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KEVIN

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I CANT WAIT FOR THE COWBELL!

http://www.jimmypageonline.com/11349.html

brokenmirror.7yearsbadluck.co.uk exclusive!

Following Led Zeppelin's reunion show last December at London’s O2 Arena, where uber-model Naomi Campbell was allegedley “robbed of her dignity” by an unidentified "Uzi toting" member of the "Davey Grohl Zipper Head" band and Paul McCartney was reportedly doing cartwheels up and down the O2 Arena aisles after earlier being spotted "snorting massive lines of a white powdery substance off of" american actress "Juliette Lewis' bare ass." Rumours have been building that the band is getting ready to cross the pond "via a rather large wooden rowboat" intending to play every "red-neck concert festival America has to offer" this summer.

Now comes the news that an unidentified, but "highly reliable" Ass Clown has told Britain’s highly respected media outlet, the Broken Mirror, that the band will start the US tour by headlining the 7th annual ManchesterTennessee Bonnaroo festival , which will take place June 12th thru 15th of this year.

"This is the news that will drive their fans absolutely wild,” the unidentified Ass Clown - a very reputable source - told the Broken Mirror, adding that once finished with the US leg of the tour the band may also launch an "interplanetary tour." that would include stops on Venus, Mercury, Mars and Uranus. "The idea is to have Virgin Galactic CEO Richard Branson build outdoor ampitheaters on each planet, then transport concert-goers in his new spacecraft - theWhite Knight II and the Led Zeppelin II. It's gonna be out of this world,man." The unidentified Ass Clown further noted that "[Fans] have been bombarding their website to get back together for good but only Robert Plant's personal toe-jam removal assistant wasn't keen to commit" unless a "payment in Euros only clause [was] added to her contract.” Apparently the singers toe-jam assistant has had her demands met, with her newly revised contract signed in blood "just a few days ago."

In addition to the Bonnaroo festival kickoff, Davey Grohl lead backing backup vocalist for the "Davey Grohl Zipper Head" band is reportedly hovering over his phone, every moment of every day, waiting for a callback regarding the job offered to him after the O2 gig - "dabbing the sweat from between the crack of Jason Bonham's ass cheeks" according, again, to the Broken Mirrors' unidentified Ass Clown.

Other highly reliable unnamed sources have also recently come forward to reveal that President George 'What...me worry?' Bush has agreed to join the band onstage at the Bonnaroo gig where "he will join Jimmy onstage to perform an extended 38 minute cowbell solo during the middle section of Dazed and Confused!" Jimmy Page, who usually does his trademark 'Bow Solo' during this part of the concert, will "accompany Mr Bush by standing on his head juggling small, grenade-sized tactical nuclear weapons, using only his bare feet as he perform's his signature Bow Solo behind his back!"

Promotors of the yearly festival have been quoted as saying that they expect Led Zeppelin's first full set gig on US soil in over a quarter century to be their "most explosive performance ever!"

ATTENTION NEW WORLD ORDER MEDIA. THE ABOVE "REPORT" IS PURE AND TOTAL BULLSHIT. THERE IS NOT A MOLECULE OF TRUTH TO ANY OF THE "STORY" AS WRITTEN ABOVE. LED ZEPPELIN IS NOT GOING TO PLAY AT THE 2008 BONNAROO. PERIOD. DEAL WITH IT!

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