Mental Illness Thread

[spats]

Today has been a particularly bad day. I felt myself slip into a self-loathing kind of depression and did something to myself I hadn't done in a while.

I'm still kind of mopey right now. I can't seem to shake myself out of it.

Don't worry about it. I think most people go through bouts of self loathing. I know i have.

[zepyep]

Hi all,

Don't worry about it. I think most people go through bouts of self loathing. I know i have.

The 'problem' spats is they do 'worry' about it,all the f--- time,it's called depression.

You,sir should PM also.

KB

[caroselambra~]

to tell someone who suffers from depression *not to worry about things* is not to understand the condition

i have a bipolar disorder that doctors and specialists cant cure - never mind members of a chat forum

there is a place for everything, but sadly help with problems such as these wont come overnight OR in here!

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

Don't worry about it. I think most people go through bouts of self loathing. I know i have.

That's a very ignorant thing to say on your behalf

I should we all should just brush off our problems now, no matter how serious they are.

She's trying to address her serious problem, and your comment made it seems as if it was just a trivial boo-boo.

Edited December 7, 2008 by DeepBlackZeppelin

[spats]

That's a very ignorant thing to say on your behalf

I should we all should just brush off our problems now, no matter how serious they are.

She's trying to address her serious problem, and your comment made it seems as if it was just a trivial boo-boo.

That was not my intention. Sorry.

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

That was not my intention. Sorry.

I forgive you

[Bustle In My Hedgerow]

Well, today has been a bad day, too.

Ever feel like you just need to sob--I mean REALLY sob-- and you can't? Not for lack of trying, believe me.. but everything has just become so numbed that you just can't bring all the dark emotions floating deep within you to the surface?

[Dzldoc]

Well, today has been a bad day, too.

Ever feel like you just need to sob--I mean REALLY sob-- and you can't? Not for lack of trying, believe me.. but everything has just become so numbed that you just can't bring all the dark emotions floating deep within you to the surface?

Hope you feel better soon young lady

[zepyep]

Hi all,

I forgive you

That is a step.Now,can forgive yourself?

You, don't have to tell any one but,... you.

KB(ye-who!)

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

Well, today has been a bad day, too.

Ever feel like you just need to sob--I mean REALLY sob-- and you can't? Not for lack of trying, believe me.. but everything has just become so numbed that you just can't bring all the dark emotions floating deep within you to the surface?

I am very sorry that you have to feel like this. But I'm pretty sure you're not alone. If your condition has been identified, then obviously other people know exactly what you've been through. I hope you, at least, attempted to find resources. I don't want you feeling this way constantly, I really don't.

Hi all,

That is a step.Now,can forgive yourself?

You, don't have to tell any one but,... you.

KB(ye-who!)

Thank you very much .

It's been arduously difficult in forgiving myself. But, I know it's needed it. It's just going to take some time with my therapist.

[Bustle In My Hedgerow]

Not to make excuses, because I know better than anyone that is cycle of self-destruction I've gotten myself into has continued--interrupted only temporarily by brief moments of self-restraint-- for the better part of the last three years. It's just very hard for me to make the leap to committing to a therapist because I've been burned by one before. It's a long story, but the therapist I saw for the better part of a year was the mother of one of my high school classmates and although the immediate effects of my condition weren't exactly hidden from everyone else, I found out this therapist told her daughter about our sessions and she went and told everyone else.. teachers included.. it was a very humiliating experience. Add to this an experience I had last year with an ex-roommate (mothers got involved, I had to take a drug test/be psychologically evaluated by the housing board) and I hate opening up to people about my condition for fear of being judged and/or exposed against my will.. like it would make good gossip fodder for some individuals that would get wind of it. I know ultimately it's my duty to myself--namely my sanity and happiness-- that requires me to take a proactive approach to getting help. It's the process of getting the ball moving that I find so hard.

But, as I've been telling myself for a very, very long time during this arduous stop-go-stop-go process.. you can keep telling yourself "tomorrow will be different.. tommorow I will change..." but ultimately, tomorrow never comes.. it has to be today.

[Dzldoc]

Not to make excuses, because I know better than anyone that is cycle of self-destruction I've gotten myself into has continued--interrupted only temporarily by brief moments of self-restraint-- for the better part of the last three years. It's just very hard for me to make the leap to committing to a therapist because I've been burned by one before. It's a long story, but the therapist I saw for the better part of a year was the mother of one of my high school classmates and although the immediate effects of my condition weren't exactly hidden from everyone else, I found out this therapist told her daughter about our sessions and she went and told everyone else.. teachers included.. it was a very humiliating experience. Add to this an experience I had last year with an ex-roommate (mothers got involved, I had to take a drug test/be psychologically evaluated by the housing board) and I hate opening up to people about my condition for fear of being judged and/or exposed against my will.. like it would make good gossip fodder for some individuals that would get wind of it. I know ultimately it's my duty to myself--namely my sanity and happiness-- that requires me to take a proactive approach to getting help. It's the process of getting the ball moving that I find so hard.

But, as I've been telling myself for a very, very long time during this arduous stop-go-stop-go process.. you can keep telling yourself "tomorrow will be different.. tomorrow I will change..." but ultimately, tomorrow never comes.. it has to be today.

I don't know what the laws are in your state but that sounds like some sort of ethics violation there. If they were licensed they could put their career in jeopardy for releasing this confidential information IMO.

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

I don't know what the laws are in your state but that sounds like some sort of ethics violation there. If they were licensed they could put their career in jeopardy for releasing this confidential information IMO.

You're right

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

Not to make excuses, because I know better than anyone that is cycle of self-destruction I've gotten myself into has continued--interrupted only temporarily by brief moments of self-restraint-- for the better part of the last three years. It's just very hard for me to make the leap to committing to a therapist because I've been burned by one before. It's a long story, but the therapist I saw for the better part of a year was the mother of one of my high school classmates and although the immediate effects of my condition weren't exactly hidden from everyone else, I found out this therapist told her daughter about our sessions and she went and told everyone else.. teachers included.. it was a very humiliating experience. Add to this an experience I had last year with an ex-roommate (mothers got involved, I had to take a drug test/be psychologically evaluated by the housing board) and I hate opening up to people about my condition for fear of being judged and/or exposed against my will.. like it would make good gossip fodder for some individuals that would get wind of it. I know ultimately it's my duty to myself--namely my sanity and happiness-- that requires me to take a proactive approach to getting help. It's the process of getting the ball moving that I find so hard.

But, as I've been telling myself for a very, very long time during this arduous stop-go-stop-go process.. you can keep telling yourself "tomorrow will be different.. tommorow I will change..." but ultimately, tomorrow never comes.. it has to be today.

That is very harsh to experience. Unfortunately, if you know a person that knows this person and then knows this person, it gets caught up in the networks.

So, I know trying counseling can be a scary thought. But, if you don't know the person firsthand, they can't judge you and they can't tell it to someone that can damage your reputation.

There's no jumble up in the networks of personal relationships.

Just be a bit reserved at this, and you can voice this particular concern.

Then as you trust the counselor, you can unveil more information

[zepyep]

Hi all,

Not to make excuses, because I know better than anyone that is cycle of self-destruction I've gotten myself into has continued--interrupted only temporarily by brief moments of self-restraint-- for the better part of the last three years. It's just very hard for me to make the leap to committing to a therapist because I've been burned by one before. It's a long story, but the therapist I saw for the better part of a year was the mother of one of my high school classmates and although the immediate effects of my condition weren't exactly hidden from everyone else, I found out this therapist told her daughter about our sessions and she went and told everyone else.. teachers included.. it was a very humiliating experience. Add to this an experience I had last year with an ex-roommate (mothers got involved, I had to take a drug test/be psychologically evaluated by the housing board) and I hate opening up to people about my condition for fear of being judged and/or exposed against my will.. like it would make good gossip fodder for some individuals that would get wind of it. I know ultimately it's my duty to myself--namely my sanity and happiness-- that requires me to take a proactive approach to getting help. It's the process of getting the ball moving that I find so hard.

Ethics?B-s***! How about jail? How about a Louisville Slugger to the back of your empty head?!?Damn it!The violation of trust,........rrrrr,....

Had to get that out.

Bustle,don't know you,but do realize from the post above how much healing you just gave yourself?This is just a saying; but that took balls!I'm proud of you!

But, as I've been telling myself for a very, very long time during this arduous stop-go-stop-go process.. you can keep telling yourself "tomorrow will be different.. tommorow I will change..." but ultimately, tomorrow never comes.. it has to be today.

It's a daily process,not fun to sure and the meds,therapy,etc can wear a person down as much as the process.One thing can help,try starting to forgive yourself.Yep,you.Start there.

As stated before,any and all can PM me,if they need to talk/vent/rage.

KB

[longdistancewinner]

Well, today has been a bad day, too.

Ever feel like you just need to sob--I mean REALLY sob-- and you can't? Not for lack of trying, believe me.. but everything has just become so numbed that you just can't bring all the dark emotions floating deep within you to the surface?

Oh, yes. It's almost like there's nothing left emotionally, yet your mind is still running overtime. I've been in that exact situation so many times, the horrible empty feeling of wanting to cry, but knowing there just wasn't anything left inside me. It's like a blanket covered over all my emotions.

My boyfriend once said it was similar to trees in a fog. You can't see the tree, but it doesn't mean it's not there. That's kind of how it is.

Before my private health insurance decided it wasn't in their best interest to cover someone who wasn't 'physically' ill, my Cognative Behavioural Therapist recommended me a very good book, which I bought. Manage Your Mind is probably the only self-help book that I've read and felt helped me. It's not just a book to read from. There's plenty of techniques to learn, exercises to help you, and the examples and explanations are written very simply. Not at all overwhelming for a simpleton like me If anyone's interested in it, I'd definately recommend it.

Manage Your Mind

On another note, I've had to take what Spats said very lightly. Otherwise I'd say something I'd really regret. Telling somone who's depressed/anxious to 'not worry about it' is like telling a blind man to open his eyes. Only the ignorant would say something as pointless as that.

[Bustle In My Hedgerow]

I have to vent because I feel like the illness I've lived with for the past 5 years has caused my brother to start picking up on the habits and mannerisms I know so well.

He's not eating at all anymore. He lashes out at all of us in anger. He goes to bed at 7 pm so he doesn't have to 'think about food' and lies under the covers and cries. I sit behind the bedroom door and listen to him and quietly sob because I know what he's feeling. I know how deep his wounds are and I don't know how to reach out to him because a) I feel like I'm partially responsible for wounding him so deeply and B ) I feel like a complete hypocrite because I am just as messed up as he is and a part of me feels jealously that he has so much control.. and then I feel like a horrible person, deep down inside. I feel like I didn't give him enough love, like I used my illness as a reason to punish everyone else when I was his age... and I never realized how much damage I caused until now, now that I see how hurtful it is from an outsiders point of view. I don't know the depth of his depression.. as far as I know he's not eating and gets angry very quickly.. a part of me fears that it's only a matter of time before he starts dabbling in the more self-destructive things I did a few years ago. I really don't know how to deal with it.. my youngest brother is scared to death of what he might do to him.. I suspect he gets violent from time to time and berates him emotionally and verbally. My mom is at the end of her rope and I don't know how to help her. Everyone tells me it's not my problem to fix, but I feel so much guilt for not trying to fix such a broken family.. partly because I feel broken, too.

I don't mean to make this a pity party... forgive me. It's just suffocating to be here at home.. a place where I should find solace and happiness has turned into a place where I'm reminded of my failures and bad influence.

Edited December 31, 2008 by Bustle In My Hedgerow

[Hotplant]

Aw, sorry to hear that. But you know it is NOT your fault.

Easy does it on yourself.

[ally]

I have to vent because I feel like the illness I've lived with for the past 5 years has caused my brother to start picking up on the habits and mannerisms I know so well.

He's not eating at all anymore. He lashes out at all of us in anger. He goes to bed at 7 pm so he doesn't have to 'think about food' and lies under the covers and cries. I sit behind the bedroom door and listen to him and quietly sob because I know what he's feeling. I know how deep his wounds are and I don't know how to reach out to him because a) I feel like I'm partially responsible for wounding him so deeply and B ) I feel like a complete hypocrite because I am just as messed up as he is and a part of me feels jealously that he has so much control.. and then I feel like a horrible person, deep down inside. I feel like I didn't give him enough love, like I used my illness as a reason to punish everyone else when I was his age... and I never realized how much damage I caused until now, now that I see how hurtful it is from an outsiders point of view. I don't know the depth of his depression.. as far as I know he's not eating and gets angry very quickly.. a part of me fears that it's only a matter of time before he starts dabbling in the more self-destructive things I did a few years ago. I really don't know how to deal with it.. my youngest brother is scared to death of what he might do to him.. I suspect he gets violent from time to time and berates him emotionally and verbally. My mom is at the end of her rope and I don't know how to help her. Everyone tells me it's not my problem to fix, but I feel so much guilt for not trying to fix such a broken family.. partly because I feel broken, too.

I don't mean to make this a pity party... forgive me. It's just suffocating to be here at home.. a place where I should find solace and happiness has turned into a place where I'm reminded of my failures and bad influence.

You can't take this all on your shoulders Bustle. I doubt very much what is happening to your brother has much to do with your influences. To me it sounds like neither of you really had a chance to avoid what has happened or a choice for that matter. Whatever the full problem is, I would suggest that there is a very real pre disposition that both you and your brother suffer from. I'm not a qualified expert in the field but I have experienced and seen enough in my lifetime to say that pre disposition is a real condition that manifests itself in many different forms. Understanding this and accepting it as a reality can be helpful in dealing with things as a family. Believe me, you are not the first in your family tree to have suffered but you may be the first to attack it in a fashion that makes everyone involved better prepared to understand it and, deal with it. That may be the way out of the darkness

[zepyep]

Hi all,

I have to vent because I feel like the illness I've lived with for the past 5 years has caused my brother to start picking up on the habits and mannerisms I know so well.

It's good your venting!Get it out!And if feel the need to go off,send me a PM,ok?

You don't know this is the cause.It is human nature to blame oneself for the problems of others.I am not trying to be harsh here but the illness can run in a family.

He's not eating at all anymore. He lashes out at all of us in anger. He goes to bed at 7 pm so he doesn't have to 'think about food' and lies under the covers and cries. I sit behind the bedroom door and listen to him and quietly sob because I know what he's feeling.

Both he and you need some help.These things are cries for it.Are you and he getting any?I am not getting personal,information is need and if,again a PM is a better way to discuss it,...

I know how deep his wounds are and I don't know how to reach out to him because a) I feel like I'm partially responsible for wounding him so deeply and B ) I feel like a complete hypocrite because I am just as messed up as he is and a part of me feels jealously that he has so much control.. and then I feel like a horrible person, deep down inside.

Step #1: heal thyself.You will never be able to reach out to him until you are healed.

Next,stop blaming yourself.There is only one thing you can take control of; YOU!And your brother doesn't have control.

I feel like I didn't give him enough love, like I used my illness as a reason to punish everyone else when I was his age... and I never realized how much damage I caused until now, now that I see how hurtful it is from an outsiders point of view. I don't know the depth of his depression.. as far as I know he's not eating and gets angry very quickly.. a part of me fears that it's only a matter of time before he starts dabbling in the more self-destructive things I did a few years ago. I really don't know how to deal with it.. my youngest brother is scared to death of what he might do to him.. I suspect he gets violent from time to time and berates him emotionally and verbally. My mom is at the end of her rope and I don't know how to help her. Everyone tells me it's not my problem to fix, but I feel so much guilt for not trying to fix such a broken family.. partly because I feel broken, too.

Again,if this too much,I'd like to know your ages.A guess,let your Mom be the adult/parent.Is she?I know hard questions,sorry.

B,get your self righted,you putting too much on yourself,IMVHO.

I don't mean to make this a pity party... forgive me. It's just suffocating to be here at home.. a place where I should find solace and happiness has turned into a place where I'm reminded of my failures and bad influence.

There is nothing to forgive.We are hear to help.

Chin up!KB

[Cletus]

I'm no stranger to mental health Issues, for 7 or 8 years now, sadly. I also have other issues I'd rather not get into. This past year has been shit. Urghhh.

No relief or resolution in sight.

But that's me.

Edited January 2, 2009 by Cletus

[zepyep]

Hi all,

I'm no stranger to mental health Issues, for 7 or 8 years now, sadly. I also have other issues I'd rather not get into. This past year has been shit. Urghhh.

No relief or resolution in sight. But that's me.

You are not alone,none of you are,.....

Get the **** out of the wilderness,would ya?

KB

[ally]

Hi all,

You are not alone,none of you are,.....

Get the **** out of the wilderness,would ya?

KB

So true KB. Time to talk Cletus

[tsaeb eht]

9 yrs ago i took a lot of drugs stying awake weeks on end when money and drugs ran out i crashed like a plane hitting the earth i was paranoid for 5 yrs i did not go out was gonna kill my mom was gonna kill my freand and my self i was lost i thought god was watching me i could not look at any body i thought people could read my thoughts it was farked i had a little girl and my brain was fixed ???????

[zepyep]

Hi all,

9 yrs ago i took a lot of drugs stying awake weeks on end when money and drugs ran out i crashed like a plane hitting the earth i was paranoid for 5 yrs i did not go out was gonna kill my mom was gonna kill my freand and my self i was lost i thought god was watching me i could not look at any body i thought people could read my thoughts it was farked i had a little girl and my brain was fixed ???????

So,how do you feel now?

KB