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Styrbjorn

Styrbjorn's Public Transport Time Dilation Theory

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

Last night I observed a phenomenon with the possible impact to change the face of science as we know it. A simple journey home was transformed into an almost certain Nobel prize nomination for extreme cleverness.

I speak of the Taxi Time theory.

In essence this is the difference between the time quoted by the company when you order one and the actual amount of time it takes to appear. In the taxi world time appears enormously flexible, a quote of say, 15 minutes can stretch into 30 or more! For taxi drivers time and distance are no longer relevant, they may be orbiting a gas giant over three light years away from you but they'll still say "15 minutes" when you ask for an estimated time of arrival.

So how can we use this in a practical sense?

Easy. Ever wanted a moment to last longer? Order a taxi, this alone will add at least another thirty minutes of shoe gazing and furtive glancing at your watch to any event. Suffer from premature ejaculation? Phone a taxi just before commencing foreplay and you'll guarantee added time for the sex act and cleaning up the mess from the curtains later.

If everyone at the O2 Led Zeppelin show last year had ordered at taxi during Kashmir they'd still be playing now.

I thank you. :D

Edited by Styrbjorn

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

Last night I observed a phenomenon with the possible impact to change the face of science as we know it. A simple journey home was transformed into an almost certain Nobel prize nomination for extreme cleverness.

I speak of the Taxi Time theory.

In essence this is the difference between the time quoted by the company when you order one and the actual amount of time it takes to appear. In the taxi world time appears enormously flexible, a quote of say, 15 minutes can stretch into 30 or more! For taxi drivers time and distance are no longer relevant, they may be orbiting a gas giant over three light years away from you but they'll still say "15 minutes" when you ask for an estimated time of arrival.

I used to work in the transport industry with buses and taxis. And the biggest inconvenience to the smooth running of operations is the general public.

The public have this funny idea that they, as an individual, think they're the only thing that exists in the universe. And what happens is the public just whinges all the time...

Taxi companies, if you stop to think about it, can't actually give you a time when a taxi is going to pick you up, how could they? They tell you 15 minutes because it's better than telling you "we have no idea". They can only give you an approximation. How, seriously, could you expect them to give you a precise time of arrival given all the variables?

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I was just curious as to your rather literal response to what was clearly a few paragraphs of whimsy.

Which taxi cab company do you work for? :D

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The theory, or one very like it, is known as Bistromathics. If you quote this instead you will only get beaten over the head by disgruntled Italian waiters, rather than become the focal point for burning resentment from suddenly-empowered cabbies..er, I mean transport industry executives.

You know you should have walked home. :)

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If everyone at the O2 Led Zeppelin show last year had ordered at taxi during Kashmir they'd still be playing now.

that's it!!!...i must have mentally ordered a taxi during kashmir because i keep reliving that moment...

thanks styrbjorn...and here i thought i was just nuts!

...to that taxi never arriving... :beer:

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Thank you for the replies. It has made me ponder other small eternities that exist in everyday life.

For example the peculiar void that exists between finishing your meal and attracting the waiters attention for the bill/check. You know, the examining of the wine bottle lable and general fussing about. Also notable by the absence of conversation from your dinner partner and an intense desire to lob the menu at the back of the waiters head.

Or is it just me that pays for dinner?

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Thank you for the replies. It has made me ponder other small eternities that exist in everyday life.

For example the peculiar void that exists between finishing your meal and attracting the waiters attention for the bill/check. You know, the examining of the wine bottle lable and general fussing about. Also notable by the absence of conversation from your dinner partner and an intense desire to lob the menu at the back of the waiters head.

Or is it just me that pays for dinner?

i have noticed the disparity between those voids is highly dependent upon which side of the pond you dine and find the speed with which you advance in the direction of the exit is directly proportional to waitstaff response...

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I was just curious as to your rather literal response to what was clearly a few paragraphs of whimsy.

Which taxi cab company do you work for? :D

I used to work for Brisbane Transport and Black & White Cabs, thank god I don't anymore.

Sorry, I'm just still deeply scarred from my old job dealing with public enquiries.

The thing I used to find is, a person would ring up and they had been waiting for a cab, but they always had this mentality that they were the only person in the world who was waiting for one...It never ocurred to them that they were waiting at 1am on a Saturday night at the exact same time that 10,000 other people in Brisbane were waiting for a cab and you could only get 1500 cabs working in the city...you know? Everyone is pushed to the maximum, but the customer believes they're the only one.

Edited by I have got a horsey

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a related research paper published today...alternately titled "the almighty kroner manipulates taxi time theory"... :)

Taxis charge extra for turning up on time

A cab company in Trondheim will guarantee that pre-booked taxis turn up on time. However, customers have to pay an extra NOK 50 (USD 9) for this service.

A cab company in Trondheim charges a supplement for turning up on time.

"Many people want to be sure that the taxi turns up on time and this is something they are willing to pay for. By offering this service people can ensure that they will arrive at their destination on time. The choice is up to the individual customer," says the head of TrønderTaxi, Lars Skrøvseth to news website Adressa.no.

The head of the competing cab company Norgestaxi, thinks that NOK 50 is a lot to pay for turning up on time, given that the average fare for a trip in Trondheim is NOK 150.

"The way I see it, the customer should be able to book a car ahead of time and it should turn up at the correct time, without the customer having to pay extra. The fare is what the trip should cost," he says.

Aftenposten English Web Desk

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:lol: Great thread (and yes, I recognized the whimsy). Sorry to piss you guys off, but the times I've called for a taxi here they have been pretty prompt. Of course, this isn't London; it's Minnesota so they're not quite as busy :P

Having said that, I don't call for one very often.

I recently was watching a show about traveling in Europe, and the guy was saying that we (Americans) have to learn to be patient and wait, because there's a different pace in some countries. I have to admit that I got fidgety and impatient just hearing that. I've always wanted to go to Italy or Spain or the south of France, but I think might need to be sedated or I'd lose my mind :lol::unsure:

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