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I Officially Declare Fake America it's Own Nation!


Nathan

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The post on Facebook is here:

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=3643...&topic=7179

If you don't have an account, this is what Nichole Meminger posted (omitting the unimportant parts where she asked for feedback):

The Second Declaration of Independence

The members of the so-called “Fake America” are hereby announcing their secession from the “Real America”. That’s right; every state from Maryland and Delaware up, the entire west coast, Illinois, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan and Hawaii are all seceding. These are the states that voted for Kerry in 2004 and have been referred to as elitist.

In our first move as the United States of Fake America, we are annexing Northern Virginia, Denver, Miami, New Orleans, Atlanta and Austin. As citizens of the world, we feel the citizens of these areas would be unjustly treated in Real America and will do whatever it takes to protect them. We are also extending an open-enrollment period for any “elitist” (i.e. educated) member of Real America to gain instant citizenship in Fake America.

Since we are Fake America, we are leaving Real America with all of the debt that has been accumulated by President Bush. Good luck trying to pay that off minus 100 million people and not paying taxes, as you’re so fond of. We’ll see how long that lasts. We also take with us a healthy portion of the nation’s top schools, but those were elitist to you anyway, weren’t they? Fake America is now the home to the leading researchers in advances against biological warfare. Have fun with all that small pox you claim the terrorists have and want to release on us. We will be just fine having been vaccinated from everything. I believe your leader, President Bush, said that duct tape would help fight against a biological attack. Hmmm….

We would like to lay out a couple of things you may not lay claim to. For starters, the American Revolution is ours. Seeing as how only 3 of your states and 11 of ours were involved, it’s ours. George Washington is ours as well; he was from Northern Virginia, as was Thomas Jefferson. Abraham Lincoln was from Illinois, so he is ours. We also lay claim to Theodore Roosevelt (NY), his distant cousin Franklin D. Roosevelt (NY), and JFK (MA). Funnily enough, Ronald Reagan is also ours since he’s from Illinois, but we’ll let you have him. We are also willing to trade George W. Bush (CT) for Bill Clinton (AR). But don’t think we are unreasonable and laying claim to all the famous Presidents. No, you have Warren G. Harding (OH), Herbert Hoover (IA), Gerald Ford (NE), LBJ (TX)…you know on second thought, you would do better to erase them from your collective history.

You do not get Pearl Harbor, since that happened in Hawaii. Since we have already laid claim to FDR, you don’t get WW2. So you can now stop telling Western European countries that they would be “speaking German if it weren’t for us”. That is Fake America’s history now. Nor do you get 9/11. The areas affected were New York City, Washington D.C. and a field in Pennsylvania. Yup, those are all ours. So we will continue the war in Afghanistan, but by all means, feel free to stay in Iraq. Just please realize that we are pulling all of our soldiers out and moving them to the real war.

Wow, it’s starting to look like you don’t have any history. Well, you always have the Alamo (so I’ve heard). You also have that great social experiment called slavery. So, we would like to grant you the rights to the American Civil War, seeing as how you were the ones who started it and still hold on dearly to that God-awful Stars and Bars flag. Consider it our parting gift.

Speaking of flags, the stars and stripes are ours. You know what? We’re not even going to take any of the stars representing your states away, just to piss you off.

Now, you guys are probably saying “Well who’s gonna feed you??? We have all the farms!” Not true, most of our states have farms, plenty to feed our citizens. We also have the vast majority of the coast line, so it’ll be a surf n turf night every night!

Finally, you do not get Jesus. Jesus was a man who believed in helping those less fortunate and not judging others. More importantly, he was a Jew. And we all know how much you hate them. You do, however, get Jerry Falwell and all of the crazy Christian bat-shit insane people like him.

We would like to wish you all the luck in the world on your future endeavors (Iran, South Korea, and whoever else you manage to piss off with your Real American exceptionalism) We would say we’ll keep in touch, but we know we won’t. You’ll just think that we’re rubbing it in your faces how much better off we are without you and how pitiful you’re doing. Seriously though, good luck having Wasilla as your Wall Street and Salt Lake City as your fashion capital.

Signed,

The Fake United States of America

P.S. In the 10 to 20 years it takes you to realize that you need us as to survive, we’ll be too busy laughing our asses off at your failed excuse of economic and social policies. The whole abstinence-only sex ed is really cute, especially when you have three pregnant, unwed teenagers in a class of ten. We’ll see if we’re in the mood to take you back.

Are you a member of "Fake America?"

If not, I suggest you join, or else you can stick with "Real America" and go to hell with 'em!

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Someone should tap Caribou Barbie on the shoulder and inform her if she wants to get Independents, Moderates and the undecided (although if at this point you still are, you suck)to vote for her, she shouldn't try to insinuate that they aren't from the "real" America or that where they live is not "pro"-America.

Methinks that might turn those people off. But hey, why mess with a good thing.

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None of us will be America when FroBama is done with us.

Hate to tell you this bub, but this is barely America right now.

The Constitution has been raped so ravagely in the last 8 years, it could fill in for the 10 cent corpse dancer down at Cheeks.

The true Founding Fathers would try so many of these people who've fucked us and rightfully take back their country.

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Hate to tell you this bub, but this is barely America right now.

The Constitution has been raped so ravagely in the last 8 years, it could fill in for the 10 cent corpse dancer down at Cheeks.

The true Founding Fathers would try so many of these people who've fucked us and rightfully take back their country.

Thanks bub.

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and FWIW, Jon Stewart nailed it last night with Real America vs. Fake America.

:rolleyes:

Let her keep talking and trying to alienate this country even more. It's the only tactic the right has left and it's fucking pathetic. Nearly all the admiration I had for McCain a year ago has been flushed down the drain with Palin's last tampon.

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I'm actually pissed a little bit. Why the hell is Bob Barr running as Libertarian? He's a slight Libertarian at best.

Whatever. I voted for the party itself, not for the candidate (unfortunately).

I'm voting Bill Cosby. He's as good a write-in as any. And the one true black man who can fix America. Now where's my pudding snack?

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I know he's a Harvard grad but he's a straight up socialist, and I am as anti-Socialist as they come.

You like Alan Keyes?

I think socialism is like the over-bloated boogie man in this country. It terrifies so many because they don't know what will happen. Most experts think a majority of the bad stuff you hear being preached is a bogus overreaction, but this country wasn't founded to be a socialist nation.

Then again, this country was founded to be a republic, and that lasted about 15 years. :rolleyes:

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Okay, first of all, as a Californian who would be part of Fake America and therefore a major elitist, I would like to say that I do not want Michigan, Wisconsin, and especially Minnesota in my union, nor will I abide having New Orleans or Atlanta. Secondly, no fucking way is Thomas Jefferson a Fake American. He is from Central Virginia, not Northern Virginia, and he was a big-time slave owner and racist. I, with my delicate PC sensibilities, will not tolerate that kind of behavior in my new republic; in fact, I may even faint from the thought. Third, Bush and Clinton both talk funny, therefore they both belong to Real America. No exceptions. While I will tolerate any number of minority accents from around the world here, no yeehawin' Real American figure is going to be misrepresented as a Fake American on my watch.

Not to mention, why has Ms. Meminger not brought up the latte issue yet? Now that we're going to be a welfare state, I propose that every Fake American should have an allowance for at least 2 lattes per day. I believe this is the most crucial issue Fake America faces at present, and to not pass this measure would be to tear the Union apart.

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Okay, first of all, as a Californian who would be part of Fake America and therefore a major elitist, I would like to say that I do not want Michigan, Wisconsin, and especially Minnesota in my union, nor will I abide having New Orleans or Atlanta. Secondly, no fucking way is Thomas Jefferson a Fake American. He is from Central Virginia, not Northern Virginia, and he was a big-time slave owner and racist. I, with my delicate PC sensibilities, will not tolerate that kind of behavior in my new republic; in fact, I may even faint from the thought. Third, Bush and Clinton both talk funny, therefore they both belong to Real America. No exceptions. While I will tolerate any number of minority accents from around the world here, no yeehawin' Real American figure is going to be misrepresented as a Fake American on my watch.

Not to mention, why has Ms. Meminger not brought up the latte issue yet? Now that we're going to be a welfare state, I propose that every Fake American should have an allowance for at least 2 lattes per day. I believe this is the most crucial issue Fake America faces at present, and to not pass this measure would be to tear the Union apart.

<_< Now that is very UNfake American :(

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<_< Now that is very UNfake American :(

Not so. I'm an elitist, remember? ;) Austin and Miami are sufficiently weird to join us, but New Orleans is just too normal - we can't let you guys be a good influence on us, now can we?

In all seriousness, this is all very silly. If there's one thing I like about this country, it's the variety. Even though there are times when I can't believe I'm a citizen of the same country as Jerry Falwell or members of PETA, I don't think cutting ourselves off from people we don't agree with is the answer. And I hate all this shit about the "real" America, whether it's coming from the Conservatives or Liberals. I know that post was supposed to be funny, but it's a really good example of the kind of history twisting politicians do to fit their agenda. I thought the Jefferson bit was especially ironic because that's exactly the kind of thing that goes on - focus on the bits of the Founders and other "role models" you like and ignore the not-so-sparkling parts in order to make yourself look good.

I also thought it was interesting that her solution is to distance herself and the other would-be "Fake Americans" from the "Real Americans" and ignore the underlying problems. Obviously in real life no one would propose having another revolution, but there's definitely a trend in the direction of ignoring the parts of society you don't like instead of trying to understand each other. I know that's sort of wishful thinking, but it's important to try. Cutting yourself off and refusing to acknowledge other groups of people is not the way to go.

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Not so. I'm an elitist, remember? ;) Austin and Miami are sufficiently weird to join us, but New Orleans is just too normal - we can't let you guys be a good influence on us, now can we?

In all seriousness, this is all very silly. If there's one thing I like about this country, it's the variety. Even though there are times when I can't believe I'm a citizen of the same country as Jerry Falwell or members of PETA, I don't think cutting ourselves off from people we don't agree with is the answer. And I hate all this shit about the "real" America, whether it's coming from the Conservatives or Liberals. I know that post was supposed to be funny, but it's a really good example of the kind of history twisting politicians do to fit their agenda. I thought the Jefferson bit was especially ironic because that's exactly the kind of thing that goes on - focus on the bits of the Founders and other "role models" you like and ignore the not-so-sparkling parts in order to make yourself look good.

I also thought it was interesting that her solution is to distance herself and the other would-be "Fake Americans" from the "Real Americans" and ignore the underlying problems. Obviously in real life no one would propose having another revolution, but there's definitely a trend in the direction of ignoring the parts of society you don't like instead of trying to understand each other. I know that's sort of wishful thinking, but it's important to try. Cutting yourself off and refusing to acknowledge other groups of people is not the way to go.

:) Agreed,

But the part about New Orleans being "Normal" is way off lol.

Have you ever spent anytime here? I've lived in many different states and cities and I can assure you this place is like no other in the world B)

We have what they call a 2 year rule, you can visit for a while but if you stay for more than 2 years you will become part of the organism lol. I've known people that have visited and if they stayed for longer than 2 years they couldn't leave or if they did they had to come back. Must be some sort of spell you fall under, can't explain it :unsure::D

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I think socialism is like the over-bloated boogie man in this country. It terrifies so many because they don't know what will happen. Most experts think a majority of the bad stuff you hear being preached is a bogus overreaction, but this country wasn't founded to be a socialist nation.

It doesn't terrify me, it's simply the exact opposite of everything I stand for and believe in.

Then again, this country was founded to be a republic, and that lasted about 15 years. :rolleyes:
Welcome to America.
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