Virginia Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Young man, You are the victim of "she can keep you hanging, so she will". You had your shot and you blew it (or maybe YOU got lucky) and now she has moved on. She is playing you like a fiddle and you are biting on it HARD. It's over, move on. By hanging on you are putting yourself through more sorrow. Go to a bar and do the first attractive woman that will have you. You will immediately feel better! It sounds like she isn't sure what she wants; she doesn't want to let go of you completely until she has figured it out. Unfortunately I agree with the others, that if she truly cared, she wouldn't string you along like this. The best way for you to get closure is for you to call the shots; let her go and not have any contact with her. That type of drama tends to continue as long as you will allow it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longdistancewinner Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 yeah I can't follow your advice. If she can't tell me to get lost then it must mean there is something still there. For a while I was considering if I could actually be her friend. But I don't think she is thinking about if she could be my friend. She can't because she isn't there for me. Friends are there for each other. If she doesn't want me to disappear, but can't be my friend, then what am I? Just some sucker? You need to be careful. It doesn't sound like she's stringing you along - at least not consciously - but she seems to not know what she wants. By keeping you close she's only giving you hope, when she may well have no intention of rekindling your relationship. If she's unwilling to let you go, then, yes, it may be that something is still there. But, and as dreadful as the thought may be, it may well be a case of seeing whether the 'grass is greener on the other side' and then deciding which side she prefers. She sounds just as confused as you feel. So, it'd be a lot wiser for both of you, if you ceased contact - even if only for a short while. I think what needs to be done, and it may have already been mentioned, is that you need one more talk with her - if not done so already. Get out everything in the open and then you can move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Remember what I said about the branch? She's reaching! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I really appreciate everything you guys have to say as it keeps me honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPage1977 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Your advice probably works for a large majority of the male species, but some men are sensitive and don't get over someone they love in a heartbeat. To guitarmy: I agree it sounds like she moved on, and yes, you may be a sucker if you continue to hope when hope is gone. BUT...if you need more time to accept it's over, then do what you feel you need to. If you still need to talk to her and she wants to, then do it. But you need to get into the mindset that it's over and this is the time you need to build up to letting go. As hard as going cold turkey is for a confirmed smoker, ending a relationship with someone you love is even harder. Just don't be a fool for too long. Don't think that it doesn't work for the majority of women as well. She is probably cheating on him, hence the "need for space". It's pretty obvious that she's playing him. DUDE, END IT NOW...in your mind and in your heart. Watch the movie: Forgetting Sarah Marshall.... your story sounds just like it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 She questioned your commitment when she raised the marriage issue. She's evaluating you as a life partner and considering others as well. She thinks that is what she wants and has begun a selection process, you or him, whichever one it should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Don't think that it doesn't work for the majority of women as well. She is probably cheating on him, hence the "need for space". It's pretty obvious that she's playing him. DUDE, END IT NOW...in your mind and in your heart. Watch the movie: Forgetting Sarah Marshall.... your story sounds just like it! I believe guitarmy said she already did start dating someone else. But it's different to leave for someone else and sleep with someone randomly to get over someone you love. He is the one who got hurt, and while jumping into bed with someone may make "most" men (and maybe women, though i have to have feelings for someone before jumping into bed with them so not the way i do things)...that doesn't mean it's what he needs, at the moment. I could be wrong...maybe he would feel better She may be playing him. She may have already decided the relationship is over, but is having trouble ending it because of hurting him is painful for her. She may want to have him waiting in the wings... I don't know her so my guess is as good as yours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I believe guitarmy said she already did start dating someone else. But it's different to leave for someone else and sleep with someone randomly to get over someone you love. He is the one who got hurt, and while jumping into bed with someone may make "most" men (and maybe women, though i have to have feelings for someone before jumping into bed with them so not the way i do things)...that doesn't mean it's what he needs, at the moment. I could be wrong...maybe he would feel better She may be playing him. She may have already decided the relationship is over, but is having trouble ending it because of hurting him is painful for her. She may want to have him waiting in the wings... I don't know her so my guess is as good as yours Uh? yeah that sounds simple enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel With A Broken Wing Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Hi guitarmy~~ You've received lots of good "relationship" advice in this thread already, so I would like to suggest that you take some time now and do something for yourself, and try to forget about relationships/women altogether for awhile. Best would be to learn something new, something that would take a lot of concentration & brain effort, perhaps like learning a new language or software program or whatever your interested in. Anything that would keep your mind off your current situation. Sports would be another good way to work it out of your system, maybe a few nights of raquetball at your local Y or some pickup basketball would help you forget, at least temporarily. Hope 2009 will be a great year for you, ~~Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Uh? yeah that sounds simple enough sorry, i wasn't trying to be simple but sometimes i am... edit: love the pink panther! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGDAN Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Women are like Banks, if she wont let you make your usual deposit then its time you opened an account with someone that will let you make a deposit 24/7, Women, like Banks, also like multiple depositers. Regards, Danny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 sorry, i wasn't trying to be simple but sometimes i am... edit: love the pink panther! I was being sarcastic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPage1977 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Most of us have had our hearts ripped out at some point in life. After my divorce I was very depressed. I always wanted to do the right thing. Never cheated on her and had many chances. Found out later that she cheated on me. I am remarried now and very happy. I wish I had met my current wife years before. I was married to a caniving, gold digging bitch that put on a good act for 17 yrs. Scheming behind my back. I got the kids and the corrupt courts made me pay her $13,000. And I paid all of my oldest daughters book store bills at Syracuse University. No justice. But I made it through all of that. The bitch walked out on me when I was in the hospital. You can rebound. Be strong. The day will come when you can look back at this as a learning experience. Life goes on and you can fall in love again!!! Same story for me, with a few minor changes in location, and amount of assets stolen. I'm happily married now and wished that the previous 18 year mistake hadn't happened, except for having two great kids from it. Life will go on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Where did you guys find these great women that you are married to??? I don't want to get married but i would still love to meet a great woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPage1977 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Where did you guys find these great women that you are married to??? I don't want to get married but i would still love to meet a great woman. My reasons for wanting to marry and for who I wanted to marry changed....I got smarter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 My reasons for wanting to marry and for who I wanted to marry changed....I got smarter! But how did you do it? What were your original reasons and what were your changed reasons? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPage1977 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 But how did you do it? What were your original reasons and what were your changed reasons? The first time I married for what I thought was "love". I was too young to know what it was. It was more about physical attraction and having fun. I really didn't know who my first wife was and at 22 years old neither of us knew ourselves. At an older, wiser age, I took the time to get to know my current wife, we lived together for three years BEFORE we got married and we knew that we could be happy together! Yes, there was still the attraction factor, the love/sex factor and they are important, just not the "end all". That is the difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 The first time I married for what I thought was "love". I was too young to know what it was. It was more about physical attraction and having fun. I really didn't know who my first wife was and at 22 years old neither of us knew ourselves. At an older, wiser age, I took the time to get to know my current wife, we lived together for three years BEFORE we got married and we knew that we could be happy together! Yes, there was still the attraction factor, the love/sex factor and they are important, just not the "end all". That is the difference. All those factors should be there. The physical attraction, having a lot of fun, getting to know them. A person should not have to pick one or the other. Or else you are missing out. How does one find one of these great women who turns you on physically, is fun, cool, etc. How did you find this woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electrophile Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 You find her in a basket hanging from a willow tree. If she's carrying a red rose she's the one; a black rose, she's there to burn your house down. Be careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 You find her in a basket hanging from a willow tree. If she's carrying a red rose she's the one; a black rose, she's there to burn your house down. Be careful. :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electrophile Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 That's what happens when you ask a stupid question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 You find her in a basket hanging from a willow tree. If she's carrying a red rose she's the one; a black rose, she's there to burn your house down. Be careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Rover Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Women are like Banks, if she wont let you make your usual deposit then its time you opened an account with someone that will let you make a deposit 24/7, Women, like Banks, also like multiple depositers. Regards, Danny Woman are the the I.R.S. .... That us .... you are Always subject to an unannounced audit.... And you will always end up owing, WITH Penalties AND LATE Fees ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 That's what happens when you ask a stupid question. That's not a stupid question, Elizabeth. It's hard to find a woman like that these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 That's not a stupid question, Elizabeth. It's hard to find a woman like that these days. They don't come pre-packaged women get approached more often than men do, so they have to wade through more shit than men. That is why you have to show that you are worthy. Then trust me they will open up and be the woman you desire and more. That's life muh man "Cowboy Up!" edit for spelling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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