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Years ago in days of old and magic through the air the world we call earth was being created. This endeavor took place within the halls of the castle in the heavens known as Valhalla. The great creator known as The Val father completed his creation of mankind and appointed lesser gods to rule the elements and oversee mans evolution. Thor the son of Odin was selected for the position as God of war, thunder and strength. Thor often visited earth to check on the progress of man. During one of these visits he heard a thumping sound which caught his attention. A man beating on a Big Log with a pair of sticks as another chanted and others clicked bones or twigs in rhythm to the thumping of the log. He listened for several minutes enjoying the auditory sensation he experienced, it is the earliest known song played by man. Thor then appointed a human as the over-seer of music and granted him immortality as long as he remained the lord of music. He was known as The Mighty Rearranger supreme lord of music. Months later Thor with the help of an elf named Zoso the master blacksmith forged four crowns. Thor used his hammer of the gods to complete the crowns by embedding them with magical powers. He passed them to The Mighty Rearranger to protect until worthy musicians are chosen to bear the crowns. If all four are possessed by members of the same band they would be the kings their genre as well as kings of all music. As long as they retain the crowns their music would live forever. Many years passed and only one crown was awarded to a mortal called Elvis identified as The King of rock-n-roll. The Mighty Rearranger had prospective candidates for the remaining crowns but decided to hide them away where they were to remain until the world produces kings worthy to be crowned.

One horrible day from the darkest depths of Mordor the evil-one crept up and began his war against peace and freedom. In the lands he conquered, he suppressed the freedoms of the people. He stopped all forms of entertainment and free speech. The first art he banned was music which he felt was a way his enemies secretly communicated. When he crossed the ocean to bring his war to the new world he learned of the crowns and vowed he would find and destroy them. When news of his plan was learned throughout the world The Mighty Rearranger called upon the people to help him defend the crowns and destroy the evil one. Soon the army we called the freedom fighters was formed and the battle began. I will now tell you all I can remember of the war and the crowning of the four kings.

Ten Years Gone since the days of my youth when I was told what it means to be a man. Now I’ve reached that age and I try to do those things the best I can. This when I was called upon to serve The Rover. He was in command of the freedom fighters at the Wearing Tearing war in Carouselambra. We hoped for peace because I did not want to leave my Pride And Joy for the battlefield. We knew if peace didn’t come soon I would receive my draft papers from the D’yer Mak’er. This would turnout to be my day. I recall it clearly; my little Ozone Baby and I were enjoying a warm autumn afternoon sitting on our front porch listening to my radio when a familiar song came over the airwaves, I knew it well. My foxy little Heartbreaker asks “This is our song, who sings it?”

“That guy with The Hots For Nowhere.” I replied “I can’t remember his name.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know him; he is an immigrant from the land of ice and snow with the midnight sun.”

“So it’s the Immigrant Song.”

“No, no babe it’s The Lemon Song sung by an immigrant.”

“Whatever, all I know is We’re Gonna Groove, so get off your ass and shake it.”

We were Dancing In Heaven doing the Misty Mountain Hop when Poor Tom ran up the lawn waving papers and yelling, “I just received my draft papers and the piper is calling you to join him.”

I knew my time had come, I saw the messenger close behind Tom. The tears in my girls’ eyes rolled down her cheek as I said “Babe, babe, babe, Babe I’m Gonna Leave You,” and she melted into my arms as if she was Fixin’ To Die. She cried “Don’t Leave Me This Way, I don’t want to be a queen without a king.”

I replied “Babe, babe, babe I Can’t Quit You Baby, bu’,bu’, but That’s The Way it goes when duty calls.”

“You Shook Me baby, is all I’m saying. It was a Communication Breakdown; I thought you were Dazed And Confused and going crazy. Bring It On Home baby when peace is restored and we’ll make Wreckless Love until the night turns into day.”

“Thats Alright Mama,” I said, then with All Of My Love I kissed her and whispered in her ear “If the sun refused to shine I would still be loving you, if mountains crumble to the sea it will still be you and me.”

It was In The Evening when we set out for Royal Orleans located east of the Black Mountain Side. This is where The Rearranger’s compound stands and the crowns are believed to be hidden. When we arrived at the village we learned we were scheduled for a Night Flight on board the Mothership. I amazed by the warm welcome we received upon arriving, assured the good people we would return when peace is no longer a dream and the kings could be crowned. Many of the villagers reappeared that night to see us off. Before boarding the zeppelin I thanked them for making our short visit such a pleasant stay. We took flight around midnight. I was uneasy about flying in the darkness and the pilot noticed my jumpiness. He asked if I was okay and tried to ease my stress. He says “I will be able to see fine in the night sky because the autumn moon lights my way. Now it’s time for us to go so please take a seat and relax.” Then with a Horizontal Departure the zeppelin took to the air as the winds of Thor eased us on our way.

We landed at Nickel Creek a day later and hiked north to the freedom fighter’s base. Roy our general met us as we were Walking Into Clarksdale and he guided us to the barrack. As we followed him I noticed he had Walter's Walk and pointed it out to Tom. I whispered, “Tom he walks like Walter.” We chuckled and continued behind Roy.

The following morning we were outfitted with our amour and weapons, and then led to the Battle Of Evermore which was underway across the river. During Achilles Last Stand with assistance from our allies The New Yardbirds the battle took a turn in our favor. Under the fearless leadership of Roy we initiated our final assault against The Crunge. Fourteen days of cutthroat combat and the loss of many lives, our enemies were left Trampled Underfoot. Achilles under attack from the hounds of doom managed to slay the evil-one moments before the hounds fell him by striking his ankle, the only place he was vulnerable. Our skilled archers terminated the hounds immediately following Achilles demise. We tried reviving Achilles every way possible, even the elves and their spells couldn't raise him from his eternal sleep.

With the evil-one dead and the war Over Now, peace will rule the world again. We laid Achilles to rest with a celebration for a king when we returned to Clarksdale. After two weeks of recuperation Tom and I geared up for our departure. I looked to the west and said “Tom we can wind on down the road and head home.”

I was feeling Sick Again on board the ship as we sailed south in The Ocean on our way to Royal Orleans. About halfway to our destination the ship hit an obstacle. We were rammed by Moby Dick the biggest, meanest whale I ever laid eyes on. Tom and I were on deck when the impact nearly capsized the ship which sent me tumbling across the deck. Tom managed to catch me before I went overboard.

He asked, “You alright?”

I answered, “Yeah, good catch dude. Thank You for saving my life.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, just a little shook up. I thought I was In My Time Of Dying but thanks to you I’m alive.”

“No problem, you know I always got your back.”

“I’m Gonna Crawl to our cabin and try to sleep this nightmare away.”

Seventeen days past since we boarded Bron-Y-Aur the freighter and our destination was insight. Early afternoon we docked and an elderly noble looking gentleman wearing a Tangerine colored Kashmir sweater greeted us as we stepped off the gangway. He told us everybody is up on the hill at a place called the Candy Store Rock because they haven’t had any ships in port since the Battle Of Evermore began. He then informed me he only has Tea For One and a slice of Custard Pie in his cupboard because the village hasn’t received supplies since. Tom says “Not any more my friend, if we can gather some able body men to unload this ship you will have abundant amounts of food for everybody.” He pointed toward the hill and said “You go up there and you’ll find help to unload your ship.” We thanked the old fellow and headed down the road.

We traveled about a mile when we came upon a fork in the road and both paths seemed to lead to the hill. We decided to take the left side. We walked for ten minutes when we were approached by a Black Country Woman with Emerald Eyes carrying Four Sticks. She called herself The Enchanter and began to Ramble On about What Is And What Should Never Be. We couldn’t make heads or tails of what she was babbling so I tried to calm her and asked “Is this the road to the hill?”

She replied “There’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

I took that as a no and turned around to back track our path when suddenly she yelled “Don’t go up there, The Outrider is there and he is enraged with the folks listening to music. He hates music.”

I tried to question her about him but she turned and yelled “Run For Your Life!” and darted past me.

An hour later In The Light of the mid-day sun we arrived at the foot of the hill to find a weathered old sign with faded letters which read Candy Store Rock and an arrow pointing up. There next to the sign was what looked like the Stairway To Heaven. The steepest stairs I had to climb, they were carved into the rocky hillside. After what seemed like hours we reached the top. Standing in front of us a massive psychedelic structure made of stone The Candy Store Rock. Loud music seemed to emanate from the stone structure.

Tom says “Listen to that bro, some good old Rock And Roll.”

“Sounds like The Wanton Song. Brings back memories of our youth; when we tramped across the south.”

“Those Traveling Riverside Blues,” he said and continued “Back in those days you would say lets head South Bound Saurez and I always went with you.”

I added “We had Good Times Bad Times and strange times back then my friend.”

“Oh yeah, let’s go in and see what this place is about.”

We strolled In Through The Out Door to see Darlene doing the Boogie With Stu. When he noticed us he yelled “Dancing Days are here again, the war must be over!” then shuffled over and hugged me. I confirmed his assumption and announced our victory. At that moment the back door opened and through it entered Darlene’s Brother Ray, he was a Tall Cool One from the Tin Pan Alley. To his left stood a massive Black Dog. Darlene calls out, “Here Takamba.” and the hound ran to her and sat at her side. She cried like a Fool In The Rain about having No Quarter to buy food for the hound. Ray being a good brother grabs a Hot Dog off the tray the Living Loving Maid was carrying and tossed to Takamba. This caused her to cry A Mess Of Blues which caught the attention of the Outrider who was Out On The Tile. The Outrider also known as the keeper of the Gallows Pole then demanded payment from Ray. Ray who is Something Else refuses paying and begins to dance. The Outrider now enraged says “How Many More Times do I have to arrest you for you to stop singing the Prison Blues?”

Ray replies “Hey Hey What Can I Do, a Strange Sensation came over me and I lost control of myself for awhile.”

The Outrider cut him short and says,” Ray Your Time Is Gonna Come and when it does not even all the gods of Valhalla will be able to save you.” Then he proceeded to apprehend Ray. At that moment Roy stormed in and shouted “Outrider, halt.” The Outrider froze without making a sound and Roy continued, “The Rearranger ordered your arrest.”

Looking perplexed the Outrider replies. “So Mr. Harper it looks like The Song Remains The Same and the boss still favors you.” He then surrendered muttering “I’m Wasting My Time with these long hair rock-n-roll heathens anyhow.” as several guardsmen escorted him out. Roy stayed behind and asked me what was going on.

Ray answered, “It’s no,no,no Nobody’s Fault But Mine. I’m Thru’ With The Two Step I don’t need anymore trouble in my life. It’s time to change the road I’m on because my freedom I hold dear.”

I silenced Ray and reported the situation to Roy. Tom let me finish then exclaimed, “Hats Off To Roy Harper! He masterminded our victory that restored peace and freedom across the world. Let the celebration begin.”

“Before we celebrate I need the men to follow us to our vessel Down By The Seaside to unload the goods we brought for the good folks here.”

With the ship unloaded the party moved to the Hummingbird inn, where it carried on for hours. The party gradually broke up and we stayed the night at the inn. The following morning just after dawn I heard Somebody Knocking. Upon opening the door I was greeted by the men who wear there steel so bright and true, that made this dream for me and you. I told them about The Girl I Love She got Long Black Wavy Hair. To my surprise there walked a lady we all know, my Ozone Baby, my rider and she's a good rider.

She says,” I’ve been Waiting On You, Take Me For A Little While, I’m Feeling Hot.”

I definitely In The Mood grabbed the my baby, the girl with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair then carried her to my bed. We made Wreckless Love till the juice ran down my leg. Hours later we were swept away by All The Kings Horses and delivered to the Houses Of The Holy. The wondrous iron gates opened as we approached the compound, and there right before our eyes stood the Mighty Rearranger. He congratulated us on the victory and invited us to travel with him to Surrey.

I answered,” I would love to but I’m Going To California, where my home is.”

He insisted we go with him and Another Tribe. We could not refuse and agreed to go. Then he began to Whisper A Pray For The Dying. When the pray concluded he said, “The four crowns will be awarded to the men who proved themselves worthy and you must witness the event.”

We arrived in Surrey the morning of October 15, 1968 and attended the crowning later that evening. The Rearranger introduced four men called The New Yardbirds, and then The King came to the stage and began the crowning. “John Bonham I crown thee King Of Percussion, John Paul Jones I crown thee King Of Bass And Key Boards, Jimmy Page I crown thee King Of Guitar Then Elvis removed his crown and said,” Robert Plant I crown thee King Of Rock-n-Roll. ” and placed the crown on Roberts head. Upon completing the crowning Mr. Grant took the microphone and announced, “With the four crowns in place the New Yardbirds will now perform as the true kings of rock-n-roll. Ladies and gentlemen for the first time, Lets hear it for Led Zeppelin.” And this my friends is HOW THE WEST WAS WON.

With the four crowns in place Led Zeppelin and rock-n-roll can live forever. Though many have tried to dethrone them none could succeed. About twelve years later on a horrific September day the great John Bonham was prematurely taken away from us. Many feel at that hour, Thor appointed Bonzo as God of Thunder. (Take a minute and envision John jamming with the gods. So if you listen to the thunder you can still hear him play. I want to thank the gods for letting us have him for the short time we did and thank Bonzo for giving us his best for those few years. )

Although only three of the crowns remain, Led Zeppelin could not be dethroned. Thirty-nine years since their beginning they reunited in London with John’s son Jason behind the drums. The date one I will always remember because it is the same day as my birthday, December 10, 2007. On that day Jason, who filled in for his father before, stepped up to the plate and proved himself worthy to wear his father’s crown , although he wears it he will never dethrone his father. Now the four crowns are once again united.

It has been forty years since the four kings received the crowns and became the greatest band to ever assemble. Their loyal followers young and old pray and hope for them to tour again. Although I have received much joy from their music I have never had the honor to attend one of their concerts and wish I will attend one someday.

I would like to say Happy 40th Anniversary and many more to the kings of rock-n-roll, Led Zeppelin.

Whole Lotta Love,


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