehe

I like the made up percentage - V. funny.

My husband smells like grease most of the time! hehehe Actually he has a natural scent that is like Niva - the moisturizer - its weird but good...

Actually I do remember on my first night with him breathing his scent in!! we were on a single bed and I just breathed him ALL night...

so the smell thing is one that I agree with... not the 90 percent thing though - My husband is very physically attractive (think Colin Ferrel) but when I met him he had never had a girlfriend and he was shy (still is) - so shy that I did all the asking out (even though he recons now that he was going to do it he was just working up the courage)...

Actually all of my male friends that are good lookin' (in the society eye) are completely different personality wise - the most 'buff' out of them all only just lost his virginity at 25!! and he looks like a Greek god! but he is extremely shy... another really attractive friend of mine is so shy that if he has to talk to a woman he has a stutter that completely contorts his face and he can't get a word out!

On the other hand I have a rather 'plain' looking friend who actually considers himself a 'ladies man' but he has a completely wonky eye (one is bigger than the other) and is lanky and actually has broken limbs all the time (always doing stupid things and breaking himself)...

So who knows?!?

I mean we can't generalize about men either!

My dad is actually a funny one - he is the geekiest looking bloke (his school photos are hilarious) but he is what might be described as an 'Alpha Male' - women LOVE him... and I think his secret is that he REALLY LOVES women - he enjoys the company of women because he just loves them! And men love him too! Everyone is drawn to him and he is this tall skinny guy with glasses as thick as the bottom of a bottle he has wonky teeth and you can never tell who he is looking at!!

But I don't know how many times women have thrown themselves at him! we were actually at a restaurant with him the other night and the waitress was flirting with him! she was younger than me! hehehe But he only has eyes for my mum- so that is nice...

am I rambling?

weeee

I need women throwing themselves at me!! What does he do exactly??? What are the signs that a man really loves women????

[spats]

I was riding my bike home from the 5th grade one summer Friday in 1953. While I was riding along Pinebury Avenue, I happened to see the sun glint off a nickle laying in the street and rode over to pick it up. I was excited because it was about 85 degrees out that day and my trip home took me right past Fuzzy's Service Station, a place where my friend Henry's older brother Eddie worked fixing up old cars and tending fuel, and the only place on my ride home that happened to have a soda machine outside the front door. As I rode up I saw Eddie standing alongside a Cadillac filling it full of fuel. In the passenger's seat was a girl, whom I didn't recognize, and definitely didn't give any attention too. All I was focused on was the giant red Coke machine I had in my sights. I propped my bike against the bright red painted steel wall just as the owner of the Cadillac came out of the station. As I reached down into the pocket of my jeans, my first attempt came up empty... frantically searching around a bit longer, I discovered a small hole at the bottom, just big enough for 5 cents to slip through unnoticed. I nodded as Eddie gave me a little wave, and rode off... though a little slower this time.

You see Spats, girls are a lot like the nickle. Exciting.., pretty.., and they can give you something you could use to fill a void... like a Coke in this instance.., but sometimes you are so caught up in chasing something that is obviously too good to be true, that you ride right past the girl sitting in the Cadillac every time.

She would have been easy to talk to too... she obviously wasn't from around there, because she didn't go to your school, and she probably would've liked some attention. She probably would've told you she was staying in town at her aunts for the weekend, and you two might have went to the park or played kick-the-can to pass the time... Instead you went for the quick enjoyment of the Cola... which might taste good for 10 or so minutes, but it took a hell of a lot more work to get, and in the end, did you ever really have it?

Ultimately, you ended up with nothing but a bunch of missed opportunities... but you were too preoccupied with getting the "Coke" to notice, and thus never realize you're doing yourself wrong.

In simpler terms what do you mean? I am too busy looking for what? and missing out on what?

[~tangerine~]

But how could she have gone on a date with me if i had not got my friend in involved??? Until i got my friend involved there was no way to tell she was even interested in me because she never suggested we exchange numbers on New Years. She gave no obvious sign she was interested in me that night other than being friendly and that is nout a accurate sign.

I think she should have been a little more sensitive and understanding to where i was coming from. And after i left the message i think she should have called back instead of saying that was not good enough. And i how could i get along with a woman and go on a date with a woman who said my actions were silly and stupid???? Would you be able to do that?

Love may not be an instant thing but thinking the person is good looking should be. If a woman ever said to me "it took me a while to be physically attracted to you" or "i didn't find you good looking at first" , i would tell her to take a hike. Love may not be an instant thing but it shouldn't take a long time to develop either. If it would take a woman awhile to fall in love with me then i don't think it's mean to be.

I do want to hook up with a woman to be around her. I want a cool, pretty woman to hang out with along with sex.

Most people don't know if the person they are about to ask out is interested in them. The point is to do it and find out. Spats, would you honestly want people to be able to read your mind? I doubt it, and that's about the only way you can be sure...especially if you are asking a stranger for a date. Sometimes obvious signs turn out to be nothing more than freindliness or flirtation. No guarantee when you "pop" the question, the answer will be yes.

Seems unimportant now why she didn't call you back. You are the interested one, you need to show that to her. One more try would have been a better way to know for sure. IMO, it's not too late to call her, if you have the guts.

As for looks meaning love, you are warped. I don't think you have a clue about love, and as mentioned earlier by another poster (sorry don't recall who) you seem to think "lust" is "love". You are saying if you were to be involved with a woman you find "good looking" for a reasonable amount of time, and then one day she confessed, "i didn't find you good looking at first" you would dump her? That is asinine.

I'm starting to agree with the route of "paid" date for you...as in a "call girl".

[Pip]

Ah, but my dear! Is it the metaphor's fault that some of the text is seemingly insignificant?

The best part about not being too sure about the written something is knowing you can go back.

hehe I understand it... I just don't completely agree with it! hehe actually I think it is a great story! I was just kidding around with you... that is the hard thing with this communication method....

[Pip]

I need women throwing themselves at me!! ohmy.gif What does he do exactly??? What are the signs that a man really loves women???? blink.gif

He is just a nice person I guess... I don't know exactly what it is! I'm his kid! ... HE is a feminist - he is the reason that I AM (obviously my mum is too but dad always pushed it)!!

Actually my husband loves women too - he gets along with our female friends more than he does his work mates. Actually he once got fired because a smash repairs he worked in had all these porno mags everywhere and posters on the walls and stuff and one of the women who worked there was complaining that it made her feel bad because it was demeaning to have to work around it and so he (my husband) came in one day and threw them all out! hehe - but he was fired for it! He probably knew it would get him fired but she didn't know how to complain about it - because she felt dis-empowered by the whole shenanigans - You know?

I don't know what it is about them exactly but you can tell they don't dislike women in any way... you can tell when a bloke is bitter against women in general... - and who wants to sort that blokes head out? NOBODY!

[PennyLane]

I'm starting to agree with the route of "paid" date for you...as in a "call girl".

Maybe Spats really needs is a "kept" woman - pay her expenses, etc. then she will be available to him 24/7.

[longdistancewinner]

Most people don't know if the person they are about to ask out is interested in them. The point is to do it and find out. Spats, would you honestly want people to be able to read your mind? I doubt it, and that's about the only way you can be sure...especially if you are asking a stranger for a date. Sometimes obvious signs turn out to be nothing more than freindliness or flirtation. No guarantee when you "pop" the question, the answer will be yes.

Seems unimportant now why she didn't call you back. You are the interested one, you need to show that to her. One more try would have been a better way to know for sure. IMO, it's not too late to call her, if you have the guts.

As for looks meaning love, you are warped. I don't think you have a clue about love, and as mentioned earlier by another poster (sorry don't recall who) you seem to think "lust" is "love". You are saying if you were to be involved with a woman you find "good looking" for a reasonable amount of time, and then one day she confessed, "i didn't find you good looking at first" you would dump her? That is asinine.

I'm starting to agree with the route of "paid" date for you...as in a "call girl".

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. It was me who said he's confusing love with lust - finding it an insult when there isn't that boom! instant attraction towards him. If he wants someone to call him hot, get a hooker. They'll tell him anything he wants.

The fact is (and now I'm talking to you, Spats) you can think many people are attractive, but you don't necessarily feel attracted to them on first glance. I never said my boyfriend was ugly when I first met him, I never said he was unattractive - in fact, many people would say he's quite a 'pretty boy' - I said that I was not attracted to him in 'that way'. I knew him for a long time before I really started to hang out with him. His personality was what made me want to spend more him, and when I developed feelings for him, though he is good-looking, I was suddenly able to appreciate that in a new way.

You could have a gorgeous outer body, but if you've got a shitty inner body, no one will give you the time of day - unless you do something about it.

[kirchzep27]

I've been seeing a few things on dating sites and matchmakers, on morning tv news and shows. simply put, it all boils down to communication and attraction. thats not to say that the relationship will last, but initially those are the basic things.

[Katuschka]

I would like to disagree with you, 90 percent of the physically attracttive men are "bad boys". I just love men with long legs.....nice forearms with hair...and a great hairy chest.....long curly hair. The best is the smell of a man. If you don't like his musk, no way would you stay with him. You know what I'm talking about.

That's a bold estimate. That's the same as saying that all attractive girls are stupid. Again, culture and one's surroundings play an immense role in this, and if one is brought up as a modest guy, he will remain a modest guy, no matter how nice eyes he has. Of course you have the right to disagree with me, but from my own esperience I know that such generalizations can be very unfair. All I can add is that my opinion used to be the same as yours.

[~tangerine~]

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. It was me who said he's confusing love with lust - finding it an insult when there isn't that boom! instant attraction towards him. If he wants someone to call him hot, get a hooker. They'll tell him anything he wants.

At this point, i truly believe he doesn't know what love is...and maybe he doesn't want love in his life anyway.

[~tangerine~]

Maybe Spats really needs is a "kept" woman - pay her expenses, etc. then she will be available to him 24/7.

I don't see Spats paying someone else's expenses, lol But he could call an escort service for Saturday night dates.