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Speed Racer

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    Make me laugh!

    in Ramble On

    Posted

    I get so drunk that I imagine things

    The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

    "A mongoose."

    "What for?"

    "Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

    "But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

    "That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

    Make me laugh!

    in Ramble On

    Posted · Edited by Speed Racer

    :drunk::coffee: Repeat! LOL

    Drink fault-finding guide

    A solution to all of your drinking troubles

    Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.

    Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.

    Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

    Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.

    Fault: Glass is empty.

    Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

    Symptom: Feet cold and wet.

    Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

    Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

    Symptom: Feet warm and wet.

    Fault: Loss of self-control.

    Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

    Symptom: Bar blurred.

    Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.

    Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

    Symptom: Bar swaying.

    Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.

    Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

    Symptom: Bar moving.

    Fault: You are being carried out.

    Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

    Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.

    Fault: You have fallen over backwards.

    Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

    Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.

    Fault: You have fallen over forwards.

    Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

    Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.

    Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.

    Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.

    Symptom: Everything has gone dim.

    Fault: The pub is closing.

    Solution: Panic.

    <edit> "dog-ends" are cigarette butts. typically used in the U.K.

    Make me laugh!

    in Ramble On

    Posted

    This tells me that I must be drunk

    A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

    What Made You Happy today?

    in Ramble On

    Posted

    Who is the Headline music act this year?? Bele Chere is cool the first few times, after that the locals can't wait for the crowds to go away. It was cool when I lived downtown there though, we had only to step outside and be right in the midst of it all. ( College Street )

    My youngest kids dad plays there some years. They're called Jimmy Baker and The Profits. B)

    The best shows I saw there were Taj Mahal and then Bo Diddley.

    Now they make you buy tickets to the headline, but it used to be all free.

    ps: Jerusalem Garden has great sammies.

    Travis Tritt.

    Cowboy Mouth

    The Wailers

    Edwin McCain

    The Original P funk

    The Lee Boys

    The Grascals

    Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver

    Yeah,

    They now call of of them "Headline Acts." Many are still free. I think people from out in the sticks and the teens enjoy it better than the locals. You know Biltmore Mall is about half empty now? People are doing a spin around and moving closer to town because of various prices. I was in Jerusalem Garden once for soup and coffee (between Bank America and WineHaus) Asheville has changed greatly Hotplant.

    I like the Balloons though :)

    s_hot_air_balloon13.jpg

    Beautiful Women

    in Ramble On

    Posted · Edited by Speed Racer

    One of the hottest I posted was Liz Phair or maybe Julia of the Licks....there are soooooooo many hotties in musicland! :)

    Julia of The Licks. That was her...WOW!

    What Made You Happy today?

    in Ramble On

    Posted

    That's Havana. We actually went in to eat lunch, but the menu was limited and i wasn't in the mood for any of the food. We wound up leaving and eating down the block at a fabulous italian restuarant. So many great choices in downtown Asheville.

    Asheville is currently doing Belle Chere. Years ago when all the stores moved out and went to the burbs. Someone had the idea to close off all the streets and have a huge international party and pray people would return to downtown and open up some abandoned shops. It worked, now thousands of people just walk about downtown and socialise, eat blah blah. Became very cosmopolitan.

    The angel hair pasta/meatballs were to die for btw. With salad, hot bread and dipping sauce for $8 (lovely ambiance too)

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