The Breakup

[PennyLane]

for a while there I couldn't tell what relationship you guys were talking about...

This forum is about you guitarmy. I have a feeling that you are in your 20's. Anyways, just wanted to give you one of my experience. I dated a guy for 5 years when I was in my early 20's. He broke up with me and I was devastated. I got over it, dated, etc. This guy holds a place in my heart, and now and then over the years, he does appear in my dreams. I am pretty sure he is doing well in his life and I had forgiven him. I haven't seen him in years, but now and then I still hear tidbits about him and smile. I wish him all the best. We were just too young, both working and going to college, and didn't know what we wanted at that time - commitment, freedom...

Here's some things to think about if you do decide to get back together with your former girlfriend:

1. Do you still trust her?

2. Do you still respect her?

3. Do you think it will actually work out in the long run?

If you answer "No" in one of your answers to the questions, then it's not worth it. You will not be happy.

Whatever you decide to do, just remember you can always have a small place in your heart for her. One day when you are wiser and older, you will think back and laugh.

[guitarmy]

This forum is about you guitarmy. I have a feeling that you are in your 20's. Anyways, just wanted to give you one of my experience. I dated a guy for 5 years when I was in my early 20's. He broke up with me and I was devastated. I got over it, dated, etc. This guy holds a place in my heart, and now and then over the years, he does appear in my dreams. I am pretty sure he is doing well in his life and I had forgiven him. I haven't seen him in years, but now and then I still hear tidbits about him and smile. I wish him all the best. We were just too young, both working and going to college, and didn't know what we wanted at that time - commitment, freedom...

Here's some things to think about if you do decide to get back together with your former girlfriend:

1. Do you still trust her?

2. Do you still respect her?

3. Do you think it will actually work out in the long run?

If you answer "No" in one of your answers to the questions, then it's not worth it. You will not be happy.

Whatever you decide to do, just remember you can always have a small place in your heart for her. One day when you are wiser and older, you will think back and laugh.

I can answer yes to all 3, but the problem is that is doesn't matter what I think.

If things work out eventually then I'm sure I can look back and laugh. But if they don't, then I'll look back and cry.

This IS the person for me. I know what I want, but she says she doesn't know what she wants.

To me that means that she is considering possibility that she doesn't want someone who will stick by her through anything. She might not want someone who will trust her and respect her wishes. She may not want someone anymore who cares so deeply. She might want someone who doesn't want to help. She might want someone who doesn't want to grow with her.

She might want someone who will be the opposite of those things. Someone that can hurt her and someone that she can hurt herself with.

She used to say "usually I'd be tired of a guy by now", or something like that. She's going to have to go about 7 years with a guy before she can ever say that again.

We both have our problems. But I think our greatest mistake was quietly hoping that the other would solve their problems. And when the other person solved their problem, then it would be ok and life would be easier.

I don't mean that we weren't vocal about knowing what each others' problems were. The communication was there and we shared our deepest issues with each other. I mean that because we were aware of our burdens, it was almost like we were waiting for the other to solve them for things to get better.

She was hoping I'd solve my problem with taking forever in college, or not taking care of myself, or growing up and getting a job and my own apartment.

I was hoping she'd solve her problem of conflict avoidance, being an adult child of alcoholism, and her anger/annoyance/patience issues.

But the problem is that I was relying on her to solve her problems and she was relying on me to solve mine. Something more realistic would have been for us to count on solving our own individual problems and to meet in the middle.

Maybe that can happen now that we're apart. But we're up in the air and who knows where things will come down.

We can only worry about our individual selves now, but I still hope for the day when we can do more.

[PennyLane]

Maybe that can happen now that we're apart. But we're up in the air and who knows where things will come down.

We can only worry about our individual selves now, but I still hope for the day when we can do more.

Sounds like she needs to do some soul searching as well as you. Life is not easy sometimes and there are always the twists and turns in our journeys. Hopefully, you will find peace and do what is right for you in your life. Doesn't matter what our circumstances are, we are all survivors, work things out as we go on, and we try our best to be the best person we know how to be. Wishing you all the best Guitarmy!