I think almost everyone can relate to how you feel, Charles. Many people -- even many outgoing "life of the party" types -- sometimes secretly feel shy and socially awkward. Many of us -- me included -- will sometimes have conversations and then later nit pick what we said and ask ourselves , "how could I have said something so stupid!" Ironically, many people who work with you, or who know you socially, probably envy your social skills and sometimes secretly think to themselves "Geez, I wish I was more like Charles, he has such good social skills and is so self-confident." It's true. So you're not alone....well, actually, you are alone. We are all alone. Completely alone. This is true no matter how many friends we may have. This "existential aloneness" is part of the human condition.