eternal light Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'm doing really bad with staying away. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this, and I don't know what it means to not be handling it. Usually it means that you should be talking to other girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Usually it means that you should be talking to other girls. And do what she's doing? I don't think so. I'm not going to confuse my mind with other people. I don't want to know any other girls. I had already decided this in my relationship, so I have no desire for that. Reason 1 I don't want lead anyone on. I don't want to break someone's heart. So I'll stay away from other women. Reason 2 I don't want to have feelings for anyone else. If I did, it would compromise my feelings for her. Reason 3 I don't want to be unavailable in case she ever figures out whatever she is going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 And do what she's doing? I don't think so. I'm not going to confuse my mind with other people. I don't want to know any other girls. I had already decided this in my relationship, so I have no desire for that. Reason 1 I don't want lead anyone on. I don't want to break someone's heart. So I'll stay away from other women. Reason 2 I don't want to have feelings for anyone else. If I did, it would compromise my feelings for her. Reason 3 I don't want to be unavailable in case she ever figures out whatever she is going through. You could just casually ask the other girls for advice about your friend who is having issues with his girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'm doing really bad with staying away. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this, and I don't know what it means to not be handling it. From what you have said, i believe she has already decided to move on. Everyone is different, but when someone starts seeing other people after ending a relationship, they have usually made up their mind. You are also both young, and she may not have been ready to marry, even if she said she wanted to. Anyway, and this is just my opinion...but i say this because you were together for a long time... i think you need to talk to her one more time. Be clear about your desire to try again, and be clear that you need to know exactly how she feels about you and a relationship with you. If she is honest, you will have your answer. If it's over, you can start to grieve, without keeping "false hope" alive. I can tell you that once you are certain of her feelings/intentions, it is much easier to move on. It is also a little easier to accept it's over. The problem is when one person makes you think what you want IS possible, and you hold on to that hope/dream. Knowing the truth is the closure you need. I say this from a fresh experience...and i wish you well. The pain does eventually go away. When you are "ready" to meet new girls, you will surely find another one to love. But for now, i think you need to have one more very crystal clear talk with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 You could just casually ask the other girls for advice about your friend who is having issues with his girlfriend. I'm not very accepting of advice because you can't tell everyone the whole story. So why post on here? I guess the whole story becomes more apparent with each post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Rover Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My girlfriend and I of almost 7 years have come to the end of our relationship. I'm not sure what to say about it so if you want to help me then ask me some questions. I want to be as fair as possible to her so I can't give you all the details. This really sucks. Please give me something to do on the computer besides cry when talking to her on IM. Like the song says...."Breaking up is Hard to do"..... A little later (maybe -much- later???), you will see this whole agonizing experince, as a Life Experience. Really, few persons will go through an entire Life without a major heart-wrenching breakup. That gut wrenching heartache, will someday fade away. What will really help... what helped me, with my horrible breakup, from my HS sweetheart, was, years later, completely forgiving her, from the bottom of my heart, with no strings attached, whatsoever. Up to that point, I still held a certain amount of animosity / bitterness toward her. Now there is no bitterness or animosity. She married another person. Had kids, and got big and heavy (Just like her mom, but I never made that connection way back when)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 From what you have said, i believe she has already decided to move on. Everyone is different, but when someone starts seeing other people after ending a relationship, they have usually made up their mind. You are also both young, and she may not have been ready to marry, even if she said she wanted to. Anyway, and this is just my opinion...but i say this because you were together for a long time... i think you need to talk to her one more time. Be clear about your desire to try again, and be clear that you need to know exactly how she feels about you and a relationship with you. If she is honest, you will have your answer. If it's over, you can start to grieve, without keeping "false hope" alive. I can tell you that once you are certain of her feelings/intentions, it is much easier to move on. It is also a little easier to accept it's over. The problem is when one person makes you think what you want IS possible, and you hold on to that hope/dream. Knowing the truth is the closure you need. I say this from a fresh experience...and i wish you well. The pain does eventually go away. When you are "ready" to meet new girls, you will surely find another one to love. But for now, i think you need to have one more very crystal clear talk with her. The problem is that she doesn't know. She doesn't know if she is still in love with me. She told me that last night. And for some reason, her solution is to look around elsewhere, instead of exploring solutions with me. Do I assume that is her way of telling me we are done? No I don't. She is confused and has been for some time. She is used to deserting her feelings about one thing and "moving on". But the "moving on" is because of the conflict and because of the confusion. She runs so that no one can catch up to her. She says she is only protecting herself, but I think the reality is that she is just constantly setting herself up for disaster over and over again. Would you let that disaster repeat itself over and over again in someone you love? I know that people need to learn for themselves, but I think she's had enough to learn by now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Rover Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Just being realistic. There are some things in life you can't control and some goals you may never achieve. A lot of it is luck. A Truism , that we all learn, at some point in Life..... You can truly want someone, with your Whole Heart.... and still Not get them, no matter what you think, do, or say.... Though you cried a Million Tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 OK,here's the "Cold Hard" Reality! I'm a few weeks away from being on this planet for half a century and the way it looks to me is she doesn't know how to let you down easy. Some women are like monkeys!, they won't let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next. She may be reaching for that next branch. JMHO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Like the song says...."Breaking up is Hard to do"..... A little later (maybe -much- later???), you will see this whole agonizing experince, as a Life Experience. Really, few persons will go through an entire Life without a major heart-wrenching breakup. That gut wrenching heartache, will someday fade away. What will really help... what helped me, with my horrible breakup, from my HS sweetheart, was, years later, completely forgiving her, from the bottom of my heart, with no strings attached, whatsoever. Up to that point, I still held a certain amount of animosity / bitterness toward her. Now there is no bitterness or animosity. She married another person. Had kids, and got big and heavy (Just like her mom, but I never made that connection way back when)... Either way this turns out, I'll be glad that it happened. Weird, but honest, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 OK,here's the "Cold Hard" Reality! I'm a few weeks away from being on this planet for half a century and the way it looks to me is she doesn't know how to let you down easy. Some women are like monkeys!, they won't let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next. She may be reaching for that next branch. JMHO If she's trying to let me down easy, then she's going about it the wrong way. It hasn't been easy at all. She isn't even honest with herself, so being honest with me is a miracle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'm not very accepting of advice because you can't tell everyone the whole story. So why post on here? I guess the whole story becomes more apparent with each post. If your girlfriend truly loves you, then she will not want you to suffer alone. Solitude can be either calming and renewing to the soul, or an overwhelming lonesome burden to bear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 If your girlfriend truly loves you, then she will not want you to suffer alone. Solitude can be either calming and renewing to the soul, or an overwhelming lonesome burden to bear. I'd think so, yes. The fact that she can't let me just disappear is a testament to something. Is it love? Is it doubt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'd think so, yes. The fact that she can't let me just disappear is a testament to something. Is it love? Is it doubt? Probably both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slave to zep Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 hope you dont mind me randomly jumping in here..... i think its a case of the grass is always greener. she wants to/feels the need to, explore other guys. she probably was ready to marry at one time, but now that time has come and gone, and she has started to think that there may just be someone more exciting or suitable for her. i feel she does still love you, but may not be IN love with you. you may find that after she has dated other guys for awhile, that she wants you back. but i dont think you should sit around and vegetate till she does. nor do i think you should date for the sake of it either- you should only see someone else if you are truly attracted or feel a connection. who knows, you may find someone even closer to your heart. it is hard to think that could ever happen, but believe me, it can. good luck. xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 The problem is that she doesn't know. She doesn't know if she is still in love with me. She told me that last night. And for some reason, her solution is to look around elsewhere, instead of exploring solutions with me. Do I assume that is her way of telling me we are done? No I don't. She is confused and has been for some time. She is used to deserting her feelings about one thing and "moving on". But the "moving on" is because of the conflict and because of the confusion. She runs so that no one can catch up to her. She says she is only protecting herself, but I think the reality is that she is just constantly setting herself up for disaster over and over again. Would you let that disaster repeat itself over and over again in someone you love? I know that people need to learn for themselves, but I think she's had enough to learn by now. If she doesn't know, but she is dating, then she does know, whether or not she realizes it. You should take that as the relationship you once shared is over. She may still love you, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you the way you were. She may be confused because it's hard for her to move on completely right now. Time for you to cry your tears, eat your ice cream, and think of yourself now. Who knows, maybe someday she will decide she made a mistake and wants to try again. But you can't live on that. You have to realize it is over... and give yourself a little time if you need to, but as far as her being "the only one"... you are much too young to even think like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Some women are like monkeys! JMHO They do seem to enjoy bananas... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 They do seem to enjoy bananas... Great card players also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE FIRST LEDZEP Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirchzep27 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 my suggestion, you both should listen to -make or break by -the firm, 3 or 4 times,seperate, then talk and figure it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 my suggestion, you both should listen to -make or break by -the firm, 3 or 4 times,seperate, then talk and figure it out. anybody have an audio link? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirchzep27 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 anybody have an audio link? without a doubt right! good song too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 yeah I can't follow your advice. If she can't tell me to get lost then it must mean there is something still there. For a while I was considering if I could actually be her friend. But I don't think she is thinking about if she could be my friend. She can't because she isn't there for me. Friends are there for each other. If she doesn't want me to disappear, but can't be my friend, then what am I? Just some sucker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPage1977 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Young man, You are the victim of "she can keep you hanging, so she will". You had your shot and you blew it (or maybe YOU got lucky) and now she has moved on. She is playing you like a fiddle and you are biting on it HARD. It's over, move on. By hanging on you are putting yourself through more sorrow. Go to a bar and do the first attractive woman that will have you. You will immediately feel better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Young man, You are the victim of "she can keep you hanging, so she will". You had your shot and you blew it (or maybe YOU got lucky) and now she has moved on. She is playing you like a fiddle and you are biting on it HARD. It's over, move on. By hanging on you are putting yourself through more sorrow. Go to a bar and do the first attractive woman that will have you. You will immediately feel better! Your advice probably works for a large majority of the male species, but some men are sensitive and don't get over someone they love in a heartbeat. To guitarmy: I agree it sounds like she moved on, and yes, you may be a sucker if you continue to hope when hope is gone. BUT...if you need more time to accept it's over, then do what you feel you need to. If you still need to talk to her and she wants to, then do it. But you need to get into the mindset that it's over and this is the time you need to build up to letting go. As hard as going cold turkey is for a confirmed smoker, ending a relationship with someone you love is even harder. Just don't be a fool for too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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