Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

[docron]

That's a bold estimate. That's the same as saying that all attractive girls are stupid. Again, culture and one's surroundings play an immense role in this, and if one is brought up as a modest guy, he will remain a modest guy, no matter how nice eyes he has. Of course you have the right to disagree with me, but from my own esperience I know that such generalizations can be very unfair. All I can add is that my opinion used to be the same as yours.

I agree...

You probably can't tell from what I do in this forum because the "internet courage" hides it, but I am overly modest in real life.., and, as a matter of fact, I have awesome eyes.

I'm almost 24 and've only ever had 1 girlfriend... having nice eyes most certainly has not helped me attract women.

P.S. The aforementioned girlfriend cheated on me.

P.P.S. I get like 70 cool-kid points for using and've.

P.P.P.S. I know it's not.., but it totally should be a real word.

[spats]

Most people don't know if the person they are about to ask out is interested in them. The point is to do it and find out. Spats, would you honestly want people to be able to read your mind? I doubt it, and that's about the only way you can be sure...especially if you are asking a stranger for a date. Sometimes obvious signs turn out to be nothing more than freindliness or flirtation. No guarantee when you "pop" the question, the answer will be yes.

Seems unimportant now why she didn't call you back. You are the interested one, you need to show that to her. One more try would have been a better way to know for sure. IMO, it's not too late to call her, if you have the guts.

As for looks meaning love, you are warped. I don't think you have a clue about love, and as mentioned earlier by another poster (sorry don't recall who) you seem to think "lust" is "love". You are saying if you were to be involved with a woman you find "good looking" for a reasonable amount of time, and then one day she confessed, "i didn't find you good looking at first" you would dump her? That is asinine.

I'm starting to agree with the route of "paid" date for you...as in a "call girl".

I think if women were more honest you would know they were interested. You can tell when guys are.

It's not a matter of guts really. It's just that she has been pretty mean and not understanding or sensitive to where i am coming from. If i call now, i think her next complaint will be that i have waited to long to call.

I don't think love and lust are the same but you should find them physically attractive quickly. If a woman i was dating revealed to me that she didn't find me good looking at first. I would really be insulted and very disappointed. Thngs would be different after that. It's a insult. Because if a person is really good looking people know it. They don't have to think about it. I know right away when i find a woman hot. I don't have to think about. The same if i am not physically attracted to them. I have never gone from not finding them attractive to finding them attractive. It was either there or it wasn't.

[spats]

He is just a nice person I guess... I don't know exactly what it is! I'm his kid! ... HE is a feminist - he is the reason that I AM (obviously my mum is too but dad always pushed it)!!

Actually my husband loves women too - he gets along with our female friends more than he does his work mates. Actually he once got fired because a smash repairs he worked in had all these porno mags everywhere and posters on the walls and stuff and one of the women who worked there was complaining that it made her feel bad because it was demeaning to have to work around it and so he (my husband) came in one day and threw them all out! hehe - but he was fired for it! He probably knew it would get him fired but she didn't know how to complain about it - because she felt dis-empowered by the whole shenanigans - You know?

I don't know what it is about them exactly but you can tell they don't dislike women in any way... you can tell when a bloke is bitter against women in general... - and who wants to sort that blokes head out? NOBODY!

See, i am different. I get along with my buddies better than i do with women i meet or hang out with or even girlfriends i have had. We have the same sense of humor, we like the same things.

[spats]

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. It was me who said he's confusing love with lust - finding it an insult when there isn't that boom! instant attraction towards him. If he wants someone to call him hot, get a hooker. They'll tell him anything he wants.

The fact is (and now I'm talking to you, Spats) you can think many people are attractive, but you don't necessarily feel attracted to them on first glance. I never said my boyfriend was ugly when I first met him, I never said he was unattractive - in fact, many people would say he's quite a 'pretty boy' - I said that I was not attracted to him in 'that way'. I knew him for a long time before I really started to hang out with him. His personality was what made me want to spend more him, and when I developed feelings for him, though he is good-looking, I was suddenly able to appreciate that in a new way.

You could have a gorgeous outer body, but if you've got a shitty inner body, no one will give you the time of day - unless you do something about it.

I am not confusing the two. I know the difference. I realize you can't fall in love instantly. But i want physical attraction to be quick. I want them to find me good looking first then let it progess. Not the other way around. I just see it as negative if it took awhile for them to find me good looking. That's not flattering at all. It's like a back handed compliment. "i had no interest in you at all and didn't find you physically attractive but then i got to know you better and you grew on me". Oh, that makes me feel really special. Do you think any woman has ever said that to Brad Pitt?????? Or Johnny Depp or any great looking dude walking down the street. Of course not because there is no doubt they are good looking. With my looks it's different. If a woman does not find me good looking right a way it means "you have the type of looks that people have to get used to." Not good.

[spats]

I agree...

You probably can't tell from what I do in this forum because the "internet courage" hides it, but I am overly modest in real life.., and, as a matter of fact, I have awesome eyes.

I'm almost 24 and've only ever had 1 girlfriend... having nice eyes most certainly has not helped me attract women.

P.S. The aforementioned girlfriend cheated on me.

P.P.S. I get like 70 cool-kid points for using and've.

P.P.P.S. I know it's not.., but it totally should be a real word.

Same here. I am a very modest person. It does not seem to attract women. Difference is i don't have awesome eyes.

[spats]

At this point, i truly believe he doesn't know what love is...and maybe he doesn't want love in his life anyway.

I think i do know what it is. I want it. What is your idea of love?

I just don't want a woman who didn't like my looks at first. I want her to know and be sure. Otherwise i would feel like she was sellting or something. I want a woman who thinks i am great looking. Not okay looking. I don't want her to like my personality more than my looks. I want both equal.

I have heard women say it and seen them in action where they like the guys looks right way. They didn't have to get used to him. They knew right away by looking at him they wanted to to to know him better. I want a woman to feel that way about me.

[Dzldoc]

Same here. I am a very modest person. It does not seem to attract women. Difference is i don't have awesome eyes.

[spats]

There is another dude.. Tom Cruise. I doubt he has ever had a woman say to him..."i didn't find you good looking at first."

[Virginia]

There is another dude.. Tom Cruise. I doubt he has ever had a woman say to him..."i didn't find you good looking at first."

I think you should look at the "Beautiful Men" thread and see what some of the women here find attractive. Tom Cruise is definitely not on my list...

[Babs]

Same here. I am a very modest person. It does not seem to attract women. Difference is i don't have awesome eyes.

You do have the 'Gummy Smile' though. So you got that going for you.

[Dzldoc]

There is another dude.. Tom Cruise. I doubt he has ever had a woman say to him..."i didn't find you good looking at first."

When you're 50,60,70 what difference is looks going to make? you do want to find someone to spend the rest of your life with right?

You need to look for someone that is beautiful inside!

[spats]

I think you should look at the "Beautiful Men" thread and see what some of the women here find attractive. Tom Cruise is definitely not on my list...

I am not saying all women find him hot. But i doubt any woman he has hooked up with has ever said. "i didn't find you good looking at first. And even women that don't find him hot will admit that he is good looking.

[Virginia]

I am not saying all women find him hot. But i doubt any woman he has hooked up with has ever said. "i didn't find you good looking at first. And even women that don't find him hot will admit that he is good looking.

I don't because I think he is really creepy

[Dzldoc]

I don't because I think he is really creepy

[longdistancewinner]

I am not confusing the two. I know the difference. I realize you can't fall in love instantly. But i want physical attraction to be quick. I want them to find me good looking first then let it progess. Not the other way around. I just see it as negative if it took awhile for them to find me good looking. That's not flattering at all. It's like a back handed compliment. "i had no interest in you at all and didn't find you physically attractive but then i got to know you better and you grew on me". Oh, that makes me feel really special. Do you think any woman has ever said that to Brad Pitt?????? Or Johnny Depp or any great looking dude walking down the street. Of course not because there is no doubt they are good looking. With my looks it's different. If a woman does not find me good looking right a way it means "you have the type of looks that people have to get used to." Not good.

Uh, yeah, I would. I can honestly say that I am not attracted to Johnny Deep or Brad Pitt. Or many other conventionally beautiful Hollywood-groomed man. You're confusing unattractive and attraction. I can find many, many men attractive, but I'm not necessarily attracted to them. Do you understand what I'm saying? You can find someone goodlooking without actually wanting to be with them. Just like you may be not attracted to them initially, but grow to love them and want to be with them. But of course that's not good enough for you.

So what if someone has to get to know you before they fall for you? Does that mean you're no longer a man? Has your willy gone? I'm no stunner myself - people rarely are so flawless - but I don't think of it as an insult if a guy doesn't find me attractive initially. Of course it's nice to have someone think me attractive on first appearance, but I've learnt that first appearances can be deceptive. What you see isn't always what you get. Use it to your advantage.

[~tangerine~]

I think i do know what it is. I want it. What is your idea of love?

I just don't want a woman who didn't like my looks at first. I want her to know and be sure. Otherwise i would feel like she was sellting or something. I want a woman who thinks i am great looking. Not okay looking. I don't want her to like my personality more than my looks. I want both equal.

I have heard women say it and seen them in action where they like the guys looks right way. They didn't have to get used to him. They knew right away by looking at him they wanted to to to know him better. I want a woman to feel that way about me.

"Thinking" you know what love is means you have no idea. Love shouldn't even need to be described or defined. It's something you either feel or don't, and you know it when it's there. Not everyone is capable of love and i sincerely wonder if you are.

Considering a person's looks as a criteria for love is proof to me you really don't know.

I'm not saying that attraction isn't a big reason why many people fall in love. But attraction doesn't always mean "hot". You put it as your top priority and there is no room for "growth"...it has to be there for you right away, and has to be returned by your prospective partner, or things will not progress. I can't say any more than this is shallow, and not love.

A couple personal examples for you. I fell in love with a guy (this goes back to 87') who i found "appealing"...that was the word i used to describe my attraction to his looks. I fell in love with his personality and the way he showed me his nurturing side from the first date. People who knew him described his looks as "okay" or "cute". We were together for seven years, and just grew apart (we were engaged for a few years but i wanted to finish college before we married, and then by that time both our feelings started to change). As a side note: some years later, Matt Damon became famous, and i was surprised at how many people consider him hot (wasn't he one of People magazines sexiest?)...he looks identical to the bf i just spoke of...

Another story, the man i left for the one above was "hot". I guess initially i liked his looks, but after about a year, i couldn't stand his personality anymore. I tried to make things work because of the committment i had started with him, but when i looked at him, i didn't see his "good looks", i saw a person who was aggravating me and ultimately to the point of my breaking up with him. Looks fade fast when you don't like the rest of the person. I guess they may grow more appealing when you do like the person (ie...my Matt Damon look a like).

You make looks too much of a priority and you will continue to be unhappy and not in love.

My idea of love: enjoying a person's personality, being able to be yourself with them, having great communication between each other, loyalty and devotion, caring about them and caring for them, feeling less selfish than you are naturally, being supportive, protective, trustworthy, being willing to compromise, being willing to do things that you may not want to do or feel like doing because they need your help...having respect for each other... to name a few. If you need to ask, you just don't know, Spats.

Let me ask you: if you don't think you are good looking (which is what you have said here repeatidly), then why do expect a girl you are interested in to find you good looking? You need to focus less on looks and more on "mutual interests, hopes, dreams, whatever"...lol.

Just for the hell of it, call that girl one more time! I'm dying to hear if she will go out with you after all this. What do you have to lose at this point?

[~tangerine~]

I don't because I think he is really creepy

Tom has become creepy, and everyone seems to point to Scientology as the reason...but i do still think Tom is good looking and before his major "change" i would have said i even loved him. I consider Tom Cruise (more so when he was younger than today) to be "gorgeous" actually Have you ever seen "Legend"...i believe he was still in his early twenties at the time, he looked like an angel in that movie. Anyway, i can understand your point today...but think back to movies like "A Few Good Men" and "Rain Man" when Tom was still benign... did you find him more attractive before the "weirdness took over"?

edit for typo

[Dzldoc]

Tom has become creepy, and everyone seems to point to Scientology as the reason...but i do still think Tom is good looking and before his major "change" i would have said i even loved him. I consider Tom Cruise (more so when he was younger than today) to be "gorgeous" actually Have you ever seen "Legend"...i believe he was still in his early twenties at the time, he looked like an angel in that movie. Anyway, i can understand your point today...but think back to movies like "A Few Good Men" and "Rain Man" when Tom was still benign... did you find him more attractive before the "weirdness took over"?

edit for typo

OK Spatsette!

[Virginia]

Tom has become creepy, and everyone seems to point to Scientology as the reason...but i do still think Tom is good looking and before his major "change" i would have said i even loved him. I consider Tom Cruise (more so when he was younger than today) to be "gorgeous" actually Have you ever seen "Legend"...i believe he was still in his early twenties at the time, he looked like an angel in that movie. Anyway, i can understand your point today...but think back to movies like "A Few Good Men" and "Rain Man" when Tom was still benign... did you find him more attractive before the "weirdness took over"?

edit for typo

Nope; not even in Top Gun, or Risky Business. Tom Cruise has always had this weird intensity that I found unsettling. I did see Legend, but I've always been a Tim Curry fan

You know who I liked in the 80s? David Keith; from "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "The Lords of Discipline"; and Andrew McCarthy from "Pretty in Pink" I sort of liked Chuck Norris too

[Dzldoc]

Nope; not even in Top Gun, or Risky Business. Tom Cruise has always had this weird intensity that I found unsettling. I did see Legend, but I've always been a Tim Curry fan

You know who I liked in the 80s? David Keith; from "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "The Lords of Discipline"; and Andrew McCarthy from "Pretty in Pink" I sort of liked Chuck Norris too

Nothing creepy about that! You naughty gurl!

"Oh! Rocky!"

[Virginia]

Nothing creepy about that! You naughty gurl!

"Oh! Rocky!"

You gotta admit! I mean, only he could pull that off!

[Dzldoc]

You gotta admit! I mean, only he could pull that off!

Umm? No comment!

[Virginia]

Umm? No comment!

[~tangerine~]

Nope; not even in Top Gun, or Risky Business. Tom Cruise has always had this weird intensity that I found unsettling. I did see Legend, but I've always been a Tim Curry fan

You know who I liked in the 80s? David Keith; from "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "The Lords of Discipline"; and Andrew McCarthy from "Pretty in Pink" I sort of liked Chuck Norris too

Fair enough, everyone has their own taste. I actually didn't like Top Gun (or Tom with the military look), but i never found him unsettling until lately. My best friend loved Tim Curry (from the Rocky Horror days)! I have always liked Andrew too (especially in Pretty in Pink). My mom liked Chuck Norris, but i never figured out why. She changed her mind recently when he was promoting the "other" party My first crushes (age 10) Clint Eastwood, at 11, Bruce Springsteen, age 12, Robert Plant! Just to name a few.

[Pip]

See, i am different. I get along with my buddies better than i do with women i meet or hang out with or even girlfriends i have had. We have the same sense of humor, we like the same things.

Well ... what can I say? That was the answer I had for you so .... if you just aren't that sort of person - the kind who likes the company of women - I only know one remedy for that...

if you don't like women - why do you want to date them? If you like your buddies more than any women you know then you are looking in the wrong place for love..

I have already said that I know but honestly .. circle circle circle

here is some real advice that you may take notice to;

Put a cooked chicken on your head and place chillies on the tips of its plucked wings. NOW what you have to remember with this is that women only like men who smear the stuffing across their chest but no lower than the belly button! For this next part you are going to need an orange and some sort of flammable liquid...

... and finish it off by taking the cucumber out and adding it to the shrine...