ROCK NEWS : DEAD MONKEYS HAVE SPLIT !

[Jimmy 66]

Newscast :

Rex Stardust, lead electric triangle with Toad the Wet Sprocket has had to

have an elbow removed following their recent successful worldwide tour of

Finland. Flamboyant ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off the back of a

motorcycle. "Fell off the back of a motorcyclist, most likely," quipped ace

drummer Jumbo McCluney upon hearing of the accident. Plans are already

afoot for a major tour of Iceland.

Divorced after only eight minutes, popular television singing star, Charisma,

changed her mind on the way out of the registry office, when she realized

she had married one of the Donkeys by mistake. The evening before in LA's

glittering nightspot, the Abitoir, she had proposed to drummer Reg Abbot

of Blind Drunk, after a whirlwind romance and a knee-trembler. But when

the hangover lifted, it was Keith Sly of the Donkeys who was on her arm

in the registry office. Keith, who was too ill to notice, remained

unsteady during the short ceremony and when asked to exchange vows, began

to recite names and addresses of people who also used the stuff. Charisma

spotted the error as Keith was being carried into the wedding ambulance

and became emotionally upset. However, the mistake was soon cleared

up, and she stayed long enough to consummate their divorce.

Dead Monkeys are to split up again, according to their manager, Lefty

Goldblatt. They've been in the business now ten years, nine as other

groups. Originally the Dead Salmon, they became for a while, Trout.

Then Fried Trout, then Poached Trout In A White Wine Sauce, and finally,

Herring. Splitting up for nearly a month, the re-formed as Red Herring,

which became Dead Herring for a while, and then Dead Loss, which reflected

the current state of the group. Splitting up again to get their heads

together, they reformed a fortnight later as Heads Together, a tight little

name which lasted them through a difficult period when their drummer was

suspected of suffering from death. It turned out to be only a rumor and

they became Dead Together, then Dead Gear, which lead to Dead Donkeys,

Lead Donkeys, and the inevitable split up. After nearly ten days, they

reformed again as Sole Manier, then Dead Sole, Rock Cod, Turbot, Haddock,

White Baith, the Places, Fish, Bream, Mackerel, Salmon, Poached Salmon,

Poached Salmon In A White Wine Sauce, Salmon-monia, and Helen Shapiro.

This last name, their favorite, had to be dropped following an injunction

and they split up again. When they reformed after a recordbreaking two

days, they ditched the fishy references and became Dead Monkeys, a name

which they stuck with for the rest of their careers. Now, a fortnight

later, they've finally split up.

(telephone ringing)

Hello.

"Hello"

Yes?

"What do you think of Dead Duck?"

What do I think of Dead Duck?

"or Lobster?"

Lobster?...

[jimmie ray]

This news is almost as tragic as when the Banana Splits split up. If only Fleagle had accepted Snork's apologies, who knew what could have been?